Class reunion
by anqelkissezox
Summary: After a bad break up Bella moves in with Alice Brandon. Things get crazy when high school crushes return into their lives. All human. Story is better then summary. Cannon pairings...after the breakup lol. please read and review!
1. A new beginning

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review!**

Chapter 1

BPV

"Jacob…its over…we're done!" I said. The tall Native American man who was sitting across from me started to cry. Jacob was my soon to be ex boyfriend. Things had grown bad over the past few months in our relationship. I had been planning this for a while but had gathered the courage when he swung at me tonight. I was not going to be one of those women!

" your breaking up with me over that one incident…I swear I'll never touch you again!" Jacob said incredulous. I couldn't believe that he thought this was the only incident.

"one incident? I haven't seen anyone besides your family and Charlie for the past five months. You don't let me see any of my friends…for no reason. You take half of my pay check and spend it on god knows what. Then you cheat on me with the next door neighbor…who's like 45 and has kids our age. And the only reason why I found out is because I work with her son Seth and he at least had the balls to tell me…unlike a certain asshole that I know. You know what…I should of known! All those late night tribal council meetings. Even Billy said they don't meet at night….AND HES THE CHIEF ELDER! Honestly I don't even see why we were together any more. We want different things out of life. Like you want a cougar!" I said.

"Sounds like you and Seth have something to hide. I don't think I like you in cahoots with him Bella. Maybe I'm not the only one who strayed after all!" Jacob huffed.

"did you honestly listen to anything I just said! I tell you I'm breaking up with you and your response is that my life _needs _more control. Your fucked up Jake. Your fucked in the head. I honestly don't know what your thinking…but you need therapy and now! And for your FYI I didn't stray. It came up because Seth is my god damn photographer. We were on our way to a story. He told me everything after he saw the picture that you forced me to carry of you sitting on the dashboard. You are so despicable Jake…really. You spent my birthday…with her…on a week long trip to Cancun…you told me that you were heading to Mexico on business! You did not tell me that "business" was to hump the older neighbor for the entire week! No I've had enough of this. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. I'm not going to sit home and be your punching bag while your off screwing the neighbor and god knows who else. I'm done. Its done…don't call me, don't text me. If we see each other on the street we don't even acknowledge each other. Do you understand me? Now get out of my house! " I ordered pointing to the door. I was still living with my father. I had decided after graduating high school that my father was unfit to look after himself. All the man could cook was bacon and eggs. so I found a satellite campus for the University of Washington that was in commuting distance and obtained my English degree there. Afterwards I landed a job with the local news paper writing front page, interests, and crime stories. Being that my father was Chief of Police in Forks ( the town we lived in) it was pretty easy to find a story.

"But-"

"I said get the fuck out!" I snarled. Jacob whimpered like a wounded puppy and ran away. The sad part was that I didn't even care any more. There was a point in my life where that scene would of bothered me and I would of folded but not any more. The past year with Jacob hardened me. don't get me wrong, it started off good. But five months ago everything soured. I lost contact with all of my friends and some don't even look at me when we see each other on the street. Probably because of Jacob. I then picked up the phone and dialed the number of the one person I knew who would always talk to me no matter what. They probably did a double take looking at the caller id.

"Bella?" The voice said shocked. They probably thought it was a wrong number.

"Alice?" I asked.

"What's wrong Bells…omg is it Jacob? WHAT DID THAT BASTARD DO!" Alice roared. Alice always seemed to have a sixth sense about things.

"I'll explain later. Can you please come over though?" I asked.

"I was just down the street…on my way home…I'm on the way…I'm pulling in if you still live with Charlie!" Alice hanging up the phone. Next thing I knew I saw the lime green bug that Alice had drove since she was 16 sitting in the drive way. Alice was through my screen door in no time.

"oh my god…what happened?' Alice asked staring at my cheek bone which had a nasty bruise on it now.

"please tell me that's not what I think it is!" Alice said shaken.

" Alice it is…but there's more. I need to get this out." I said.

"Okay." Alice nodded heading over to the couch.

"I broke up with him tonight." I started.

"well I would hope so!" Alice said. I looked at her.

"sorry…continue!" Alice said.

"See I couldn't take it any more. You know how he forced me not to talk to anyone ( I had explained this to Alice in an earlier conversation…she was understanding and it was why I could reconnect with her so fast.) well things got worse after I saw you at the mall a couple months ago. He had me on total lock down to the point where his cousin Sam was urging me to break up with him. And that's Jacob's family. Then about two weeks ago Seth walked in and confessed that he knew Jacob had cheated on me with his mother. He came into my office all broken up about it. As far as Jake knows though he told me in a car after seeing his picture so don't say anything Alice. The worst part was though is that the woman was married. Seth wanted to tell his dad but he came to me first so that I had a heads up about the situation. He even left me at home on my birthday to gallivant on a Mexican beach with his mistress. I celebrated my birthday with my father, Billy, and her husband Harry. So basically I spent my birthday fly fishing while Jacob sent his fish up another stream!" I said finally breaking down and letting a tear slide for the first time in those two weeks.

"Oh my god…well Bells it could be worse. You could of married that jackass. At least you broke it off now. Halleughia! I know just the perfect thing to get out of your funk…shopping. Lucky for you I brought councilor. I always said that the best revenge takes it's sweet time. Whether it be aids, herpes, murdered by Mr. Clearwater…it always comes back at the end. You may have a broken heart right now…but he's going to be the one kicking himself forever. I have half a mind to tell Chief Swan what he did. He's going to figure it out anyways with the bruise on your face and lord I don't want to be Jacob when that happens." Alice said taking out ten pounds of makeup from her purse.

"You know your ex boyfriend isn't really that smart…punching out the daughter of a police chief who knows exactly where he lives, where he works, and what car he drives. He knows your father is the most over protective parent on the planet. Actually if I were him I'd probably be on the run right now. So lets see…your wearing blue…I think this grayish blue would go nicely over the eyes. I don't want to touch your hair right now…it looks really good. A little mascara, eyeliner, and strawberry flavored lip balm and whalah!" Alice said bringing me to the upstairs bathroom and pointing in the mirror.

"See Bella…your beautiful…you'll find someone in no time. Russet skinned freak is going to be kicking himself. I'm so glad you called me. I don't think I'd be able to handle hearing that news from anyone else's mouth. Actually its really an honor. Now what do you think?" Alice asked pointing to the mirror. I didn't even recognize myself. The bruise was invisible to the outsider. Alice was a miracle worker. They were going to make her a saint one day.

"Its amazing…thank you so much Alice!" I said.

"aww glad I could help!" Alice beamed back.

"Now you better make Charlie dinner…we're not going to be back till late and you know that if he's near a stove he'll burn the house down…Hey maybe we should send him to Billy's when Jacob is the only one home. Tell him to make Billy his famous or should I say infamous lasagna. A little food poisoning never hurt anybody…I was fine after 3 days in the hospital!" Alice snickered.

"oh Alice I did warn you!" I said.

"well I thought you were exaggerating…you know like you had an upset stomach or something…not E-coli. Bella, honestly doesn't your dad know when its cold and you just put the meat…its not done. I'm surprised you survived this long!" Alice said.

" yeah lucky for foods class!" I said.

"_Foods!_" Alice said zoning out. Foods was Alice's favorite class and it wasn't because of the fact you could make delicious food. The light of Alice's life was in that class. He was six feet tall, blonde haired and blue eyed. He still made Alice swoon five years after we graduated. Alice then snapped out of her daze.

"Oh my god! I just realized…our reunion is coming up in a few weeks Bells…I want to go…I really do…we should go…its perfect now that you don't have asshole controlling every move…maybe you could reconnect with a high school sweetheart!" Alice beamed. I didn't have a sweetheart so I suspected Alice was talking more about herself.

"And think about it…we're shopping…we can find the perfect dresses! it's the perfect way to move on!" Alice said. Yeah the perfect way…going back into the past.

" Now I was in Seattle the other day with my friend Rose…and I saw this little black cocktail dress that would look just great on you. Ironically I thought of you the minute I saw it. If that doesn't work I know some stores that we can hit up." Alice said. It felt like we had only spent a day a part…not five months. As I said before I had run into Alice after we "had lost contact" a.k.a Jacob banned me from seeing her. She didn't seem mad when she saw me…but she wondered what she did to make me so mad at her…apparently Jacob called her and told her that I was mad at her. That we didn't appreciate her trying to break us up. Alice knew it was a lie but didn't get why I hadn't spoken to her. She tried to call but Jacob had taken my phone away from me. The reality was that Jacob was threatened by Alice being attractive. He felt that if guys looked at Alice, then they would look at me and I might stray. Funny considering he was the cheating bastard. In his mind Alice was a threat and threats couldn't exist in his perfect world. it's a wonder Billy lasted in his world…with his being divorced and all. Lets just say Jacob's cheating came from somewhere.

"Alice thank you for not abandoning me during this. You don't know how much I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to call you. Charlie was even starting to miss you…and he physically never expresses that he misses anyone. You remember when my mom left…you were there." I said. Alice nodded.

_Flashback. _

_It was the first night that Alice had ever slept over. Charlie had made his world famous lasagna, which no one but Alice ate. I warned her about the dangers of eating Charlie's cooking but she didn't listen. I felt bad. I hoped she didn't get sick or anything. Alice sat up on the extra cot that Charlie had put in there and looked around._

"_wouldn't it be pretty if you had purple walls…maybe you could get your parents to paint your room again!" Alice said as we got up and dragged ourselves down the stairs. Charlie was dressed up in fishing attire and grabbing bait from the fridge._

"_So guys…mom left, I'm going fishing…are you going to be okay by yourselves?" Charlie said as if mom had just left for the day and not forever. _

"_Dad we're 11." I said. _

"_I take that as a yes then…pop tarts are in the cupboard, stakes in the fridge…be back soon!" Charlie said walking out. This was the only area in which Charlie was passive. I was allowed to stay by myself. The way he acted I actually believed that my mother would be home soon. That was until Alice found the note on the back counter._

"Dear, Charlie and Bella.

I cant take living in a small town anymore. I feel like I'm going to go insane. Charlie I'm leaving Bella with you because she's too intertwined in the town to leave now. Besides I just cannot be a mother any longer. I'm going to Jacksonville, Florida to escape the cold and snow. A friend named Phil lives there and he said that he'd house me. don't try calling. I've already set the papers in motion to relinquish parental rights. Tell Bella that mommy loves her and that all my pearls of wisdom are locked away in the draw upstairs. I left the key in her sock draw because I know that you'd loose it Charlie…no offence haha. Its just information mothers pass on to their daughters for special occasions such as their wedding day…don't snoop Charlie you'll be board to tears plus it's a woman thing and you wouldn't understand that. Well good bye forever. good luck in that shit hole! Renee!

"'_Good luck in that shit hole?'…and who leaves when their daughter has a sleep over?" Alice asked shocked. _

"_Well that's mom for you…doesn't care about anyone else. She was probably just mad that she had to pay to go tanning. I mean I'm not a big fan of the cold and neither is Charlie but we're not jumping on planes and moving to Florida." I said._

"_Honestly Bella, I think that's an excuse…I think the real reason she left was because of that 'Phil' character. I know that I should of told you this sooner but if Phil is who I think he is then he hasn't been in Florida for long. When I would go out with my parents we would see them at the dinner. They looked like more then "friends" to me. Unless adults greet their friends with a French kiss. Also, remember when my basement flooded…how my family stayed at this motel. Well they were in front of us when we were checking in. Bella, they were hard core making out and booked for the honeymoon suite. I don't think friends book the honeymoon suite of a motel together. I'm so sorry that I didn't say anything before. Its just that I didn't want to hurt you and Charlie!" Alice said apologetically. I automatically understood what she was saying. My mother was having an affair._

"_its okay Alice…I understand." I said._

_End of Flashback._

" yeah I remember…wow that's shocking!" Alice said utterly surprised as we headed down stairs and I grabbed a salad bowl out. Alice had grabbed a plate from the cupboard and opened the fridge.

"wow Charlie never changes huh…how much fish is in this thing…it looks like a polar bears dream!" Alice exhaled. I threw a stake sandwich together and wrapped it up and placed a note on how to warm it in the microwave. As I then wrote him a note telling him that I would be back later and that there was a sandwich in the fridge.

"Lets go!" Alice beamed charging towards the door. I quickly followed behind. As we pulled into an intersection I happened to glance at the car next to me. From inside the rabbit we could Jacob's pissed off face as he threw our car as a disgusted look. Alice flicked him off and laughed.

"oh man the look on his face was priceless…I wish I had a camera!" Alice laughed as we turned onto the highway.

"So anyways. You should stop by my salon one time. Meet Rosalie. She's really nice. I think you two would get along really well!" Alice said. How Alice was able to obtain the money to co-own her own hair dressing shop in a recession I never knew. Especially since she was a shopaholic.

"really?" I asked. Even though she was one of Alice's classmates from the trade school that Alice went to after high school Rose and I never had the chance to meet. A fact that always bugged Alice.

"Yeah she's kind, very fashionable, our age, and very maternal. When little kids come with their moms to the shop Rose plays with them if she doesn't have a costumer. In school she volunteered at the daycare on her days off. She's also very personable." Alice said.

"well from what you say she seems good to get along with!" I said smiling.

"you two really have to meet sometime…maybe we could get together this weekend or you could stop by the shop tomorrow or something?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, you know I haven't had my hair cut in a while …I could stop by tomorrow!" I said.

"Yay! It will be free I promise…anywhere from twelve to three I'm free!" Alice beamed.

"alright well I'll come around twelve then!" I said. Just then Alice turned the radio on. Kayne West's "runaway" played through the air. The perfect song.

"You know Bella this song is totally about your ex boyfriend. God he's such an asshole!" Alice laughed as the song continued to play. She hummed the tune for the rest of the song.


	2. Shopping surprises

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review!**

Chapter 2

BPV.

A while later we reached the stores. Alice went crazy launching herself into every clothing store imaginable. She walked over to me with literarily a mountain of clothes in her hand. Being deprived of her living Barbie doll for all these months only made things worse.

"You are in total need of a complete wardrobe change…I don't even have to look at your closet to know that!" Alice said staring at my holey jeans in disgust. She liked my shirt better but only by a little bit.

"What these aren't that…well I guess they are a little old." I said.

"Didn't I buy those for you a couple years ago?" Alice lightly laughed as she threw a pair of skinny jeans on top of the pile.

"yeah that time that we almost got trampled running out of the building because there was a fire in one of the dressing rooms." I said.

"Oh yeah…I found that cute pink silk t-shirt with the lace on the edges. We went out and got Sundays to celebrate our survival afterwards. Hey we should do that again…I loved that fully loaded triple chocolate Sunday that I ordered. I've never had anything like it…we can celebrate that your free!" Alice beamed picking up two sundresses and adding them to the pile.

" that sounds great!" I beamed back.

"alright I think we're all set…its off to the fitting room now!" Alice said dashing forward. We then stepped into the fitting rooms. I threw on the first outfit that Alice had put together and walked out. I always valued Alice's opinions. She was honest so she would tell me when she didn't like something but she wasn't critical. She seemed to know what to say with out making you feel bad about yourself. I stepped out and met Alice in front of the three way mirror.

"I guess that's a no go…it looks okay but just okay. I think we have a lot of other fantastic choices that would be better!" Alice said shaking her head. She then turned towards the mirror to look at herself.

"I guess that makes two of us…I really don't like this one either. Oh well…there are other clothes, other stores to see!" Alice beamed prancing back into the dressing room. A chuckle escaped my lips as I turned back towards mine. Before I debuted the next piece I stared at myself in my dressing room mirror for a second. I could see traces of my mother but I had a lot of Charlie in me. Chestnut colored hair that was neither straight or wavy, dark brown eyes and average height. No matter how much anyone…a.k.a Alice and Charlie tried to deny this, I always thought of myself as average. Alice on the other hand was the exact opposite. She was very small and had pixie like features that made her beautiful. Her eyes were an emerald color that I would of sworn was a fancy fake if I hadn't known other wise and her hair was midnight black. Frankly Alice had the looks to stand out from the crowd and be envied for it. She also had a very hyperactive but easy going personality so everyone got along with her. Alice was the first person that I met on my first day of kindergarten ( The reason why she never slept over till I was eleven was because Charlie believed that once sleep overs started happening it was only a matter of time before boys started to come.) As I had walked in I found that everyone had cliqued themselves off so I just found the nearest empty desk and sat down. Alice-having walked in behind me- sat down in the seat next to me. She introduced herself as Alice Charlotte-Mary Brandon and asked me if I wanted to share her 96 pack of crayola crayons. I accepted and introduced myself as we shook hands. We've been friends ever since. I then opened the door and walked out.

"That's much better…it sings 'single but not a hoe'" Alice beamed. So I was definitely getting this one…no if's, ands, or buts about it.

A while later we headed to the first cash register. We brought everything but the dresses. We were going to have to go into another store in search of those. Alice was mad at that fact that none of the dresses were in style. The only thing that made her relax a little was the fact that it was not the dress that she saw in the window a few weeks ago.

"Oh well the dress in the window could still fit…and there are other stores that we could still go into!" Alice said as she handed over her credit card to pay for her stuff. I paid for my stuff already and was sitting off to the side.

"Yeah and besides we still have time…the reunion isn't for a couple of weeks. If we cant find anything today we can head back out over the weekend." I said.

"ahh sho-pping!" Alice exhaled happily.

"so we spent all this time talking about my ex…what have you been up to for the past few months?" I asked Alice.

"Oh you know…working at the shop. Went shopping a few times with Rose. Had a few dates…nothing that panned out into a full blown relationship obviously. There was this one guy named Ben that I thought had a possibility for a week…then I found out that he had like thirteen other girls that he was seeing at the same time. So I nipped that in the but. Other then that it was eat, sleep, work. You know life as usual. I just started work on my first clothing line last week. I'm hoping to god that works out. Still living with my parents too. Same old same old!" Alice said.

"So basically you haven't changed at all!" I lightly laughed.

"yep…still me!" Alice agreed.

Just then we happened to pass by a store window. In sight was a small black cocktail dress that had a sliver crescent moon in the cleavage area. It was simple, but showed cleavage at the same time. Next to it was a Tinkerbelle style dress that was a bubble gum colored pink and a shiny black colored belt. I looked as Alice gaped.

"Bella…that's it…that black one was the one I saw for you…and that pink one….wouldn't that look fabulous on me!" Alice exhaled. We looked up and saw that the place was some little boutique. An unknown designer. Chances were that I would have to take a loan out to pay for the dress.

"Alice are you kidding…we cant afford those!" I exclaimed.

"its called credit Bella…as in I slide this little card and these dresses are magically ours!" Alice said taking out her master card . The minute we walked in a sales person looked up.

"may I help you?" the woman asked.

"yes…hi…I was wondering…those dresses in the window…you wouldn't happen to have them in a zero and a four?" Alice asked waking over.

"I'll have to go check in the back…we don't keep those dresses in the front…you know!" the woman said.

"yep…grubby hands and fine materials don't mix!" Alice said. The woman chuckled and went into the back room.

"Alright we have one in each size for both." the woman said handing us hangers. Alice took the pink one out of my hand and handed a set back to the woman.

"We only need two thank you!" Alice said grabbing my arm and darting off into the dressing room.

"you know I cant wait…seeing everybody together…it will be old times Bella…old times. I cant believe we're five years out of high school already. I remember graduating like it was yesterday. Uh you don't think anyone would remember the riot I kinda started that night when they wouldn't let me wear my cap cause it had a 3-d design on it. What…I was only trying to give a preview of what my future clothing line was going to look like. Said something about blocking people's view…its my graduation…not so and so's fathers. Who cares if they cant see anyways…they can see the diploma later!" Alice said shaking her head. It was then that I walked out. Alice was leaned against her dressing room door in her pink dress. It was totally her.

"Damn…eat your heart out male Forks high alumni's…Bella your definitely going to make them regret not dating you in high school!" Alice exclaimed.

"so you like it?" I asked.

"like it…I love it! I couldn't design something better myself…I gotta bring a camera…we have to document reactions…male and female." Alice said.

"your sure its not too sexy for a reunion?" I asked.

"oh Bella…your going to your class reunion…you want everyone to think 'hot and sexy reporter'…you don't think Connie Chung showed up to any of her reunions in sweats in a t-shirt? From what I heard your actually doing better then some of the kids in our class…you need to look the part. Your name is in the papers…while others who thought their names would be in print -I'm not going to name anyone ( she then coughed what sounded a lot like "Mike Newton")- just so happen to be living in the trailer park across the street from Charlie's police station.

"Alice why are you even going to the reunion…you know everything about everyone anyways!" I said.

"Oh Bella… this is the biggest social event for our class in five years. Major gossip is going to go down and my ears need to be privy. I'm not going to pass this opportunity up…no fricken way. I'll go…even if I'm dying of the flu!" Alice said in a final tone.

"Okay!" I said.

"$2,500 is your total." the woman said to Alice ( she was going to buy my dress as well). Damn that's as much as a wedding dress!

"here you go…now I have enough to get a free trip to Fuji and Taiwan!" Alice said whipping out her credit card as fast as the speed of light. The woman looked shocked.

"I'll cash in when I get up to going to Paris. You know how they said you cant buy class…I say better to be spotted in a nice dress then a cheep shitty one. Besides I'm a hairdresser with her own shop…I can pay off the bill in no time!" Alice said as if she brought in millions per week. She always liked to live big.

"Alice you better watch yourself…don't get too in over your head financially!" I warned.

"What just because I almost went into bankrupsy once doesn't mean I don't know how to spend…besides I've been able to keep up with the bills thank you every much!" Alice said . It was then that we left.

As we were walking into the restaurant to get Sundays we noticed a sign. It was a florescent green paper with pictures of an apartment building.

_"Apartment for rent. Has spacious kitchen, big living room, 2 bedroom and 2 full bath. Almost like having a house only with having the laundry room 2 stories below. View is great. Located in small, quiet town by the name of Forks. Wallking distance to pratically anywhere in town. Rent is $600 per month_.

"Are you serious…I've been looking for apartments for months and I haven't found anything in that price range!" Alice exclaimed. We then looked at each other. I had wanted to move out for a while but the thing that always held me back was Charlie. I had multiple opportunities to leave but I couldn't. In college I could of dormed…instead I chose the campus in commuting distance. When I got my degree I was offered a job in Seattle, but took the one in Forks because I was deathly afraid of leaving my father to fend for himself with a stove around. Now, I think we would both agree, that it was time for me to go. A new diner had opened up last month that was in walking distance of my house so Charlie didn't have to cook. He could just walk over there and get himself food. The main reason for me to stay was gone. I knew that it was now or never…and with Alice and I splitting the rent ….$300 bucks a month was nothing.

"Bella …are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Alice chirped excitedly.

"I think so!" I said excitedly.

"HELLO ROOMIE!" Alice exclaimed. She then wrote down the number listed.

"this is literarily the best day ever…finally talking to you…hopefully finding an apartment…I have a good feeling…this is definitely it!" Alice chirped. She immediately called the man and scheduled an appointment to view the apartment for tonight after we got back.

"ooh I cannot wait to see this apartment. I've wanted to leave my house for the past year now. My parents said I needed to learn responsibility…I own my own business and they don't, so they shouldn't talk responsibility… and they actually almost threw me out a couple of times. I'm going to be out and successful…that will show them!" Alice smiled evilly as we sat down at the restaurant table.

" now there's more to celebrate…we'll have two fully loaded triple chocolate Sundays with a Sprite for her and a diet Pepsi for me!" Alice said.

"alright…I'll be right out with that !" the waitress said running away. Right away she returned with the drinks and two Sundays that had every topping imaginable and like eight cones sticking out of each of them. Fudge oozed from every cone like a volcano erupting.

"yumm!" Alice exclaimed digging in.

"so to us…reunited best friends and new roommates…may our new apartment bring about good home renovation memories and great memories in general. And to being independent…finally leaving the nest!" Alice toasted holding up her glass.

"Here here!" I said clinking my glass against hers.

" alright hypothetically…if I like this…I'm going to have to rent a couple of uhall trucks for my closets. I think I'm going to bring my pink shag rug for my room. The rest will come along when I get a look at the place." Alice said. I looked out the window as Alice jabbered on. The sky was still a bright blue. Any other day and I would have been at work right now. Not today thank god. The sun shown brightly on me…making me feel even better about the break up. I sighed and smiled. I'm finally free! I felt like the genie at the end of Aladdin…when he was finally free of his lamp-prison. Jacob was like the shackle on the genies hands. Now that they were gone I was finally able to do what I wanted. Not what Jacob wanted. I didn't have to go to Jacob's house and fluff his pillows, didn't have to make him breakfast in the morning, didn't have to change Billy's adult dipper cause Jacob couldn't handle having a paralyzed dad, didn't have to prepare Jakes stake almost rare stake with a flower on the side, and I didn't have to want to go out just to find out that Jake wanted to stay home and watch movies all night while I was off dealing with Billy's various medical issues. A couple times I had to call 911 while Jake was off watching "Terminator" because he forgot to accident proof the house after Billy became paralyzed ,and Billy fell down the stairs in the wheelchair. Now the bastard was going to have to do all the grunge work himself…haha! Sensing my happiness, Alice beamed.

"ugh I know most of the time being single can be a drag…but that looser is finally out of your life…that must feel wonderful!" Alice said.

"it is…I'll never have to be Jacobs maid…or Billy's home nurse for that matter." I said . Alice cocked an eyebrow and I explained.

"Ewwww…oh my god that's nasty…he would rather have his dad sit in filth until you came over then change him himself...gross!" Alice gagged.

"I tried not to think about it…I imagined myself on a beach somewhere sipping some tropical drink like a mi-tai or something." I said.

"I don't think I could of put up with that…I probably would of gagged and killed myself with Billy's clean depends or something." Alice said.

"Well you do what you have to…not Billy's fault he's paralyzed and Jacob's a no good sack of shit." I said. Alice nodded. We then paid the bill and left.


	3. The apartment

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review!**

Chapter 3

BPV

Pulling into the building I started to get slightly nervous. I mean what if we didn't like it? What if we got our hopes up? What if our perspective neighbors hated us? I had that uneasy feeling that always accompanied big things in my life. The only time I didn't have that was breaking up with Jacob. I was more relieved. Alice on the other hand was bubbly. Her excitement grew with every mile and she almost crashed the car a couple of times.

"isn't this so exciting Bella…apartment hunting!" Alice shouted happily dashing into the building. She threw the door open so hard that it almost whacked the person behind it.

"hurry…we're going to be late!" Alice exclaimed.

"Alice…we're twenty minutes early…thanks to your psychotic driving. Seriously calm down. We don't even know if we're going to take it. The place could be a total dump!" I said. With the economy the way it was it could have been a decent place and the owner was hard up for cash, but the low price still had me cautious. I knew not to expect the taj-mahal but I was hoping it wasn't a crap shoot either. An older man in red argyle sweater stepped out. His thinning hair had strands of light brown in it and reading glasses hung off the edge of his nose. His sweater was stretched thinly over his very portly stomach. He had a deep raspy voice, almost like he smoked two packs a day for the past twenty years and you could smell the remnants of smoke in the air. He seemed like a nice enough fellow though. He even offered us some dinner but we refused.

"Alright so there's two elevators there, laundry room is located down stairs. We have a community pool in the back and the entire complex has either A.C or central air. In case of emergency we have four stair cases with emergency exits to them on each level. Your place is on floor 7 ( there was 14 floors to the building) right next to the elevator. So its right in the middle. Its got one of the best views of the place. If you'll just follow me!" The man said as we headed over to an elevator. Alice bounced all the way there.

"So mister…do you live here?" Alice asked.

"yeah I live on the first floor…my wife didn't want to own two properties." the man said.

"good…could you give us the 411 on the neighbors?" Alice asked nosily.

"Sorry I don't really know the people on your floor. No one really likes to talk to the sup or. That bugs my wife…she loves gossip." The man said. Alice looked pissed.

"Alright here it is!" the man said opening the door once we got up there. The room was very dark and rich. The counter tops were a light brown color that would go with everything. The cabinets were almost black and the walls were a burgundy color. the chandelier glistened in the middle of the empty kitchen. There were changes that we were going to have to make but this place already felt like home.

"What's your policy on home improvements?" Alice asked.

"As long as you don't try to blow out and expand your apartment then I'm fine with it." the man said.

"So a little paint and replacing some cabinets?" Alice asked.

"that's okay." the man said. We then headed into the bedrooms.

"Oh my god…look at the size of this closet…its huge…I think I could actually fit all my clothes in here…man why would you ask only $600 for this?" Alice asked. Either Alice mistook something or the closet was room sized

"I get that a lot when I show a place…like I said, I don't have another place. Its only my wife and I, and I couldn't exploit people just to have more money in my pocket. It would have been less if I didn't have bills to pay!" The man said.

"God bless you sir…I think we'll take it!" Alice said. Thank god I've been saving for this moment for the past few years. I had enough to pay for the down payment and the first months rent.

"Are you sure…you don't want to talk it over?" the man asked shocked.

" we're sure…we want it!" I agreed. I dreaded telling my father but in the end it was going to be a relief.

"Alright…I'll go the papers…I'll give you guys a minute with the place." The man said walking away.

"this is so exciting…getting rid this color…its too dark…I would go pink, but I know you don't like that Bella. So I'll compromise and go light blue. White area rugs and lighter cabinets and this place would look stunning. We could match the lighter brown of the counter tops. Its going to be beautiful. I have a client who specializes in quick renovation jobs. All I have to do is call her and we can have an entire team come in over the weekend!" Alice spoke at a mile a minute. I could see plans start to formulate in her mind.

"You know this is totally unbelievable…yesterday you were dating asshole and I thought you would never speak to me again and today your single and we're fricken roommates. Its like a dream. Alice said.

"Ooh…we need to go furniture shopping!" Alice continued on. Just then the man walked in with the papers.

"So when do you plan on moving in?" the man asked.

"Well we might be having people come in over the weekend to get the place ready…we should be in either Sunday night if they finish early or Monday night (it was Thursday) if they don't." Alice said. The guys head must have been spinning as he left the room. We signed the papers . Alice then whipped out her phone.

"Hello Rebecca…I have a job for you. I just got an apartment and I want to make some changes. I haven't brought anything yet. Listen I need you come over this weekend. You know how you have that friend who sells cabinets…how he has that light brown color…the very popular one. Can you call him and order some for me? I promise that you next five dye jobs will be free! I'm going to head to the paint store now…they're still open. I have colors for each bedroom and the rest of the house in mind. All you have to do is order the cabinets, pick them up and have your team here Saturday." Alice said as if she were on a mission.

"okay thank you so much!…see you Saturday!" Alice said hanging up the phone.

"So its off to the paint shop!" Alice said grabbing my sleeve as we stuffed our new keys in our pockets. Before I knew it ,Alice and I were dashing to the paint isle of the local hard ware store.

"ooh I cant believe we're doing this!" Alice chirped picking up a pile of paint chips. I had a feeling that "Tropical Fruit Punch" was miraculously going to be the color of Alice's bedroom. She held up two metallic blue colors and asked which one I would like better for my room.

"I really don't see a difference Alice." I said.

"Oh silly…this is more of a striking cobalt…and this is a light navy!" Alice said.

"go with the light navy." I said.

"I like that one too!" Alice said tossing the other card away. She then picked up a baby blue and dashed to the counter. Our place was going to look like it had a split personality.

"Now I'm not going to change both bathrooms wall color because white goes with everything…but definitely getting rid of those shower curtains…definitely buying new ones next week." Alice said. It was then that my phone went off. Grabbing it, I saw Charlie's number flash across the screen.

"BELLS DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS?" Charlie roared as I picked up the phone. I had been out of high school for five years and Charlie still had the same ground rules from when I was 13. Be home by 9.

"uh no!" I said.

"Well its ten o clock…way past your curfew young lady!" Charlie said.

"Dad I'm almost twenty four years old for god sake…why do I need a curfew?" I asked annoyed. Our reunion was the five year mark.

"its my house…my rules…until you move out you have to abide by my conditions!" Charlie said. Little did he know how soon that was coming up.

"Alright dad…I'm fifteen minutes away from the house…Alice says hi!" I said. The line went dead for a few seconds.

"Alice is there?" Charlie asked shocked and confused.

"Yeah we went out today." I said.

"I thought you hated Alice…Jacob said that you guys were not speaking to each other any more." Charlie said repeating the lie Jacob told him. Charlie didn't know what was really going on.

"Yeah well lets just say that Jacob skewed some of the facts. Doesn't really matter…I broke up with him anyways!" I said.

"You…Jacob…over…baby did he try and pressure you to do things you didn't want to do?" Charlie asked.

"No Dad…this is going to be very weird to say, especially because your Harry's friend, but he's Mrs. Clearwater's…I think the term 'mistress' would apply. So I confronted him about it and he kinda got violent and we ended it." I said.

"What do you mean he got 'violent'…HE PUT HIS HANDS ON MY BABY!" Charlie roared sounding very much like a pissed off guerrilla.

"do worry baby…I'm going to get Mr. Clearwater and kick his scrawny ass…cheat on my daughter with my friends wife and then hurt her…scumbag!" Charlie growled and hung up.

"that's exactly what I said…you know…we have to go see this fight…this is what I've been waiting for!" Alice said as we paid for the umpteen gallons of paint and left.

"I don't know about this…if we go I kinda want to break it up…I mean my dad and Harry cant get arrested. They would loose their jobs!" I said as we opened up the back and some employees helped us place the paint in.

"Bella your dads the Police Chief…what's he going to do…arrest himself…please…don't worry about that!" Alice cackled. Just then the police cruiser sped by with Harry Clearwater in the front seat. Judging from his face…Charlie beat Seth to the punch. We jumped in and Alice's car whipped out at the speed of light. It wasn't hard to see Charlie…he was the only other car on the road and driving psychotically. The cruiser pulled into the local 'lovers lane' where the Rabbit was parked by itself. Honestly, I didn't get what was so romantic about it…it faced the town dump. Jacob and I never went here during the year that we dated. I just never saw the use of making out with the stench of someone's week old McDonalds in the air. But apparently Jacob did! Jacob got out of the car as the two men approached with his pants unbuttoned and down, which he struggled to pull back up. Definitely not taking his ass back if he's still with Mrs. Clearwater. Alice had pulled out some chocolate Raisins and started to munch on them.

"Mr. Swan, I know how bad this looks…but I'm not with your daughter! See I broke up with her today because I found out she was cheating on me with Seth Clearwater!" Jacob pleaded.

"Really…boy you can say whatever you want, but I saw that bruise on her. Really you punched her, then broke up with her?" Charlie snarled.

"Talk to Seth about that!" Jacob said. Harry then stepped out from behind Charlie.

"_I_ _did_ talk to Seth about that. Had some interesting things to say about you!" Harry countered.

"Harrry!" Jacob gulped.

"Who's in the car son?" Harry asked.

"Uh…no one!" Jacob said with his voice three octaves higher then usual.

"Don't _lie_ to us boy…we saw someone in there!" Harry growled.

"uh…it was my…um sister?" Jacob gulped. Alice spit out some of the soda she was drinking.

"is this guy for real?" Alice said

"That bullshit wont work on us Jake…we know that you don't have a sister!" Charlie said.

"That's definitely her…I know that engagement ring anywhere…Sue…get your ass out of the car!" Harry roared. The passanger side door popped open and a topless Sue Clearwater stepped out. She was only wearing a bra that read "MI" on one side and "LF" on the other.

"Ewww…I'm scarred!" Alice shrieked as we tried to cover our eyes.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Harry bellowed. Mrs. Clearwater tried to act like she hadn't just got caught cheating on her husband with someone half her age.

"what do you want for dinner Harry?" Mrs. Clearwater asked.

"Not MILF that's for sure!" Harry said pissed.

"Oh Harry its just a shirt…one of my coworkers gave it to me!" Mrs. Clearwater said as if she were in a t-shirt and not a bra.

"Shirt…that's a bra…any less fabric and you'd be naked…is that what you want Sue…everyone to see you NAKED!" Harry snarled.

"So you caught us…so what. Why you guys are acting so shocked I don't know. Harry…Sue said that the only action going on in your room is the sound of your snores. She tried to get you to take Viagra and that didn't even work on you. Then you had a heart attack a.k.a no sex for six weeks!" Jacob said obnoxiously.

"Alright firstly I'm not going to discuss my sex life with you…you little shit. Secondly that's not true and you _both _know that. I don't know who's lying but SUE knows that isn't true. Viagra doesn't help much when your wife isn't home ever…and banging the neighbors boyfriend. Sewing class…my ass!" Harry countered.

"And what about you Charlie…you'd have to expect I'm getting it from somewhere…what with you being Bella's human chastity belt. I know you're the reason Billy always stopped us from going full out. The few times we got even close to doing it Billy came home from being with you and had to go to the bathroom. What'd you feed him…laxatives? She's like twenty five years old god damn it AND SHE'S STILL A VIRGIN!" Jacob specifically annunciated the last part.

"Really?" Alice asked looking at me shocked. I looked down at the ground wishing I could morph into it. Jacob was such an asshole.

"DAMN RIGHT SHE IS…AND SHE'LL CONTINUE TO BE TOO!" Charlie bellowed proudly and pissed.

"Well I guess I shouldn't be shocked" Alice said throwing a look at Charlie.

"You don't know what that man's deprived you of. Its so fun and it opens your eyes up! Once you move in with me we're going to have to work on getting you to lose it. That will be priority numero uno. My friend Rose has a lot of guy friends. She could probably hook you up…honestly Bella you should of told me this fact. I swear to god though…they're going to have to give a medal to whoever you give it up to for finding a way around big daddy over there." Alice said in a factual tone. As you could tell abstinence was not Alice's choice of birth control.

"did you ever consider how fair it was on me…my feelings on the situation!" Jacob said.

"oh so I'm not supposed to protect my baby girl?…obviously there wasn't much feelings there if Sue Clearwater was allowed to play with your ding dong. What you couldn't get it from my daughter so you decided to do the hankypanky with the neighbor…no offence Harry!" Charlie growled.

"none taken…but frankly I've had enough of this horseshit…THIS IS FOR SCREWING MY WIFE!" Harry bellowed bashing Jacob's head in against the window.

"And this is for cheating on my daughter!" Charlie roared kicking him in the balls.

"Omph!" Alice said joyously.

"And this is for hitting her…you scumbag!" Charlie snarled, growled, and roared at the same time while punching him in the face.

"I knew I wanted to see this! Alice beamed.

"Sue…your boy toy can take you home…but expect to find your things on the front lawn. I want you gone…but I'm not leaving my house because you didn't take our vows seriously." Harry said in a final tone. Sue looked shocked.

"Where will I live?" sue asked scared.

"I don't care…you should of thought about that before you screwed around with someone else. Its over. I want a divorce!" Harry said. I looked over to see Alice's shocked face.

"This is like a soap opera…all the drama…married woman with children hooks up with much younger now ex-boyfriend of Police Chief's virgin daughter…all we need is a murder plot and it could be a lifetime movie!" Alice said popping another Raisinette in her mouth.

" you would say that…but this isn't funny Alice…its my life!" I said.

" I totally wish I brought my camera with me today…your father and Mr. Clearwater fucked Jacob up bad!" Alice laughed as she started the car's engine. The two men had jumped back in the cruiser leaving Jacob withering on the grass and Sue standing half naked in shock.

"Well he had it coming." I said. Alice nodded.

"As I said, Chief swan was going to flip shit when he heard that one!" Alice said.


	4. awkward moments

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review!**

Chapter 4

BPV.

I met Charlie back at home. For once when I walked though the door late he actually had a smile on his face. I knew that it was now or never to tell him about the apartment.

"Dad I have something to tell you" I started up.

"Bella let me say something first…I am so proud of you sweetie. You didn't take his cheating ways. You let him go. Now what were you going to say?" Charlie asked.

"Alice and I found this great apartment…we're going to move in together this week." I said.

"Absolutely not!" Charlie growled. Sweat started to poor down his face I ignored that.

"its got a very big living room, a kitchen that's twice the size of ours, two spacious baths and two bedrooms that are big enough to fit two queen sized beds plus everything else in my room…" I said. Charlie cut me off

" Bells you are not leaving this town!" Charlie said more loudly. He turned a nice shade of purple. He looked like Harry did when we saw him in the ambulance after his heart attack. I was mildly shocked…when mom left he didn't act like this. But then again I was his daughter…not his flighty now ex wife. He was taking worse then I thought.

"and its in Forks!" I said the last part.

"Okay…didn't see that one coming. Do I know where it is?" Charlie asked changing his tune only slightly. I would hope so…you are the Police Chief of the town.

"the place that's in the middle of town. You know…that long driveway next to the 711. The place is in the middle of a forest." I said.

"oh I know where that is…Still though…your so young…cant this wait till your older. Like when your 40 or something…I don't like this. Your going to be by yourself!" Charlie said.

"Dad…first of all we both know that you'd still be saying that if I was 40 and living here. Secondly I'm really not going to be by myself. I have Alice "Big mouth" Brandon as my roommate. Chances are she's going to have people over a lot. Alice and I both have well paying jobs and the rent isn't that bad." I said.

"baby I swear I'll learn how to cook…and your curfew will be extended to 10 pm!" Charlie half joked. I could see the points I made slowly change his mind.

"Well let me know if you change your mind…I'm going to go to bed." I said. I then turned towards the stairs that lead to the bedroom that I slept in ever since I was born. Opening the door, I looked around at my room. It felt weird that this was probably going to be one of my last nights in here. I then grabbed my stuff and headed to the bathroom that I had shared with Charlie and turned the shower on. Steam filled the air as I washed away the ten thousand pounds of makeup that Alice had put on. I grabbed my favorite shampoo and started to wash my hair and let myself break a little. I didn't miss Jacob…at all. I just mourned the relationship we could have had. I was angry at the fact that I let it get this far. I knew in my heart that we were over a long time ago but today was the day that I truly accepted that fact. I then let the relief wash back over me. My life was taking a new direction…away from Jake and to something better. That made me feel really happy. I went into my room and threw on sweats and a ratty old t-shirt. I checked my e-mail on the computer. Nothing but spam and a pissed off Jacob asking me to reconsider. I went over to my address book and quickly deleted his screen name. Then I de-friended him on face book. Right after the process was complete my computer crashed again. Ugh one of these days I was going to have to get a new one! Finally, when the computer came back from the brink of death, I shut it down , turned the lights off, and went to bed. Just as I was drifting off to dream land my door burst open.

"Okay…I have some conditions though." Charlie finally relented.

"Dad what the…its like one in the morning!" I said groggily rubbing sleep from my eyes.

"Firstly…I want a phone call every night." Charlie declared. I nodded. That was reasonable.

"Secondly I at least want to see you for the major holidays and birthdays." Charlie said. That sounded reasonable. I waited for the " and thirdly". But that didn't come. I looked at him.

" oh and thirdly well I'm just going to tell you to be careful. I know I cant watch you twenty four hours a day and that what you do is mostly your business. I'm not going to try and impede on your life. Just watch what you do. If your heart tells you to have sex with someone…that's your hormones sweetheart . Do not listen to them unless you really really love the guy. They will get you into so much trouble that it isn't funny. There were a couple of girls that I should of ran away from screaming my head off but I didn't. Well the one night stand at that night club in Seattle-that was_ way_ before your time sweetie- I was really trashed and I wasn't in my right mind. But the other times…well I should of ran! Baby I know you might not listen to me…and that's okay. Just if you do have sex just know the person well enough." Charlie said. I was in shock. This was the closest my father ever got to giving me permission to have sex.

"Dad did you hit your head or something?" I asked shocked.

"No…that confrontation with your ex and the one in the living room got me thinking…you aren't a child any more and its not like your moving across country. Your still going to be in town…just down the street. I think its time to let go a little. Independence never hurt anyone…outside revolutions. Your old enough to make your own decisions." Charlie said. I had a feeling that this was too good to be true.

"Thanks dad!" I said.

"Damn…I thought reverse psychology would work!" Charlie exclaimed.

"DAD!" I bellowed pissed. Knew it!

"Alright alright…you can move…but those three conditions I said really do have to happen and the third changes to no boys what so ever or you come straight home!" Charlie huffed finally giving in for real. I looked at him.

"Alright…you can have sex…like I said though be careful!" Charlie gave up even more. I wish I recorded this moment. I could tell that this time was the real deal. The way Charlie shifted uncomfortably suggested this.

I awoke at my usual time the next morning. Usually I got up, prepared to go to work, ate, and left. I had taken a second vacation day today though. Well I didn't have a choice actually…it was just how the scheduling worked out when I went to book vacations. Lucky me though, it meant I had a four day weekend. I looked next to my bed to see a burnt piece of toast and heavy smoke in the air. I appreciated the gesture Charlie made. He probably thought today would be tough. I then heard voices outside. I looked to see Alice and Charlie talking outside.

"well I'm not that much of a monster Alice…what did you think I'd say… 'no Bell…your banished to your bedroom forever!'?" Charlie asked.

"well not that extreme…look Chief Swan, I have to go to work. I'll see ya Sunday night or Monday!" Alice's voice called. Two cars then pealed out of the driveway. I shook my head and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth after chomping on the burnt toast. I then fixed up, went back into my room and put clothes on. I decided last minute to go on a small nature walk in the back of the house to pass up time. I walked out and the greenness enveloped me. There was a light mist in the air as usual. Forks…located in the rainiest part of the U.S almost never had sunlight. Sometimes I thought seeing the sun would send the towns people into a craze. I looked around as the birds chirped and things moved into the distance. I knew not to stay too too long. There was a lot of big game back there. I looped around and started to head back. I dogged the permanent mud puddles that spotted the path way back. Who needed to go to a spa when you had the mud in Charlie's back yard. I sighed as I looked at the gray swirling sky. It looked as if heavier rain threatened to come. Most people would of groaned…but this was every day life for this town. I headed back into the house and made myself a sandwich. Before I knew it, it was time to head to Alice's shop. As I opened the door, people's voices filled the air.

"Alice you are so lucky that you were off yesterday. As I was just about to leave a woman came in crying and half her head was shaved off. The other half had blue finger paint in it. Apparently when she fell asleep her son thought that since his dad had just shaved his beard then it was okay to do that to mommy's head. He also thought it would be fun to paint mommy's head just like she did. It was so bizarre…half was down to her but and the other was down to skin. It took me two hours just to get the paint out…just to have to shave it down. It was horrible. I felt so bad I gave her one of our wigs!" a tall blonde girl said as she swept hair away from her empty chair. From Alice's descriptions , which was basically " picture a blonde supermodel" this had to be Rosalie.

"Oh my god that's so horrible…that's why if I ever have kids…finger paints and blades will be locked away!" Alice said shaking her head. It was then that she caught sight of me.

"Oh Bella you're here…Bella, this is Rose, Rose this is Bella!" Alice said excitedly as I sat down in her chair.

"Its nice to meet you Bella. Alice doesn't stop talking about you." Rose said with a warm smile.

"Its nice to meet you too Rose. I've heard so much about you too!" I said smiling back. Alice happily cut my hair.

"Eww you weren't kidding when you said you need a hair cut…Jake didn't even let you out to get a trim?" Alice asked shocked at the state of my hair. I looked uncomfortably at Rose. I didn't know if she knew or not.

"Alice told me everything that happened. I know people can say that they know what your going though, but I really do. See I had a boyfriend…Royce King II…all he did was cheat, cheat and cheat. Finally I had enough and I broke up with his ass. Well lets just say that I was lucky to live through that night. You want something to drink…Alice and I always carry a bottle of white zyphendel or a bottle of port." Rose said in an understanding tone.

"I'll take one." I said.

"I'll take one too!" Alice said.

"Alright we have white in there today is that okay?" Rose asked.

"that's fine." I said as Rose took out a couple of glasses.

"Rose…I don't remember you dating any Royce King II?" Alice asked.

"oh I ended it right before I met you Alice. His father one of my dads bosses. Basically I was a business deal…date his son and my dad got a promotion. it really felt like an arranged marriage or something. Fortunately though when we broke up, his father was already fired from that bank for stealing so my dad was able to hold onto his job. Should of known that would happen…Royce jr was just like Senior…and junior stole all the time. He was like a kleptomaniac or something." Rose said.

"Ooh so that's why in some of the fairy tales you tell, the jackass is named Royce…I wondered where you got that from!" Alice said

"So Alice tells me that you guys got your first apartment…that's great…from what she said it sounds great." Rose said. Alice loved to talk. She definitely had the 'gift of gab' that was for sure

"Yeah its got a great view, after some work its going to be really nice!" I said going into detail about how we had a good spot to watch the sun set over the mountains.

"That sounds so pretty…I wish I could find something like that. I've been looking to get out of my house sometime myself but every place I go seems too pricy or disgusting." Rose said.

" yeah we really lucked out. If something opens up at our place we'll let you know!" Alice said.

"so I spoke to Charlie this morning…he said you told him the big news…how did he take it?" Alice asked.

" Remember the first month I got my license…when I begged him for a car…and he refused by saying 'his baby girl was too young to drive'?" I said.

"That well?" Alice asked.

"Worse…he attempted to use reverse psychology…didn't work though and that's when he gave in. he even told me that I could entertain certain guests!" I said. I spoke code because I was really uncomfortable talking about that with Rose in the room. Alice looked confused.

"What are you talking about?" Alice asked.

" Alice…you know what I'm talking about…we talked about it while Charlie and Mr. Clearwater were taking care of business!" I gritted through my teeth.

"oh I get it…wow frankly that wasn't on the top of my list that Charlie would okay. I couldn't imagine your reaction to that.!" Alice said. Rose looked at us confused. Alice whispered to me " I may of skipped that part when I talked to Rose"

"its something that I'll tell you about another day. Its something really personal with Bella. Like I didn't even know about it till last night." Alice said. Rosalie nodded. Rosalie then left to go to the bathroom which was located way in the back of the building.

"Alright so totally taking you to Victoria's Secret to change up your nightgown selection. I saw some pieces that would look fantastic on you. Step two will be to find a willing participant which will be so easy between the clients that Rose and I get. Someone's bound to have a single son that's around our age!…but back to Victoria's Secret…I saw this stunning negligee and… " Alice said. I would of found it creepy that she was so excited about planning this if it weren't for the fact that I knew she was just excited over the shopping possibilities this brought her.

"Alright Alice can we please drop the subject" I pleaded.

" oh Bells we're practically sisters…but if you want to!…so I was on my way home yesterday and you'll never believe what I saw. Remember Tyler Crowley…the kid who nearly pancaked you junior year ( I had lucked out…in a moment of klutziness I had slipped and banged my head on the pavement …I missed death by a fraction of an inch…Tyler was hospitalized for a week after plowing head on into my ancient Chevy truck {that's what I wound up getting when I won that argument.}…which I still drove by the way and Charlie made sure his license was revoked for a year.)…well his corolla was rear ended…horrible accident. He looked okay though…but I could hear the paramedics telling him that they remembered him. Traffic was backed up for miles. Glass was everywhere!" Alice said changing subjects.

"That's horrible Alice…what if that was you?" Rosalie said disapproving as she came out of the bathroom.

"well I wouldn't be standing next to my car where everyone could see me if that were me!" Alice countered.

"You know Rose…we don't have appointments till three…Bella are you working today?" Alice asked.

"No…vacation day." I said.

"Good…lets do lunch…I really don't think we're going to have a walk-in or something…its dead quiet right now and most people are working!" Alice said.

"okay…I could do that!" Rose said. Alice then went over and wrote _'temporarily closed…come back in a few hours if its an emergency!"_The three of us were eating when Harry Clearwater walked in by himself. He looked really upset…and I guessed that it was about last night. Poor man he didn't deserve that. It looked like he honestly had no warning until Seth, Charlie, or both told him last night.Alice's eyes followed mine.

"Poor man…I really don't know what to say…I feel so awkward!" Alice whispered.

"What are you guys talking about?" Rosalie whispered back.

" That's the husband of Bella's ex's mistress. He kicked his wife out of the house last night. I told you about the fight didn't I?" Alice asked.

"awkward!…You said that there was a fight. You didn't elaborate." Rose said.

"Well to make a long story short…the infamous couple was found at a 'lovers lane' there was a shouting match, Mrs. Clearwater was running around in her "MILF" bra. Harry and Charlie kicked the shit out of Jacob and Harry kicked his wife out. It was better than any movie that's for sure" Alice muttered.

"Oh my god…are you serious!" Rosalie said shocked.

"Saw and heard everything with my own two eyes and ears!" Alice said

"wow!" Rosalie whistled. Mr. Clearwater looked over and threw a sad sympathetic look at me. He looked really hurt. I really did want to walk over and say something but I felt like it wasn't my place. Then Mr. Clearwater got up and walked over to us.

"Bella I really want to apologize for my wife's actions. She knows what she did was wrong. You and Charlie have been really good to my family and I'm sorry Sue did that to you…it was really wrong of her and I hope you don't hold that against the rest of us." Mr. Clearwater said staring at my bruise painfully. Alice muttered "damn I knew I should of placed a thicker councilor over that."

"Harry…Jacob was a willing participant. Its not your family's fault…and honestly I'm sorry that Jacob did that to your family too. I hold none of you accountable. It just wasn't meant to be…so actually I should be thanking Sue for making me realize that. Tell Seth thanks for the heads up as well." I said.

"Thank you…and I see why Charlie flipped out. If someone ever touched my Leah like that I think I'd kill him. Hell I'm surprised Charlie didn't last night. Again I'm really sorry." Harry said. We then shook hands and Harry walked away.

"as I said awkward!" Rose said.


	5. Double Trouble

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review!**

Chapter 5

BPV

The next few days flew by fast. Since Alice had taken over the renovation project I really didn't see the need to head over to the apartment over the weekend. I wanted to be surprised anyways. Charlie seemed to handle it alright. His over protectiveness went into full swing though and lets just say that I was now the proud owner of a bottle of mace and a tazer gun. He also preached to high hell on how to take an attacker down.

"now baby…there are some perverts out there…remember point, aim, and shoot!" Charlie said telling me how to use the Tazer.

"Dad…I'm moving to a apartment…_in Forks_…its not like I'm moving to another city!" I said.

"baby there are evil people even in small towns…it never hurts to be prepared!" Charlie said.

"Dad…exactly how many kidnappings have you had in Forks…muggings…robberies?" I countered.

"Well um uh there is a first time for everything!" Charlie sputtered.

"Charlie!" I said.

"okay dad I get it!" I said

"and remember if you ever need me…the number to the police department is in your phone and you know the house number…any creepers try to break in and daddy will break their necks!" Charlie said. Knowing Charlie I should expect him to post guard outside my door or something.

" I cant believe it…tomorrow night my baby girl will have a place of her own!" Charlie blubbered. Alice had called a while ago saying that the renovations were going quicker then expected. I asked her how she expected what I thought to be three months worth of work to be done in one night. She told me that the person she hired has workers come in on shifts. That way they can work all day and all night long with no problems. From the sound of it Alice was in the mist of the action.

"Mrs. Brandon must be proud…like mother like daughter 'put this there….that there!' she definitely didn't get her personality from her father's side of the family that's for sure!" Charlie said. Alice's father, Caius Brandon was an ex hippy very care free and on the quiet side. Lets just say he would of lived tepee if it wasn't for Alice's mom. He was nothing like Alison, who threw a fit if something wasn't just right. Lets just say Alice's graduation party was hilarious with Alison almost in tears because the caterer was five minutes late and Caius saying "its okay Allie…we have an oven and we have some frozen pizzas in the freezer!". That didn't fly over with Big Allie and Little Allie. In fact the only way Little Allie was like her father was that they both loved loud colors.

"Now I got Alice a tazer gun too…because we all know that Alice's dad is an ex hippy with many of their philosophies still at heart…but she's the only person right now who can protect my baby and my philosophy is if someone's going to hurt my baby then I provide protection even if its in the form of a 5 ft hundred pound girl. Besides a tazers not that bad…not like it's a 9mm…I just had an idea for a Christmas present to Alice" Charlie shuttered. He really didn't agree with the hippy way of life.

"dad…relax…I really don't think anything bad is going to happen!" I said.

"it only takes one bad apple…one bad apple…Alice what is your views on the second amendment?" Charlie asked as Alice walked though the door.

"I'm all for the right to bare arms…and legs too!" Alice whispered the second part under her breath so Charlie wouldn't hear.

"Wonderful…I knew there was a reason I liked you!" Charlie beamed.

"well then your going to like me even more…I secretly registered myself as a member of the NRA. Someone had to kill Jacob if they didn't break up soon!" Alice joked the last part.

"Good…so if you had to…you'd hurt someone to protect Bella …glad to know that!" Charlie said handing the tazer over.

"A tazer really Charlie…I doubt that would scare anyone over the age of 9...this on the other hand would scare the shit out of an intruder of any age!" Alice said pulling out a .44 magnum out of her purse. Charlie gazed in awe.

"Alice…how the hell did you come from Caius?" Charlie laughed.

" someone has to protect me…and lets face it…if someone wanted to kill me, and Caius was the only person who could save me, then I'd probably die half way through him saying and singing' now we can all work this out…F is for friends who do stuff together…U is for you and me!', he cant even kill an animal! He cried when he killed an ant. Personally I think its all hypocritical bullshit…life is life whether it's a carrot or an ant eater. Plant's have cells too. Also I catch him eating cheeseburgers every other week…liar!" Alice said.

"That's exactly how I feel…no one's ever going to rob this place! They'd leave in a body bag if they did!" Charlie said. I couldn't believe that my father and Alice of all people were having this conversation.

"so I came to bring good news…the walls are all painted, they're going to install a few more cabinets tomorrow and we've added a few more shelves to the walk in closets. My parents were so happy that they threw in a free table set. Its coming tomorrow morning. Mom said Caius fell in love with that kind of looks like Billy's…you know the Native American look. Only she said that Billy's looked better because it was handmaid (Billy made his own couch before he was paralyzed). She had to pull him out of the section and remind him that they don't need new furniture. Then they ran smack dab into what my mom said was the 'table that god himself would love to eat off of' ( it was obvious where Alice got her dramatics from). She sent me a picture…its gorgeous…it matches perfectly! I'm a little offended actually…I mean they're so supped that I'm leaving that they got me a table? Dad actually danced and sang ' my child's finally leaving the nest…naked room here I come…finally a room where I can pray to the spirits of nature in all my glory' I think he's just happy that he found a room that he can be naked in and smoke his weed…oops did I say that out loud?" Alice said.

"Ugh thanks for the mental picture Alice…and I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that about the pot!" Charlie said grossed out. He wasn't the only one…Caius Brandon was a very portly man so the image of him naked was just enough to make me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

"So anyways…guess who's on the construction team…remember Eric Yorkie…that little nerdy kid with all the pimples…he cant lie about what he's been doing. Should of seen his face when I walked though the door. I swore he nearly had a heart attack. His face cleared up…must of invested in proactive. Otherwise he looks just the same…very dweeb like. Showed me pictures of his wife…looks just like him. He swears they're not related though." Alice said.

"You asked Alice?" I asked shocked.

"What I was curious….she looked like the female version of him…no exaggeration…you know me Bella I'm a little bit nosy!" Alice defended. That was an understatement! Alice joined yearbook just so she could know what everyone's life plan was. It was a wonder that Alice didn't become an advice columnist just so she could know everyone's problems.

"Alice…that was very rude though and you know that!" I said.

"I also know he was lying…see another one of the team members over heard the conversation….and he told me that technically she's his mothers cousin's daughter but that there was some argument whether she was adopted or not. See the mom claimed that she was the biological mother but the year that girl was born the mother had dropped off the face of the earth. Apparently Eric believes the adoption theory. I don't however. They look more alike then me and my cousins do and everyone swears that I'm their sister. They have to be related." Alice said.

"Alice I'm going to have to ask you to refrain from talking about your classmates and their incestuous relationships in front of me. That is just gross!" Charlie said.

"whatever…they're going to the reunion…I'll be sure to point them out!" Alice said

" Alice…who needs a reunion when they have you…in fact I don't even get why your class is having one. Thanks to you…everyone knows what everyone's doing!" Charlie said.

"Well not everyone…a couple people dropped off the face of the earth!" Alice gritted the second part. Alice seemed highly aggravated about that. A certain blonde managed to escape her gossip radar for the past five years and she desperately wanted to know what he was up to. They say that you always remember your foods class crush.

"yeah I remember that you both cried when they moved away. I'd say you guys handled that pretty well though compared to some of the other girls. The Stanley girl refused to eat for like three weeks. She almost starved to death and they had to put her on a feeding tube. I had to go there to extract her from the bedroom so they could put her in the ambulance. Ferocious girl that one is. She kicked, screamed and punched all the way there. She even bit me." Charlie said.

"I don't remember you crying Bella?" Alice asked glaring at me.

"It was mostly in her sleep…or when she thought no one was around. I thought she was going to go the way of the Stanley girl and start fasting but fortunately she only went catatonic for a week. We told everyone she had mono…fortunately for us it was backed up by the fact Jake tested positive for mono and Billy swore that they must of shared drinks." Charlie said.

"Oh I see…so somebody else had a little crush and didn't tell me!" Alice said eyeing me out.

"What's there to tell…I had just as much a chance of dating him as Charlie landing a date with some famous actress…nada!" I said.

"Hey!" Charlie said offended.

"oh Bells…with that thought process maybe…ever think the reason why you didn't have a boyfriend in high school was the badged man sitting over there with his .38 special hanging out of its gun holster conveniently sitting next to the front door!" Alice said as we both looked at Charlie.

" What I mean is that do you really think any boy that values his life would touch the teen daughter of the psychotic Police Chief?…Jake must have been suicidal!" Alice chuckled. Charlie beamed.

"That really wasn't Jake's doing…more like Charlie and Billy trying to be match makers." I said.

"Hey it was more Billy's idea then mine!" Charlie defended.

"Really because I was there when you and Billy planned it out…and I seem to remember that it was you who said 'hey wouldn't it be great if my Bells and your Jake went out…we'd practically be related Billy…think about it…we'd be family!' so you cant really pull the 'it was Billy's idea' card when you were the contributing factor to it." I said.

"So wait a minute…you were the one who set Bella up with the freak?" Alice asked shocked.

"well see it was a complicated situation…uh Billy and I were talking by a fire one night and Bella was with us. Jake was off at a sleep over and Billy was saying that Jake liked Bella a lot and Bella was hanging out with him more often so we had both taken it as she at least wanted to be friends with him. So I may of made that little suggestion and Billy ran with it. Billy told Jake over breakfast one day that Bella definitely liked him and uh somehow Billy got Bella's number and gave it to Jake." Charlie said looking away.

"oh please Charlie…we all know that Billy wasn't the only one who took Jake out to breakfast that day…you were there too. I was with Alice that day…sitting at the table behind you. You were spotted!" I said.

"oh so that was the paper you were slipping Jake…I thought it was the bill…but then why was there money on top of it?" Alice asked confused. Charlie shifted uncomfortably.

"YOU PAID MY ONLY BOYFRIEND TO GO OUT WITH ME…BUT THEN YOU GET ALL FREAKED OUT ANYTIME HE SHOWED THAT HE WAS PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!" I roared pissed.

"Let me explain Bells…I was giving him money to take you out somewhere nice baby cause I really wanted you to like him. I figured that if you were with Jake you wouldn't want to be with anyone else! I didn't know how this would all turn out…I didn't know that him and Sue were attracted to each other…nor did I know that he would wind up hitting you…how was I supposed to know that Bells!" Charlie said defensive.

"Well if you let me date who I wanted to date…then maybe I wouldn't of gotten into this mess." I snarled.

"That's the thing…I was hearing rumors that someone else was going to ask you. I had to nip it in the butt!" Charlie said scared.

"What? Who?" Alice and I asked shocked.

"Doesn't matter…but you might not want to get your winter coat at Newton Sporting goods this year." Charlie gruffed.

"Are you serious…Mike Newton…I could of guessed that one. That kid's been drooling over Bella since he hit puberty. Pretty pathetic really. I cant believe you would think Bella would actually date him Charlie!" Alice said.

"if you had just asked me like a normal father…I would of told you that I didn't like Mike!" I growled.

"I wasn't thinking about that. Baby all I could picture was you dropping your job just to work at Newton Sporting Goods again while Mike collected yet another unemployment check and drank massive amounts of beer all day. You're gift is writing Bells…I didn't want to see you throw that away because of Mike. I did what I had to. But your right…I should of asked." Charlie said apologetically.

"So you fed her to the wolves instead? Not that I think Mikes a better choice because I really don't- but who's to say she would quit her job? Who's to say that Mike wouldn't of gone out and found a new job himself? Besides money doesn't really matter as long as she is being treated better than that. He probably would of treated her better than Jake." Alice said pissed.

"you don't think I haven't been thinking about that these past few days Alice. I screwed up okay! Instead of protecting my baby I placed her in danger. I wont forgive myself for that. But he's gone now. She dumped him…which means I must of taught my daughter something. Besides Alice…when the relationship first began I seem to recall that you weren't exactly voicing your concerns. In fact you were as happy as I was until you two stopped talking." Charlie said/.

"I was supporting my friend in case she really did like him! I always suspected you had something to do with it Charlie…I mean common Bella's like a diamond ring from Tiffanies and Jacobs like the dented 25 cent ring you get out of the gumball machine down at the drugstore. The only way those two would share a hand was if someone placed them together…scratch that, glue them together. I knew it reeked of you and hot wheels!" Alice yelled pointing to a picture of Billy getting his new flame themed wheelchair.

"Well I just did what I thought was best!" Charlie said.

"What you thought was best? Please…you were in cahoots with Billy the match maker. He seems to be a real lady's man that one. What's his success rate again? If I recall correctly I do remember hearing the story of how you and Renee got together…through a familiar wheel chaired friend who at the time said 'You and this broad were a match made in heaven.' I also recall from my own memories when he first met Harry and Sue…how he said they were soul mates and would always be together. What about Quil Ateara Sr. and that secretary from the high school…he made us all drive out to watch 'the perfect couple' eat. He told them that they practically shared a soul. What happened to them…marriage annulled…the next day. She's now Mrs. Cope and running around the Caribbean with her new husband. Yeah Billy has such a great track record when it comes to dating and setting people up…I would totally go to him for advice." Alice said shaking her head.

"hey just because Billy doesn't have a good record doesn't mean I'd totally ignore him. Besides he's set me up on a few dates after Renee left that went well…" Charlie said.

"Yeah…anything that lasted more then two weeks…because I don't see any girlfriend around here Charlie!" Alice countered.

"Well…there's hope for this last one. She's actually coming over tonight. Her name is Celeste. She lives in Port Angelus and she's one of Billy's therapists." Charlie said.

'Therapist…Jake needs therapy….has Billy considered having her help him?" Alice asked sarcastically.

"very funny but not that type of therapist…his physical therapist Alice." Charlie said slightly stern.

"oh well!" Alice moaned.

"That reminds me guys…Celeste wants our families to meet up tonight…she has twin boys around your age. She wants you to meet them. Its coming up on the two week mark and things seem to be getting more serious. Bells I have a feeling about this one!" Charlie said excitedly. I had known Charlie was seeing someone over the past couple of weeks but that's all I knew up till now.

"Twin boys!" Alice said interested.

"Yeah and from what she says they're quite the studs!" Charlie said excited

"ooh!" Alice said happily. Just then the doorbell rang. Charlie went to open it. Walking through was a woman who had one too many botox injections in her face. Her hair was bleach blonde and reached her ass. She looked like she used to be beautiful before she destroyed herself with too much work. Following her in was geek and geekier. They stood at 6 ft tall and had jet black hair. But that was where their good looks ended. Their faces looked like matching pizza's and they still wore braces. I would of sworn that they were fifteen years old if not for the fact they were debating about who they voted for in the last election. Each wore a pair of thick black rimmed glasses and pocket protectors. Alice was freaking out next to me. I was kind of thanking god…I didn't want to be attracted to my step brothers.

"Studs…more like duds…who wears matching pokemon shirts…ugh!" Alice said disgusted.

"So Alice…how did you vote in the last election…see we were confused on the state senators!" one of them with snorts interrupting.

"I really don't remember…so you know our names but we don't know yours!" Alice said. We gave them our names when they first walked through the door but they were too engrossed in geek talk to answer us back.

"Oh my name's Alfred Volturi and this is Mark…but we prefer to be called by our world of Warcraft names…Aro and Marcus." One of them said.

"Well then okay…Alfred…I mean Aro. So what do you guys like to do for fun?" Alice asked.

"We watch pokemon and various anime…also we like to discuss world of war craft and star wars…we also like to teach ourselves elfish." Mark/ Marcus answered.

"anything else….like what do you like to do with friends?" Alice asked.

"Same thing only its over a computer instead of in person!" Aro/ Alfred answered.

" Well then…girlfriends…like do you guys have any?" I asked though I had a feeling that I already knew the answer.

"we talk via Facebook…Marcus has one that lives in California and I have one in New York. I might meet her for the first time next summer." Alfred Aro answered.

"That's wonderful" Alice said in a weirded out tone.

" So jobs?" I asked.

"Marcus and I are computer programmers…we work on computers all day long!" Aro/ Alfred said in his nasally voice.

"sound fun." Alice said.

"So what do you do Bella?" Marcus/ Mark asked.

"I work for the local paper." I said.

" a writer…we're not that much different…I write a little si fy myself you know…I know its not the same as a newspaper writer but you could probably appreciate my work!" Marcus/Mark said handing over this paper that was half filled with comic strips and half written. The title said it all… " Alien attacks". I didn't even have to read to know what it was about.

"Thank god your moving out!" Alice muttered.

"So…lets go exploring Marcus…see where our new room is going to be after tomorrow!" Aro/ Alfred said getting up and walking around.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"Well Charlie said something about a free room when he and my mom talked today…and she volunteered to move here. So it looks like this is going to be our new home!" Marcus geekily spoke. I felt my face twitch. I wasn't mad that others were moving into the house that I had grown up in after I left. I was however mad at the fact that a certain father didn't tell me that two geeks were moving into the only bedroom left…my room. He damn well knew that he should told me this sooner!

"Listen geeks…do not make any changes to the room that I know your bound to take…that bedroom stays exactly how she left it…I have put some of my finest work into painting that room and if I find anything different you will die…got it!" Alice said sternly.

"She's scarier then Darth Vader!" The twins gulped.

"Damn straight I am…when it comes to protecting work that I love!" Alice snarled.

"Now how are you related to Charlie?" Alfred -Aro asked Alice.

"Relations really don't matter…but I'm not related to them. I'm just a really close friend of the family. Charlie is like the father I always wanted and Bella and I are like sisters. I'm practically like family." Alice said. They stared at her like she was stupid. I couldn't help but notice a certain Eric like resemblance with the twins. The nod that Alice gave me told me she saw it too.

"Alright…let me put this in terms that you can understand. Picachu and Ash aren't related but they are inseparable and would do anything for each other. That is my relationship between Charlie and Bella. And if Ash got a girlfriend and that girlfriend hurt him…Picachu would not hesitate to attack and kill everybody…I have ways of electrocuting people too you know!" Alice said holding up the tazer Charlie had just given her.

"ooh we see!" Both of them said.

"That was hot!" Aro/Alfred whispered.

"Ew!" Alice said grossed out.

"You know Bella…I love Charlie and all but I'm really afraid to meet the freak that spawned them. I mean just from the glance I got of her before she and Charlie left to pick up take out…she looked like she was trying to become a blonde princess Layer!" Alice whispered.

"I wonder why he wouldn't tell me this?" I whispered back slightly hurt. I mean the pinnacle poin-dexters were moving into my house and into my old bedroom no less.

"You wonder why he didn't tell you this!" Alice whispered back pointing to the dweebs who were playing with their pokey mon cards right in front of us. Their words then caught our attention.

"She looks just like how I imagined princess Arwen to be…very Elf like and beautiful…I'm willing to dump Minerva for her!" Aro/Alfred said swooning and snorting…making him sound just like Brainy from Hey Arnold.

"He's dating someone with the same name as Professor McGonagall…and is willing to dump her for me…Eww...oh my god!" Alice whispered grossed out.

"I'm proud of you man…finding someone you can love and be with. Me and Bella…we've found ourselves in a very Luke and Layer situation. She's so hot…I know she's into me too!" Marcus/ Mark sighed.

"Double eww…Thank god we're moving out…you don't have to live with the creepy Eric Yorkie- pre acne treatment- clones." Alice said as one of them went into an asthma attack mid swoon.

" Well talk about taking your breath away…I mean I heard of men stopping and turning their head but that's just ridiculous!" Alice said shocked.

"Wait I'll go get your nebulizer!" Aro-Alfred said to Mark-Marcus

"and you think your plain looking even with out makeup on…what does that reaction tell you!" Alice said pointing to Marcus who was turning blue and chocking to death on the couch.

"Alice I'm not going to use that to gauge my appearance. If I had a dog, they would think it was hot!" I said.

"Breath Marcus Breath!" Alfred-Aro said shoving the device in Marcus's mouth.

"Remind me next time I see Billy Black to thank him for this opportunity to get hit on by the ultimate geeks over there. To which I responded "Right behind you".

It was at that moment that the woman in question came walking in. I could see an avatar t-shirt poking out from under her blue valor sweater. She had the look of an anime character. Obviously she had work done to her eyes to make them look bigger.

"Hi Bella…I'm Charlie's girlfriend. I look forward to some special mother daughter bonding time. Do you like movies? I'm a huge movie buff!" The woman said. Could of seen that one coming. It was then that she saw the nebulizer.

"Oh Mark honey…did you have another asthma attack…sweetie you know you should call mommy whenever that happens. Alfred doesn't know your breathing exercises as well as I do!" Celeste cooed.

" I did but I'm fine mom. Aro and I want to know if we can walk to the local arcade and play some video games. We want to get a scope of our new second home!" Mark/Marcus asked.

" just be back by your curfew…9 o clock!" Celeste called happily. Oh my god!

"see Bells…I told you that your not the only one with a curfew at like 23!" Charlie beamed. Charlie would hook up with the only other person on earth that would give their 20 something year olds curfews.

"Looks like I came back just in the nick of time huh!" Alice whispered shaking her head. I was thanking god for sending Alice back or else I would have been living with geek fest. The twins left rapidly talking about the video games they might find there.

"Uh Charlie…you don't happen to have Wii, play station 3, or Xbox 360 do you?…the

boys have them but they're in boxes right now!" Celeste asked. It wouldn't shock me if the two dweebs owned every gaming station ever made.

"I think Bella may have an old game boy laying around somewhere?" Charlie asked confused.

"PERFECT…I JUST SO HAPPEN TO HAVE AN OLD POKEYMON GAME WITH ME AND MY OLD GAMEBOY…WE COULD PLAY AGAINST EACH OTHER!" Celeste roared happily.

"Oh my god!" Alice said shaking her head.


	6. Moving on up

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review!**

Chapter 6

BPV

The geeks slept on the couch that night. Apparently they were having a moving company bring their stuff in while they were going to help us move out. It was really nice of them to do that. I couldn't help but wonder though if it was to be nice or they were getting sick jollies off of something…especially in Marks case. When I had woken up…I found that he had gotten into the box holding my underwear and was profoundly sniffing a pair. I was so grossed out…I'm leaving today…I'm leaving today. I could put up with this for one day.

"What are you doing?" I snapped. Mark/ Marcus raised his head slowly and looked at me. All the color drained from his face…making his pimples stand out even worse. I swore to god the resemblance between him and Eric was uncanny.

"Uh nothing…don't mind me…I was just um…I accidentally knocked over your underwear box when I was looking to see where I could put my Princess Layer coat hanger!" He sputtered before running away. Ugh! I couldn't wait to leave. My privacy wouldn't be violated like that ever again. That was also the only reason I didn't scream for my father. He (Charlie) was going to have such a stern lecture next time we were alone though. As I came down the stairs the twins were fighting in the kitchen over what was the best cereal…Fruit loops or Lucky Charms. I grabbed the box of Lucky Charms out of Alfred-Aro's hands and poured myself a bowl.

"See Bella agrees with me…Lucky Charms!"

"just because my girlfriend is eating what you like doesn't mean she agrees with you…Fruit loops!" Mark countered.

"you are a fruit loop!" Alfred said. Personally I thought they were both fruit loops. Next thing I knew cereal was flying though the air as the two geeks started a food fight. I wasn't going to join until somehow I was whacked with a cocktail of orange juice and fruit loops. I grabbed the gallon of milk and dumped some on both of their heads. They looked at me in shock.

"You two are acting like a bunch of 3 year olds. You are old enough to drink for crying out loud! If our parents are going to see each other we're going to have to get a few things straight. Firstly no food fights around me. Secondly if I catch any of you sniffing my clothes again you will wish you hadn't. Thirdly I'm no one's girlfriend…got it!" I said informatively. The two nodded their heads in slight shock. It was then that Charlie showed up with the u-hall trailer.

"Lightsaver fight!" Mark/Marcus called while whipping out a blue light saver.

"Your on!" Alfred/Aro said whipping out his. The then started making sound effects while doing battle and running into the living room. Oh my god!

The rest of the day was spent loading up the u-hall with my stuff. We could fit everything but my desk so that was going in my truck bed-Charlie had to unhook the u-hall to do that. The twins helped lift my bureau …all the while complaining about getting hernias and how their various medical conditions were acting up. I really don't know how they managed to be the men of their household. I mean that bureau wasn't that big.

"So what's your super cool apartment look like Bella…is it nice?" Mark/ Marcus asked as Charlie and I were loading up the last of my clothes.

"Oh its pretty big…and we just fixed it up over the weekend. From what Alice says it's very pretty." I said.

"Sounds great. Cant wait to spend sibling bonding time. Aro and I are going to be over all the time playing lightsavers!" Marcus said.

"Um about that…well I work a lot and go out at night…(Charlie glared at me)…what I mean to say is if you guys want to do something then call me first." I said.

"oh we understand…between work, the arcade, and the face book chats with our girlfriends we'll be pretty busy too." Aro/Alfred said. Marcus looked a little more pissed but nodded in agreement.

"its so awesome that you got your own place…mom would never let us move out…not that we want to. With her we have all the money we want to buy video games!" Marcus said.

"well sometimes you have to make changes in your life." I sighed.

"I hear that. I remember how hard it was for us to switch from the last pokemon region to the new one. We had to buy all new cards and t-shirts. And when Ash had to give up Charzard the both of us cried so hard but it had to be done!" Marcus/ Mark said.

"I think Alice likes me…oh her Arwen like looks. She is so beautiful. Do you think she would go out with me?…See there's this pokemon convention and I would love to take her there. Show her off to the rest of the gang!" Aro /Alfred asked. He had zoned out for a minute

"um I'm not sure…see Alice is really busy running her own shop. That takes a lot of her time up. She works into the wee hours of the morning. Not much time for socializing." I lied. Charlie looked like he was about to say something but I cut him off.

" but I'm pretty sure that there are other girls that would be just as flattered if you asked them. I mean this is a small town after all. I'm sure you've met half the girls in town at the arcade last night." I said.

"Well there was this one girl…Alice is way more gorgeous but I'm pretty sure that if I asked_ she_ would say yes. She told me that she was head of her local chess club. I love chess!" Aro/ Alfred swooned. Alice so owed me.

"See…why don't you ask her?" I asked.

"Well I didn't get a name." Aro/Alfred said.

"oh well I'm sure that you'll run into her again if she lives here." I said.

"yeah." Alfred said.

"You know Aro…I cannot wait to be fully settled here. I mean the arcade is just like the one at home and Charlie's land looks just like the planet Dagobah…yoda would feel at home here. This place was meant for people like us!" Marcus said. Oh god.

" your so right Marcus!" was Aro/Alfred's response. This was going to be living in my father's house. Thank god I wont be there.

"so Marcus…Aro…you've probably met some people from my class while you were out last night…what was your high school like?" I asked as I went to start the truck. I was going to have to drive my truck with the twins while Charlie and Celeste followed behind in the cruiser.

"well we were best friends with the toilet. Aro and I were tied for first in our class so we were the valedictorian and salutatorian. The other students were pretty nice besides the jocks and the teachers loved talking with us. The computer teacher in particular loved us. We used to have long conversations with him about binary code. We were part of the school pokemon fan club. Aro always played the nerd in Drama. Leaders in the decathlon team. You know…typical high school stuff!" Mark answered.

" remember I played the nerd in our rendition of 16 candles. Good times…good times!" Alfred agreed. Oh great…my room was now going to be occupied by people who look like they could of stared in "Revenge of the nerds." Well it could be worse. I was leaving at least. I didn't think I could handle another day of seeing them in footsie pj's that were decked out in Star Trek. If Alice saw them she would have a fit.

"yeah and remember we beasted at dance dance revolution…that's how we passed gym" Marcus added. Somehow I couldn't picture that scene with out laughing. But then again they would pass gym because of a video game.

" That reminds me…we have to hook up dance dance revolution when we get back home." Mark/Marcus said. They had such a nasally voice that "the Nanny" sounded normal compared to them.

" hell yeah…I'm going to beat your score this time….your going down!" Alfred/ Aro declared.

"Ha…have fun with that….I've won national dance dance revolution contests…you always come in second!" Marcus / Mark scoffed. So the geeks were competitive…who would of thought.

" Marky…we have one hint that your fighting Alfie…and you can kiss your computer privileges good bye…that includes Facebook!" Celeste called popping her head into the window.

"NOOOOO! NOT FACEBOOK…I CANT LOOSE CONTACT WITH DOLORES!…PLEASE DON'T TAKE FACEBOOK!" Mark sobbed like a five year old. Alright this was very creepy…both of them were dating people with the names of characters from Harry Potter…and not even students but the professors names.

"haha…you cant fight with me!" Alfred-Aro laughed. I had to say their laugh was more annoying then their voice

"shut it _Alf-Alfa" _Marcus said pissed.

" I've told you repeatedly not to call me that!" Alfred huffed. They then broke into a mini light saver fight which caused me to almost crash the car. I was kind of kind of hoping to crash the car so that I could get out and away from the freaks.

"bew bew…Luke I am your father…hugh!" one of them roared as a light saver almost obscured my vision completely.

"Hey guys I kinda need to see the road to drive…unless of course you want to die in an accident. We could play 'Chicken' in that case. You know…swerve into on coming traffic get out before smacking head on into someone. Wouldn't that be fun!" I said sarcastically. I didn't mean to sound so mean but I really did need to see in front of me. The light savers dropped immediately.

"That's better!" I smiled.

" So Bella…do you prefer Bella, Isabella, or Bells…we've heard all three float around?" Alfred/Aro asked. Honestly if those geeks called me anything but Bella I would kill them. I hated Isabella and only a few people had the right to call me Bells.

"Bella's fine." I said.

"So was 'beauty and the beast' your favorite movie growing up?" Mark' Marcus asked.

"I didn't hate it….why?" I asked.

"well Bella…Bell…similar names…we kind of figured that would be your favorite movie growing up…ours was 'Revenge of the nerds'" Marcus answered. It figured that was their favorite movie.

"we watch it all the time still…we brought the dvd!" Alfred added. I felt like I was in a nightmare. I told Charlie that I wanted to drive by my self but he refused…said that I really needed to take the opportunity to bond with the twins since I wasn't going to be living there. In reality he probably didn't want to listen to the constant pokemon battles going on in the back seat. Thanks so much Billy!

It was then that we pulled into the driveway of the apartment complex. The minute we entered the room I thought I had gone into the wrong room. The paint job and the new cabinets had completely transformed the place. The smell of new paint hit like a ton of bricks…but we knew for sure that the walls were dry. I was amazed. In the middle was the new table set and the living room had the couch from the Brandon's den…which wasn't that old.

"oh my god Bells…this place looks stunning…and Alice only did what?" Charlie asked shocked as he placed my bed in the bedroom.

"Are you rich…this place looks expensive?" Marcus asked shocked as the others followed in. Celeste carried the frame of my bed along with Alfred. Charlie and Celeste left after the bed was assembled to get the bureau. They returned a few minutes later and then grabbed my desk. Once my bedroom furniture was assembled Charlie and Celeste disappeared.

"No we got it on a deal…and my friend Alice knew an interior designer who could get work done quickly. So we kind of lucked out." I said.

"ooh we could get a place like this and deck it out in plasma screen tv's…we could play video games and watch Star Wars and pokemon at the same time with out fighting for a TV…we could also put up that picture of Princess Layer…that poster! Techno lights everywhere…we could have the place tricked out. That would be awesome…think about all the light saver fights we could have. We could trick out dance dance revolution!" Marcus exclaimed. At that point…Alice walked in with her stuff. Her eyes lit up in fear as she saw the boys. Then they looked at her and she put on a huge fake smile.

" oh hi ge-guys…so you came why?" Alice asked.

"We wanted to help sissy over here move in. See the place that gave us a new room…also we wanted to lend our hand in hooking up the electronics. And see you!" Alfred said the second part a little too happily.

"That's uh great!" Alice said unsure.

"I'm not your sister!" I mumbled under my breath. They didn't seem to hear me.

"So Alice…I was wondering…see there's this pokemon convention coming up and I was going to dress like a picachu. I was wondering if-" Alfred started up. I ran an interception before he could finish that sentence.

" if you knew anyone that he could go with. Like clients daughters or something like that!" I said.

"Thank you!" Alice mouthed to me before she answered.

" I'll ask people!" Alice answered.

"hey I have an idea…why don't you two go together!" Mark said to Alice.

"Cant …busy." Alice said.

"I didn't even tell you the date!" Alfred said shocked.

"When is it?" Alice half moaned.

"The night of the 16th." Alfred said pissed.

"Sorry busy that night!" Alice said.

"That's okay…it's a three day convention…we don't have to go that night!" Alfred countered.

"Sorry that whole week is booked up. I have work in the day and I have plans to see this guy at night. I would cancel on him but I haven't seen him in a long time and who knows when I'm going to see him again." Alice said.

"Oh man…what does he look like?" Alfred asked sounding not convinced of Alice's lie.

"Tall…lightly tanned. Bright blonde hair that reflects in the sun light. Huge baby blue eyes that would leave you gasping for breath and the whitest teeth of any straight guy I've seen. Has a slight Southern accent and extremely insightful." Alice said. If I hadn't known Alice as well as I did then I would of believed the lie. But I knew that she was just describing her long lost crush.

"Oh well…have fun then!" Alfred said sounding deflated.

" I knew having a crush on a guy that you haven't seen in a while would have benefits. If only he'd come back!" Alice whispered in my ear.

"I know Alice…you say this a lot." I whispered back.

"I wish I wasn't so shy back in high school…I could of asked him out then!" Alice moaned.

"Shy…Alice you weren't shy…you were voted 'most talkative' and lets not forget that category was made up just for you!" I said.

"I don't have time to argue Bells…we still have to unpack and I need someone to carry my bureau and vanity and bed up the stairs!" Alice said. Alfred seemed to get a second wind at that point.

"I'll do it…come along Marcus…I need your help!" Alfred called running down the hallway.

"finally some peace…their nasal voices were giving me a headache!" Alice said.

"you don't want to know what this morning was like. Mark sniffing my underwear…Alfred talking about you. Light saver fights and pj's from your nightmares. I swear to god they stopped maturing at age 12...maybe earlier." I said.

"EWW!" Alice said grossed out.

"I think they're stuck in life saver land." I agreed.

"You _think_ they're stuck in life saver land!" Alice snorted. It was then that the twins ran in with a king sized mattress tilted on its side.

if he wore the same sweater every day or if he just had hundreds of them. The twins…just finishing up in Alice's room walked out.

"Charlie and mom have the frame…your dad and mom have your bureau!" Alfred gasped wheezing slightly. Mark was too busy trying to breath to say anything.

"Thank you….last room on the right…its pink…you cant miss it!" Alice said pointing them away.

"Alything for a lady!" Alfred wheezed in the attempt to get Alice to dump her imaginary date. I wanted to laugh. Charlie and Celeste walked through carrying Alice's bed frame at this point. We could hear Mr and Mrs. Brandon clamoring in the hallway.

"Alice…when did you bring the couches in?" I asked.

"Oh I stopped by earlier this morning with those…they're not permenent…just something to sit on until we get new ones. Mom and dad moved one of the living room ones in to their den so there's no problem there." Alice said in a manner of fact tone. It was then that the sup or came into check on us wearing the same sweater I first saw him in. I wondered if he wore the same sweater every day or he just had hundreds of them.

"ARGYLE!" They bellowed happily running towards the man. The three of them then started talking geek.

"oh my god…the fashionably challenged must attract one another or something!" Alice moaned.


	7. Small town newspapers

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! i promise guys...Some Cullens are comming in soon!**

Chapter 7

BPV

Waking up the next morning was a slight shock to me. It took me a minute to realize where I was and why I was here. Walking into the kitchen I saw Alice ,in sweats for once in her life, digging into breakfast take out from the local dinner. They must of laughed when they saw her come back in. We had gone there for a quick bite to eat after everyone had left. We hadn't yet had the chance to go grocery shopping. We were going to after work.

"I got you French toast and eggs…I didn't know what to get you…eat up…your going to be late. Hell I'm going to be late!" Alice said looking at the clock in shock. She then dashed to the bathroom and the water started to run. I opened the box holding my breakfast and dug in. There was a massive amount of food on the plate…enough to feed like twenty people. I couldn't even make it a fourth of the way through before feeling full. Alice fluttered out of the shower in a bathrobe and into the bedroom like a ghost…the only sign of her was jet black wet hair. I then walked into my bathroom and set everything up.. Alice had gotten a bright pink shower curtain for it and must of put it up during the renovations. I turned it on and let the water run over me. Five minutes later I stepped out. Walking into my room an outfit was already laid out on my bed and a blow dryer was plugged in.

"Call me when your done with the dryer Bella…I'll be into help!" Alice shouted from another room. I placed my clothes on and sat down at my desk . I started to dry my hair and turned my computer on. The geeks were making fun of it as it slowly tried to dial up last night. I brushed it off since I already knew I needed a new one anyways. As it froze for the umpteenth time my hair was finally dried.

"Alice!" I called. Alice came running in with a curling iron and a gallon of makeup. Her hair was piled up on her head with chopsticks sticking out today.

"You know Bella…we're going to have to get you a mirror or something…you could convert the desk into a huge vanity with a computer on the side!" Alice said. Lets just say that Alice preferred me getting a vanity over the desk.

"I think about it Alice." I said.

"so anyways…I was walking around the building Saturday night…a lot of interesting characters in the building. There was this one guy…looked about 35ish and he was a weird one. Not like whatever they are to you, no one could compete with that, but he was walking around aimlessly mumbling to himself. Kinda gave me the creeps. There was some women walking around dressed up like they were still in the 80's. Saw some girl who was like fourteen…reminded myself at that age. We got to talking and she's now my 3:30 appointment. I think this building is going to be very interesting!" Alice said happily. Definitely going to hear gossip about the neighbors.

" really…that's great Alice." I said.

"I managed to spy and catch a few things as well. Apparently we're causing a tizzy in this place. People aren't sure what to make of us. we're going to have to make a damn good impression that's for sure!" Alice continued on.

" really…why?" I asked shocked.

"oh I don't know…I think some wives are jealous…and idiots. You're the police chief's daughter…they probably know what your mom did ! How you don't want to put people through that. And like I'd look at any of their husbands…they look old enough to be my dad." Alice cackled.

"oh…well that's no big deal." I agreed.

"Now…I'm going to go with a looser curl for today. And I know the perfect colors for your eye shadow." Alice said launching into attack.

"And this is why you need a mirror!" Alice exclaimed when she finished ten minutes later. Heading into the bathroom I was stunned when I looked in the mirror. Alice was truly gifted at doing makeup.

"Thanks so much Alice!" I called appreciatively.

"No problem!" Alice called back happily. She then ran past the bathroom door.

"I'M GOING TO BE LATE…SEE YA!" Alice called slamming the door. I shook my head. I then went on to brush my teeth. I still couldn't believe I was in a bathroom that I could call my own. An apartment that I could call home. It felt dream like. Everything was moving so fast.

"Oops I forgot my keys!" Alice called as the door opened and slammed shut again. I shook my head…Alice! I then searched for my purse. Opening the door I groaned. My room was still full of boxes. I only half way finished unpacking last night…which meant that the rest was tonight's chore. Well it could have been worse. At least it would only me two nights. Last night Alice had been complaining about how it would take a weektake to unload all of her stuff. I found my purse buried in a sea of boxes. I had noticed that there was a princess Layer action figure in there and that my small bottle of perfume was missing. Three guesses who was in my purse last night. I was going to have to talk to the twins about stealing things out of my purse. I mean it was my personal property and I did have rights. I was going to have to watch my things around them for now on that was for sure.

A couple of minutes later I pulled into work. I had noticed that my partner Frank's spot was still empty. That was odd since he always arrived here at the crack of dawn. Frank and I had worked together ever since I got hired (which was the day I graduated college). He was the only other person who worked the same sections that I did. Since this was a small town only two reporters were needed even though it was still a huge section. Frank was a workaholic…first in and last to leave. I brushed it off and walked in where I was ambushed by Seth Clearwater. He was boardly snapping pictures as I walked in to my office.

"Hey Bella…what happened to your face?" Seth asked. As the bruise deepened in color Alice was struggling to cover it completely…so she settled for making it more subtle. obviously Harry didn't tell Seth about it. Probably figured it was my business or something.

"oh its nothing…I fell!" I lied. Seth realized that I didn't want to talk about it and changed the subject.

"Bella…I don't want to offend you but your Step Brothers are freaks…" Seth said

"They're not my step brothers…their Charlie's girlfriends kids." I corrected

"Whatever…they live with him. I was washing my car yesterday after you left. The cruiser pulled in and they stepped out. They ran towards me and asked me if I wanted to take part in a pokemon battle like we were 13 and not 23." Seth continued on. That didn't shock me.

"trust me I know…and I'm not offended." I said.

"So Dad said you broke up with Jacob…and they kicked his ass. Man you didn't want to be in my house that night. I was just about to tell him when Charlie turned up looking like a bull. He was so purple I worried that he was going to have a stroke or something. So I pulled Charlie into the kitchen and told him that dad didn't know yet. We sat him down on the couch and Charlie blurted it out. Luckily he said it so fast that dad didn't understand him and I broke it to him in a gentler way. After a good cry , my dad's face changed and matched Charlie's exactly. They then ran off. When they returned, my dad charged up the stairs and threw all my mom's clothes and makeup out the window. Mom then flew in and flipped out. A huge battle insured about who was going to leave. Eventually dad won and she called the sleezebag to come pick her up. Jake sauntered into the house like he owned the place. I told him to go fuck him self…that you and my dad didn't deserve this. He accused me of sleeping with you…to which I laughed in his face. No offence Bella , its not that your not beautiful or anything. but your not exactly my type. We pushed and shoved the hell out of each other and dad ran down the stairs with his trusty baseball bat screaming about screwing his wife. A few swings later…Jacob scampered away whimpering. Mom followed soon after.I haven't seen or talked to her since then." Seth said. He was the male version of Alice when it came to gossip. They even dated…which was everyone else's worst nightmare. They still remained good friends after the relationship ended.

"Oh I'm so sorry Seth." I said. I felt like this was some how all my fault.

"For what…Jake and my mother having wandering eyes…don't be! They're the assholes…not you." Seth beamed.

"So have you seen Frank around?" I asked.

"No not today…who would of thought that the man would finally take a sick day…I mean what did he have a heart attack or something?" Seth responded light heartedly. He didn't seem that concerned. But it also seemed like for the first time ever he didn't know something about somebody in the office. If Frank did have a heart attack…Seth would know.

"I mean that man came in when he had the flu…he even came in when he almost died falling off the ladder the day before. Until now I thought nothing kept that man from his work.." Seth said shaking his head.

" I know right!" I laughed.

"by the way…now that I have you in here…I need that photo for the opening of that shoe store that's going on page six…do you have that? " I asked Seth.

"on my computer…I'll send it to you in a minute!" Seth nodded. It was then that my boss came walking in. He was a man very much like my father in looks as well as actions. If I hadn't known better I would of sworn that the two were related. We called him Big Ted.

"hi boss…did you hear that Johnny from sports got into a car wreck last week?" Seth asked turning to Ted.

"Seth…work…now!" He said pointing to the door. He never did his own work but he couldn't stand it when others didn't do theirs. I guessed that he didn't want to look totally incompetent.

"Bella do you have that article almost done?" Big Ted asked.

"just about finished. I just need to move a few comma's and its about done." I said.

"Good…I expect it on my desk by 12 okay." Big Ted beamed.

"Um Ted…where is Frank?" I asked. I noticed he fidgeted just like my father did when he did something wrong.

"uh…well there's a good explanation for Frank's absence!" Ted said avoiding the question. Another Charlie like mannerism.

"Where is Frank?" I repeated more forcefully.

"Um well Frank hit on Lydia from Lifestyles…and they didn't have material feelings. So we had to let him go. We already hired a replacement…and he should be here in a few days…so until then your on your own kiddo!" Ted said not looking at me. Great so I was on my own until the newbie showed up. Just wonderful!

"OH MAN….FRANK GOT FIRED…THAT SUCKS!" Seth exclaimed shoving his head back though the doorway.

"SETH…DON'T YOU HAVE A DESK?…GET GOING BEFORE I FIRE YOU TOO!" Big Ted roared. Seth immediately disappeared.

" You fired the only other guy who works on the same stories as I do…are you insane…I mean I know he deserved it and everything but you couldn't at least prepare me to work by myself. You know that a few days…even in a small town like this…is a hell of a long time in the news business. You couldn't call me right after you did it. I at least have the right to know if I'm going to work on all those categories by myself!" I snarled.

"I'm sorry…its that everything happened so fast….Lydia was threatening to sue…I didn't think about that. I was panicking!" Big Ted said defensively.

"You know damn well you should of called me. Now I have to do Frank's work and my own in order for everything to be on time!" I groaned heading over to Frank's office and grabbing his notes. I would of known he was fired if his office wasn't the one after mine…and the doors weren't locked. Luckily they gave me and not Seth the extra key. I was going to be in for a very long day.

"again I'm sorry Bella…I know that this is a lot but you can handle it." My boss said running away. Coward.

A few hours later I was finishing the last of Frank's reports. Seth was leaned against my wall jabbering away.

"Man I really cant believe they fired Frank…he was so cool for an older guy…I mean he told me that he liked Lydia but I never thought that he would do something like that. He didn't seem the type of guy" Seth was complaining.

"I don't know what your complaining about…you don't have to do like quadruple the work load now!" I moaned.

" man I'd shoot myself if that were me!" Seth whistled.

"Well look at the bright side…Big Ted actually had to do some work for once just to find someone. It does explain why he was in such a sulky mood Friday…come to think of it Frank wasn't in Friday either. That means…damn Thursday was such a dramatic day!" Seth said trying to make me feel better.

"wonder who he hired?" I asked.

"I don't know…but hopefully he doesn't mind carpooling to the major stories with us. Hey remember the time when there was that 6 car accident in the middle of town. Charlie was pissed because I was following him around snapping pictures. Frank fought with one of the deputies while you were off interviewing the victims. We went out to breakfast after we bailed Frank out of jail…and made that promise not to tell Big Ted." Seth said reminiscently. Jake excused this because I was with co-workers discussing work…nothing romantic about that.

"yeah…I remember…Frank was so embarrassed that he made me curry a handwritten apology to Charlie." I said.

"Speaking of Charlie…what's the deal with his girlfriend?" Seth asked.

"Billy set them up." I said.

"oh…ut uh…when is that man going to stop doing that…he's not exactly a lady's man now is he?" Seth asked.

"that's what Alice said." I said.

"hold on…I've been meaning to ask you something…last week Alice said that you still weren't talking and now your living together…did I miss something?" Seth asked.

"after I dumped Jacob I called Alice. Then we went shopping and we found this apartment sign. We both had been wanting to get out of our houses for a while so we decided what the hell!" I said.

" oh…now I understand." Seth said.

"ugh today's soo boring…nothing happens in this town!" Seth groaned a couple of minutes later. He then took out his phone and started to play games.

"Please don't say that…all I need right now is something drastic to go down in Forks…me the only front page, interest, and crime reporter. I think I would go insane!" I laughed.

"well it could be worse…you, me and do nothing Ted could be the only people working for the newspaper!" Seth laughed. Luckily the rest of the day was quiet.


	8. The newbie part 1

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! i promise guys...Some Cullens are comming in soon!**

Chapter 8.

BPV.

The next two days were the most quiet I've ever seen at work…and for a town where absolutely nothing happens that's actually an accomplishment. I was able to get everything done in no time. Seth had taken to walking around and getting pictures of every employee to pass the time. They were starting to get annoyed with him. I awoke to a bright, sunny, morning. I looked joyously as the sun beamed warmly across my face. I got up and headed towards the kitchen. Alice was sitting at the kitchen table already dressed and ready to go. She was sipping out of her new mug. It had a high heel picture with the slogan " princesses always wear heels!" sprawled underneath. I headed over to the bread cabinet and grabbed a loaf out. I popped a piece of toast in the toaster and grabbed a cup of coffee.

" hey since when do you drink coffee?" Alice asked shocked.

"since I'm stuck staring at a computer screen all day and nearly falling asleep from boredom." I said.

"Oh yeah Frank got fired. Seth told me that when we went out for drinks the other night. Said that you were stressed to high hell over it. I couldn't imagine what I'd do if Rose left and I had to handle all her clients as well. I think I would go insane. You know…maybe they should hire more then two reporters to cover like 75% of the newspaper." Alice said.

"Well you know…small town…nothing happens here…Ted doesn't think we need more then two reporters to cover that area. And what Ted thinks goes!" I said.

"Oh speaking of small towns…I went out for milk this morning and you wont believe who I bumped carriages into!" Alice started up. I knew this was code for getting gossip…especially when we just brought milk last night.

"Edward Cullen!…I know…he just moved back to town over the weekend…you know how they say that good looking in high school means butt ugly later…god make him the exception to that rule. Girls were gawking and he ran into me in the attempt to escape. we got to talking…he said that he was single and I said that you were…and to make a long story short he's going to be your date for the reunion. Isn't that wonderful!" Alice said sounding like the nosy mother that I never had. This was so like her!

" Alice…why did you do that?" I exclaimed extremely flustered. While I was grateful that she got me a date with a guy I liked in high school…she did not just tell me that she told Edward Cullen I was single!

"Bella…some times you have to seize the day…you know grab the bull by the horns… cause while everyone else is going to be bragging about how big their engagement rings are…you'll be in the company of Forks high royalty…I'm going to talk to Rose today to see if she wants to go with me that way I'm not a third wheel technically. Its going to be so much fun. Thank god you dumped the control freak!" Alice said happily

"Thank you Alice." I said.

"no problem!" Alice said

" So anyways…I was in total shock that he's back. I mean out of everyone who vowed to leave he was definitely one of the ones I pegged to stay away. His family actually had the funds to do it. So picture my face when he ran smack dab into me of all people...he looks the same maybe even better so I recognized him right away. I think I almost had a stroke!" Alice went on. Well if he wanted to keep a low profile Alice definitely was the wrong person for him to run into . By days end our entire class was going to know that a Cullen was back in town.

"we talked for like 15 minutes…well mostly me informing him about what's gone down that I know of since he left. You know how Eric married his family member and all that bullshit." Alice continued to talk. Then it sounded like the mother on the Charlie Brown Christmas special. I was nervous. I mean what if everything went badly. Even after all these years I don't think that I could be around him without worrying about embarrassing myself. I tried to keep the nerves at bay. Picturing that smile…even after all this time was enough to make me weak at the knees.

"I tried prying him about a certain person but he clammed up. I swear to god he fricken dropped off the face of the earth after college. Information on his whereabouts….absolutely nada!" Alice's voice said intruding my thoughts.

"Alice…one day he's bound to slip…don't worry…you'll probably find an article saying where he brought a house or something like that. I mean you search the internet for him every other day." I said.

"That better be what I read about him!" Alice huffed.

" So did anything else interesting happen while you were there?" I asked.

"No…well I saw your sniveling ex with _her_…Billy was giving them shit…apparently he had an accident or something and Jacob had refused to change him. Sue looked like hell would freeze over first before she cleaned Billy's backside. That was it!" Alice said.

"oh…well I'm glad he's having a great time. He made his bed and now he has to sleep in it!" I said.

"That's the spirit!" Alice beamed. She took another sip and looked at the time.

"Oh crap I have to go…wedding party's coming really soon. Angela Webber's older sister is getting married today .Why someone would get married in like the middle of the week I have no clue but this girl wanted to get married on her birthday. This is going to take like ten hours to do….all the girls have extremely thick, extremely long hair and they all want updos with flowers put in them. Rose was supposed to go and buy extra Barbie pins last night. Hopefully she did that!" Alice exclaimed looking at the clock.

"before I go…I left a posted note on your mirror on what to do with your makeup, hair dryer is in my room and the curling iron should be warming up in there as well. Remember Bella…1,2,3 release!" Alice said rolling her fingers around her hair in a curling iron fashion. Alice's phone then went off. Alice picked it up.

"What do you mean their already there…their appointment wasn't for another 15 minutes…alright stall them…I don't know…give them coffee or wine or something…I am leaving now…my hand is on the door knob. Tell Bridey over there not to cry…I am on the way!" Alice demanded hanging up the phone.

"Brides…she's early and she's crying because the hairdresser wasn't in? Rose and I are splitting it 50/50 with the wedding party. She got Angela's mom and the soon to be mother in law and I got the bride. Well see ya later!" Alice called as she exited though the door. I turned and bolted into the shower. Luckily I had woken up early so I wasn't late.

Walking into my room was a familiar scene…just with no boxes. The minute the moving boxes were gone I was finally able to appreciate how big the room actually was. I was able to walk freely without tripping over the offending brown cardboard scattered everywhere. I headed over to my computer and checked my mail. There was a massive amount of spam and reminders about the upcoming reunion. I had a funny suspicion that Alice had something to do with why they were contacting me. Especially since the E-mail read "Dear Alice" after that I went onto my face book page. Angela's away status caught my eye.

"At Hairdressers with sissy for her big day. This is Alice now…just heard that someone with the initials E.C was spotted back in town guys!" The status read. The female population of my class commented underneath. There was a bunch of " R U Serious?"'s and others that were very risqué

"Hopefully he doesn't have Mike Newton syndrome!" Someone wrote.

"HEYY!" Mike posted.

"Mike has a face book…oops…oh well!" The same person posted again.

"I knew he'd comeback for me!" Someone else psychotically wrote.

"Alice…remember you belong to me….you're my Arwen!" Alfred/ Aro wrote.

"Who the fuck are you?" Tyler Crowley asked Aro.

"We're Charlie's girlfriend's kids!" he wrote back. Fuck the cat was out of the bag now!

"Look…you leave my classmates alone and I leave your face book friends alone. You will find that I am a very resourceful person when I want to be. I can just as easily destroy your cyber lives as you can mine. I do not belong to anyone…so can you please not say that anymore! I can do what I want and Aro…tell Marcus the same goes for a friend of mine that I know has been going through the same thing with him." Alice wrote.

"Charlie has a girlfriend?" Someone wrote.

"Yeah but I don't think its anything too serious!" Alice said running interference.

"Oh common Alice…they're living together…you know its serious!" Aro wrote back. I could just picture Alice's face.

"oh sweet sweet Aro…everyone lives together in our days…doesn't mean a anything!" Alice wrote back. That was where the conversation died out. Looking at my phone there was a text from Alice.

"Alfred/ Aro-thing is so annoying…well looks like the geeks are out of the bag…well at least to some people. I'm having Angela delete everything as fast as possible. Hopefully no one else saw!" Alice sent.

"Nerds…how did you get on here?" Alice wrote from her mobile phone.

"We're computer programmers Alice…there's nothing we cant do on face book…we just hooked up to the Forks high link and walah. Angela isn't private and Marcus is a skilled hacker. We must of got on when Angela signed off." Alfred/ Aro wrote.

" don't worry…someone was bound to notice anyways. This is Forks after all." I sent back. I then went to dry my hair. If this had been five years ago I would of dreaded going to school ( I just got out of college ). Fortunately though this wasn't and I didn't have to see many of those people at work. I sat down and turned the dryer on. Running the dryer through my hair I began to feel better about everything. I mean who really cared what anyone else thought anyways…Charlie seemed happy and that's all that really mattered. Even if that meant twin geek step brothers and all.

After blow drying and curling my hair I found the mirror that Alice had been talking about. There was detailed instructions about how far the eyeliner should go. She even drew mini pictures. Written on the back was "Clothes are hanging on the back of door…your new boots are in the closet and I may of added a belt…thank me later!" referencing the midlength sweater dress hanging up behind me. Well that explained where she went the other night. As I rounded the corner my ancient truck growled with a slight resistance. If it could hold on a little while longer then I would buy myself a newer model. My truck gasped as it rolled into a spot in the parking lot, relieved that it's suffering was over for now. Definitely a bad day for my truck.

"Did ya hear…they're coming today!" Seth ambushed me again as I walked through the door.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Frank…his replacement starts today!" Seth said in a factual tone. Oh…thank god. Usually when Big Ted says "a few days" he means a few weeks. It was good to know that that wasn't the case for today.

"Yeah so I don't think you want to know what weird and weirder were doing this morning?" Seth asked. I immediately knew who he was talking about.

"Just tell me." I said.

"Well they were outside talking making references to a 'real life Princess Layer'…and something about a 'gorgeous Arwen'…whatever the hell that is…and they were holding up 2 pairs female underwear and slinging it at each other. They missed once and hit me in the face as I went to remind Charlie that he and my dad were supposed to have that three day fishing trip tomorrow night. Bella…it was Alice's…it had her initials on the bottom. They confessed that they had yours too…I was sworn to secrecy. I had to warn you though…they're some people I've just met…you and your dad have been good to us for years. Also I figured that you have the right to know." Seth said. I should of known. They were acting really weird when they left the night we moved in.

"Thank you…and I'm sorry that they did that to you…trust me I will be speaking to them…and please don't tell that to Alice!" I groaned the last part.

"Oh no problem…but um the Alice thing. See uh right before you walked through she texted me about going out next week. It kind of came out. She's not happy…said something about calling you when she gets a break…and showing them what Picachu was really made of." Seth confessed. I could only picture what went through Alice's mind.

"its okay" I sighed.

"Hey the Newbie's late!" Seth said looking at the clock.

"Want to bet Ted screwed up the time again…with me he told me to come in at 2 in the afternoon." I said.

"Lucky…with me it was at 4 am. Lucky you were my neighbor and you woke up and saw me. I would of went in to find the place locked up. All I got was an ' did I say four…I meant eight…sorry!' while Frank rolled his eyes behind him." Seth said remembering that day. Seth got hired a few weeks after I did.

"yeah well you didn't have everyone give you dirty looks. They realized a split second too late that it was Ted's fault." I said

" That sucks…your must of freaked out." Seth snorted.

"Yeah until Ted copped up to the mistake. Fortunately I still had the paper that read 'Bella-work opens at 2 and closes at 8'-I mean I thought it was odd but I figured that it was just a weird schedule-but it took like 5 minutes for it to get through to him that he made the error." I said.

"Typical…the guy really needs to learn to look at a clock once in a while." Seth shrugged. It was then that I went into the office to get some work done. Seth went to work on some of his pictures.

"Knock knock!" Ted said walking in, probably looking for my next article.

"oh hey Ted…say I thought the new person was supposed to come today?" I asked as ted started to snoop around my desk.

"are your articles ready?"

"not yet…you know that Seth has been having trouble sending things-you said that you were going to find someone to fix that yesterday- so I have to photo copy the pictures on…and you didn't answer my question!" I said.

"he's not in yet?" Ted asked.

"no!" I said annoyed.. I wouldn't of asked if he was here.

"oh he's going to get an ear full from me!" Ted snorted.

"Ted you didn't do it again did you!" I groaned.

"Do what?" Ted asked.

"What time did you tell him to come in at?" I asked.

"uh I don't remember…I think I said 8...it could have been 11" Ted gave up.

"Ted do you not look at the paper's schedule when you hire people…ugh and you were going to blame him!" I groaned.


	9. the newbie part 2

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! i promise guys...Some Cullens are comming in soon!**

Chapter 9

BPV.

A couple of hours later I was at the copy machine getting everything set up. Seth had cut everything down to size so it was easier to fit. Fortunately the machine printed copies in color or else we would of truly had a black and white magazine. I had slid down the third paper when the door alarm jingled. Since the copy machine was right next to the door I could perfectly see who walked in. I went into shock. For all intensive purposes I might as well of passed out but I didn't. I felt like I was seeing a dead person…a ghost. The pair of eyes looking back at me held the same expression that mine must of shown to theirs. He looked the same as when I last saw him…but better looking. Maturity seemed to suit him well. I sat there frozen in shock until John from the sports desk took it upon himself to chuck a miniature football at my head.

"You…' I gasped.

"You…?" Edward asked mirroring my shock.

"But-"

"How?" Edward finished my question.

"well I guess we'll be seeing each other after the reunion!" Edward said.

"I guess so!" I agreed.

" So Alice…" Edward started up

"yeah she told me…and she told lots of people that you were back." I said.

"Well I knew she would…hasn't changed at all has she?" Edward chuckled lightly.

"no…not really." I said. It was then that Big Ted walked over.

"Good you two know each other…makes my job easier….no awkward breaking of the ice. Bella can explain the basics of the job. Um Bella you might want to start off with the lateness policy…Tell Mr. Cullen what he can expect if he is late again!" Ted said trying to sound authoritative. It actually sounded hilarious since he really didn't do much as an authoritative figure except periodically yell at Seth to get back to work.

"How was I late…its 11 , you told me to come in at 11?" Edward asked confused.

"Ted!" I warned.

"Alright…alright so I may of made a mistake…sorry…Bella can tell you the office hours!" Ted said shifting to the side.

"Alright…before we get started…the office hours are 8 am to 2 pm…and whenever we get the call to go to the scene…although the last guy practically lived here. I thought he even had a bed in his office. I think Ted has some memory problems when it comes to schedules because he does this to every single new person. We're going to have to tape the schedule to his eyes next time he hires someone!" I said. Edward looked more relieved.

"And there really isn't a strict lateness policy…just try to get here on time …Ted hates doing his job so he really doesn't want to put people on warning." I said.

EPV

I was still in shock. I couldn't believe that she worked here. After years of not seeing her…Bella was standing next to me. She looked the same, maybe a little more mature. As if seeing Alice this morning wasn't enough of a shock. I had learned that Bella was single and living with Alice and then she asked me if I was single . I told her that I was. Before I could ask what she and Bella had been doing while I was gone she delved off into Eric Yorkie marrying his distant relative. At the end of the conversation Alice brought up the reunion and I told her that I was going. I then asked if Bella planned on taking a guy. Alice's eyes lit up and she exclaimed" No!…she's free that night!" before giving me Bella's number. "Well you can tell her that if its okay I'd like to be her escort." I said. Alice then shrieked and skipped down the isle.

"Ted actually working…please…if it were the end of the world and Ted was the only thing close to anything to do with the news he'd rather sit back and toss paper balls at a can then deliver the biggest scoop in man kind….hi I'm Seth Clearwater…your photographer!" a guy said skipping over like a child at recess and flashing a camera in my face. He was kind of like the male version of Alice.

" Edward Cullen!" I said shaking his hand.

"oh don't mind Seth…he's like the lovable kid brother I never had…trust me his personality comes into good use when your feeling down." Bella said.

"So how do you know Bella?" Seth asked quizitiavely

"oh we went to high school together." I said.

"really I don't remember seeing you around ?" Seth asked.

"Oh Seth…he and his family left right before you guys came." Bella sighed. I swore that I heard a slight hint of pain in her voice…even after all this time. It disappeared quick though. Seth must of caught her tone too for he looked at her strange.

"Ooh…I get it." Seth said backing off.

"Alright so here is your office. Obviously you type the articles on the computer. When Seth gets his computer fixed you can just directly place the pictures on to the articles through the computer. Until then you have to use the copy machine. Big Ted sets a deadline of around 12 but he tends to try and get the articles early. If your finished early then good but try to finish on time. So what have you been up to these past few years…I mean I thought you were going to med school?" Bella said the last part as a question.

" oh about six months in I realized that it really wasn't my thing. My dad wanted it more then I did. On a whim I took a journalism class and I liked it. So I changed my major. Dad wasn't too thrilled but he accepted it. Got a job in Seattle and I was let go earlier last week. They laid off my entire department. Then Ted called. Moved into my parent's old house because they still own it. Emmett and I are paying rent…they're still at the condo in Seattle" I said.

"Wow…can you repeat those words…Ted called…I don't mean to be like this but the reason why that man wants his work done early is because he wants to sit around and play wastepaper basket ball all day long. He's not really boss like unless he's telling me to 'get out!'" Seth said nonchalantly.

"That's because you'd hang around all day long and you wouldn't get any work done if I didn't!" Ted's voice called in.

"What work? Seriously all I do is take pictures…I don't even understand why he makes me work office hours…but hey I'm getting paid…it's a steady pay check." Seth shrugged.

"SETH…YOU HAVE A DESK!" Ted's voice snarled.

"Well gotta go…Charlie 2.0 is calling…bye!" Seth said disappearing.

"Seth and his family lives across the street from Charlie. Charlie became best friends with his father. Seth would sometimes help my father with the yard work. that's where he got that from." Bella slightly laughed.

"So what were the past few years like for you?" I asked.

"oh well…nothing really changed much until last week. Found a school that I could commute to. Got my degree and I continued to live with Charlie. I moved with Alice over the weekend ." Bella said.

"So if you need anything…I'm literarily right next door." Bella said opening what looked like a closet up to reveal another office and handing me some papers. You could tell that Bella and not Alice designed the layout. It looked like how an office should…and not the inside of Barbie's Malibu mansion.

"Okay thank you…I'll let you know!" I said as Bella made her way back to her office. I sat down and turned the computer on. "WELCOME FRANK!" spread across the screen followed by a box for a password. After typing in a few combinations I started to look high and low for a written password. A few minutes later I was unsuccessful.

"Um Bella…do you know this guys password?" I called.

" What do you mean…Ted was supposed to reset it and give you a new one?" Bella asked confused.

"Well he didn't!" I called back.

"Ted!" Bella huffed before walking in and getting me on and giving me Franks password. She said to use it till Ted remembers that he forgot to do that. Seth then popped his head in.

"Honestly….Bella would be more of an effective boss then Ted. She knows more about running this place then he does and he's been here longer. Then again Frank ' the news is my life' Jones worked with her. He knew a lot…guess it wasn't enough to stop him from hitting on Lydia though." Seth laughed.

"Seth really…I don't want to have to get a new camera man because you decided to see how far you could push Ted." Bella said and Seth disappeared.

"Honestly I think he likes getting yelled at by Ted!" Bella laughed.

"So you and him never…or is that a little personal?" I asked

"Oh god no…we're just friends…I don't think I could handle that in a relationship!" Bella laughed some more.

"oh really" I said.

"So alright your on now…Frank might have some saved files on there. You can delete those since he's not coming back. And that's really about it." Bella said finally finishing.

"What about internet?" I asked.

"As long as Ted doesn't find out…and chances are he won't then your fine." Bella said warmly.

"alright thank you!" I beamed as Bella walked back into her office.

BPV

Later on that night I had just sat down to read as Alice walked through the door. I had just put a roast in the oven and was waiting for it to cook. Alice sat down and grabbed a banana.

"You are not going to believe what happened to me today!" Alice said pealing the banana and taking a bite.

"What?" I asked.

"Well I was pinning Angela's hair up when her boyfriend came walking in. Remember how I mentioned dating that kid named Ben…he's Angela's Ben. It was so awkward. Luckily he didn't even say hi to me. So how was your day?" Alice asked almost if she knew.

"Oh it was good. I got to meet my new partner today. That was interesting." I said

"Ooh what are they like?" Alice asked leaning in.

"Well he's young, nice and good-looking!" I said beaming.

"The three positive traits…and?" Alice asked nosily.

"and I think you know him!" I added. That threw Alice for a loop. Her face crossed confused.

"What do you mean 'I know him?'" Alice asked confused.

"well…you did _see_ him this morning!" I said.

"WHAT!" Alice gasped. She then slumped to the floor. It was a little much.

"Alice?' I asked fanning her face. Alice's eyes slowly opened.

"Bella…I had this dream and you were there…you said that you were working with Edward." Alice said weakly.

"Alice that wasn't a dream." I said.

"Your serious…your actually serious…you are working with Forks royalty ?" Alice gasped.

" oh my god…I am sitting on the gossip bomb of the century!" Alice exclaimed.

"Alice don't you dare say a word…he doesn't need psychotic girls showing up in droves at work just to get a look at the prodigal son…for that matter neither do I. You know a lot of the girls in town are tapped!" I warned.

"okay…I swear I wont…I pinky swear!" Alice backed off.

"But this just gets better and better…maybe you could get a little information for me…all I need is an address…something I need to know something!" Alice beamed.

"I'll try…anyways you were right…he looks the same…maybe more mature." I said.

"good…and it will be less of a forced merriment during the reunion. I mean its not like

your going to be seeing each other for the first time. You'll have things in common

…work!" Alice said excitedly.

"So besides that what happened?" Alice asked. I had realized by this point that she hadn't mentioned the underwear thing. She probably forgot.

" oh not much…talked to Seth…he gave me an update about the Charlie situation." I said. Alice's face switched to pissed off.

"I forgot…THOSE DWEEBS HAVE MY UNDERWEAR…THEY'RE REALLY EXPENSIVE TOO!" Alice snorted heading for the top drawer in which she kept her Tazer.

"How do you know which ones they are?" I asked.

"Seth gave me a general description…not hard to figure out especially when I realized what pair was missing this morning!" Alice growled shutting the drawer

"PICACHU IS ABOUT TO WHILE OUT…I TOLD THEM NOT TO CROSS ME…AND THEY STOLE OUR UNDERWEAR…AND YOUR PERFUME THAT I BROUGHT…I WANT DAMMAGES…PHYSICAL OR FINIANCIAL!" Alice roared running towards the elevator. I followed behind her. I was pissed too…but I also wanted to make sure that Alice didn't cross a line and kill the twins. Charlie wouldn't be too pleased if a double murder happened in his house. Luckily there was a door already open so Alice jumped in.

"Honestly Bella…there's something wrong with them…stealing out of people's houses…that's just wrong. And taking from the person who gave them a room…even worse!" Alice growled.

"Alice…for Charlie's sake…don't kill them!" I warned.

"Oh don't worry I wont…they wouldn't learn if they died!" Alice growled again.


	10. never piss off picachu

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! i promise guys**

Chapter 10

BPV.

Before I knew anything we were at my father's front door. The cruiser was gone…and Celeste's car wasn't there either. But sitting in plain sight was the twins Delorean. Alice threw it a dirty look and raptly knocked on the door.

"DWEEBS!" Alice roared pissed.

"Alice?" Mark/Marcus called shocked as he opened the door. Aro/Alfred was standing behind him.

" Come in guys…what's going on?" Alfred/ Aro asked adjusting his glasses nervously . Both of them started to fidget.

"Don't give me that 'what's going on?' you know damn well what's going on…now _WHERE ARE THEY?_" Alice snarled pissed.

"What are you talking about?" Marcus asked. His face started to twitch a little.

"_OUR STUFF…WE KNOW YOU HAVE IT…GIVE IT UP!" _Alice growled and snarled.

"Alice honestly…if you lost your underwear…maybe you should check your washer and dryer first…I mean maybe its in there?" Marcus gulped. His washed white button down t-shirt began to tremble.

"Did I _say_ it was underwear….no!…now how would you know that if you didn't have something to do with it!" Alice said pissed. She then leaned in and sniffed around Marcus.

"and you smell like freesia….just like the perfume that Bella's missing. Huh that's funny…I didn't think there was a cologne on the face of this earth that smelt of flowers!" Alice growled.

"um…uh…its my mothers perfume…I walked in as she was spraying it and it must of clung to my clothes!" Marcus gulped again.

"A likely story…your stupider then you think if you think I would believe that one…I brought Bella that bottle when went shopping last week!" Alice growled.

"why are we giving into this bullshit…lets go look for them ourselves!" Alice said turning towards the stair case.

"Wait a minute…where are you going?" Alfred/Aro asked.

"Your room obviously…why?" Alice huffed.

"No don't go up there…please!" Aro said suddenly freaking out. We ignored him as we trudged up the stairs. We opened the door and went into shock. This wasn't the room that I had known. This room was painted an ugly gray color. The curtian that I had was replaced by a huge thick red one. The infamous coat hanger was sitting in the room's front left hand corner. Posters of anime, Lord of the Rings, and Star wars were everywhere. Sitting where my desk used to be was a medium sized television. Next to that was every gaming system that existed. Scattered on the floor was various video games. Twin beds sat on either side. One had a sheet set with a life sized picture of Luke from Star wars on it. The other had R2D2. I looked over at Alice. Her face was livid.

"I PUT HOW MUCH INTO DECORATING THIS ROOM AND THESE RETARDS CHANGE IT?…HOW DOES 'DO NOT CHANGE THIS ROOM' COMPUTE TO SOMETHING LIKE THIS!" Alice snarled pointing to a picture of Arwen. Her head was circled in a heart with an arrow pointing to the words "Alice" next to it. The poster next to it was one of Luke and Layer… "Marcus and Bella" was written under them with a small weird looking heart drawn next to it.

"See this is sick…its not like we're all 13 years old…normal people don't deck their room out like this…and they don't write their crushes names on posters!" Alice roared some more .

"Alice there's our underwear!" I said pointing under one of the twin beds that was shaped like a space ship. It looked like a 3 year old would sleep in it.

"I have half a mind not to touch that now…god knows what they did with it!" Alice said grossed out and picking her underwear up with a coat hanger.

"your perfume bottle is under there too Bella…damn it its empty!" Alice said picking it up and shaking the bottle.

"Marcus owes me $50 now…ugh I will get him to replace it though…next time they come over they are not heading into our rooms for any reason. I learned from this!" Alice growled.

"you know how could Charlie let something like this happen?" Alice asked as we put everything in our purses.

"well I'm guessing that he either doesn't know or didn't want us to know about it. I mean would you tell your kid of your boyfriends children had a sick obsession with them and their friends?" I sighed.

"yes…alright point taken…wait isn't that my barrett…I've been looking for that!" Alice said heading to the top of the TV and grabbing this blinged out thing.

Walking down the stairs we headed for the door. The twins were nervously standing by the foot of the stairs. I had put my hand on the door when Alice turned around.

"hold on Bella…there's just one more thing that I want to do!" Alice said looking right at the twins. She then took out both of our tazer guns.

"alright this will teach you not to fuck with picachu!" Alice said firing both. The twins slumped to the floor twitching. They were making weird nasally noises. Alice videotaped it on her cell phone.

"For future purposes…incase its warranted!" Alice said.

"ahh now I know how Ash felt in episode one !" one of the twins moaned as we left the house.

"Maybe that will get through to them!" Alice exhaled as we walked back home. Since se decided to walk there we had no ride back.

"hopefully!" I said.

"Damn it…I forgot the fifty bucks…oh well…I'll collect another time!" Alice said. The cruiser then drove by.

"oops…also forgot about Charlie…oh well its not like he can ground you…you don't live with him anymore. Maybe the twins wont tell him anyways." Alice said shrugging.

"don't get your hopes up…they might just to see us again." I said.

"True…didn't think about that." Alice said.

It was then that we arrived back at the apartment complex. Heading up the stairs I just remembered about the roast and looked at the time. We were only gone about a half hour thank god. I wouldn't of been too thrilled if the roast burned.

"yum dinner!" Alice exclaimed when dinner was finally ready. It was then that my phone went off.

"Bella why did Alice tazer the boys?" Charlie's voice demanded.

"Dad…its very hard to explain…." I started up. Alice grabbed the phone.

"No its not Charlie…those boys are perverts…they took some things of ours that are very personal. I wanted them back. Now you tell them that if they even think about taking such personal items from me or Bella ever again then their things will be tazered off. And Charlie…I would keep an eye on them if I were you… unless you want your girlfriend's sons to become more Jacobs …especially Marcus or Mark or whatever he likes to be called in your case. Now I know what I did was wrong but I was just trying to get stuff that belonged to me and Bella back and I was very angry at the boys!" Alice said. I could hear squabbling on the other end.

"Chief…trust me if you knew what they had you would probably beat the hell out of the boys yourself. Have you even been in their room since they remodeled…no…well maybe you should. Get a look at some posters in particular. Then talk to me about what constitutes 'unusual punishment'" Alice said.

"of course they're saying that they didn't have anything…they're lying duh…Chief Swan who has more incentive to lie…the two boys who you've just met…or your daughter's best friend who you've known for years…take a whirl around their room. That will tell you who's telling the truth. Also search the trash incase they decided to hide the evidence. Look I'm not saying that you have to throw them out or anything…just if you find anything please talk to them. I've tried and its not working but maybe if a male influence tells them not to do something they'll listen. Thank you!" Alice said hanging up the phone.

"Charlie's raiding the boys room tonight…maybe this will finally get them to leave us be!" Alice sighed.

"Good…the night mare might finally come to an end!" I sighed. After dinner was done I popped in a movie. Alice was too busy on her lap top reading Us weekly online to pay attention.

"Why is she wearing orange…it makes her look like an orange and now is not the time for that color!" Alice said as she scowled down the page. She then looked up.

" 'The Devil wears Prada? ' I think I'm rubbing off on you grasshopper!" Alice laughed when she realized what movie was on.

"Well it was that or 'Gone with the Wind ' …I was in for more of a light hearted movie tonight." I said.

"oh tell me about it…I cried all the way through 'the notebook'. I only put stuff like that on when I feel like watchting sappy things on." Alice said. It was at that point that Alice started to pay attention to the movie.

"Wouldn't that be a dream job…I wish I could be the head of Vogue magazine!" Alice cooed.

"you probably wouldn't be saying that if you saw how much work was involved." I said.

"True…but the travel would be great!" Alice countered.

The next day I had finally gotten around to throwing out all the pictures of Jacob on my desk. I was replacing them with pictures of my father and Alice when Edward walked in looking for some printer paper.

"Who's that?" Edward asked pointing to a picture of Jacob that had escaped my war path. It from last Halloween…Jake was wearing a pinhead mask and hovering over me. I wanted to laugh at the irony. I was going as mini mouse. I wanted to go as a Vampiress but Jake forced the mouse costume on me. Something about his culture hating vampires.

" Alice or Seth didn't tell you?" I asked shocked. I never thought I'd see the day that the two motor mouths didn't talk about something big.

"What?" Edward asked.

"Oh he's an recent ex boyfriend. ." I said. I didn't want to launch into the full story.

"Was it someone from college?" Edward asked with slight curiosity and oddly enough a pang of pain in his voice. I could tell he wasn't trying to pry but trying to understand so it wouldn't have to come out at a later date.

"No…I think you know him actually…Jacob Black?" I said. Jacob attended school with us because of a joint venture between the Reservation and the public school system. The shock that crossed Edward's face was hilarious.

" You dated puppy?" Edward gasped. I looked at him

"well I noticed him and Mike practically following you around school. Jake had this lost puppy look in his eye. Emmett was the one who gave him the nickname. Mike was called Labrador cause he was constantly at your side getting you things." Edward said.

"Lets just say it ended badly." I said.

"Oh touchy subject." Edward said with a mix of sympathy and apology in his voice.

" so have you seen anyone lately?" I asked.

"Oh nothing serious. I've dated but nothing clicked you know. Nothing got past the second or third date." Edward said.

"well its bound to happen sometime for you." I said hopeful. All the girls in this town would be determined to make that happen.

"yeah hopefully." Edward beamed.

"no I'm pretty sure its going to happen….you weren't exactly a nobody in high school. In fact when you left it was kind of like someone died. Ask Charlie…he actually had to respond to reports of girls doing some crazy things. It was nuts." I said.

"I heard…Alice said someone refused to eat or something like that ." Edward said. Of course Alice would bring that up. I could only imagine what she said.

"it did explain a lot though…like why Emmett and I found cards begging for our return taped to our front door the day we came back. I was kind of shocked to hear that. Emmett and I probably wouldn't of left…or at least came back for weekend visits if we had known." Edward said apologetically.

"look you guys had to go to school. You had to get out of the town. Eventually everyone came to accept that if they wanted to move on. But some of our classmates are still single…since some of them were your number one fans I think they were trying to hold out thinking someday your family would come back. They held a vigil every anniversary of the day you left. Like I said it was like someone died." I said.

"your right…that's nuts!" Edward laughed.

"Well things did get back to normal…or well a new normal. The only real difference still prevalent- besides the vigils - is that Forks High football now sucks without Emmett. They fell flat on their faces with their star athlete gone. They thought they were high an mighty until didn't get the division that first year. Its painful to watch. don't tell Emmett that though." I said.

"I wont…but he's going to figure it out sooner or later. He wants to go to tonight's game. He's not going to be happy that when he finds that out." Edward groaned.

"finds what out?" Seth asked popping his head in.

"oh we're just talking sports…Edward's twin brother used to be MVP on the high school football team." I said. Five years ago that would have been an honor. Now however that just symbolized anyone even with mild talent getting them to win a couple of games. Seth having not been here then wasn't impressed.

"ooh whoopty doo…he got them to win a game!" Seth laughed.

"No he was the reason they won state back in the day…could of went NFL." I said.

"oh man…they used to actually win…I thought they always sucked…I mean they haven't won an important game since I've been here…hell they barely win at all." Seth said.

"Why didn't he?" I asked Edward and ignored Seth.

" he played college ball actually. He found something that he liked better though and went with it." Edward said.

"Oh well then good for him!" I said.

"So what's your cousin up to?" I asked. Edward knew who I was talking about…and probably why.

"Oh he stayed behind the extra week to see off the people moving in. he's got a good job but he's heading back to school to improve his skills. He's going to commute from our house and stay with us." Edward said. I had half a mind to tell Alice…but then again the girl needed a shock or two in her life. Besides if Alice knew then everyone would know that more members of the family were returning and everything would go crazy again. It was bad enough that certain members of the old " Edward Cullen Fan club" were already positioning themselves at various spots in town…probably in the attempt to find out where he worked. It wouldn't of been obvious except for the fact that they were parking in groups and walking around with binoculars. That and the fact that one of them offered me a spot to spy on Edward. Seth then looked behind him.

"oh shit…Big Ted's rounding the corner…see ya!" Seth said running away. He ran smack dab into Ted.

"I know…I know… I have a desk…bye!" Seth gasped before disappearing. Ted then walked in. Before he could even get the words out of his mouth I handed him everything.

"Good your done early!" Big Ted beamed before looking at Edward.

"I just have to print…give me five seconds and they'll be in you hand!" Edward said heading back into his office. Not even a minute later he reappeared with a stack of papers identical in size to mine.

"good…good…everything is going faster then schedule!" Ted mumbled walking away. Seth came walking back in a few minutes later.

"honestly…what does he expect me to do…I take pictures for news stories…and we all know that big news stories happen just as much as the sun comes out in this town…very rarely!" Seth laughed.


	11. Crazy

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! **

Chapter 11

BPV.

Seth's words were more then an exaggeration. They were really true. For the next five days absolutely nothing happened in town. It had gotten to the point where if it weren't for some colorful human interest stories Edward and I would of probably not even gone to work. Since we always seemed to finish early we found ourselves talking to each other a lot and becoming fast friends. I was really really kicking myself for not talking to him more in high school. Seth, Edward and I were in my office again killing time when my phone went off.

"Bells its Charlie…we have a big one! ( I gestured towards Edward and Seth who leaned in.) Someone crashed their car into a bank lobby and robbed the place…they're holding people for ransom. it's the one on main street…right down the road from your work." Charlie said.

"Alright how many?" I asked.

"One robber…eight hostages…some managed to escape through the hole before he pulled a gun." Charlie said.

"We'll be there." I said.

"Remember Bells…" Charlie started up.

" I know dad…safe distance…stay behind the police cordon." I said.

"Same goes for Seth and your new partner." Charlie said. While Edward would listen Seth definitely wouldn't if it meant getting a better shot. Charlie's had to yell at him a few times for that.

"I'll tell them!" I said as we hung up.

"finally…its about time this town saw some action!" Seth exclaimed. Edward and I both looked at him.

"I mean that sucks for those people and their families!" Seth slightly backpedaled. I then realized that I forgot my tape recorder at home. I had found that I would miss a lot when I wrote things down…tape recording seemed to capture everything better in situations like this. The apartment complex wasn't that far away.

"How do you feel about carpooling Edward?" Seth asked excitedly.

"well we're going to the same place…it would be a waste of gas if we took separate cars." Edward responded.

"Exactly our thought too!" Seth said.

"Uh guys we just have to stop at my place…I need to get something." I said.

"Oh okay…no problem!" Edward said. Seth was too busy getting his camera ready.

" So I guess I'm going to be seeing at least the outside of your new place a day sooner then expected!" Edward said. The reunion was going to be tomorrow night.

"Think of it as a sneak preview!" I joked. Edward chuckled.

"speaking of tomorrow…what time do you want me picking you up?" Edward asked.

"oh since it starts at 7 I think 6:30 should be fine." I said.

"alright 6:30 then." Edward nodded. It was then that Seth bounced in all ready to go. Walking outside we started to talk about who's car we were going to take.

"hey its too bad the Delorean isn't around…we could of used that!" Seth chuckled. I started to laugh and Edward looked at us slightly confused. I hadn't told him about Charlie's new roommates. They just hadn't come up in conversation…and from the look of it Angela deleted her status before Edward could read face book .

"it's a very weird and slightly long story. I'll have to explain later. Right now…who's car are we going to take?" I asked waiving my hand between my ancient truck, Edward's 2011 Volvo, and Seth's 1988 Nissan Homy.

"uh do you mind if we take the Volvo?…I think the Homy is on its last leg…and Bella no offence but your car is older then mine…it's a miracle its still alive." Seth asked.

"No problem…so I guess that means I'm driving?" Edward asked.

" okay…I'll give you directions to my place…its not really that hard to get to." I said

"Okay!" Edward agreed. Edward and I then grabbed the passenger side door at the same time while Seth jumped into the back seat. I looked at him and realized that he was doing it to be nice so I let go and he opened the door for me.

" Thank you!" I said.

" you welcome…now where is the place?" Edward asked as we turned onto the road.

"Turn left here!" I said pointing to one of the side streets. In the parking lot was Alice's car. She must of came home for lunch….which meant the apartment was open.

EPV.

The minute Bella disappeared Alice skipped out the front door. She immediately bolted over to us and waived happily.

"SETH!"

"ALICE!"

"I haven't seen you in a week. Have you heard anything new?" Alice asked.

"There's something…I just cant think of it right now. Otherwise nothing really happened since I last saw you." Seth responded. I looked at the both of them.

"Oh Seth and I go out for drinks once a week. People don't really have filters when their drunk…so you hear a lot of news about the town. Also they do things that they normally wouldn't do. Makes for good table conversation. We used to date…but decided that we were better off as friends." Alice said.

"It was better for us that way…we used to drive each other nuts asking why we cared what other people were doing. It wasn't fair to the both of us." Seth added.

"yeah most couples fight over chores and money…ours was 'Well why do you care what she's up to…why do _you _care who he's doing?' it was just filled with jealousy. Now we're the best of friends!" Alice said

"So Alice what are you doing home so early?" Seth asked.

"oh Rose and I decided to close early. We didn't have appointments booked for the rest of the day and it was like dead out side so we figured what the hell." Alice said.

"oh that's cool…you have any plans?" Seth asked again.

"No…well I have to run out and find a thicker councilor to cover that mark on Bella's cheek …its in that phase when its starting to look purple you know…its hopefully going to fade soon." Alice said. I had noticed what she was talking about but with makeup it didn't seem that bad. I began to realize how bad it actually was if Alice was throwing massive amounts of make up on it and you could still see it. So I asked the question that had been burning up in me for a while now.

"yeah I noticed that…what happened?"

"She told me that she fell" Seth said.

"Fell?….that was from that asshole JACOB!" Alice roared pissed. Seth's eyes grew an angry blaze. I've never seen Seth get that way before…and Alice was the permanently happy girl in high school. There was definitely more to this story then meets the eye.

"WHAT?" Seth gasped .

"Alright what happened between her and Jacob?" I asked. This got the two of them going.

"Dude…he slept with my mom!" Seth said half pissed, half informatively.

"oh my god!" I exclaimed.

"I know…my dad and Charlie beat the shit out of him for it." Seth said.

"And though she's going to kill me for saying his ,he cut out everyone in her life. _I _was barred from seeing her because he was afraid of her cheating. Meanwhile he's screwing Seth's mom. He left her alone on her birthday so that he and Mrs. Clearwater could go to Cancun for a week. He lied to her and made her believe it was on business. The only person who had contact was Seth here…and Jacob accused them of cheating when she ended it. I think he was mentally ill." Alice said.

"What?…that's messed up!" I said shocked. I couldn't believe that someone would treat their girlfriend that way. I couldn't even imagine it. I wouldn't even treat a dog that way.

"Yeah…she spent her birthday with Charlie, Billy, and the three of us. Leah actually felt so bad that she got off the couch and went with us. She also made Bella a birthday card." Seth said.

"Leah actually got off the couch?" Alice gasped shocked.

"His sister Leah…totally anti social…sits on the couch all day long and watches werewolf movies on repeat. Every time I've been in that house its like watching a stone statue…only in different clothes." Alice leaned in and whispered.

"You know if I did that all day long…I'd be a meatball…your sister must have a high metabolism!" Alice said to Seth.

"Yeah that and we got her this treadmill that was tricked out with a television. Now she works out and watches stuff like 'the wolfman' on repeat an hour a day." Seth said.

" I knew her thighs seemed toned!" Alice exclaimed.

"We think dad's been using it lately. The last couple of times Leah went on there the TV was miraculously set to the 'fishing channel'." Seth added.

"I knew he dropped a few pounds!" Alice said shocked.

"Well back to the story anyways. What I don't get is why she didn't try to make a break for it…call me then…Jake wasn't there!" Alice said.

"Billy was…and you know Jake would of asked Billy who went. He might as well of been there. Leah baked her this werewolf shaped cake. Said that the birthday girl shouldn't have to cook. I have to say…I didn't know Leah could cook. But everything came out really well. Dad was even shocked. We felt so bad for Bella. Dad was saying that if mom ever missed his birthday he'd kill her…he didn't see what was coming." Seth said.

"well that sucks!" I said. I couldn't believe that someone could do that with out blinking an eye.

"oh I didn't think about that!" Alice said. She then turned as the door opened.

"We never had this conversation. You guys have to promise that you wont tell Bella that I blabbed about the bruise. She'd kill me." Alice said.

"I promise." I said. We both then turned towards Seth.

"like I would open that can of worms. Ha…as if I would want to do that!" Seth said.

"Oh that reminds me of what I wanted to tell you…JAKES GOING TO THE REUNION WITH MY MOM! I RAN INTO THEM YESTERDAY AND THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT IT!" Seth growled. I made a mental note to keep an eye out for him.

"_WHAT!" _Alice screeched making a cat like noise.

"yeah…they were practically glowering about it…how my mom found the perfect dress." Seth said.

"_WHY_ DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS SETH?" Alice growled.

"I just did!" Seth countered

"Well part of my plan wont change ( her eyes flashed towards me) but now I have to change the dresses…expose a little more skin…so little time…he needs to feel pain!" Alice said running off.

"little psychotic pixie that one is!" I laughed slightly.

"yean she's nuts" Seth agreed.

"Alright…I have everything …lets get out of here!" Bella said joining us.

BPV

Everything was crazy when we arrived at the scene. Flashing lights were everywhere, people whispering behind the yellow tape, and massive amounts of glass. Charlie was definitely running the show….darting back and fourth between the negotiators and SWAT teams. The poor man looked like he was going to have a heart attack. Seth immediately started to snap pictures…zooming in on the demolished Ford Explorer hanging half way out what used to be the front window.

"Couldn't we just…?" Seth began to ask. I cut him off.

"No…Seth some crazy freak is running around in there with a gun…what if he completely looses it and tries to kill everyone out here…I don't think that you would be saying that if they grabbed you while you were trying to get pictures of their ride." I said.

" Seth if you value your life you'd do well to listen. Bella is after all the spawn of Charlie. She knows what could happen." Edward said backing me up.

" you honestly think if that psycho decides he wants to merk everyone out here that this cordon would help. We're still sitting ducks. Might as well get better pictures!" Seth said defiantly.

"True but we already have a 10 foot distance away from him. It gives us more time to run then if you were sitting about a foot away like you want to do. Besides Charlie already had to save your ass twice for not listening to him. Lets not forget about the time that they were chasing the car theft and you decided that standing behind the blockade wasn't enough and nearly got flattened by a altiuma doing 130 miles per hour. (We went through a period of about a month where the crime rate skyrocketed…it seemed like something was happening every other day. Then out of nowhere it died back down.) The only reason your still standing was because Charlie got a last minute radio transmission that he wasn't stopping and shoved you out of the way." I said.

"well I'll admit that there wasn't much forethought into that. But I did get a good shot of the car missing Charlie by millimeters. I won local awards for that picture!" Seth said.

"your forgetting that Charlie locked you up for a night…your lucky that he was nice enough not to charge you as well. Your dad was friggen pissed as well." I said.

" Leah still calls me 'were-devil' to this day." Seth said laughing.

"What would compel you to do something like that?" Edward asked Seth with light laughter in his voice.

"well like I said I really didn't think about getting hit. In the position that we were in the pictures would of came out horrible. I didn't think that anyone would mind. You have to see the shot…its so sick. Charlie's screaming at me…and right behind him looking like a speeding white bullet is the car. You can clearly make out the man's face…who was giving Charlie this weird half dirty look/ half 'I won' smirk. What everyone is neglecting to say is that my picture lead to that man's capture!" Seth said.

"What are you talking about…they already knew who he was…they were waiting out side the man's house. Charlie said that they would of needed your photo if they didn't already have video surveillance footage of him taking it." I half laughed. Seth then went to scout out a better spot to get pictures. That was when Charlie spotted me.

"Hey Bells…where's your new part-your back?" Charlie gasped shocked staring at Edward. Looks like the twins were neglecting to tell my father some things.

"Hey Charlie its good to see you too…boy you haven't changed much!" Edward said.

"I'm going to take that as a complement…but man I never thought I would see the day that a Cullen would return to this town!" Charlie exclaimed.

"How's the old man doing?" Charlie asked.

"Dad…he's fine. Living it up in his condo. He's a professor at some med school now. The minute I told him I was coming back here he told me to tell you that he says hi…and that they'll be visiting sometime in the spring." Edward said offhandedly.

"and Emmett?" Charlie asked some more. This time he had this weird reverence in his voice. Charlie always considered Emmett the son that he always wanted but never had. That made the appearance of the twins even more shocking.

"oh he's back here too…I think he's working right now. But he came back with me." Edward said.

" Emmett Cullen is back in town…glory hallelujah our football team can be saved!" Charlie exclaimed happily.

"Dad…Emmett cant play high school football anymore!" I said.

" He can coach….lord knows that boy was better at coaching then Coach Clapp. Look at the damage he's done since. Now I understand that Coach Clapp is about to be fired…but they're looking for a replacement first…Emmett would be perfect!" Charlie beamed.

"well I'll ask him. don't know how he's going to react…see we had plans to go last week but something came up last minute and Emmett had to give up his tickets. He has no clue that they suck yet. I didn't have the heart to tell him and I'm guessing no one else did either. We're going to go there tonight instead." Edward said. Something then caught our eyes. Seth had jumped the police barrier and was now taking pictures of the hostages from behind one of the cars.

"He doesn't listen does he?" Edward groaned slapping his forehead.

"No…no he doesn't!" I said as Charlie went charging over there.

"SETH…GET AWAY FROM THERE…YOU ARE PLACING THOSE PEOPLE IN DANGER AND RISKING YOUR LIFE FOR SOMETHING AS SILLY AS A PICTURE. GET BACK BEHIND THE CORDON NOW!" Charlie growled escorting Seth back to us.

"I ought to tell your father about this young man!" Charlie snarled again.

"please don't…he threatened to kill me last time if I did something like this…and you really don't want to put him through that now…especially with what happened with mom on his mind now do you Charlie. The man might have another heart attack…and the after the last time doctor said that the next one could be fatal. Please don't kill him Charlie…we can keep this between us. I'll willingly spend the night in jail…and no charges…he'll know!" Seth pleaded.

"Oh alright…make 3 nights though." Charlie gave in.

"I'm not spending the weekend in jail…one!" Seth said.

"Three!"

"One!"

"Alright son…I'm willing to lower it to two…no further then that!" Charlie said.

"DEAL!" Seth said. Seth forgot that he would be spending two nights with the psychopath who was currently making threats to kill people if he saw any more flashes.

"Does he realize that he's going to spend the night with Mike Meyers in there?" Edward whispered pointing at the bank.

"I don't think so…though they might wind up becoming friends by the end of it all." I said

" that's true…Can I ask you something?" Edward asked

"Sure what?"

"What was it like when he dated Alice…really?"

"Oh cows flew over the moon…I'm just kidding. Well lets just say picture gossip girl marrying Perez Hilton." I said

EPV.

Getting home that day Emmett was counting down to the game. He was looking forward to seeing the invincible Forks Indians take down one of their biggest rivals…some high school in Tacoma. He was wearing his old jersey and beaming with pride. I felt bad…I didn't want to ruin it for him.

"INDIANS…INDIANS…WE'RE GOING TO KICK THE SHIT OUT OF THAT SCHOOL!" Emmett whooped as we drove into the high school parking lot.

"hey why aren't there more fans here…I seem to recall that the place was packed when I used to play!" Emmett said looking around that the sparsely populated bleachers. Jasper shrugged. He didn't know either.

" no …I remember there being this many people…you must have been blinded by the light!" I lied. Jasper looked at me.

"I'm going to go get some popcorn and hot dogs…I'll be right back." Emmett said getting up and walking away.

"Edward what's going on…I'm a human lie detector… besides I do remember those games…and I remember them being more full then this…I know that your lying!" Jasper demanded.

"Jasper Whitlock…Edward Cullen…I must be dreaming!" Mr. Newton gasped shocked.

"I mean…I still have pictures of your cousin…your brother clenching that last division title for us in my shop. What a day that was. He worked magic on the field….if only we had known what was in store." Mr. Newton said reminiscing It was then that Emmett took his seat again.

"Emmett…_your _back?" Mr. Newton asked.

"Mr….Mr. Newton…how's the shop?" Emmett asked.

"Going very well thank you…hunting season was very kind to us this year!" Mr. Newton said. It was then that the game started. My hope for a miracle win was gone the minute our football team touched the ball.

"OH COMMON I COULD OF MADE THAT CATCH WITH MY EYES CLOSED…WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" Emmett roared when the ball was fumbled for the eighth time by the Indians.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT…IS IT NOT HARD TO UNDERSTAND THAT AT THIS POINT YOUR BETTER OFF RUNNING THE BALL…THROWING IS USELESS. WHAT THE HELL IS COACH CLAPP THINKING?" Emmett roared.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT…IS IT NOT HARD TO UNDERSTAND THAT AT THIS POINT YOUR BETTER OFF RUNNING THE BALL…THROWING IS USELESS. WHAT THE HELL IS COACH CLAPP THINKING?" Emmett roared.

"Alright so even the football genius asks what the hell that coach is thinking…maybe its time that Coach Clapp reevaluates his strategy!" Mr. Newton said. Emmett started to mumble about what position the players should be playing.

"Wait a minute…I did not design any of those plays…alright I leave the man simple instructions…'use these plays and these plays only' and what does he do…throws out my playbook and makes his own up. God no wonder why they're horrible tonight." Emmett said.

"Oh this has been going on for a while!" Jasper whistled.

"What do you mean?" Emmett snarled.

"Emmett there's something that you need to know. These past few years…well the foot ball team has deteriorated a lot…since you left…" I started up.

"Deteriorated…more like jackknifed…if this team were a business then it would of went out a long time ago." Mr. Newton added in.

"anyways… I've been asked to tell you that Coach Clapp is leaving…and people would appreciate it if you at least applied for the job." I said.

"I don't know…I don't know if I could handle it. " Emmett started up.

"Oh common Emmett…you have a lot more experience then that man at football. He's never even played and you were scouted by the NFL…you were almost pro…hell you won the Rose bowl for your team. Not to mention that you're the one who designed the winning plays. What was Coach's tie to football…two years of being backup quarterback on the JV team and third string on the varsity team? You know you can do it." Jasper said rolling his eyes.

"Please Emmett…end our suffering!" Mr. Newton cried from behind us.

"alright…you have me!" Emmett said as the ball was picked off one of our players for the tenth time.

"THIS IS PATHETIC…TEACH THEM HOW TO CATCH A GOD DAMN BALL COACH!" Emmett snarled.

"You know what…I know how to win this game!" Emmett said running away. We then saw him appear next to the coach.

"Hey Edward…remember that Seahawks game when Emmett went into the locker room to give a pep talk and get autographs…well I never thought I'd see him top that…but I think he just did. I mean I know that they were professional and all but…he's never actually thrown a coach out of their own football game!" Jasper said as Coach Clapp went to sit down. Surprisingly they came together fast. Emmett seemed to know where to put the right people…and who to bench. They started to look like the football team we knew five years ago.

"Oh. My. God…it's a miracle…its gotta be…we're actually doing it…we're fricken tied…tied…I haven't said something like that in a while!" Mr. Newton actually cried a few minutes later.

"Dude…Emmett's gotta take this job…this is pretty fricken sad that everyone is acting like we won the super bowl when we tied in a regular game. Look at him also…he's in his glory! He better take it or I'll kill him!" Jasper said. The game went into over time. Reading the expressions from Emmett's face we could tell that he was definitely what he used to call "in the zone".

"you know…its pretty sad actually that their winning under the wing of a guy they don't even know and not under a guy that has been their gym teacher since kindergarten. I mean that speaks words !" I said shaking my head. Jasper nodded in agreement.

"I hope the superintendent is seeing this…cause if he is I think that Emmett just gave his interview and passed with flying colors." I said as Forks high scored the winning touch down. Mr. Newton sobbed like a baby from behind us. Emmett started to dance to "pomp and circumstance" as everyone chanted "miracle worker

"Well I don't want Emmett to know this…but Forks High School's football team uh has had a slight loosing streak lately. I didn't want to hurt Emmett." I said.

" where have you been…planet mars? _Slight_ loosing streak…The Indians have barely won a game in the past five years…never mind clenched the division title…They **_suck!_" Someone said from behind us. **

"are you serious? Well that explains the lack of community support…did you guys ever try being there for their losses?" Jasper asked.

"Yes…but after a while of cheering for a loosing team people started to say fuck it…now we're on to more drastic measures." The man said.

"Wait a minute…I think I know you two…graduated with my son Mike Newton." The man said. Jasper and I did double takes…Mr. Newton looked so much older then when we last saw him. These past years weren't kind to him.


	12. Class reunion pt 1

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! **

Chapter 12

BPV

I awoke early the next morning as a door slammed shut. I peaked my head into the hallway to find Alice walking in with two coffees in hand. I almost wanted to laugh. Alice was hyper enough as it was not on caffeine. She really didn't need coffee. I slowly made my way to the kitchen, grabbed the skillet, and started to make two omelets. Alice stared ravenously at the yellow blob that took up the entire pan.

"omelets…you definitely make the best eggs in the world!" Alice exclaimed digging in.

"So today's the big day…I feel like its prom again!" Alice cooed excitedly.

"Maybe that's because its being held in the same spot…the high school gym." I said.

"remember senior prom…you and I went together because no one had asked us. We in the conga line when that girl Victoria 'accidentally' on purpose whacked you in the face so we subtly congaed her ass into the punch bowl . The look on her face was priceless as they forced her to get a breathalyzer. Who knew she was drunk?" Alice cackled.

"yeah…whatever happened to her?" I asked.

"Married some rich dude and moved away thank god…I couldn't stand her. She was sooo I think evil would be the right term. Seducing teachers, telling me that her fashion sense was better then mine. What fashion sense…unless almost naked was in at the time and I didn't know about it. She hated everyone…except Edward but then again no female hated him. She set everyone else up. I got in trouble because she 'witnessed' me doing what she thought was oral acts on Mr. Varner. Mr. Varner….who's like 50 and I wouldn't even dream about doing things like that with. In reality I was getting tutored by him and I dropped my pencil. They had to pull security cameras to prove my story. Meanwhile she's banging the vice principal and the entire male staff. She split up three marriages in one year. She knew that I was threatening to go to the superintendent on that because she was getting special treatment." Alice growled.

"yeah I got into trouble because she peaked over my shoulder during a biology exam. She tried to say that I copied off of her. I was lucky that someone came forward and said that they saw Victoria looking over my shoulder. Whoever did that saved me from getting biology dropped or getting expelled. I never found out who that was." I said.

"you never told me that….SHE WHAT?" Alice snarled.

" whatever…its been five years…she could of changed…well maybe not but there's always hope!" Alice said

"So…battle plans. I have a source that told me that some people who should be branded with scarlet A's are showing up tonight. So I may of made a little modification on your dress." Alice said.

"Thank you…but Alice I really don't care about them. They made their choice and because of that choice my life is so much better. I don't have to look over my shoulder any more and I can see who I want." I said.

"moving on…the ultimate revenge!" Alice cackled in agreement.

"So anyways its going to be so much fun…conga conga conga….I'm going to join a few conga lines…see who else decided to show up!" Alice said hopeful while dancing.

"Only you Alice!" I started to laugh.

"what…well here's the scoop. This is the reunion where everyone flaunts their engagement rings…gag…but I get a head start on recruiting bridal parties. Unfortunately for them this is a small town so they cant lie and say how life was fantastic for them. We all know what they're doing anyways…if they stayed in town…and as far as I know, no one with the possible exception of Victoria has achieved the level of wealth that Edward's family has. So they cant go bragging about their millions." Alice said.

"Alice why are we even going to this if you already know everyone's business!" I moaned.

"as I said before Bella. Major gossip is going to go down…and my ears need to be privy. And now that a Cullen's back…I need to see if others follow." Alice exclaimed.

"Alice if he was back…you of all people would know!" I lied.

"I haven't heard one thing…I even heard that Emmett was back. I heard that he kicked Coach Clapp's ass and ran our team towards a victory…but nope nothing about Jasper! I swear to god…if he died I'd hear more news. He's probably not even going to show up!" Alice huffed.

"you…you work with his cousin…have you heard anything?" Alice asked me.

"No…not one thing…Edward hasn't brought either of them up…I didn't even know Emmett was back!" I lied some more.

"see what I mean…its like he fricken evaporated…poof…gone…at least the other two came back…Jasper…no!" Alice moaned some more.

" Alice if its meant to be its meant to be!" I said.

"He'll eventually pop back up…he has to!" Alice gave in.

A few hours later we were just finishing getting ready. A little modification was an understatement. My dress went from just below the knee to now ending mid thigh. Alice had just finished fixing my hair and was heading into her closet to get our shoes when we heard a commotion outside. I headed to the window and looked down to discover Edward's fan club blocking the entrance/ exit to the apartment complex wearing binoculars and Edward paraphernalia. I looked at the clock…6:25...I prayed to god for Edward's sake that he was late. I then threw an evil glare at Alice.

"What I had nothing to do with it…I swear…I didn't tell anyone that he was coming here!" Alice said. I then grabbed my phone and scrawled down the contacts list until I reached Seth's name.

"Yello!" Seth greeted happily as he picked up.

"SETH!" I roared into the phone.

"Bella…aren't you supposed to be at the reunion?" Seth asked shocked.

"Well I cant get there with the thousands of crazy girls screaming and blocking the entrance to my apartment!" I snarled. Just then the door opened and Rose walked through all ready.

"I had to park my car in the back…those people down there…they're vicious. They attacked my car the minute I pulled in. what the hell is going on?" Rosalie gasped.

"Did you hear that Seth?" I growled.

"What I didn't know that it was going to be this bad. I only said to a few people that your coworker was picking you up and going with you. And when they asked a name I gave them one. I swear to god Bella I didn't give them an address…well maybe one person." Seth pleaded.

"Seth I want them gone!" I growled again.

"alright alright…I'll get back to you in a second!" Seth said hanging up. Just then we heard "You're my obsession" ring out thousands of times below us.

"CHANGE OF PLANS GUYS…HE'S ALREADY THERE…CHARGE!" The crowd roared before an influx of cars shot out of the complex.

" He's their obsession!" Alice sang. Rose looked confused so Alice filled her in.

"Thank you!" I texted Seth.

" oh now I understand…you landed a date with the 'it' guy….good for you Bella!" Rose said giving me a high five. A couple of minutes later my doorbell rang as Alice went into the bathroom to touch up her lipstick. Opening it up I found Edward standing there in all his god like glory…tossed bronzed hair, 6 feet tall, green eyes and all. Reality check Bella…your only friends with him. A guy like him wouldn't even look at you like that!

" I'm really sorry I'm late…traffic was a nightmare…I hope you don't mind that I brought some people along…Jasper had wanted to go anyways and we couldn't leave Emmett home alone." Edward said as Emmett popped his head in. he looked exactly the same only with a crew cut.

"Bella…long time no see…you haven't changed much…except for…did you discover makeup?" Emmett said in a very Emmett like tone.

"Hey Emm…Same to you only with out the makeup…I really don't mind…I was going to ask you the same thing about Alice and Rose!" I said. I then heard a slight gasp behind me. Alice was oggling Jasper with a shocked expression-in high school her crush on him was so bad that she actually wrote Mrs. Jasper Whitlock on everything. He had the same expression on his face as well.

"Ja-JASPER!" Alice huffed out finally after a few minutes of silence. The longest she had stayed quiet in her life.

"Alice…its been a while…did you get high lights?" Jasper asked with the same tone in his voice only toned down.

"YOU NOTICED!…I JUST ADDED THOSE IN LAST NIGHT!" Alice exclaimed pointing to her copper highlights.

"Damn…I'm Emmett…what's your name?" Emmett asked walking over to Rosalie clearly interested.

"Hey Emmett…I'm Rose…its nice to meet you!" Rosalie said in the same tone.

"it's nice to meet you too…what to you do for a job Rose?" Emmett asked.

"oh I'm a hairdresser…I co-own a shop with Alice!" Rose said.

" well I just might be in need for a trim!" Emmett said seductively rubbing his hands through his almost bald head. I could already tell what he was thinking. Images from " You Don't Mess With the Zohan" came to mind.

"So Emmett…what do you do?" Rose asked.

"well I'm a personal fitness instructor…and I'm applying to be a gym teacher!" Emmett said.

"What a coincidence…I was just looking into getting a personal trainer…I've been slacking on my exercise!" Rose said excited.

"Really? Your body looks toned to me!" Emmett exclaimed.

"Alright looks like you guys got to know each other…lets go…time to go get gossip!" Alice exclaimed running out excitedly. She had just gotten her gossip for the evening…Jasper was back.

"So anyways …I'm so happy your not dead Jasper…you have to see some of these people!" Alice exclaimed some more as we walked down the hallway.

"wait a minute…what? Why would I be dead?" Jasper asked shocked.

"Well no one's seen or heard from you in five years…any of you for that matter…and then you in particular just show up on our doorstep. Alice in particular was worried!" I said.

"But why would Alice be that worried about me?" Jasper asked.

"Isn't it obvious…its because-"

"BECAUSE I HAVE A PHOBIA OF LOOSING PEOPLE IN OUR CLASS NOW LETS GET MOVING!" Alice cut me off while giving me an evil eye. I was only trying to repay the favor for setting me up with Edward but I guess she was still acting like she did in high school. And Jasper was still oblivious. Edward looked between me and Alice catching her tone.

"if it bothers you that much then you should see someone about that…don't live your life in fear!" Jasper said handing her his card. He didn't realize what he just did. I could see Alice fighting back the smile. She looked as if she had just won the lottery.

" friends…everybody needs friends!" Emmett sang randomly. Everyone looked at him.

"What? You two work together…and you two look pretty close for not seeing each other in such a long time-your not telling me a friendship wont come out of that-honestly I thought coming here would be lame but its turning out to be a pretty good time so far!" Emmett said staring at Rose who was obliviously putting on makeup.

" So Jasper you've managed to completely stay off my radar for five years…whatcha been doing?" Alice asked hungry for information.

"Well I've been working for my degree in psychology. I'm going to go for my doctorates." Jasper said.

"BOR-ING!" Emmett snorted.

" Emmett shut up…sports doesn't interest all of us you know. Just because you found an easy way out of school doesn't mean the rest of us are going to follow your path. Besides you turned down millions of dollars to be a personal trainer…not the smartest investment move huh…why did you turn that down again…because it was too much 'pressure'? you really like to challenge yourself huh!" Jasper said offended.

"its called a trust fun Jazz…I don't need that money and I don't want all that publicity…all those cameras up in my face!" Emmett countered.

"it's a trust _fund_…you forgot the d. and don't give me the publicity bullshit…you love that…Mr. always reminds us that he won the Rose Bowl" Jasper scoffed. Normally a girl wouldn't be into a guys low iq and huge ego. Luckily for Emmett, Rose loved it.

"you played college ball…you must have some stories?" Rose asked interested.

"Oh no don't get him started!" Edward moaned. We then had to listen for the next half hour how many games Emmett won in college. This went on right until we entered the high school gym.

"We know this already…Edward and I were there!" Jasper groaned. Alice boardly popped a bubble next to him.

" Those were the days…say the school gym hasn't changed at all since we left…hey there's where I ba-(he looked at Rose) uh made out with Amelia. That was my first uh kiss!" Emmett said looking at a set of bleachers that hadn't changed since Charlie went to school here.

" ah the girls locker room…I wonder if they still have that airvent where I used to spy on Jas-I mean James from. Oh those long luxurious locks!" Alice said zoning out. I had a feeling that the face in her mind was the one sitting next to her.

"This place hasn't changed a bit…I feel like I still go to school here. Its kind of creepy to be back!" Alice said. It was then that we were spotted. A group of Edward's followers came over and reintroduced themselves.

"I told you…they remained single!" I whispered in his ear. Edward nodded shocked at the power he had held over those girls. As Alice said however…a lot of former fan club members came over flashing rings in our faces. They were gushing over their fiancées and how they walked on water.

"Brag all you want honey that's Cubic Zarconia…might as well have given ya a ring out of the gumball machine. I can smell the fakeness from a mile away!" Alice muttered after one girl had made it a point to make out with her fiancée right in front of us.

"Fake ring…the fact that I saw him checking out Irena McKinley…that marriage will last six months. She shouldn't really be acting like that!" Alice added on.

"Say have you guys noticed something strange?" I asked looking around. I had noticed a lot of people talking about their kids. There was even a soccer mom group starting to pop up that was talking about how hot the new coach was. Jessica Stanley or whatever her new name is now was the head of it and her child was only sad fact was that most of kids were only 2-3 years old. Definitely not old enough to play soccer

"Besides the fact that everyone looks like their closets exploded on them. Jeez Bells I never thought I would see the day that you would be more fashionable then the rest of the class!…guess everything went to hell after I stopped giving people advice on what to wear!" Alice said looking around. It was then that Lauren Macintosh -now Mallory came walking up to us.

"Hey guys. So Alice you're a business person?" Lauren asked.

"Yeah I cut hair…I own my co-own place so I can come in whenever I want. Its been great. Your looking uh good…how's life been?" Alice said. Truth was Lauren looked like she was in mid forties…not a twenty something year old woman. Guess the smoking did her in.

"Oh its been great. My freshman year of college I met a wonderful man. Got pregnant with twins, got engaged ,married, and now my life is about my twins Gabrielle and Esme." Lauren said. Lauren was one of Edward's most devoted followers so it wasn't really a surprise that she named her kid after Edward's mother. The other one was named after her mom. Jasper bit his lip and looked away.

"Esme…our mom's named Esme too!" Emmett said not getting it.

"No shit Emmett…that's why the child's named that!" Alice whispered through gritted teeth.

"Don't you mean got engaged, married, and then pregnant?" Alice asked.

"No it was in that order. They're the perfect angels. Did you know that they're at the top of their ballet class. They're like double jointed…I don't know where they get it from!" Lauren bragged.

"Well I guess they got mommy's flexibility….I seem to remember in high school that you could spread your legs so far. Especially in the girls shower!" Emmett said having enough of the bragging.

"Those rumors were not true…Eric spread those lies to gain a better reputation. He was out to tarnish my name!" Lauren said very flustered

"Lauren we all know that your lying. What your failing to account for was that the administration had placed cameras in the locker room that had sound. Now I was serving detention one time in the principals office for starting the biggest food fight in the history of the school and I heard you. I saw Coach run in there and drag Eric out completely naked and I was still in the office when they suspended him." Emmett said.

"That's a lie!" Laruen countered pissed.

"really…then why are you not looking me in the eye."

"Oh alright but that was the only time…the other times didn't happen!" Lauren said.

" oh please…we all know that even Eric couldn't make something like that up. Besides he stuck to his story." Emmett said.

"and you had twins before you got married…doesn't support your story much." Alice added in

"oh whatever….there's Tyler…HI TY…ITS LAUREN!" Lauren said running away. After that another three people came up talking about their kids.

"No…Bella and I don't have kids…unlike you we haven't found the perfect sperm donor yet!" Alice said testily after the fifth person asked if we had kids.

"What is up with this…kids weren't supposed to happen till the ten year reunion because everyone got trashed at the five year reunion!" Alice exclaimed as most of the conversations changed to the new episode of Barney.

"Your telling me that you didn't know…you talked to everyone at the super market!" I said.

"They must have been hiding them…I mean we all knew about Jessica because she got knocked up senior year…but the rest of them?" Alice said pissed.

"I'm scared…I don't want to have kids right now…I JUST GREW UP MYSELF!" Emmett shuttered.

"Your how old?" Rose asked shocked.

" just turned 25 actually….I was held back a year in school." Emmett said.


	13. Class reunion pt 2

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! **

Chapter 13

BPV

"Damn…Gale got ugly…didn't you date that Jasper!" Emmett gaped staring as a twig walked by a few minutes later. Jasper turned his head embarrassed. He then caught sight of the food table.

"Get a load of two-ton- Tanya…didn't _you_ date _that_ Emmett!" Jasper exclaimed pointing at Tanya who was stuffing her plate with food. Honestly she must of put on a good 100 pounds since graduation.

"ugh! Jesus Christ!" Emmett exclaimed squealing like a girl.

"Don't be making fun of my ex girlfriends when you have that in your closet…Mr. Personal Trainer." Jasper with a slight air of smugness in his voice.

"What happened?….she used to be hot!" Emmett gulped.

"a couple of bad relationships…after that I think she just let herself go. That…and that's what happens to you when all you eat is twinkies and fast food all day long!" Alice said.

"I feel like this is my fault…I should have been there to train her!" Emmett said. Alice rolled her eyes.

"Yeah Emmett…Tanya _not_ going to a gym is your fault. Tanya _not_ exercising at all is your fault. Tanya _not _taking care of herself is your fault!" Alice said sarcastically. It was then that Jessica Stanley- whatever her name was came barging over.

"ALICE…SO HOW ARE _YOU!" _Jessica said turning her back on me. I had thought that the icyness was going to be over once we graduated but I was wrong. Honestly I didn't even know what I did to get this treatment.

"Oh I'm fine Jess…how's the kid…I heard that Michael just started school?" Alice asked.

"Oh little Mikey…he's great…having a blast. Loves his new teacher…look at his fine art work!" Jessica said trying to nudge me out of the way while holding up a picture with the initials 'M.E.S' on it. Well I didn't have to guess what his middle name was. Edward looked slightly creped out

"That's great…and the hubby?" Alice asked.

"Never better…just got a promotion at the diner…he's now a manager…he's going to be raking in the big bucks !" Jessica said excitedly but she still flashed a dirty look at me.

"oh yeah you guys will be rolling in dough!" Emmett laughed. Jessica gave him a dirty look.

"So Jessica…what do you do for a job?" I asked.

"Look just because you're in journalism doesn't mean your some big hot shot reporter…you work for the town paper…your no better then me!" Jessica snapped.

"Jessica I never said or implied any of that…I just asked where you worked." I said.

"oh Bella…you always thought you were better then everybody…that's why you never talked to anyone!" Jessica said.

"Hey what am I…chopped liver!" Alice said offended.

"I never thought that and you would of found that out if you actually talked to me…you always hated me but I never knew why?" I asked.

"it should be obvious…you stole my boyfriend!" Jessica said. Her eyes flashed towards Edward.

"Hey psycho…I've told you this before and I'm going to tell you again. We never dated in high school. And now that your married with a kid, it doesn't look like that's happening any time soon. Besides me and Bella-" Edward was cut off by Jessica screaming.

"NOT YOU…YOU POMPUS ASS I'M OVER YOU!" Jessica said. That was definitely a lie. Considering what her kids middle name was…and that she was one of the screaming girls out side my apartment only a few minutes ago.

"I'M TALKING ABOUT _MIKEY!" _Jessica snarled on Mikes name.

" your talking about Labrador…can I ask you something Jessica…what do you find attractive about goldie locks…or should I say not so goldie locks!" Emmett asked pointing at Mike who was now balding and sporting a beer belly. Not thinking anyone was looking, he reached down his pants and scratched.

"You don't know him like I do…we were together junior year…but he couldn't stop obsessing about_ you_ (she glared at me). Bella's so wonderful…Bella's so pretty. Bella Bella Bella…he even called your name out during our intimate times." Jessica said pissed.

"Alright too much information!" Rose murmured.

"Finally I got sick of it. I went off with an old friend one night while Mikey was going to see if you needed help at the library. I knew what that was code for. Any ways we got drunk…next thing I know I wake up pregnant. 9 months later I have a kid and I'm married…and not to Mikey….lucky me!" Jessica said.

"Hold on…if your insinuating that Mike and I ever did anything…even kiss…your wrong. Jessica…there was nothing there…at least on my part. And again…if you had bothered to talk to me, you would of found out that I don't do that to people. So you held on to all this anger for nothing." I said

"Honestly what do you see in him…his boyish good looks…or his charm?" Emmett asked pointing to Mike again who burped loudly and wolf whistled at a lady wearing a tight dress.

"Don't talk about Mikey like that!" Jessica said offended.

"Hey hey…maybe you want to get marriage counseling…if your hitting on Mike Newton it doesn't sound like your in a happy marriage!" Jasper said.

"Hey…I'm happily married!" Jessica scoffed.

"sure…that's what they all say!" Jasper said rolling his eyes.

" did you come over for a specific purpose…or just to treat Bella like dirt and flaunt your fa-I mean happy marriage?" Edward asked annoyed. Jessica's face contorted in rage. It was then that we heard the decent of a helicopter onto the football field. Strobe lights filled the gym.

"What the-?" Rose was cut off by the doors bursting open. Victoria strutted in wearing a full length gown with a very high slit and a mink coat. She was blinged out to the max. Alice stared at her flaming red hair.

"Somebody's got an inferiority complex!" Jasper whistled

"The bitch is here!" Alice moaned. Jessica plastered the biggest, fakest smile ever and ran over.

"VICTORIA…HOW'S IT GOING GIRL!" Jessica exclaimed. Victoria just shoved her to the side, her eyes locked on our group.

"I've got this!" Alice said jumping out in front and acting like a buffer.

"Victoria…still married?" Alice asked nosily.

"Divorced actually…there was a lot of cheating on both sides." Victoria started up. Her voice was a lot more raspy then I last remembered. More like the cheating was on one side.

"unfortunately for him there was no prenup…I got half his fortune plus alimony. What about you two (her eyes flashed between me and Alice)…married?" Victoria asked…probably wanting to know so she could seduce our husbands.

"No…single." Alice said.

"Figures!" She said flipping her hair. She then eyed out the boys.

"So Edward…looks like your not the only member of Forks High Society back…we're a match!" Victoria said in an even more raspy voice. Edward looked really creped out.

"Yeah….I'm going to get another drink…want one Bella?" Edward whispered the last part in my ear.

"Yes…strong please!" I whispered pleadingly. Edward nodded and took off. I would of gone with him but I didn't want to leave Rose with a girl that even Alice was afraid of.

"Hey Victoria…memba' me…Emmett…Jessica Stanley's baby shower…we got into the liquor cabinet and…" Emmett asked unknowingly placing her attention on himself.

"Emmett darling…I didn't forget you! I heard that you were playing college ball…I looked for your name in the NFL but I never saw it. What happened?" Victoria said caressing Emmett's face like she was a movie star or something. Rose's eyes seethed.

"Oh I found something that I love doing more…I'm a personal trainer!" Emmett said happily.

"Lovely." Victoria said with disappointment oozing from in her voice. Rosalie picked up on her tone as well.

"Hi my name's Rosalie…I'm a hairdresser. Looks like you have some grays right there…I can cover those if you want me to!" Rose said in a bitch tone.

"THERE IS NOT A SINGLE GRAY HAIR ON THIS HEAD!" Victoria roared taking off to the bathroom. Alice gave Rose a high five.

" Bitch!…I wish I thought of that!" Alice snorted. Emmett then started to scan the room. In the back corner was all of the senior varsity football players.

"Hey there's my old team…I'm going to go over and say hi!" Emmett said taking off.

"I think I'll go with you…I want to hear the old stories!" Rosalie said following Emmett over. Music played in the air and everyone headed to the dance floor. I had flashbacks to junior and senior prom. I half expected them to announce a reunion queen or something like that.

"ooh I love this song…but I don't want to dance alone!" Alice said developing a small pout on her face.

"well I'll dance with you!' Jasper said giving into Alice's ploy. She grabbed him by the arm and dragged him onto the dance floor. I rolled my eyes. That was so Alice.

It was that this point that I had realized that I was alone. The line heading to the bar was huge so I knew that Edward probably wasn't going to be back for a while. Not wanting to look like a weirdo ,I headed over to the appetizers. Looking around I could see that everyone was having a great time. People were starting to break out in to a full on dance at that point. I couldn't even find Alice if I wanted to…the only thing that even gave away where she might be was the light glinting off of Jasper's hair near the DJ's stand. I had just finished loading up my plate when my worst nightmare happened.

"Hello Bella!" Jacob whispered in my ear, startling me. My food flew everywhere.

"Jacob." I growled.

"Bella lets just clear the air. I know that this is temporary and I'm willing to commit fully to you. Hell I'll dump Sue if that's what you want!" Jacob said. I could feel the shocked expression on my face. I knew that's what I didn't want.

EPV

I was heading over to Jasper to talk to him. I was going to tell him that I ran into one of his old friends from his psych class. He and Alice were requesting a song when I found them.

"So your not going to believe this…remember your friend Jason…from psych class." I said.

"Yeah…everyone used to call him Jenks?" Jasper asked.

"Dude…he's the bartender." I said.

"What?" Jasper asked slightly shocked.

"Oh yeah got his bartending license years ago. Me and Seth buy drinks off of him every week. He's so nice…he gives us free seconds." Alice said smiling brightly.

"Where's Bella…I have her drink?" I asked holding up the second glass.

"Oh she's around here somewhere!" Alice said scanning the crowd. Her eye caught something and her head turned towards the appetizer table as a sneer filled her face. I followed her gaze to see Bella standing there talking to Jacob Black with a distressed / creped out/ shocked look on her face. It was dead obvious that she did not want to talk to him though he was either too stupid or arrogant to get the hint.

"OF COURSE HE WOULD TALK TO HER….THAT ASSHOLE….I OUGHT TO KILL THAT SON OF A BITCH!" Alice roared. Jasper made his own deduction from Alice's ravings and Bella's look

"Guessing there's a history between him and her…his body language suggests that he's the reason why it ended." Jasper said.

"DAMN RIGHT THERE IS…HOLD ON…MY .44 MAGNUM IS IN MY BIG PURSE IN THE CAR…I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!" Alice snarled turning towards the exit. Jasper stopped her.

"Alice I know that shooting him seems like the answer but its not…is he really worth a life sentence?" Jasper begged.

"Besides Alice I have a plan!" I said as I turned to make my way towards them.

"Hey babe…I have your drink…extra strong!" I beamed walking to Bella's side and kissed her cheek. Oddly enough it felt almost natural to call her 'babe'. I could tell that she immediately knew what I was doing…though when we touched it felt like static cling only better. Odd that never happened to me before. Jacob looked at us shocked and his eyes darted between the two of us.

"Hey pup-I mean Jake…how are you doing?" I asked wrapping my arm around Bella's shoulder.

"How long have _you_ been back?" Jacob growled, rudely ignoring my question.

"Oh _I've_ been here for a while now. Didn't ya hear…I mean its been the talk of the town!" I said in the same tone.

"Really…humph?." Jacob in that tone.

"Really!" I said narrowing my eyes.

"Then you should know that your girl and I have a past." Jacob said as if Bella was a piece of property that he owned. It was sickening to hear him talk like that. I also knew that he was trying to stake his "territory".

"Oh I know _everything_." I growled. Jacob gulped. Bella flashed a quick glance of confusion but then looked over at Alice. But the look she gave her was more of relief then anger.

"Look man its up to Bella who she wants to be with. If she does want you then that's fine.( though why she would want to go back -if she ever did-I wouldn't know) but you cannot force people into a relationship. It doesn't work that way!" I added.

"Whatever…I'm outta here…see ya Bella." Jacob said finally getting the hint to leave. Alice led the rest of the group-Emmett and Rose having joined back up with her and Jasper- over.

"Was that puppy?" Emmett asked shocked.

"I fricken love it…did you see his face!" Alice laughed hysterically.

"Bella I'm sorry if that seemed awkward…its just that you looked uncomfortable and that was the only thing I could think of." I said to Bella

" no no…it was perfect!" Bella said thankful.

"But Alice…you cant leave it up to me to decide how much of my life needs broadcasting to the entire town?" Bella asked half jokingly.

"I didn't tell everything…well okay maybe I told most of it but Seth also did. It wasn't our fault! Anyways Edward is the only one that I told…besides Rosalie and he knows just as much as her, oh and I filled Jasper in before Emmett and Rose met up with us. But Emmett doesn't' know" Alice said slightly defensive.

"What that they dated…that he's a freak dating someone like twice his age…Rose filled me in…man I thought you were going to punch his lights out Edward. I was getting ready to help!" Emmett said. Bella had this "it figured" look. It must be hard being best friends with the mouths of the town.

"Whatever it was going to get out anyways. Besides no use crying over spilled milk. Anyways I think that deep down inside of him Jake even knows that its over." Bella said shrugging it off. Everyone nodded.

"You know what is this…bitch and asshole night? Anyone know if it's a full moon?" Alice cackled.

"You my man are Seth status in my book. That was an awesome performance…even I would of believed it had I not known!" Alice said excitedly.

"Hey does he still drive that shitty rabbit?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah…why?" Alice asked.

"I just want to know who's tires to slash. Give his car my personal touch…smash a window…Rose knows some mechanics…she volunteered to take a few parts out and drain the gas tank ." Emmett said as he and Rose ducked out the back exit.

"That's Emmett for ya…he's very protective of people he considers even acquaintances." Jasper said.

"Rose is the same way…even worse when it comes to kids." Alice said. Alice eyed out my arm….which was still wrapped around Bella and her eyes glittered.

"Jazzy I need a drink…lets go say hi to Jason!" Alice said taking off. I gave them a week before they coupled off. Hell they were already acting like a couple. "Hopelessly in love with you " started to play.

"Do you want to dance?" I asked turning towards her. We were the only people not dancing or drinking at the bar besides my vandalizing brother and his probable girlfriend.

"okay…I have a confession though…I'm not really good at it." Bella warned taking my hand.

"That's alright…its all in the lead anyways." I said. In all actuality I've danced with a lot worse right here in this gym. Emmett had one that broke his foot. I got lost into the depths of her deep brown eyes. Edward snap out of it….your just friends with her. Besides she just broke up with an asshole…its not like she's going to be looking for a relationship anytime soon! It could have been hours…or it could have been minutes…I didn't know. Time seemed to slow down on the dance floor.

"See I told you that it was all in the lead!" I said as we walked off the dance floor and found a place to sit down. I could of said how I really felt right this minute…but I didn't. I turned towards Bella who had a questioning look on her face.

"Its done!" Emmett declared sitting in-between the both of us. Rosalie shook her head slightly annoyed.

"you have to see it…it's a masterpiece…Rosalie here is a genius…all the tubing she pulled out. Its going to take months for him to fix his car!" Emmett laughed.

Emmett did you ever think about him calling the cops" I groaned. That's all Emmett needed

"Yeah but I figured that he wouldn't with Charlie being police chief. Not if he didn't want to admit why someone might do that to him. Besides no proof it was me…cameras face towards the gym…not the parking lot!" Emmett said satisfied

"But if the police come knocking…I was in here with you guys!" Emmett said.


	14. screwdrivers

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! **

Chapter 14

BPV

Last night had felt like a wonderful dream. Well the Jacob part was more of a nightmare but the rest of it had gone extremely pleasant. It was then that I realized how much my feelings for Edward_ hadn't_ changed. Was I willing to risk it for what could be a wonderful friendship though…I didn't think so yet. I wouldn't take a chance until I knew there if there was a chance to take. Besides I didn't want to end up in another Jacob situation. I groaned waking up…I didn't want to find out that last night _was _a dream. I didn't want to find out that this whole time was a dream. That I was still back at Charlie's house…dating creeper. I shuttered at the thought.

"Isn't it a lovely morning!" Alice bounced in more chipper then usual…if that was even possible. Three guesses why.

"Morning Alice!" I croaked from under the covers

"So I want the play by play…what happened when Jasper and I left?" Alice asked sitting on the foot of my bed. This actually confirmed that I wasn't dreaming…thank god!

"We danced." I said.

"Good…and?" Alice leaned in nosily.

"And that's it…we sat down and then Emmett talked to us about wrecking the car." I said.

"That's it?" Alice asked disappointed.

"Alice …stop… he's way out of my league!" I moaned.

"'way out of your league'…common Bella that's every girls thoughts before they enter a relationship. There is something there…you just don't see it yet!" Alice said.

" hold on…I wasn't the only one cozying up last night…what about you and Jasper…you two seemed pretty chum chum!" I said.

"Well…I cant really tell. He was throwing mixed signals. I couldn't tell one way or the other. I mean there was times where I really thought he was interested…then there was times where he treated me more like a friend…it was so hard to tell. After round eight and hearing Jasper talk about how I'm not like any girl he's met…I blacked out. Woke up here…I don't even have a clue how I got back. I'm afraid I blew it…it's a miracle I only get a slight headache from hangovers" Alice said sheepishly.

"Jasper brought you over to the rest of us… he put you in the car with Edward and I while Emmett and Rose got pictures of their handiwork. You threw up all over the side of Edward's car on the way home. I don't think you blew it though. Jasper plugged his cell number into your phone right before he left. Told me to tell you to call him today." I said.

"REALLY OMG OMG OMG!" Alice burst happily.

"Alice breath." I said as Alice started to hyperventilate.

"alright…alright I'm calming down." Alice said finally returning to planet earth. It was then that my phone went off. I had a message from Edward who asked if I wanted to go out to breakfast. I sent back that I couldn't because I wasn't ready.

"give me the phone!" Alice growled taking the phone out of my hand and writing "but we could do take out!" Edward responded with an "okay…see you in a half hour?"

"Bella…he asked you out to breakfast…Friends don't buy each other breakfast." Alice said as if this proved her theory.

"Alice what are you talking about…you do that all the time!" I said rolling my eyes.

"That's different…I'm your roommate…honestly most guys don't go out to breakfast with their friends!" Alice countered.

"Whatever Alice!" I groaned.

"We have to get you ready for breakfast!" Alice said running into my closet. She whipped out something a little too nice to stay home in.

"Shower…hurry…don't even wash your hair!" Alice said putting my hair up and shoving me into the bathroom. She tossed a bathrobe in after me. Stepping out I found Alice with tons of makeup.

"Don't worry…I wont be a pest…your going to have the whole apartment to yourself." Alice said as she lightly started to apply.

"Alice you don't have to do this…your going a little too far don't you think?" I groaned.

"no…Bella you shouldn't let guys see you with out your face on…whether you _think_ they like you or not." Alice said in a factual tone.

"What are you going to do?" I asked.

"oh I've got plans." Alice said disappearing. Five minutes later she reappeared dressed and ready to go. The doorbell rang.

"Wonder who that is?" Alice cackled walking to the door. Edward was leaning against the wall behind it holding up two huge takeout boxes. I caught myself mid swoon.

"Hey Alice…Jasper's out in the car waiting for you. Says 'its your choice where you want to go to eat…as long as its not 5 hours away.'." Edward said as Alice skipped out the front door past him.

"Okay….see ya guys…have fun!" Alice called over her shoulder as she ran down the hallway.

" you know Alice really did something to Jasper last night. He wouldn't shut up about her since we left. After hour three of listening to how 'Alice's hair bounces the right way'…and how she's a 'unique specimen of psychology' Emmett had enough and told Jasper to put a sock in it. I've never seen him act that way about a girl before." Edward said snickering. I laughed and invited him in.

"Really…I could say the same about him. She's never been this…bubbly before and that's saying something. " I said. Edward smiled as he took a seat at the table.

" So…tell me something….you and Alice are totally different personalities-" Edward started up as I started to cut my pancakes. I knew where this was going so I cut him off.

"Your wondering how we're friends. Alice and I go back since practically the sandbox together. You cannot break apart bonds forged over 96 crayola packs. Plus she was there when my mother left, and you just cant get rid of friendships that strong." I said. Besides Alice never talked about it to anyone…a amazing feat for her. She knew it would be really painful.

"oh she helped you guys through the aftermath." Edward said sympathetically.

"That…and she was actually there when we found the note. Most people couldn't handle that." I said. Edward nodded in understanding.

"Really?" Edward asked with mild surprise. He probably wondered why it was never talked about in school.

"Yeah she was here for a sleep over…talk about dramatic sleepovers." I said the last part lightly.

"Well at least it was a note…and not some dramatic screaming match between your parents." Edward said.

"yeah that's true." I agreed.

"So do you want the grand tour?" I asked gesturing around me.

"Okay!" Edward smiled as we got up.

"This is the living room obviously!" I said taking him through the living room.

"The two bathrooms." I pointed to the two bathroom doors.

"I can guess who's room this is!" Edward lightly chuckled pointing to Alice's huge Hollywood style vanity that had three wigs on giant foam heads. One was long blonde hair, one was a purple Alice cut, and the third was dark brown…almost black shoulder length.

"What gave that away?" I joked.

"oh I don't know…the oh so bland walls maybe." Edward chuckled gesturing to the bright pink walls .

"What's up with the wigs?" Edward asked.

"Oh Alice likes to play with hairstyles before she debuts them on human specimens. You know …work out the kinks or something. I would say it's a hairdresser thing…but I think its more her." I said. Just I turned out the lights we heard this light rumbling sound…like a shelf was threatening to collapse or something.

"That didn't sound too good!" Edward said staring at Alice's closed door for a second.

"And this is my room." I said opening up the door across the hall.

"Not really a fan of pink huh!" Edward said looking around.

" no not as much as Alice obviously. She'd have the whole house pink if she could. Me on the other hand…well lets just say that it'd take an act of god to turn my room that color. That or Alice turned suicidal. I know its really plain though." I said.

" That's completely understandable and I wouldn't say that your rooms plain. I like it ! Besides we cant all be as ostentatious as Alice when it comes to taste !" Edward said turning to me.

"That's true!' I said with a slight giggle.

"but don't let her hear you say that!" I added on. I stared into his smoldering green eyes and had to remind myself that we were just friends. I stared at his lip and wondered what they would feel like against my ow-and then I gave myself a mental slap across the face. Get a grip on yourself…he's your _friend!_ like you'd have a chance in hell with someone who looked like that!

"I wont." he whispered. We then headed into the living room and turned on the television. I rested my head against his shoulder. The electricity that passed though us kept me rooted there. He didn't seem bothered so I took that as permission to keep my head there.

We were half way though the movie "Valentines Day" when we could hear loud obnoxious laughter in the hallway. The door opened up and Alice fell though trashed out of her mind. Jasper was behind her looking every bit as inebriated as my roommate.

"Jasper…since when do you drink at like 9 am?" Edward asked shocked.

" oh just today…we started with some Irish coffees with breakfast and then Alice ordered some screwdrivers and I figured whhat the heell…yoou know." Jasper said.

"The people were so nicee…they calleddd us a cab and everything." Alice slurred.

"So wait a minute…if you two took a cab home…then my car is where exactly?" Edward asked.

" in the parkingg lott of the looocal dinner silly!" Alice continued to slur.

"And Alice I thought with what happened to you last night that you'd cool it for a day or so?" Edward asked her.

"oh I alreadddy had a hangover…so I jusst thought fuck it. Besides headache's gone now." Alice responded.

"exactly how much did you drink?" I asked. I could smell the alcohol on her breath.

"oh…I lost count after six drinks…two cups of irish coffee included." Alice slurred.

"between the two of you?" I asked.

"No just me silly!" Alice said.

"and Jasper?"

"well I would say about eight but I was seeing double at the end so I could be wrong on both counts." Alice said.

"Eight…how are you still standing Jasper?" Edward asked shocked.

"Honestlly I have no cluee…Edward I didn't know you had a twin?" Jasper slurred.

"Sorry…Jasper's not a big drinker." Edward said apologetically.

"Sorry…Alice is." I said in the same tone. It was really bad…Alice was hanging allover Jasper.

" your sooo fun Jazzy…mee and youu and Sethh haave to go ouut together sometimee. I know this ppllace that has a crazy dance floorr. Serves up a mean martini as welll…wee go when we donnt go to Jason. It would bee soo much funn if the three of us went together!" Alice continued to slur. From the look on his face I could tell that Edward and I were thinking the same thing…no it wouldn't!

"I'm dowwn any timee Al!" Jasper agreed.

"Call me Allie…Al is such a boooyish name!"

"Allie." Jasper corrected. They then playfully started to caress each others hair. Edward rolled his eyes.

"Alright…guys…I think its time Jasper goes home…I'll go call Emmett to come and pick the car up." Edward said.

"No no I can give you guys a ride!" I volunteered.

" no no you don't have to…you have Alice to deal with!" Edward refused pointing to Alice who had collapsed on the couch this time.

"does the ceiling always spinn?" Alice loopily said.

"Alice are you okay to be alone for five seconds?" I asked.

"surre susre take as lonnng as possible…I'mm fine…really I'mm not that bad" Alice slurred heavily.

"On second thought…Alice is pretty bad!" I said.

"GOOOOOOOOO! Iii told yoou…I'mm fine! I'm already starting to sober up slightly. If something was going to happen to me it would of happened already. I drank more last night and I'm still alive…I'lll bee finee!" Alice roared from the couch. I looked between her and Edward.

"GOOOO!"

"your not going to raid the liquor cabinet?" I asked.

"No…scouts honorr!" Alice said.

"obviously she's not going to take no for an answer…besides it isn't like it's an hour away…its right here in town." I said turning towards Edward.

"I'm so sorry that you have to do this!" Edward said as we slung Jasper's arms around us and half dragged him out to my car.

"don't be…Alice is just as guilty…and if the shoe were on the other foot you'd do the same thing and you know it." I responded

We were at Edward's car in no time. Edward grabbed Jasper's head and I got his feet getting him into the car in no time.

"Looks like Jasper's out of commission for the rest of the day!" Edward said.

"Looks so!" I said.

"So all set?" I asked.

"yeah I think so…I can take it from here." Edward responded, shutting the door as Jasper slumped over in the back seat.

"Alright I'll see you tomorrow!" I said getting into my car.

When I got back to my apartment it was empty. Alice wasn't to be found anywhere. I searched her room ,her closet, my room, my closet…everywhere and there was no sign of her. Then as I entered the kitchen I found a note. Alice still must have been really lit when she wrote this for I could barely discern that she had gone to the mall .

"Fuck!" I groaned. I knew that this could not end well. I wondered how the hell she got out…I mean the door was still locked when I got back and she was in no condition to remember to re lock it. I then saw that the window near the fire escape was blowing open. I grabbed my keys and headed out. I had hoped to intercept her in town because Port Angelus was still a long drive away and I knew that's where she was heading. She had been saying for days that she hadn't been there in a long time and she wanted to go. I drove around psychotically looking for that little bug but it was nowhere to be found. I then caught a flash of lime green dashing towards the high way going well above the speed limit and swerving violently. Oh fuck! Damn it Alice…can you make it any more obvious that your trashed! I tried calling her but she wouldn't pick up. This was going to be a long drive!

"ALICE PULL OVER!" I roared pulling up next to her. My poor truck almost couldn't handle the speed. The engine growled in protest.

"WHAT?" Alice asked sticking half her body out the window. Her car then swerved violently towards mine…almost forcing me off the road.

"I SAID PULL OVER…YOUR GOING TO KILL SOMEONE!" I yelled. This was not getting Alice's attention. What would get Alice's attention enough to make her pull over.

"Alice I just got scandalous new pictures of Jacob and Jessica Stanley together!" I lied

"WHAT!" Alice screamed pulling over miraculously with out hitting any other cars on the highway. Just then my phone buzzed. There was a text message from Seth. Underneath there was a picture of Jessica and Jacob eating each other's face off in the corner of Toys R Us while her kid was playing with an action figure. " J&J getting it on in Toy land. Thank God I was looking for a new X-box huh?". I was thanking god for Seth at this point. He had just saved my life. Before showing Alice I texted Rose.

"I need your help. Need you and another person to help me take Alice's car back! Stuck on the highway heading towards Port Angelus…HURRY!"

Next thing I knew Rose was pulling up with the three boys. Jasper was out of it in the back seat. I looked at Rose.

"I called Emmett to give me a hand…but I guess everyone wanted to come…see how you guys were doing. So what happened…Edward told me that when he left Alice was completely hammered?" Rose asked.

"That she was Rose. She made a last minute decision that she had to go to the mall…knew I wasn't home. She scaled the fire escape. I got home to find the place empty." I groaned.

"Oh no I feel like this was all my fault!" Edward exclaimed.

"no its not Edward…Alice is a grown woman…she should know not to drive to a mall while trashed!" I said throwing a glare in Alice's direction. Alice chose this time to come out of the car.

"Hey what's everyone doing here?" Alice said stumbling out.

"Um alright Alice…I'm going to give you a ride in my car why don't you get in?" Rose asked like she was a mother speaking to a baby.

"But I have a perfectly usable one myself!" Alice countered

"Yeah but Jasper's in this car and he said that he wants to see you!" Rose bribed. I knew this was a lie for Jasper couldn't speak in his condition. Alice was too drunk to realize this.

"OKAY…JAZZY!" Alice exclaimed running to sit next to her unconscious drinking partner. Edward agreed to ride back with me.

"OH MAN I HAVE TO DRIVE THE BARBIE MOBILE…COMMON BELLA…ROSE…SOMEONE TRADE A CAR WITH ME SO I DON'T GET STUCK IN THAT THING!" Emmett bellowed looking at Alice's car in horror.

"Sorry Em…would if I could but my car has some issues…so no one touches it but me. I'm the only one who really knows how to drive it. Since its so old its kind of screwed up." I said.

"and I just got my car brand new. No one else touches this but me…sorry Em!" Rose added.

"Its only a few minutes back Emmett. And the only people who would have the capacity to talk about it know that's Alice's car your driving…and one of them is severely drunk in Rose's back seat right now." Edward said.

"UGH FINE!" Emmett growled grabbing the keys. He turned the car on and Alice's Miley Cyrus CD blasted through the air. Emmett looked close to tears.

"I'll get you back so bad for this…don't sleep April Fools day if you know what's good for you!" Emmett growled jumping into the car. While getting settled he accidentally knocked Alice's horn which gave out a loud "Man I feel like a woman" jingle. He beeped the horn angrily which only made it repeat. Edward couldn't hold back laughter.

"I don't know about you but I don't think Emmett exactly looks womanly now does he!" Edward said between bursts of laughter. I looked in the rearview mirror to see Emmett's face contorted in rage. Rosalie passed us laughing hysterically.

"Emmett shouldn't be so shocked… though he isn't exactly feminine he and Alice are a lot alike…and he has "We are the champions." set to his horn." Edward said finally starting to control himself. As we got back into town we passed by a group of young women. I heard Alice's horn go off again. Did he really already forget? Looking into my rearview mirror I saw Emmett trying to overcompensate for the car that he was in. it didn't work…all it really did was make the women double over laughing.

"be prepared…when Emmett gets mad he gets even…and he's not above hurting someone." Edward warned catching a glimpse of his brothers pissed off bull like face.

"I'll be on the look out!" I slightly laughed. It was then that we pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex.

"So how was it stud muffin?" Rosalie chocked as Emmett got out of the car.

"oh all these girls were checking me out…that things like chic magnet!" Emmett said trying to save face.

"Really because I heard…well I saw other wise!" Rosalie said catching him in the lie

"I'd be quiet if I were you Rose…one day you might wake up and find your hair purple!" Emmett growled.

"Please…like you'd know how to do that…besides the drugstores don't carry that color and I keep my colors locked up in the store. And I hide the key in a special place that only I know of!" Rose dismissed. It was then that we went inside.


	15. The piano man

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! **

Chapter 15

BPV

The next two weeks passed by in a blur. The only thing that seemed to change was the fact that Edward was now practically living in the apartment with us. I had a feeling that Alice was trying to force something to happen…because it seemed as if Alice miraculously had plans with either Jasper, Seth, or the both of them every time Edward came over. Which meant we were always alone together in the apartment. He always seemed at ease with the idea. I started to wonder if my assumption was wrong…maybe there was a chance. I mean there was certain times when I swore I caught a look in his eye.

"You know I'm starting to think your right Alice." I said

"Hello…I am! why do you think he's constantly here…to see my wonderful face every day!" Alice said sarcastically. She was getting fed up with everything.

"Really Bella, think about it. He saved you from creeper ex Jacob thing. Most _boy friends_ would never do that…and he never left your side after that…he still had his arm wrapped around you like a half hour later…in a very coupleish way." Alice added on informatively.

"But I'm kind of nervous…because what if he doesn't…what if he doesn't see me in that way and I'm reading everything wrong." I said unsure.

"Girl…its highly unlikely that we're both wrong and you know it…you know before I met Jasper I could read those signs like a book…now with Dr. Love at my side I'm like a gold mine. Jasper, Emmett and I have a bet going…Emmett says never…of course he's tarded so we kind of discredited that…Jasper however says that you guys will get together in a week…I say tomorrow night. Because there's no way I'm putting up with this for another week. That reminds me…my conference in Tacoma is tomorrow…crap. Some new company is trying to get Rose and I to buy their stuff…Rose said no way no how unless we see it done and they're having some exhibition there so we have to go. Its not going to be an over night thing but I'm not going to be back till midnight…what a drag!" Alice ranted on.

"Well…at least you'll know if the product's good enough!" I said.

"True…and if it sucks its avoiding a lawsuit…and a very nasty bald spot in someone's head." Alice agreed.

Pulling into work that day I found Seth working on his car. Oil was half way down his face as he lifted his head up.

"The Homy finally croaked…or I think blew up is a more accurate term. Right as I pulled into the parking spot…bam…smoke was everywhere. I mean why did it have to wait the mile…it could of just blown up at home and I could have had a sick day. But no…the piece of junk had to wait…now I don't know how I'm going to get this thing home. This is exactly why when I got my license I told my father I wanted the 98' Camry…not the 88' Homy. What did dad say…Leah, who doesn't even work mind you, needed the 98'Camry because she got her license one day before me. Now I have a perfectible usable car sitting at home while my own is blown up at work. Thanks Leah and dad." Seth groaned.

"Seth do you need any help?" I asked.

"No I already called my dad…he's on his way with his triple A card. He was swearing up a storm…said that I knew not to go above 20 miles per hour. The sad part was I was only doing 25...a line of cars were beeping at me the whole way." Seth said shaking his head.

" oh well now they have to get me a new car. The Camry is going to look like a piece of shit next to my car. I have my eye on this 03 Corolla that's in damn good shape. since I didn't have to buy my first car…I've been saving for this since I was 13 so I definitely have enough." Seth said on a happier note.

"Well that's the spirit!" I said walking in. I sat at my desk and began to type. As soon as he was finished Edward came in for a visit. We started talking about how Emmett finally started to enact his revenge.

"Well Jasper woke up the other day and found that he was somehow superglued to his sheets. He was really pissed…he said that he wasn't even apart of what happened and had he been sober Emmett wouldn't of had to drive the car." Edward said.

"Well its not really anyone's fault other then Alice's for getting that trashed in the first place. But if I see Emmett lurking around I'll make sure to watch out." I slightly joked.

"I don't think he'll come after you guys." Edward said. Then I thought he said something about killing Emmett if he did.

"What was that?" I asked.

"Um nothing!" Edward said fidgeting. I thought it was weird.

"Anyways I don't think Alice is going to be too thrilled when she sees that Jasper's hair is now an inch shorter and still stuck together. He tried to get it out but it didn't work too well." Edward said

"well he still has today to get it out…Alice left for a conference this morning…wont be back till very late." I said.

"Yeah Emmett said that Rose was really excited about that…Emmett of course was not so happy. He swears their just friends, but Jasper and I think that's bullshit . Jasper went though his journal-I never figured why Emmett journaled I mean all he wrote about was sports and babes until now but Jasper suggested it to him during college-and found some pretty interesting stuff. I never even thought Emmett could feel those emotions…at all. Jasper called it 'an emotional breakthrough' for him." Edward said

"Well they say that there's someone for everyone…maybe Rose is Emmett's special someone." I sighed.

"Could be…I mean she's everything he wants in a woman…blonde hair, well endowed according to Emmett, and leaves Emmett with his tail wagging in between his legs ." Edward said with a slight chuckle in his voice. We then heard a boom…followed by Seth's volley of swears.

"you know…I really don't understand why he's still trying to fix that thing…its dead…I mean he even said that it was beyond repair." Edward shook his head.

"Well the thing was there with him at least since he moved in. Hell Harry used to go on about buying it when it was brand new…something about having an impeccable driving record. I think its kind of like part of his family or something. I don't think he's going to give in until the thing is towed away." I said.

"HEY THAT THING'S EXPLODED THREE TIMES…PEOPLE WORK YOU KNOW!" Someone hollered out the door.

"SHUT UP JEFF…YOU DON'T HAVE A GREAT TRACK RECORD WITH CARS EITHER…I SEEM TO RECAL A FEW TIMES WHERE YOUR CAR CAUGHT FIRE INFRONT OF THE PLACE…YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT DISTRACTIONS!" Seth snarled back.

"Oh this is going to be a long day!" I groaned.

" NO YOU SHUT UP SETH…I HAVE PAPERS I NEED TO WRITE AND I CANT WRITE THEM WITH CARS EXPLODING BEHIND ME!"

"AND I CANT WORK WITH THE SMELL OF SMOKE IN THE AIR BECAUSE THE FIRE DEPARTMENT HAD TO PUT YOUR CAR OUT AGAIN. HOW MANY CARS HAS THAT HAPPENED TO NOW…THREE?" Seth countered.

"did your boss ever consider getting sound proofing…I mean the doors good…but not good enough!" Edward asked lightly.

" yeah well we tried…Ted said that it would cost too much though!" I said.

"Ted is cheep huh?" Edward asked.

"Very…his motto is 'anything I can do to save a buck!'. Its actually hanging up on the wall of his office." I said.

"I believe that!" Edward said staring at Ted as he walked in. He was wearing a lovely ensemble that I saw on a Wall-mart commercial last week. Alice would be flipping shit if she saw him.

"So Bella…work?" Ted asked as I handed him my articles. Edward's were in Ted's hand before he could even ask.

"no typo's- good, no white out-good…uh I see its double stapled…Bella what did I tell you about double stapling…soon I'm going to have people bring in their own staples…this is ridiculous…do they think I'm made of money!" Ted growled.

"Cheep cheep cheep!" Edward chirped like a bird as he left. Ted turned around.

"What was that Mr. Cullen?" Ted asked.

"I think it was Seth's horn malfunctioning sir!" Edward gulped. Right at that point Seth's horn went off…corroborating Edward's story.

"Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing after all that he got cheep doors." Edward said right after Ted left. I started to laugh hysterically.

"Honestly though flipping out because someone double stapled something…that's a little out there don't you think. Especially since he runs a place that uses up like thousands of dollars worth of paper per day…even when you print on both sides. What's he trying to save for…to play waste paper basketball more often?" Edward chuckled.

"So I take it you got a visit from the cheep fairy?" Seth said walking in covered in oil. A tow had finally showed up to take his car away.

"do you know what he told me?…people don't like to buy expensive car parts so if I lower the price more people would be willing to by the stuff…not even a 'I'm sorry about your car.' talk about cheep!" Seth snorted

"he just yelled at Bella for double stapling." Edward said. Seth laughed.

"I'll be waiting for him to yell at me for something that stupid… 'hey Seth…don't turn on your computer because it uses too much electricity…my electric bill will go sky high!'" Seth said the last part mockingly.

"SETH GET BACK TO WORK!" Ted's voice hollered in.

"Coming mommy!" Seth rolled his eyes.

"Cant have slackers now can we…wastes too much money…especially when you slack off yourself!" Seth mumbled.

"Just do what he says…that way he'll chill out!" I groaned

"SETH!" Ted's voice boomed in.

"Alright alright I'm going im going…geez I really don't get much done at my desk anyways!" Seth scampered off.

"HEY BIG T…WHY DON'T YOU TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE AND GET TO WORK INSTEAD OF HOVERING OVER ME…UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO BE THE EDITOR…I'LL GLADLY DO THAT…BUT YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE THE PAPERS THAT GET PUBLISHED THEN…YOU KNOW ABOUT A BOSS THAT DOES NOTHING BUT HARRASS PEOPLE AND PLAY WASTEPAPER BASKET BALL!" Seth hollered a few minutes later. There was inaudible grumbling from Ted

"That's so much better!" Seth said more happily a few minutes later. I guessed that Ted left for his office.

"Such an effective boss that guy is…some people would get fired for saying something like that!" Edward said shaking his head.

"tell me about it!" I agreed

" Tell _me_ about it!" Seth called from his desk.

"Hey Bella I have a question…do you-" Edward cut off by a psychotic ranting Seth practically knocking the door down.

"HONESTLY…THAT GUY DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO BE A BOSS…HE JUST YELLED AT ME AGAIN FOR WASTING PAPER…HONESTLY WHAT DOES HE EXPECT ME TO DO…MY JOB IS TO PRINT GOD DAMN PICTURES ( he had to print original copies just incase his e-mail got screwed up again) …UGHHH…AM I SUPPOSED TO STORE THEM IN MY MIND AND MENTALLY PROJECT THEM! I'M NOT PYSCHIC YOU KNOW. I DON'T HAVE SPECIAL POWERS!" Seth roared.

"Seth no one is expecting you to project images out of your mind….you know Ted. You of all people know to ignore him!" I said.

"BUT I CANT TAKE HIM ANY MORE…I FEEL LIKE I'M HAVING A MENTAL BREAK DOWN!" Seth roared angrily.

"Maybe you should call Jasper…he looks like he cracked Bella!" Edward whispered staring at Seth who was sitting in a chair ripping up a picture of Ted's smiling face into tiny pieces.

"I cant take it any more…I cant take it any more…I cant take it any more!" Seth twitched.

"What's Jasper's work number again?" I asked picking up the phone. Edward gave it to me and I dialed and Edward went to restrain Seth.

"Whitlock Mental Health Associates…Jasper Whitlock speaking…how may we help you today?"

"Jasper its Bella!" I said.

"oh hey!" Jasper greeted.

"Jasper we have a problem…I think Seth's snapped. He's rocking back and fourth and laughing manically to himself. We've locked him into Edward's office before he could do any damage." I said.

"oh shit…I'm only five minutes away…I'll be right there!" Jasper said hanging up the phone.

"What is that noise coming from your office Edward…I thought it was clearly stated that pets are not allowed!" Ted said walking in. Upon hearing Ted's voice there was a loud crashing sound coming from Edward's office. Ted took out a lock pick and unlocked the door.

"Um boss you might not want to-" I started up but was cut off what sounded like a pissed off lion as the door slammed shut in Ted's face.

" oh shit…I'm just going to say this for any future legal issues…this is not my fault…I didn't say anything to make him go like that!" he said pointing at Edward's door as we heard more inhuman screaming.

" should I call a medic?" Ted asked scared.

"no need…my cousin's a psychologist who's working on his doctorates…he's on his way to help." Edward said.

"Alright where is the patient in question!" Jasper said as the main door opened up. Someone directed him to our area. He came in Ghostbusters style.

"You…Step away from the door!" Jasper said pointing to Ted who still had his hand on the door handle.

"Seth…its Jasper…I come bearing gifts…why don't you come out and talk to me…I cant drink this all by myself you know!" Jasper said taking out a bottle of brandy. The door opened up and Seth walked out as cool as a cucumber.

"How the hell did he do that?" I whispered shocked.

"he has a gift." Edward answered.

" Seth why don't we just go outside and talk about things...anything you want to talk about." Jasper said leading Seth out. We could hear a burst of applause as the front door jingled shut.

"alright back to work people…nothing to see here!" Ted walked out clapping his hand.

" ugh I knew this was going to be a long day!" I groaned.

"long…but interesting." Edward countered.

"true…its not every day that you see someone completely melt down." I said

" well back to doing nothing?" Edward joked.

" I guess so!" I said reclining in my chair.

"So what were you going to ask me before?" I asked.

"Nothing…it was nothing." Edward said looking away. I knew it wasn't nothing but I decided not to pry. I got lost in his blazing green eyes. How could it be possible that this god like creature even existed…I mean he looked like an air brushed model on an Abercrombie magazine. His voice was what brought me back to reality.

"Bella…are you okay?" Edward asked as I snapped out of it looking at me like I had two heads.

"yeah why?" I asked

"you've got drool…" Edward said as I immediately mopped up the side of my face.

"Thanks." I said.

I returned home that night to an empty apartment . It was the first time in a while that I was alone and I contemplated calling Edward. I figured it was too late though… that he probably had some plan going with Jasper and Emmett or something like that. So instead I decided to pop a frozen dinner in the microwave. Opening the fridge I couldn't help but notice the massive amount of lean cuisines in the part labeled "Alice's Space". I grabbed a box that wasn't in that section while still staring amazed. The girl had enough to feed a small army for two years! After setting the timer I went to turn on a movie. I looked through our stack and didn't see anything that I liked…so I decided to go out and rent something after dinner instead. The microwave sounded off and I headed to grab the turkey TV dinner. Scoffing it down, I grabbed my keys and my phone and headed out the door.

I found the nearest movie rental and grabbed the first thing that looked good…"Bride Wars" I wasn't in the mood for a specific movie. Alice had wanted to see it for a long time…so I figured at the very least she could watch it tomorrow. I grabbed one of those giant Hershey's bars and went to check out. Behind me I could hear familiar nasally voices call my name in unison causing me to cringe. Oh god no! I slowly turned to see the geeks standing right behind me holding "Star Wars Revenge of the Sith" in Marcus's hand.

"Aro…Marcus." I greeted.

"Wow what a coincidence…I mean running into you guys last night…and now today…your not stalking us are you?" Marcus said jokingly.

"Funny I was about to say the same about you!" I said trying to add humor to my voice. The thing was I really thought they were. I mean besides last night the twins had shown up in a couple other places that Alice and I had gone to this week…including Victoria Secret. Marcus blushed…the kid couldn't keep a poker face to save his life.

"So where's Alice?" Aro said in between making snorting noises.

"oh she's out of town tonight…going to be gone for a while." I said.

"oh…hot date?" Aro asked probably remembering the conversation that went on the day we moved in.

"Yes." I lied

"Same guy?" Aro asked skeptically.

"Actually yes…not that its really any of your business but she seems really happy with him. I think that this could go long term." I lied hoping that he got the hint. I was really thanking god that Jasper came back. Even as a friend his presence he would deter Aro from Alice. The wounded look told me…message received…at least for now.

"So your going to be alone tonight?" Marcus asked hopeful. I wanted to gag.

"Actually I'm heading out with a friend from work. We've had plans for a while. This is for when I get back." I said.

"Oh its too bad…we could have had movie night. If you cancel your plans I could send Alfie away…just you and me…just like Luke and Layer…I know you want that just as much as I do!" He said looking at me hungrily. Catching a glimpse down south I had an idea just how much he meant that. EW! EW EW EW EW EW! The cashier and Alfred also stared.

"oh man how embarrassing!" Aro/Alfred said shaking his head. The cashier shot me a sympathetic look and quickly rang me out.

"Bella wait…what do you say?" Marcus said catching up to me in the parking lot. I was skived out at this point. Did this kid not know when to stop!

"Sorry…cant…the plans are unbreakable…cant even postpone." I said walking really fast to my car. I grabbed my tazer gun in case it was needed. Where was Alice when you needed her?

"Oh that's too bad…how about tomorrow?" Marcus asked. Did he not understand the word no?

"Busy…Alice and I made plans to go out with a group of friends…in fact my schedule is really filled up right now." I lied again.

" oh okay…another time then." Marcus said deflated.

"maybe." I said. More like definitely not but I really couldn't say that now could I. I mean they were practically Charlie's step kids…which grossed me out even more.

"Tell Alice to call me…we need to go out sometime!" Aro-Alfred called.

"oh I will!"….Not!

" Tell my dad I said hi!" I said.

"We will!" The twins called in unison.

" well see ya soon!" I called slamming the door to my truck

"definitely!" the twins said. Marcus looked forlornly. Ew!

" Bye!" Marcus called as they turned into another section of the parking lot. That was so weird.

As I was heading down the final hill on the way home my ancient truck decided that it was time to die. I heard a massive amount of sputtering before the engine finally quit on me, sending me down the hill and into the woods before resting to a stop. Just my luck…get hit on by the king of the nerds and have my truck kick the bucket on the same day. The thought that both the Homy and my Chevy truck died on the same day was enough to make me laugh. Looked like Seth wasn't the only one in need of a car. I got out and placed a call to AAA and then pushed my car towards the street. Right after hanging up my phone died. Just peachy! A hour later the tow truck arrived. They must have had trouble finding me. A tall burly man stepped out with "Felix" stretched across his name tag. He looked like he stepped right out of a nightmare. A chill went down my spine. As he evaluated my car for any minor defects I asked if I could borrow his phone. Alice would panic if I didn't get in contact with her…and with the perverted dweebs home I didn't want to risk calling Charlie.

"Sorry sweetie…phone's dead." He said as the truck was fully loaded. Just fucking wonderful! He then started advancing towards me.

"if you want though _I_ could give you a ride beautiful!" The man said. Being the daughter of Charlie Swan all the alarm bells went off in my head. Tonight was definitely not my night.

"No thank you…I'll walk…its not that far." I refused.

"its no problem…we're heading to the same place in all." The man said now having me pressed up against his truck.

"I'll walk…its fine!" I said more forceful.

"A young, _beautiful (_ he gulped hungrily as he said the word) woman such as your self…its dangerous for you to be alone." He said stroking my face. I tried to push his hand back but couldn't. It was probably more dangerous for me to be with this man.

"I'd rather take my chances thank you very much…now let me go!" I said trying to push him away.

" I said LET ME GO!" I roared pushing and shoving the man. But he wouldn't budge.

" lets get this straight…you called _me_!" The man said gaping at my body.

"No…I called AAA…you were just the guy they assigned to come here. I did not call _you_!" I said. I started searching the street for any signs of help.

" just give up honey…you'll never win!" the man said shoving his face close to mine in the attempt to kiss me. I turned my face away. Just then a set of headlights flashed across our faces. A silver Volvo pulled off the road and I could see Edward sitting in the driver seat looking horrified and disgusted. I literally had a knight in a silver Volvo. I knew that help was here. The man dropped me like a sack of potatoes.

"Hey what's going on ?" Edward asked narrowing his eyes at the man.

"I was just offering the lady a lift…not that its any of your business boy!" the man snarled.

"Really because it didn't look like that…and what you do with _her_ is my business!" Edward said picking me up and holding me in a protective embrace.

"What are you…her boyfriend!" the guy snarled.

"actually yes I am…but how is that any of _your_ business!" Edward growled uncannily truthful. The man looked down right scared.

"Look man she came on to me…I was innocent!" the man said.

"yeah right…you had her held up against your truck just about to force yourself on her and she was the one who hit on you? You honestly expect me to believe that one!" Edward cackled.

"honestly what to do you expect…a man has to help himself!" the man said. Edward looked enraged.

"The only reason I'm not punching your lights out right now is because you have her truck on your flat bed. If I were you I'd shut up right now before I reconsider that thought!" Edward growled. The man gulped and fled to his truck.

"How did you know?" I asked as Edward opened his passenger side door for me.

"Alice called…she was worried because she couldn't reach you…Emmett and Jasper took the other side of town looking for you…now I have to call Emmett…They were heading to the reservation to beat the info out of Jacob." Edward said.

__

Flashback.

EPV

I was getting dinner ready and watching the other two play Madden on the 60 in flat screen. Considering that Emmett was a sports freak poor Jasper didn't have a chance.

"RUN RUN RUN!….TOUCHDOWN…hell yeah!" Emmett bellowed loudly as if this were a real game. Jasper rolled his eyes.

"Emmett you do know that this is a game right?" Jasper asked.

"Jazzy only losers make that statement!" Emmett countered.

"Hell yeah…block it block it block it!" Emmett bellowed.

"Emmett play nice…you know that the rest of us aren't pro football players!" I called into the living room.

"Whatever Carlisle jr…a little competition didn't hurt anyone!" Emmett said brushing it off.

"last time you got a little competitive you threw the remote control into the tv and broke it…and lets not forget the time that the three of us had to get stitches because you wanted to have a wrestling match…two against one!" I reminded him. It was then that the phone rang. Seeing Alice's number I picked up.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Alright Edward…put Bella on the phone…I know she's there!" Alice said not even pausing to say hi.

"What are you talking about…she's not here." I said.

"Edward stop pulling my chain. I know that you like her and she-OW STOP THAT ROSE!" Alice screamed as I heard scuffling in the background. Alice knew something!

"Alice…she's not here…did you call her phone?" I asked.

"Why do you think I called you…no one is picking up the house phone and Bella's cell is going straight to voicemail. I'm getting worried…I mean that girl attracts danger like a fly to a bug zapper. What if something bad happened?" Alice asked very concerned. That was when I started to get really worried. Alice was right…the girl attracts danger.

"Did you try calling Chief Swan?" I asked. I started having that sinking bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"no…uh I didn't uh want him to freak out. The man is prone to overreacting." Alice said shadily

"Don't worry Alice…we'll find her!" I said hanging up the phone. I turned to see Emmett and Jasper looking at me. Jasper had a sympathetic sad look. Emmett looked delighted.

"Ass kicking time I take it?" Emmett beamed.

Emmett we're just looking for her." I warned.

"which basically translates to find Bella and if she's in danger kick their ass. Sounds like fun…I've been itching for a good fight for a while now. Edward I know your crushing on her and everything…do you mind if I take the reservation though…I believe that I owe Puppy a good ass whooping for hitting on Rose the other day…and this would be the perfect excuse to kick the shit out of him!" Emmett beamed.

"uh I think I'll go with Emmett…make sure that he doesn't murder Jacob by accident. I mean we really don't need Emmett behind bars." Jasper said as we grabbed our keys and headed for the garage. Emmett jumped into his monster tricked out Jeep with Jasper heading towards the passenger side.

"I cant wait…come here little puppy puppy puppy!" Emmett exclaimed making kissing noises.

"Emmett…we don't need a ridiculously high bail now do we…never mind that…just make sure you don't kill the kid…or put him in a vegetative state." I said.

"What's a 'vegetative state?'" Emmett asked.

"Emmett don't make him into a vegetable." I tried rewording it to no avail.

"how could I make him into a vegetable…vegetables grow in the ground duh!" Emmett said smugly. Jasper slapped his forehead.

"he's a friggen idiot!" Jasper mumbled to himself.

"I'll explain on the way!" Jasper moaned slamming the passenger door shut.

End of flashback

BPV.

" Jazz tell Emmett I found her. Her car broke down and the AAA guy was a little too friendly. No Emmett I didn't kill him…we still needed to get the car back and someone needed to drive the tow. I'll see you guys in a little bit!" Edward said hanging up the phone as we pulled into the apartment complex. My truck was already sitting in a parking spot( I told him where to drop it off before everything happened.) and the man was long gone. He was probably afraid about what would happen had he stayed. We stayed in Edward's car listening to music for a little bit. A few minutes later Billy Joel's "The Piano Man" started to play through the air. I stared into Edward's eyes and were lost in them again. Electricity flecked through the air around us…heightening the moment.

"_its nine o' clock on a Saturday….the regular crowd shuffles in!"_ Edward's hand touched my own. The sense of static cling emanated through the both of us. I so badly wanted for him to be mine!

__

"There's an old man sitting next to me….making love to his tonic and gin!"

I rested my head against his shoulder and he wrapped his hand around me.

_" He says 'son can you play me a memory…I'm not really sure how it goes…but its sad and its sweet and I knew it complete when I wore a younger mans clothes!'"_Edward moved a stray piece of hair from my face. I felt like I was melting. We stayed like that for the next few seconds. It felt perfect…right.

_"Sing us a song you're the piano man_…_sing us a song tonight_…_well we're all in the mood for a melody and you got us feeling alright_!" Our faces grew very close.

"Bella!" Edward whispered before the distance between our lips closed.

The rest of the song was a blur. Hell an atomic bomb could of gone off and we wouldn't of known about it. The electricity struck like a bolt of lightning…or cupids arrow. It was the most passionate…sweet kiss that anyone could ever ask for. It was perfect…no it was more then perfect. It was amazing! Edward then pulled away quickly. I looked at him confused.

"Bella I'm so sorry if that was uncomfortable…I mean I thought that…"

"No no no…you thought right…it was perfect!" I exclaimed. He rewrapped his arms around me and our lips met again. This time we only stopped when we were out of breath.

"so I guess this means you're my girlfriend for real now?" Edward asked content playing with my hair as I rested my head against him again. Girlfriend …I liked the ring of that.

"I guess so…if you want me to be!" I said. I had been waiting for this moment for years…it was better then I expected.

"Babe…I've wanted that ever since I first saw you." Edward said. I internally squealed and I could feel the smile spread across my face

"Would it be corny if I said same here?" I asked.

"No!"

"Well then…I've wanted it forever." I said. I couldn't believe it…he chose me…_me!_ I wondered what I did to deserve this god like creature…Adonis incarnate. I felt like I won the lottery or something. I kept on waiting to wake up. He scooped me up and carried me into the apartment where we watched "Bride Wars" together. Just as we broke apart again Edward's phone went off. He went to pick it up.

"Jasper…I'll be back in a little bit…we will talk then. Tell Emmett to chill out! Alright see you at home…bye!" Edward said hanging up the phone.

"Alright…I hate to say this…but I have to leave…Emmett's really impatient." Edward said apologetic.

"Well I guess I'll see you in the morning?" I asked. Then I remembered…crap how am I going to get a ride to work?

"I'll be here bright and early to pick you up." Edward said reading the expression on my face.

"Thank you!" I said.

"no problem love…good night!" Edward said ducking through the door. I went into my room and collapsed sighing on to my bed. I was almost afraid that I was going to wake up from this wonderful dream to find out that it didn't happen. That this was all just a dream. Wistful thinking….or maybe it was me that cracked and not Seth. But even in total insanity I could never come up with something like _that! _I wanted to dance with joy.


	16. Jailbird Seth

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! **

Chapter 16

BPV

I was surprised when I awoke the next morning to find the kitchen empty. Alice's keys were still sitting on the table which meant Alice was sleeping in. that meant she must of got in really late last night…Alice was usually a ball of energy right now. This left me with the task of making breakfast. I pranced into the kitchen and looked at the clock…which read a little before 7. That meant I had little time to eat and get ready before god himself showed up on my doorstep.

__

"Its nine o' clock on a Saturday…the regular crowd shuffles in!"

I began to sing as I threw toast in the toaster. I then headed to the fridge to pull out some eggs.

"_there's an old man sitting next to me…making love to his tonic and gin!"_ I sang some more. Normally I would of attributed my bubbliness to the fact that the sun was out…but I was kidding myself if I thought it was due to anything other then last night. The only real evidence that I had was that my keys were in the same spot…and "Bride Wars" was still in the dvd player. It was then that Alice dragged herself out of bed. Left over makeup was running down her face….and her hair was shifted to the side in a rats nest.

"ugh…traffic was a nightmare…I didn't get in till 3 am…where's the iv full of caffeine?" Alice moaned dragging herself to the table.

"Alice you look like death…why don't you stay home?" I asked.

"All I need is a shit load of coffee and I'll be awake…get my special stash!" Alice said pointing to one of the cupboards. I pulled out a package of unlabeled coffee grinds that Alice had in a baggie and put it in the coffee maker.

"What's up with you…your never this awake this early…and singing Billy Joel…you _hate _Billy Joel!" Alice asked after two cups of coffee and returning to her usual perky self.

"oh its nothing…my boyfriend is coming over!" I said. Alice didn't catch the meaning in the last part for a few seconds.

"Wait. A. minute… 'The Piano Man…your_ boyfriend?" _Alice asked with her eyes narrowing…and remembering Edward's musical past.

"…OH MY GOD…IT. HAPPENED. THE FIRST KISS… two weeks from first date to kissing…that must be a record for foreplay!" Alice exclaimed.

"Damn it…I missed it…you owe me details…big time!" Alice demanded. I then launched into the story. Alice ohhed and ahhed in all the right places.

"that's so friggen cute…he saved you from a pervert and drove you home…and they say chivalry is dead…and now at least the Marcus thing can get nipped in the bud…maybe he can tell Alpha pet to go shove it too…I can't believe that happened…eww!" Alice said referring to the twins.

"hopefully. But I hope they don't freak him out though." I said.

"Damn though…Emmett has a diary…I'll have to get my hands at that thing!" Alice laughed.

"Alice I was told that in confidence…you do anything and I'll bite your head off!" I warned.

"alright…a sneak peak wouldn't hurt though!"

"So…Edward and I aren't the only ones who've been dabbling in a bit of foreplay…what about you and Jasper?" I asked changing the subject.

"Well the only thing we've done was almost kiss twice. Both times we were at bars and Seth went to get drinks. We would be talking and then we would be leaning towards each other…and a second before our lips touched Seth would drop the drinks right in front of us. He has such bad timing when it comes to that I swear to god!" Alice vented.

"Alice…you know as well as I do…to expect that with Seth around. You know that he's always there when something goes down…hell I'm shocked that he wasn't there last night!" I said.

"True….maybe our shot will happen when we got out without Seth…actually it probably will!" Alice agreed.

"So back to celebrating that your dating Forks elite…I've been saving something for this moment" Alice said heading to the fridge and whipping out a bottle of Champaign from its depths.

"Now I know it's a wee bit early to be drinking any type of alcohol…but what the heck…its only a glass or two…I do need to drive." Alice laughed pouring two glasses.

"To you and your happy new relationship…may it bring happiness to you both…and to me…hopefully I score Jasper soon!" Alice said as we clinked glasses. A few minutes later Alice looked at the clock.

"Damn…we have to get in the shower…asap!" Alice said dragging me into the bathroom and throwing the water on. Alice was knocking on the door five minutes later.

"hurry….there's not a lot of time!" Alice called in as I shut the water off. Alice then launched an attack at the speed of light. Alice already had an outfit picked out sitting on the bed.

"I don't think I've ever done a faster job with out screwing something up!" Alice said panting and slumping onto my bed.

"Need…latte…now!" Alice gasped some more.

"Don't you usually take customers around now?" I asked looking at the time.

"Rose and I decided to open late…that way we don't screw something up in a mental fog. I don't have to leave until ten." Alice said. It was then that the doorbell rang.

"Right on time!" Alice beamed shoving me out into the hallway as I was tying my last shoe. She then opened the door.

"hi…come in…have a drink….Bella's going to be right out!" Alice greeted happier then usual….which is an understatement for Alice. Edward looked at her confused.

"Don't worry…she knows." I said. The confusion on his face cleared. Alice then dashed off and disappeared in the hallway.

"Exactly how much coffee did Alice have this morning?" Edward asked.

"a cup…or three." I answered.

"Do you think you could of broke the good news _after_ Alice's caffeine high wore off?" Edward joked.

"well considering she's been on a constant one since birth…let me know when it finally wears off!" I joked back. We kissed a couple of minutes later.

"OOOH!" Alice exclaimed sticking her head out the door and interrupting.

"Oh stop Miss. Hooked on Jasper…its only going to be a matter of time before I get bombarded with constant images of you two making out and you know it!" I groaned as we broke off.

"Alice…why don't you just end this madness now…if you don't talk to Jasper…maybe I should. I mean common…its insane. If you don't…then your both going to regret it." Edward said

" alright…alright…we're going out tomorrow night…no Seth…we'll get things straight then." Alice said.

"by the way give that message to Rose as well…I mean we both know how she feels about Emmett and Emmett feels the same about her." Edward said.

"Got it!" Alice said disappearing. Edward then looked at the time.

"We gotta go…we're going to be late!" Edward exclaimed as we headed for the door. Getting into his car Edward stared at the dead truck.

"you know its too bad about the truck…what are you going to do with it?" Edward asked.

"probably same as Seth…sell it for parts and buy another car with the money." I sighed. Edward then took out a second set of keys from his center consol. I looked at him shocked.

"it's the keys to the spare car that we always carry around in case of emergency. The car's brand new. We can drop it off tonight. You need it more then we do!" Edward said placing the keys in my hand.

"Edward …I cant…" I was speechless. He was going to give me one of his cars?

"think of it as a gift!" Edward countered. I couldn't find the words to express my gratitude so I planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you!" I grinned. Edward played with a lock of my hair. As we pulled into the parking space at work I grabbed Edward's hand. we then steeped out of the car. I could see a bunch of gossiping old hags…the women Seth went to for work gossip in fact…stick their heads out the window and stare in shock.

"you want to give them something to talk about!" Edward said staring back annoyed. He turned around and we started to very passionately make out in front of them as they came out side.

"oh my god!" many of the women shouted shocked.

"I always knew she was a tramp…spending so much time with that Seth!" Someone shouted pissed.

"Hey this is nothing to do with me!" Seth exclaimed worried about his image.

"if I didn't know any better I would say that you were jealous…by the way your not so pure yourself…Miss. I'm banging the grocery store manager behind my husband's back!" Seth countered. The lady put her hand over her mouth in shock.

"Am not!"

"Are too…don't deny it Margret…I have evidence…and you might want to pick friends that don't have loose lips!" Seth said taking out a wad of photographs. Margret looked mortified.

"let me see those now!" Margret demanded snatching them out of Seth's hands and ripping them up.

"You think those are the only copies I have…Ha ha ha ha…foolish woman!" Seth cackled. Remind me never to cross Seth.

"So really…who is the tramp…the girl making out with her boyfriend…or the woman cheating on her husband? Hum that's a hard one!" Seth added on. A bunch of the women turned around.

"Margret…why didn't you tell us?"

"and have one of you guys scooping after Frank…I don't think so!" Margret said pissed. This caused them to all fight among themselves. I had a feeling that this was Seth's plan all along. It got so bad that Ted had to run out with a baseball bat reminding me of a scene from the movie "Mean girls" only with like middle aged women. Edward held me in a protective embrace and tried to get me as far away from the woman warriors as possible. We could see Ted trying to break up the fight but it wasn't working.

"EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK-OWWWWWW YOUR SO FIRED WHEN THIS IS OVER!" Ted roared as he disappeared into the mob.

"Do you just want to skip work today?" Edward asked speaking my thoughts exactly.

"Okay!" I said as we flung the doors open and pealed out as fast as possible.

"That was…" I said not knowing what to say.

"insane?" Edward said finishing up my thought process. We decided just to take a joy ride that day…see where we ended up. Eventually we found ourselves parked facing a field. Wild flowers blew lazily in the barely there breeze. I placed my head on his shoulder where I could of stayed for hours. Next thing I knew our lips touched. The passion and electricity boiled up to a head. I had never felt this way before Edward. It felt amazing. We were just about ready to…and then my phone went off. I looked at the number and then at Edward.

"Its my father…what do I do?" I whispered . Charlie had such impeccable timing sometimes. I swear he probably had radar built in or something.

"just pick it up…the man might file a missing person's if you don't!" Edward said. To my surprise thought it wasn't Charlie when I picked up.

"Hey Bella?" Seth said nervously on the other line.

"Seth…what's going on?" I knew it wasn't good that he was calling from the station number.

"Um see…someone uh called the cops about the riot taking place and we all got arrested. Everyone's having their husbands and wives bail them out. Ted's wife just sprung him a few minutes ago. I have a problem though…see Harry and Leah decided to take a last minute camping trip and their in an area with no service and my mother wont return my phone calls. I was wondering if any of you could spring me? My bail is only $300." Seth asked.

"Seth…we'll be there." I said looking at Edward.

"CLEARWATER…HURRY…OTHER PEOPLE HAVE TO USE THE PHONE YOU KNOW!" Someone hollered in the background.

"Gotta go…thanks!" Seth said hanging up the phone.

"What happened with Seth?" Edward asked.

"he's been arrested for the riot. He needs us to bail him out." I said.

"Okay then…lets go." Edward said turning the ignition on. I looked at him bewildered for a second. He wasn't like any other guys that I had known. He didn't lay the pressure on like certain others. He rapped his arm around me and drove back into town. We hit a traffic jam right in front of Alice. Her "Man I feel like a woman" horn blared through the air and she happily waived at us while dancing in her car.

"I think it suits her more then it did Emmett!" Edward said lightly chuckling. As soon as the traffic cleared Alice's car moved into the other lane and shot past us. She beeped her horn once more and then took a left.

"Alright can you tell me something…Alice is obviously in love with Jasper…so what's stopping her?" Edward asked.

"She said something about mixed signals…truth is I think she's actually afraid." I said.

"Of Jasper...why?" Edward asked confused.

"She's been head over heels for him since high school…I think she's afraid that it wont be like she thought …whatever that is." I spoke truthfully.

"but she should take the chance…it could be better." Edward countered.

" I know…but Alice is really stubborn…it's going to happen on her own terms. Considering she does have a take the bull by the horns outlook on life though it should happen pretty quickly." I said.

"well that would help…and who knows…being friends first helped us." Edward agreed smiling.

"True it did." I agreed beaming back. It was then that we pulled up to an ATM. We extracted the money and left. In almost no time we were at the station. I almost groaned. It meant that my alone time with this god like creature was over. Walking in I met my father.

"Dad…" I started up but Charlie cut me off.

" I know…it kind of came out when we were arresting people…A Cullen…good for you baby…I mean you could do a lot worse .I'm a little worried though…what if he leaves again?" Charlie said gruffly. I wonder who told him I thought sarcastically while a mental image of Seth blabbing came to mind.

"Dad…they all have steady jobs here…I highly doubt that is going to happen. Besides I do have people…do you honestly think Alice would let me live in a depression?" I mumbled.

"alright you have a point." Charlie gave up. He then brought us to where they were holding the remainder of the group. Most of the women still gaped. Seth stood up and propelled himself to the cell door like a bat out of hell.

"What a relief. I thought I was going to have to spend the night in jail again!" Seth exclaimed as they opened the door and he strolled out.

"we're not that cold hearted!" I said.

"No…but you try having your family not pick up your phone calls. In a way though it's a good thing that dad didn't find out…he'd have a shit fit. Charlie was kind enough to drop the charges and Ted was kind enough to let me keep my job. Said that the women were mostly to blame!" Seth said as we headed over to the counter to sign paper work.

"Well I hate to say it Seth but your mom's a flake so I wouldn't sweat it too much…and its not like the others didn't care. They probably would of rescued you had they been here." I said.

"no your right…besides I don't think I want to touch Jakes upholstery after what dad described the night they almost killed Jake." Seth said laughing. It was then that we got in the car again.

"its about god damn time you two got together. I was getting sick of waiting and of the tension." Seth said getting into the back seat.

"uh thanks I think?" I said as Edward shook his head.

"Oh by the way. I forgot to say that Big Ted says he approves of the office romance…but if it gets in the way of work or something happens…then don't drag him into it. He also says…work's closed today and tomorrow and then mumbled about how much two closed work days were going to cost him. You had to see his wife…boy was she pissed…said that he should of let the women beat the shit out of each other. Charlie was nice enough to only slap a misdemeanor on him and only because he was carrying the bat. A lot of the women got felonies which serves them right." Seth said.

"Big Ted approves?" Edward and I asked slightly shocked.

"you do know that he met his wife when they both worked at the diner right!" Seth said raising his eyebrows

"no." we both said.

"yeah apparently he was a waiter there when he was in high school…she was a waitress…they got it on in the back freezer a couple of times…common you don't know this?" Seth asked shocked.

"I think the question should be how do you?" I asked.

"my sources told me so. Apparently Big Ted was out with friends one night and they were talking about it. My sources over heard because they were sitting a table over having drinks with their friends." Seth said. It sounded suspicious…come to think of it…last time they went out Alice did mention hearing a conversation about people doing it in the freezer of the diner. I shook my head but didn't say anything.

"Seth we all know that you, Alice and Jasper were your 'sources' you don't have to hide that." Edward said in a manner of fact tone.

"no it wasn't!" Seth lied.

"then what were their names…your sources?" Edward asked.

"uh Alyssa and Casper I think." Seth said. From the look on his face he knew he was busted the minute he opened his mouth.

"Whatever…point is that everyone knows now…Charlie took it better then expected. For a minute we thought he needed an ambulance but then he perked right up and said that it could of been worse…something about dating the Newton kid. So how did this happen…never mind I'll get it out of Alice…I'm sure that's what she wanted to talk to me about when she left a message this morning" Seth said. I should of known!

We dropped Seth off at his house. The twins must have been at work or something…lucky for me or else I would have had to explain why there was a Delorean in the driveway. We both stared at the house for a minute.

"Do you miss it?" Edward asked sympathetically.

"yes…but I eventually had to get out. And lets just say thank god I did!" I said.

"Care to explain why?" Edward asked curious.

"its really hard to put into words. You would have to see it to believe it." I said as we started down my old street. I knew eventually I would have to say something…but those words were true. There wasn't a strong enough word to describe how nerdy the twins were.


	17. There's a first time for everything

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! **

Chapter 17

BPV.

Work ended up being closed for the next two weeks. Apparently anytime Ted went to open shop a fight about something would start up. Everyone with the exception of me and Edward who managed to stay out of the fighting had to attend anger management classes. The next Saturday everyone was over at our apartment. The others still hadn't found the courage to say how they felt…though Emmett told Edward and I that he was going to ask Rose tonight. Alice and Jasper on the other hand…no progress made. The both of them were still too stubborn or afraid to say how they felt. Frankly it was getting annoying but no one could say that out loud.. Emmett and Jasper were wrestling while Rose and Alice were talking hair care products. Edward and I were attacking the kitchen when the phone went off.

"Hey Bells…listen I know you have company…but do you mind of Celeste, the twins, and I stop over. I have some news that I need to share with you." Charlie said the minute I picked up.

"No dad the more the merrier…we were just making dinner anyways." I said. I internally groaned. The dweebs were coming. I was going to have to say something. Well at least they'll probably be piled in the car together.

"Oh just so you know…Mark and Alfred left before us…they should be there with in the next five to ten minutes." Charlie said factually. Crap!

"Okay thanks…anything I should know about…allergies or anything?" I asked.

"oh their allergic to everything…Celeste is bringing food for them so don't worry about that." Charlie said. Typical.

"See ya honey!" Charlie said hanging up the phone. Wonderful!

"What's wrong?" Edward asked.

"Charlie's coming…and he's bringing guests. Alice get in here!" I called the second part out into the living room. Alice walked in looking confused. I turned towards Edward.

"I never told you this…but Charlie got himself a girlfriend who has twin sons around our age who are strange. They're coming over tonight." I said.

"OH NO!" Alice said horrified. Edward looked at Alice confused.

"Strange is an understatement…their freaks!" Alice snorted.

"I know…I cant help who he goes out with though…never mind what offspring she had from another relationship!" I moaned. It was then that Alice and I went out and warned everyone else. The door bell rang…and the twins were sitting there making nasally Bevis and Butthead noises while having another lifesaver fight.

"Hey Sissy!" They greeted. Mark/Marcus thing was checking me out.

"I'm not your sister!" I moaned. They chuckled.

"Mom and dad just left the house. They said that to tell you that they would be here any minute and to start serving with out them if need be…my your looking smoking tonight." Marcus said hitting on me. I felt so degraded.

"Wonderful." I said.

"so…how's Alice?" Alfred asked while taking a whiff off his inhaler. I could see Alice and Jasper peeking from behind a corner. Alfred saw and looked pissed off. Marcus was too busy ogling me to notice anything else.

"I'll eventually win my Arwen over…Mr. I bleach my hair and teeth has nothing on me!" Alfred/ Aro mumbled to himself. Edward came to my aid at the perfect time.

EPV

The door bell rang and Bella went to get the door. Standing behind it was the two nerdiest people that I had ever seen in my life. They looked like the typical poin-dexters. Alice dragged Jasper towards the kitchen area and stuck their heads out to get a closer look…Alice was making gagging noises. I got up and started to head over there. I wasn't jealous…I knew that those two weren't a threat but Bella looked really uncomfortable and no one should have to feel like that in their own home. Plus the way one of them was staring had me unnerved. It wasn't the way someone should look at their mother's boyfriends daughter. No wonder why Alice called them freaks.

"Hey guys…I'm Edward!" I said wrapping one hand around Bella and shaking theirs with the other. The one that was interested in Bella stiffened.

"I'm Mark…call me Marcus…this is Alfred…but call him Aro. We're Bella's Step Brothers."

"How many times do I have to tell you…I'm not your sister!" Bella moaned.

You are now…that's what mom and dad are coming to tell you…they got married!" Marcus said in the most nasally tone that I had ever heard. He then took out a bottle of nasal decongestant and sprayed his nose as Alfred presented a picture. The picture was of Charlie and presumably their mother dressed up in Star Trek gear posing for the camera. Billy Black and some Blonde bimbo , both of whom looked very trashed at the time, posed drunkenly for the camera. Bella stared in disbelief.

"oh my god!" Bella mumbled to herself.

"And where were you two when this happened?" She gasped out.

"At the arcade….playing lazer tag…next time you can come along…seeing you play would be so hot." Marcus answered while hitting on her. I cleared my throat.

"Exactly how the hell do you know Bella?" Marcus asked icily.

"uh we're dating!" I said slightly annoyed. Marcus threw me a dirty look. I noticed that it was the exact same look that Alfred had thrown Jasper a few minutes before hand. Looks like Alfred had a thing for Alice then.

"Right." he said in a pissed tone as if Bella belonged to him and only him. It reminded me of a Marsha/ Greg Brady thing…only if Marsha repulsed by Greg's advances. Then that the twins turned and looked at each other.

"Cedric Diggory type…pretty boy…we know what happens to them!" They snickered whispering to each other. What the fuck? Who the hell was that anyways…creepy! It was then that Emmett came walking by heading in to the kitchen to get something to eat.

"AHHHHH DWEEBS. MY EYES ARE BURNING…E= MC SQUARED. OH NO …THEIR GETTING TO ME…AHHHHHHH!" Emmett screamed withering in fake pain.

"AHHHHH….JOCK….DON'T FLUSHY US…PLEASE NO!" the twins cried afraid. In a way it was funny seeing these three very different people in a room together. The twins with their buttoned down shirts, pocket protectors, corduroy pants and dress shoes…and then Emmett who looked like a typical gym teacher. We used their distraction to escape to the kitchen with Alice and Jasper.

"I told you…complete freaks!" Alice snorted again.

"Talk about a serious case of Peter Pan syndrome!" Jasper exclaimed watching the twins as they whipped out game boys and walked into the living room.

"I'm going to beat you Aro…go todadile!" Marcus exclaimed.

"Alice we have a problem." Bella started up

"I'll say…the nerds need total makeovers…make themselves look at least half way normal!" Alice said.

"No…Charlie married their mother." Bella said and I nodded to back her up. I felt bad…no one should have to put up with creepy step brothers who check you out even though its clear you have no interest in them. Alice held her hand over her chest and made gasping noises.

"Mmmmarried? As in stuck with the nerds forever?" Alice gasped shocked.

"ouy that is a problem." Alice groaned.

"Well it shouldn't be that bad…I mean you guys don't live with them." Jasper said.

"you didn't see their room Jazzy…and come to me when they steal your underwear…like they did to me and Bella." Alice hissed. Okay definitely keeping a close eye on the creeptastic twins then. The look on Jasper's face told me that I wasn't the only one who thought that too.

"They what?" Jasper asked weirded out. Considering Jasper was a psychologist that was an accomplishment.

"yeah so while we don't have to live with them we still have to worry about our stuff getting stolen…plus what if the neighbors see them…group us in with them…ugh!" Alice said disgusted.

"I'm sorry I knew I should of warned you…but I didn't want to scare you off." Bella said apologetically.

"Don't worry about it…every family has something…just look at Emmett!" I said pointing to Emmett who was watching a football game in the living room with a finger and a beer can helmet cheering excitedly at the tv.

"would Emmett check his step sister out…I really don't think so!" Alice countered.

"oh I can think of one exception…if she was a blonde, hot, Seahawks cheerleader!" Jasper countered.

" yeah in other words…he's normal." Alice huffed.

"Hey nerds…do you watch football?" Emmett called from the living room.

"Football's so _boring_ big deal…you throw a football and you catch it. Now _chess_…_that_ takes some thought!" Alfred said while blowing his nose. I swore Emmett's face twitched.

"You think _Football_ is more_ boring_ then _chess?_ is there something wrong with you?" Emmett gasped pissed

"let me get this straight…you think a game where people move junky pieces of plastic around is more interesting then football…whatever I thought nerds were smart!" Emmett huffed pissed

"you guys are both wrong…I'd much rather prefer to watch project runway any day!" Alice said prancing into her bedroom.

" I'd have to say…I'd probably side with Alice on this one. No offence Em I love football and everything but it would probably be my second favorite on tv. And chess makes me fall asleep…it doesn't really hold my attention." Rose said

"And there you have it…chess is boring!" Emmett said pointing to Rose.

"Sorry boys!" Rose said. The twins blushed.

"Oh no they have a new object of obsession!" Alice said returning to the living room.

"anyone ever tell you that you look just like Fleur Delacour!" Marcus said.

"Oh no more Harry Potter stuff…they must be heavy G.O.F fans…they already made two references to it in the past twenty minutes!" Alice mumbled appearing in the kitchen again.

"Pardon?" Rose asked.

"She's only the hottest girl in Harry Potter!" The twins exclaimed.

"I didn't even know Harry Potter had hot characters in it?" Emmett said.

"Oh she's mentioned in the fourth, the sixth, and the seventh book… _She's_ part _veela!"_ They bragged as if she were a real person. Emmett sat in confusion.

"Okay…conversation ends when you start talking different languages." Emmett said. A couple of minutes later the twins started making weird noises. The only word that was definitive was "Arwen" as they pointed over to Alice.

"What the hell…are they having a seizure?" Emmett asked afraid.

'No their speaking elfish…I have delusional patients who think their characters from Lord Of The Rings and they try to communicate in Elvish. I had to learn the basic gist to help some of them." Jasper said.

"What are they saying Jazzy?" Alice asked.

"I don't think you want to know!" Jasper warned with his face slightly twitching.

"JASPER!" Alice demanded.

"Alright well…" Jasper was cut off by the twins screaming grunts.

"N'UMA N'UMA N'UMA GOTH GOTH GOTH!" The twins were shouting at the tops of their lungs.

"Someone call an exorcist!" Emmett screamed running into the kitchen.

"alright I wont say anything!" Jasper said holding his hands up in surrender. They went back to their murmurings.

"See…weirdoes!" Alice hissed.

"Those are the type of kids that I used to stuff in lockers in high school…this has got to be some form of karma bullshit!" Emmett said.

"You think you got it bad…that's her step family!" Alice exclaimed pointing to me

"My condolences Bella…I'm sorry you lost your chance at having a normal family!" Emmett scoffed the last part while still managing to sound like a mourner at a funeral.

"Thanks Em." Bella grumbled.

"you know its too bad thought…I mean they must have had potential to be normal at one point in their lives!" Emmett continued on.

"I'm not sure about that." Jasper disagreed.

"either way you have to admit its creepy how they stare at the girls. I mean both Alice and Bella are clearly not interested and they don't seem to comprehend that their mother is married to Bella's father." I said.

"Yeah …but I think that they do comprehend the marriage thing. I think its more of a Van der Humphry situation there…which I cant even fathom doing that!" Alice groaned grossed out.

"A Van der what? Sounds hot!" Emmett exclaimed.

"Boys!" Alice said rolling her eyes. Alice then walked away. Jasper sighed.

"Jasper I'm going to give you one piece of advice…ask Alice out soon I'll kill you…you've been moping about this for weeks now!" I said.

"Why wont you ask her?" Bella added on.

"uh do you even know how hard it is to ask someone out…he knows!" Jasper said pointing to me.

"I did it though…and it worked…your going to get nowhere by doing nothing!" I warned.

"Hard…its really easy…watch me!" Emmett said walking over to Rosalie. He leaned and whispered something in her ear. Rosalie then back handed him.

"What the hell happened there?" Jasper half laughed.

" I don't know...she just got all pissy!" Emmett said.

"Well what did you say?" Bella asked.

"I just asked ' would you be the stripper to my pole!'" Emmett said confused.

"do you know how nasty that sounds Emmett…I'd hit you too if I were Rose!" Bella said as I shook my head in disbelief. My brother was a retard. As I said to Bella…every family has something…and we have Emmett. Such charm he has sometimes!

"Are you that tarded Em…did you not just listen to how that sounds!" Jasper agreed.

"go rectify that…tell her what you really mean before you loose her. and try to lay off the sexual innuendos." I said. Emmett nodded and went to find Rose. When they walked out they looked all lovey dovey.

"You can have that." Bella said to Jasper while pointing at Emmett. Jasper grumbled something about asking Alice tomorrow night. Hopefully he doesn't chicken out.

It was then that we heard another knock. Chief Swan's voice boomed through the door.

"WE'RE HERE GUYS…EVERYONE SIT DOWN WE HAVE SOME NEWS!" They screamed through the door. Opening the door Chief Swan skipped in like a little kid.

BPV

We all convened in the living room at that point to hear the dreaded news. It sounded even worse coming out of my father's mouth then Marcus's. Was this gods way of punishing me for begging for a sibling? What did I do to offend him so much?

"Let me get this straight Chief Swan…you got married…and we weren't invited…BUT BILLY BLACK WAS. YOUR OWN DAUGHTER COULDN'T GO BUT BILLY WAS ALLOWED? ARE YOU THAT MORONIC…YOU INVITED HIS FATHER WHILE LEAVING YOUR DAUGHTER AT HOME…LEAVING ME AT HOME? HIS SON BEAT YOUR BABY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" Alice snarled after Charlie was finished talking.

"Alice you have to understand…he's Celeste's client and I've known him for years!" Charlie begged.

"So Bella's your daughter…your DNA…your blood…and she doesn't get as much as a heads up? How would you like it Charlie…your parents getting married with out you there! And then to see creepy's father sitting there in a wheelchair trashed out of his mind…how would you like it if at the same wedding…Renee's father was in attendance but you couldn't be there!" Alice snarled some more. Edward had his arm wrapped around me and was rubbing my hand supportively.

"now Alice…its not that big of a deal…your blowing things way out of proportion." Charlie grumbled.

"Not that big a deal….NOT THAT BIG A DEAL! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU GET A NEW WIFE WITH NO ONE ELSE THERE AND ITS NOT THAT BIG A DEAL? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!" Alice shrieked.

"Dad honestly…you know that I should of known about this…you let the twins know before me? Billy knew?…maybe I shouldn't invite you to my wedding…what do you think about that?" I growled. Charlie looked like he got electrocuted when he heard that second part.

"you wouldn't!" Charlie huffed.

"I'm just like you dad!" I warned. Alice looked slightly worried for some reason. Probably thought that she wouldn't be invited or something.

"if you do elope Bella please invite me!" Alice whispered as we got up get food.

"Oh Alice…you know you're my Billy." I said.

"I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted by that comment." Alice murmured back.

"Well considering Billy got to go to his wedding when I couldn't…take it as a complement." I said

"aww you would invite me over your own blood to your wedding!" Alice said honored.

"Alice can you chill with mentioning weddings around Charlie. You know how he gets." I said.

"Yep…nervous…talks proudly about murdering the groom….says that who ever marries you should pray that Charlie dies before you get pregnant…then cocks his gun. I'm really surprised that Jake survived his wrath…probably because he's son of "Billy The Almighty." honestly I don't get why he thinks Billy's god…he smokes just as much weed as my dad. Billy's the same way as Caius…yet he acts totally weird around Caius. I really don't get it?" Alice said confused.

"I really don't either Alice. He says that its complicated whenever I ask. Its gotta be more then a difference of opinions." I said.

"I'll have to ask dad when he's high some day." Alice sighed as we returned with the food. Celeste asked to use the microwave to warm up the twins….I don't even know what to call it. It looked like melted meatloaf with brussle sprouts mixed in.

"ugh what is that…it looks like shit!" Emmett asked gagging while looking at the twins meals.

"It smells like shit too!" Charlie whispered.

"Oh it's the only thing that we can eat….we eat it morning, noon and night!" the twins said. I was confused. I definitely remember them eating breakfast the day we left.

"what are you talking about…you two were arguing over fruit loops the day I left!" I countered.

"Oh you don't want to know what happened that night!" The twins almost laughing. Emmett almost puked.

"Ugh we really don't need to know that!" Edward groaned under his breath. Rosalie looked like she smelt an onion. Alice and Jasper looked like they were trying to block the images out of their minds. Alice then took off to the bathroom.

After three hours of listening to the twins talk about the color of their snot I noticed that Alice was taking a really long time in the bathroom. I headed over and grasped my hand on the door handle.

"Don't come-" Alice's voice cut off as I turned the handle. Alice was sitting on the toilet with a nip of vodka in her mouth. A couple of small, empty bottles scattered across the floor.

"Bellaa I hadd to…I couldn't standd it anymore…youu know meee…I lovvee peopleee..and I cannottttt standd them when theeey talkk aboutttt that stufff. I woulddd of shareed…I jusstt really needed a drink you know!" Alice slurred rocking on the toilet.

"Alice what are we going to do with you…well at least your not driving." I said shaking my head. Alice excused herself to bed shortly after.

"is everything alright?" Edward asked as I sat down and Alice said goodbye.

" yeah she's just a little…"

"Trashed." Edward finished my sentence.

"Yep…you could tell?" I said.

"it isn't hard to guess when Alice comes stumbling out of the bathroom. Plus I could smell her from here." Edward lightly chuckled.

"Well we have to go…reception dinner in a few days Bells…you get to meet your new Aunt Jane!" Charlie said turning towards the door.

"your house?" I asked.

"yep."

"We'll be there." Edward and I said at the same time. Charlie had invited everyone when Alice came out to say good night.

"Good night Charlie!" Edward called.

"Night guys…remember to lock everything up!" Charlie said…his over protectiveness surging again.

"we know dad!" I called. And with that they were finally gone. I rested my head against his chest and listened to the sounds of Edward breathing. Before I knew it I was asleep in his arms. A beautiful angel's arms.

A few hours later I awoke to find Edward sleeping in the rocking chair at the corner of my bed. Realizing how uncomfortable that probably was I promptly woke him up and invited him to use the bed. This caused an argument that lasted a few minutes. Our lips then met…effectively ending that argument. We both somehow wound up on the bed. Before we got any further I whispered in his ear "This is my first time." Edward looked at me confused.

"Not even Jacob got past the fortress of Charlie." I said in a relieved tone. I was glad that I didn't give it up to Jacob for two reasons…because he turned out to be such an asshole, and it allowed me to have this special moment with Edward. A huge smile spread across his face.

"You don't know how bad I wish I could say the same." Edward said, his tone sincere. The distance between our lips closed again. It felt right, it felt perfect, it was the moment that everyone wished they had when it was their first time. The electricity turned into flames of passion with consumed the both of us and we willingly submitted ourselves over. This was hands down the best night ever.


	18. The day after

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys!**

Chapter 18

BPV

I awoke in Edward's arms early the next morning. Staring that the green eyes glazing back at me I blushed with the memories of last night. It was amazing…he was amazing. I wondered what I did to deserve this live Adonis. Maybe this was the universes way of making up for sending the twins into my life? I then got a good look at the clock.-5:45 am. Alice would be up soon. If I wanted to avoid Alice's twisted game of twenty questions Edward would have to leave soon.

"Edward I think you better go home." I said in a unwilling voice.

"Why?" He said looking almost hurt.

"I don't feel like answering Alice's twisted twenty questions and I'm sure that you don't want to have Emmett and Jasper harassing you all day about it either." I said. He looked relieved.

" your right…I definitely don't feel like Jasper's counseling session or Emmett's badgering and you don't need what we did last night spread all over town 'cause of big mouth" Edward agreed as we carefully got out of bed. We tip toed out of the bedroom and across the apartment to the front door.

"yes…almost there!" We whispered giggling.

"Let me get the lock…I can do it very quiet so that she wont hear!" I whispered reaching out to the door handle. It was at that point that all the lights turned on. Alice was standing there in a sparkling pink bathrobe with "Alice" scrawled across the side. A matching pink sleep mask was pushed to the top of her head…her black hair in curlers. There was a fire in her eye and in her left hand was her cell phone which held a picture of Jasper and the words "Edward never came home last night" printed on the screen.

"Where do you think your going!" Alice demanded.

"Uh I came over this morning…to see if Bella wanted some donuts!" Edward lied but his shocked tone all but ruined it.

"You're a terrible liar Cullen…I have the text from Jazzy…the rats nest on Bella's head…you sneaking out at 6 am looking like the cat that ate the canary…it all adds up. You two did the hanky-panky last night!" Alice stated smugly. I knew that if I tried to deny it Alice would pick up on the lie.

"Edward I think its about time you run!" I whispered in his ear. He looked at me as if he was afraid to leave me with the pink panther. I knew that there was almost no chance he was going to leave me.

"Alice I don't think it's any of your business what we did or did not do last night." Edward said.

"When it comes to my best friend it becomes my business!" Alice countered sounding strangely like Charlie.

.

"Edward I really think you better go before she sends Jasper a text and skews some details!" I warned.

"I'll be back!" he said slightly stroking my face. We stayed staring at each other for a couple of minutes before Alice cleared her throat. Like a ghost he evaporated into thin air.

"So…you banged a Cullen…now I don't have any Champaign for this moment but I think some Pinot Grigio will do just nicely. We could add a bit of sprite to make it bubbly!" Alice said whipping out a bottle of wine and some sprite cans. She then went over and got a cork screw.

" to you…finally getting laid and not loosing it to someone as gross as Jacob or Mike Newton …and to me…PLEASE GOD LET ME LAND JASPER…OR AT LEAST LET ME SEE SOME ACTION…ITS BEEN A YEAR AND I CANT STAND IT ANY LONGER!" Alice said, her sexual frustration leaking through. I never thought I would dread a Sunday until now. But tomorrow was going to be weird going to work after not being there in a while.

"really Alice…maybe you should oh I don't know…ask him out? You want to talk about taking the bull by the horns!" I said shaking my head.

" Bells…if I ask it makes me look desperate." Alice said.

"Well aren't you?" I countered.

"Yes…but we don't want him to know that now do we…he's the guy…he has to ask me out. You of all people should know that…Edward asked you out!" Alice said defiantly.

" did you ever think that he'd be scared to ask you out?" I asked.

"Obviously he knows that I'd say yes!" Alice answered.

"No Alice…you know that you'd say yes…he doesn't know that!" I countered.

" Still if he has feelings…what's stopping him?" Alice asked clueless.

"Alice…Jasper's a very emotional person…even more emotional them Edward and the total opposite of Emmett. In fact I can see why Edward said that they were shocked Emmett wrote his feelings for Rose…he really is like a robot sometimes." I said

"Bella your screwing up psychopathic tendencies for being emotionally stupid. Emmett feels emotions…he's just an idiot when it comes to understanding what they mean so he ignores it and sticks to what he knows…like football." Alice countered

" besides…doesn't that prove my point…if he has feelings for me…why not express them?" Alice demanded.

"do you express your feelings for him?" I countered.

"Bella we both know that I am a very expressive person…I spend every night with him-"

"And Seth and Alcohol…doesn't exactly scream 'I love you Jasper!'" I cut her off.

"well what is a girl supposed to do…I get nervous!" Alice said.

" maybe if you spend a sober night alone with him…that might get the job done!" I said.

"What if I just spend a night alone with him…Alcohol calms my nerves." Alice said.

" Whatever…just make sure that Seth is not there and that it's some place your both comfortable with and not a bar stool while talking to his old friend Jason completely hammered." I advised.

"Hey that worked for Seth!" Alice said slightly pissed.

"Seth and Jasper…entirely different people Alice. Besides you got so trashed that time that I had to tell you the next day that you and Seth were dating. Do you really want a repeat of that?" I asked.

"not really. It wasn't fun waking up on my floor with no clue how I got home , fully clothed, with Caius smoking a blunt and laughing at me." Alice said remembering.

" After talking to you I came to realize that a drunk mind speaks a sober heart…hopefully Jaspers drunken mind speaks his sober heart sometime soon or else I'm going to shove truth serum down his throat." Alice said.

"Do you even know where to get truth serum?" I asked.

"yep Charlie has some…confessed it to me a little while ago. Said something about using it to eliminate the bad seeds for you…Hell the only potential boyfriend that he didn't use it on up till Edward was Jake…which was the one he should of used it on. You know he told me that he planned on using it on Edward yesterday…but since you two were stuck together like glue and with the wooly mammoth named Emmett around he really didn't have the opportunity." Alice said. I was pissed. This explained many of my dates strange confessions over the dinner table…strippers, threesomes, experimental drug use and here I was…when I just thought it was bad luck. I have to get back at my father for this. One confessed to having sex with a stripper, one confessed to having a threesome with strippers…4 times…one confessed to having herpes down under and one confessed to having crack on him…at that very moment. I thought they said that to get away from me. Charlie was going to go down.

"WHAT!" I roared.

"oops…Charlie made me promise not to say anything!" Alice said taken a back.

"Alice you know damn well you should of told me about this sooner…here I thought I was a looser!" I snarled.

"I did tell you just now!" Alice said.

" great…because Jacob turned out so wonderful he's probably going to double dose Edward…and while I'm not really worried about Edward's time in Seattle-I mean compared to the guy who brought crack to my house or the STD boy whatever he did was probably nothing, besides he doesn't seem the type to live the lifestyle of some of my ex suitors-I am worried about last night slipping out. While Charlie said that he's going to be more open to that…Charlie in a house ,with a gun, with Edward confessing what we did is not a good idea." I gripped.

"yeah police chief murdering his daughter's boyfriend would definitely cause the almost non existent crime rate to go sky high." Alice agreed.

"you know I know that I should of said something sooner…but honestly I just wanted to keep the peace you know." Alice said.

" Alice you know that I should of known…you knew the horror stories of what I went through." I said.

"hold up…you never told me about the one with the STD!" Alice said.

"I told you!" I said.

"No you didn't…I would of remembered that." Alice said

"it was some kid right after I started my sophomore year in college…you set us up…remember…Jacques…you really should remember…he's your cousin." I growled the last part. How the hell did she forget that one….it was a huge drama in her family that he confessed that to Charlie.

"Oh now I remember…did I ever apologize for setting you up with that?" Alice asked.

"about 1 million times." I said.

"1 million and one…I'm sorry…did you know that he just got married…hooked up with some ex prostitute one night and next thing he knew he was married and living on the U.S Virgin Islands. Auntie Alyssa and Uncle Bernie…well lets just say that if you thought the reaction to 'guess what mom and dad I have V.D' was bad…their reaction to him getting hitched to an ex prostitute was eight times worse. They wrote him out of their will. Said that they never thought they'd see the day that Caius would have the "Black Sheep" title taken off of him by the family and given to their 4.0 GPA son. Caius laughed at that and said ' ye who cast stones…I may be free spirited but at least my daughter turned out all right!'" Alice said the last part sounding a lot like her dad.

"wow why would he…" I started to ask.

"no one knows why…but I always knew that he would do something like that…I mean sometimes the perfect child flukes out you know…they talked about him like he was god the almighty or something. He needed to fall from grace so to speak. Honestly if I had a clue that he had that shit then I wouldn't of you guys up…I mean no one knew that the reason he had very few girlfriends was because he was sneaking off to visit prostitutes in the middle of the night." Alice said apologetically.

"Alice I told you that it was okay…besides its not like we got that close or anything." I said.

"still I feel bad…I just wanted us to be like family. Oh well that may still technically be true if you marry Edward and by the grace of god Jasper finally mans up, asks me out, and then marries me. We would be cousins by marriage…wouldn't that be great! I have a feeling thought that if I ever want Jasper to propose its going to be like getting my teeth pulled…tedious and painful." Alice said already jumping on the marriage train. She and Jasper were about as close to marriage as England was to Hawaii. I looked at the calendar and groaned at the word Sunday. It felt like forever since I had been in work…tomorrow was sure to be a culture shock. Ted was saying that hell would freeze over before he had to close again. My desk with filled with this weeks stories that had to be dropped off to Ted some point today. Since he had to do the same, Edward was going to pick me up which meant he had to face Alice again. This brought the topic back to us and last night.

"Alice when he comes over again…no prodding. How would you like that if I harassed your boyfriend about things that should be between you and him and no one else." I said.

"point taken!" Alice said.

EPV.

I arrived home a few minutes after I left Bella's. Looking in from the outside the entire house was in the dark. It looked deceptively like no one was awake…a fact that I knew to be untrue since Jasper's text to Alice signified that he at least was prowling around the house somewhere. Stepping inside, I lightly closed the door. As I was about to tip toe up the stair case, a light popped on. Jasper was sitting on the couch puffing a cigar looking a hell of a lot like my father.

"hold it…where are you going Rico Suave ?" Jasper asked as a puff of smoke escaped his mouth. He was really meant for Alice.

"Jasper?…I thought you quit smoking?" I asked.

"oh I only smoke when I'm nervous…that doesn't excuse you though. Come…sit down…talk!" Jasper said gesturing to the seat next to him.

" I know what you did last night…it wasn't hard to deduce really…just had to put two and two together…Alice confirmed it when she answered my text this morning…don't worry Emmett doesn't know. He's been um _busy_." Jasper said. It was at that point that we could hear very distinctive female moans coming out of Emmett's room

"so I know that you wont want to speak about the personal aspects of it…is there anything that you do want to talk about…remember everything you say to me is in confidence." Jasper said in his psychologist tone. His hand twitched towards the paper and pen sitting on the coffee table.

" Jasper will you quit speaking like that…I'm not one of your patients."

"Sorry…so is there anything?" Jasper asked.

" Jasper no offence but its really uncomfortable talking about this with your cousin…I think that there's something different about this relationship though. It feels different…like there's something more…I don't know." I said truthfully

"Really!" Jasper said oddly excited. It was then that a massive amount of banging emanated from Emmett's room.

"TOUCHDOWN!" Emmett roared. Jasper rolled his eyes and muttered "_freak"_

"_EMMETT!" _Rosalie moaned. I did not need the mental picture. Jasper gagged.

"They've been non stop going at it since 2:30 in the morning…I haven't slept all night. Really I don't know how they kept at it this long. Most people go to bed…not them…you at least gave me the common courtesy to sleep at Bella's ." Jasper huffed.

"TWO FOUR SIX EIGHT…WHO DO WE APPRECIATE…GO EMMETT! GO EMMETT! GO EMMETT!" We could hear Rosalie shouting with a light sound of pom-poms. Did not want to know what they were doing!

"you know what they say about women who shout…that they're most likely faking it." Jasper said annoyed. We heard more moaning and banging sounds. We were probably going to have to remodel.

" I don't think she's faking….just very expressive." I said. It was then that we could feel the floor vibrate under us…almost like a mild earthquake, followed by more sexual noises coming out of Emmett's room. Jasper's glass of red wine sloshed violently in its glass…threatening to tip over.

"okay when you almost break the house…I think that its time to stop!" Jasper said shaking his head laughing. I didn't think Bella and I were that bad considering Alice didn't mention screaming and vibrating floors.

"_EMMETT….RIGHT THERE EMMETT!"_ Rosalie groaned loudly. I was too grossed out to say anything. Jasper started to hysterically laugh.

"What is everyone getting laid but me!" Jasper said finally calming down.

"you know that the only reason why that hasn't happened is because you wont ask her." I said. Jasper took another puff from his cigar.

"I know I know…I'm just so nervous about her saying no…its driving me to smoke again. I've been thinking about it and puffing away all night!" Jasper said taking a couple more drags.

"I don't think that she's going to say no…you two are practically dating already, you just haven't realized it yet. She's changed your name on her phone to 'hubby'. you have her listed as "Wifey" with the wedding march as your ring tone. Friends don't do that." I said.

"Hey I didn't do that…she did!" Jasper said.

"Exactly my point. Why would a girl who wants to be your friend do that huh…you're a psychologist…you tell me!" I said driving my point across.

"how the hell did this turn to about me…we were supposed to be talking about you!" Jasper gasped.

"Jasper all I'm going to say is this…ask Alice and soon. You know better then anyone else what happens when people miss chances." I warned Jasper nodded. That was when Emmett and Rosalie emerged from Emmett's layer. Ceiling plaster was on both of their heads. Rose was in very skimpy lingerie and Emmett was stock naked. I did not need that picture burned into my mind.

"What is this…a nudist colony…Emmett cover that up!" Jasper gasped covering his eyes

"What are you guys doing awake!" Emmett screamed ducking behind the couch. What dumbass didn't realize was the couch he was hiding behind was in front of the wall window. He was practically mooning the new, single, group of girls next door. I swore I saw one faint.

"oh hi guys…um I would be careful if you enter Emmett's room any time soon. There's a huge crack in the ceiling above his bed which looks like it could give way. I can try and fix it this afternoon!" Rose said very flustered.

"oh I bet you will!" Jasper muttered.

"Um I'm going to go find a bathrobe for myself and Emmett…Emmett don't move…the boys really don't need to see you naked twice in one day!" Rose called taking off.

"What is it…honestly every time I attempt to make a move god punishes me…notably in the form of Seth Clearwater…but you guys can have sex with Bella and Rose with ease…how fare is that!" Jasper gripped. Emmett lost in thoughts of Rosalie's body stupidly nodded, not realizing what Jasper had just said. Right now I was loving the fact that Rosalie made Emmett a mindless idiot…not that he wasn't before he met her…it just seemed more pronounce today.

"Jasper just remember the conversation that we had. I'm sure that when the time comes…she'll say yes. Just make it soon!" I repeated the last part.

"right." Jasper sighed.

"Rose…her body's so magnificent…she let me play with her-"' Emmett sighed.

"Okay Emmett…we really don't need a play by play of things that you did to your girlfriend last night!" Jasper cut him off.

"yeah…we heard enough of the gory details out here." I agreed. That was what brought Emmett back down to planet earth.

"Oh shit…did I say that out loud?" Emmett asked embarrassed.

" Yes." Jasper answered.

"sorry about that." Emmett said.

"Say Eddie…why are you dressed in yesterdays clothes?" Emmett asked finally picking up on the fact that I hadn't changed.

"oh it's a very boring story…see Edward slept at Bella's last night so he could ban-I mean have breakfast with her this morning. She put him up on the couch." Jasper lied. He knew very well how much a pain in the ass Emmett could be when it came to stuff like that. Anyone could see how poor of a lie that was…though Emmett stupidly bought it.

"Oh…bor-ing! Honestly Edward I'm going to grow old and die before you two get together. Why wait so long?" Emmett asked.

"Look Em just because I didn't do it the day I asked her out doesn't mean its not going to happen…we're not all you…you know!" I said. We then noticed that our phones were going off. It was a text from Alice.

"Fuck…what the fuck…I'm going to have to talk with Alice about how gossiping has negative benefits!" Jasper groaned.

"_One part of Ella spotted leaving apartment . By the looks of it, they got down and dirty hehe! Sorry E.C fan club…looks like the news keeps on getting worse. Unfortunately no pictures yet. In other news…one Rosalie Hale's car was spotted in front of the Cullen residence this morning and its obvious what they did from the peep show Emmett gave the neighbors this morning! Have fun guys!_" Alice's message read under a picture of Emmett's butt.

" 'peep show Emmett gave?'….AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Emmett screamed like a girl and covering his butt, finally realizing what she was talking about. He then threw himself on a couch and covered his front with a pillow. The rest of the words finally hit him.

"'down and dirty?'…GO EDDIE…ABOUT GOD DAMN TIME!" Emmett bellowed. Ugh here we go! Emmett then launched into 10,000 questions. I really felt bad for Bella…she had to _live_ with mouth of the south Alice who just blabbed to the entire under 30 population of Forks what happened last night. Bella then texted my phone.

"_I'm so sorry. Just reamed Alice out for doing that. She has almost no understanding of the word private life!" _Bella sent.

"_don't worry about it. Its not your fault. Besides it was bound to get out sooner or later!"_ I sent back.

"Banging girls on the same night! Hell yeah that's how we roll!" Emmett said hitting his fist against mine. The rest of the day was spent getting goofy stares from Emmett.


	19. Meet The Volturi's vol1

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys!**

Chapter 19

BPV

I was right. Heading to work the next day was weird. The entire office seemed to stare when we walked in. we got some votes of support but there was still a select group that would give evil glares. I couldn't decide if it was because they wanted Edward for themselves or they just weren't keen on office romances. Either way it really didn't bother me. Edward and I had finished the days work and had nothing to do by lunch time. Seth had taken to bring small games to work with him since there was really nothing for him to do all day. Edward and I were heading out to lunch and Seth was heading home for the day when someone stepped through the front door. We laughed when we realized who it was.

"Ew icky mousy brown definitely is not your color …you could do with some highlights…and blot the lipstick…it looks like you crayoned your lips in!" Alice said. I almost shook with laughter. It was then that Alice ducked her head in to my office.

"hey guys…wow I've never seen your office before Bells…alright changing this office at some point…make it a little more like home…maybe a light purple on the walls…a vase…pictures on the walls!" Alice went on planning the renovation of my office.

"Alice!" I cleared my throat.

"So I was wondering…well Rose and I are on break…and Rose took off with Emmett…do you guys want to get lunch together?" Alice asked.

"Of course we will…I'm buying!" Seth said before Edward or I could respond. And she really wondered why Jasper wouldn't ask her out yet! Looked like plans changed.

"Great!" Alice said happily. It was then that Ted walked by wearing a lovely ensemble that I saw at a K-Mart a while ago.

"EWW SOMEONE GIVE THAT MAN A MAKEOVER!" Alice gagged horrified. Ted turned around insulted.

"What did she say?" Ted huffed.

"Nothing…said that Seth needed a makeover…needed to model after his boss!" Edward said.

"Oh." Ted said. Alice went to rebuff that but I stepped on her foot…effectively silencing her. When Ted was out of ear shot Alice opened up again.

" geez I think I've seen clowns coronate better then that guy!" Alice snorted.

"anything to save a buck is Ted's motto…I heard rumors that his wife was fed up with how he dressed…been the focal point of some heavy arguments. I was at the door a couple of times when I heard him shout about it over the phone. Something about why pay more when you can pay less. Really the guy is the epitome of cheep!" Seth laughed. We then headed into the Volvo together. Alice and Seth bounced into the back seat talking about things that they had heard.

"well Irena's mother stopped in the shop today…and you wont believe what she told me. Her niece's cousin's- from the other side- best friend was in the grocery store the other day and they over heard a conversation between Mrs. Newton and her mother. Apparently Jacob's not the only person Jessica cheated with and she wasn't too careful if you know what I mean. said that her husband cannot stand raising a child that isn't his. Looks like she's finally going to get Mike…pot belly, receding hair line and all! Rumor has it that she's very early in the pregnancy…apparently she just found out the other day and since she had that freak out at the reunion I'd say the job was done only a couple weeks ago." Alice said.

"well are you sure…people misinterpret facts all the time." Seth said.

"Which is why I called her obgyn…I claimed to be her mom. Luckily they don't go to the same one. Even at that they tried to refuse me…but I said that I had a right to know if I was going to be a grandma. They said that she was due in 9 months…and I have another source that tells me that she and her husband haven't been intimate for the past year. Now Billy came over to smoke blunts with Caius and it sort of came out that Jacob shoots blanks due to a late infection with chicken pox." Alice said.

"really…I didn't even know that." I said.

" Billy said Jake was embarrassed by it. Billy was really upset that he wasn't getting an heir. Honestly he didn't want to say anything…the weed kind of forced it out…as far as I know Charlie doesn't even know and he's like his best friend. He actually begged Caius and I not to say anything. So anyways back to what I was saying. After I called her dr. Mike and Jessica were spotted shopping for nursery items together. It all adds up…he's her baby daddy. " Alice said.

"You called her doctor? Your psychotic!" Edward said shocked.

"Thank you!" Alice beamed.

"so looks like things in town are definitely going to get interesting these next few months Sethy. Last time she was knocked up …lets just say she was the talk of the high school. And she didn't have to divorce anyone!" Alice said.

"What is this…the adultery capital of the USA…Charlie got cheated on, I got cheated on, Seth's dad got cheated on, Jessica's husband got cheated on…I'd start worrying if I were you Alice…its like a disease…it seems to be contagious!" I said shaking my head. Edward rubbed my hand supportively.

"Geez thanks!" Alice snorted.

"no but your right…there's an oddly high amount of that going on…I'd say that it was something in the water but the reservation doesn't share our water source." Alice said. Though he never said a word I knew Edward could never hurt me like that and I felt the same way. I think I'd rather rip my heart out of my chest. So I really didn't see the appeal in doing that.

"really what's so wonderful about it any ways…sneaking around. Having to find some cheesy motel to hide out in. if I was going to screw someone I'd rather do it in the comforts of my apartment. Besides its just wrong…if you don't like your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend or whatever title you prefer then break up with them…don't just string them along like a little dog. Its just wrong and it makes you look like a big ass in the end. Then some of them don't even stick around for the break up…look at your mother…I still remember the end of the note' _Good luck in that shit hole'_" Alice said quoting the end of my mothers letter.

"Alright Alice we get it!" Edward groaned shooting Alice a "Shut the hell up" look.

"oops went a little too far didn't I…sorry about that. Sometimes I just don't know when to shut up. But I really don't get what the big deal is…I mean you still have her letter!" Alice said. I had kept her letter because it was the last thing she had ever said before she left. I kinda didn't want to part with it and even if I did Charlie wanted me to keep it…something about his version of a warning label on marriage before midlife. I really wished that Alice would listen and shut up. Edward must of sensed my discomfort.

"Sometimes you don't know when to shut up?" Edward asked slightly aggravated.

"Alice how would you like it if your mom left…even years ago and your best friend kept on bringing it up during one conversation. Now how about we change the subject?" Edward said. Alice immediately shut up. We spent the rest of the car ride in silence. When we got to the diner we were immediately seated. An older friendly waitress smiled brightly as she took our orders.

"I'll have the che-oh god…really how stupid could you be?" Alice said as her attention turned towards the window. Mike and Jessica were practically humping each other in front of his busted suburban. Jessica's little boy was playing with toy soldiers at their feet and she was holding bags filled with formula. Since her son was like four three guesses it wasn't for him.

"alright…is that a misinterpretation of the facts!" Alice said to Seth. Alice and Seth then looked at each other.

"ooh gossip bomb…caught in the act of cheating yet again." Alice cackled. A heavy set man in the back caught Alice's eye.

"Ooh wanna see drama! Uh manager…can you tell me what that license plate is right there…you look like you have good eyes!" Alice asked pointing in the direction of Mike and Jessica.

"THAT'S MY WIFE!" The man bellowed whipping out a baton. Alice and Seth happily whipped out the video cameras on their phones.

"Spotted Mike and his baby mama getting it on…surprised? Not as much as Jessica's husband I bet!" Alice read as the man billyclubed Mike over the head and knocked him out cold.

"I really don't think that girl could be anyone's wife." Alice cackled some more as Jessica and her husband had a huge argument in the parking lit. an employee grabbed their son and pulled him out of the way.

" I love how these things just find me sometimes!" Alice said as the word divorce floated around ten times. Apparently that part of the rumor wasn't true…he had no clue that his wife was carrying the spawn of Mike Newton, though now that he did he didn't want to raise that child as his own anyways

"Goes for winners that one does!" Alice continued on gesturing

"lets see manager…or unemployed looser son of the owners of a sporting good's store…such a step up huh!" Seth agreed. Edward and I tried to look away.

"Really though…there's like how many infertile couples in the world and those two were allowed to have a child…like really…that's messed up!" Alice said as a squad car pulled in and the fight finally started to break up.

The day of Charlie's dinner fast approached. Getting out of work that day I groaned. Seth had so ever cheerfully badgered Edward and I about it all day long. He and his family were planning to stop over. Walking into the apartment Alice was waiting for us already dressed up in a form fitting lime green dress and shiny black eight inch pumps. A black chain necklace hung down to her waist and emerald earrings sparkled in the light. I knew it was going to be bad when Alice dashed breathlessly up to us with a curling iron in one hand and a shimmering dark blue tie in the other.

"hope you don't mind Edward…but since I got out of work early I made a little pit stop in Port Angelus…dress shirt and pants are in my room…Jazzy went with me ,since he and Emmett really needed something to wear, and told me what size to get. don't worry…I didn't go too overboard…well with _you. _wait till Emmett gets a load of what he's wearing! Now lets hurry up I have places to go and people to see! I have to pick up Rose, Jasper and Emmett at your place and help Rose get ready asap!" Alice said dragging me away and pushing Edward into Barbie land.

Walking in to my bedroom I found that Alice had laid out a dark blue blouse and black dress pants which still had the tags on it. Sitting next to it was an open shoe box filled with glittering black flats. I quickly got dressed. My desk had already been turned into Alice's temporary makeup station.

"Alice I'm fine dressed the way I am…besides its being hosted at Charlie's house…I doubt anyone's going to be dressed formal!" I said.

"Bella…this is a wedding reception…and don't forget that Charlie's having it catered…I.e its just like a holiday dinner…and people dress up for that all the time…we're not looking like the Beverley hillbillies for this…especially when we're going to be meeting new people…especially new family members of yours. Its all about impression Bella. Looks are just as important as personality!" Alice said as she started to apply councilor on me

"How the hell did you do all this so fast?" I asked.

"its called power shopping…I power walked the entire department store…poor Jazzy was exhausted by the end of it all. Also don't be surprised if Charlie is a little ticked with me at the dinner…I may have been speeding a little…and he pulled me over twice. I was out of time and I just sucked down two red bull!" Alice said. Speeding a little to Alice was going 20 miles over the speed limit. I could only imagine how fast she was going. Two redbull…no wonder why Jasper was out of breath…she was probably running around like a crazy person.

"So anyways I wonder what these people are like…I mean Celeste and the boys aren't exactly what I would call normal…this should be interesting!" Alice continued on changing the subject.

"your right." I sighed. Fifteen minutes later Alice turned her attention towards my hair. A grin grew on her face and she grabbed her pocket book. I had a bad feeling

"Bella…how do you feel about extensions?" Alice asked taking out swaths of fake brown hair. The smile on her face reminded me of a psychotic killer.

"absolutely not Alice…I've told you this a million times!" I said.

"Oh Bella…its not that bad…once I'm done I really think that you'll like it!" Alice said walking over with the extensions still in hand.

" Alice its my hair…and I'm telling you not right now. Maybe when we attend the wedding of one of your relatives." I sighed. It was at that point that Edward walked in, effectively stopping Alice in her tracks. He was wearing a shirt and tie that matched my blouse with black pants. I think Alice wanted Edward and I to dress the same to keep the twins away. He was absolutely breath taking. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. How was this god like creature mine?

"Alright…I can see that I'm going to be out numbered here. Remember that promise though!" Alice said. I knew that I would be eating my words one of these days. Alice had like eighteen cousins who were engaged at this very moment. All of whom were planning to get married in the next two years. Alice had a huge extended family. She cackled knowingly and whipped out the curling iron and a hair elastic.

"What are you going to do with that?" Edward asked, his eyes slightly narrowing.

" obviously not hair extensions…other wise that's for me to know and you to find out. Now its time for plan B then!" Alice said plugging in the curling iron. Edward rubbed my hand.

"Please stay?" I whispered.

" don't worry…I will…I want to make sure that Alice doesn't do anything permanent." Edward slightly chuckled.

"Hey…I'm not complete jerk you know!" Alice said slightly offended.

A couple of minutes later my hair was half up with loose curls and sparkling with glitter. Alice took out a hand held mirror from her purse and made me look. Thought I should have been used to it by now, I was shocked at how good I looked. Alice had truly found her calling.

"Well I'm off…we'll meet up at Charlie's house!" Alice called fluttering out of the room like a ghost. As soon as she left Edward sat on my bed and held me in his arms. Being so close I could smell how good he smelt. The familiar electricity passed through us.

"you look amazing!" Edward said with his smokey green eyes boring into my own. Our lips met and we started to heavily make out. We were lying on the bed when Edward broke it off. I immediately understood why as Alice and Charlie's faces filled my mind. Alice would flip out since she had just did my hair…and Charlie would just flip out period.

"We'll continue this tonight?" I asked.

"it's a promise!" Edward said. I beamed as I headed over to fix what mess of my hair that I already made. Edward slunk his arm around my shoulder as we left the room. We decided to take my car since Charlie had been begging to see it ( we hadn't shown him yet…we had to tell him about the truck because he was bound to notice its absence.) it turned out that Edward's spare car was a convertible 2011 mini cooper. He said that the color was eclipse gray. Alice was pissed…she had said that the only two cars she had ever wanted (the bug was the only cute car in her price range) was a mini cooper or yellow 911 turbo Porsche. Though she said that she wanted her cooper to be a costume color hot pink. She calmed down a bit after I said she could drive it once a week. Since it was raining, as usual, the top was up. Edward jumped into the passenger seat and we took off.

"Not looking forward to this?" Edward asked.

"No not really. don't get me wrong…I'm ecstatic for my father…but I don't know what these people are like. I mean what if we don't get along with them. The twins said that their Aunt Jane is a bitch…and their biologically related to her. " I gulped.

"Relax…they're probably thinking the same about you. Besides the twins like you…although in Mark/ Marcus's case I think obsessed is a better term to use…and that should be the only thing that counts. You don't have to see those people as much as you see the twins and Celeste." Edward said. I noticed that he left himself out of that.

"What about you…your not worried?" I asked.

"We're a package love…Charlie knows that Celeste's family have to accept me if he wants to see you during holidays and birthdays." Edward chuckled and kissed my hand. The electricity sent a chill up my spine. It was then that we pulled up to the driveway. Emmett, Jasper, Rose and Alice were stepping out of Alice's bug. Jasper was wearing black and green matching Alice to a tee. Since Rose was wearing a matching pink skirt and top, Emmett was stuck wearing a gold striped hot pink shirt with a matching pink tie. It clung tightly to Emmett's muscles. He was none too thrilled about it. We could hear him venting as we got out of the car.

"man this isn't cool…Alice I'm a man…men do not wear _pink_…look it…you got those too normal clothes…I look like disco ken!" Emmett whined.

"hey…its not my fault that the perfect outfit for Rose was in pink and I wanted you to coordinate! That was the only preassembled box left in pink." Alice said

"you couldn't get Rose in something oh I don't know maybe in black!" Emmett snarled.

"The only things I saw in black in the women's department looked like they were for funerals…not weddings." Alice countered.

"What's the difference…wedding…funeral…your both losing something…a weddings just a way to mourn the loss of your single life. The loss of your freedom…the loss of your relative…the same thing!" Emmett said. Rosalie's eyes bugged out of her head and she backhanded him.

"Asshole…marriage is a wonderful thing…it brings babies. And personally Emmett…I want to get married someday, that way I can be off the market and I don't have to date jackasses anymore." Rose said snidely.

"No, you'll just be married to the king of the jack assess. Have fun with that. I'll be living it up in my bachelor pad and you'll be baking cookies for little Johnny while your husbands getting it on with the secretary. Not me…I'll be single forever thank you very much!" Emmett said cockily

"alright…$20 says that Emmett's the first to get hitched!" Alice called

"Bachelor pad? More like your parents house…oh and my husband cheat on _me…_hell no…not if he values his life. I'm going to have my little bundle of joy and my adoring husband while your going to be pathetic. Wallowing in your house by yourself…20 years from now your going to wish you were married. All of your friends will be married…your brother will be married…Jasper will be married…you'll be single alright….all by yourself. Definition of pathetic!" Rosalie snarled

"wow someone's P.M.S-ing today!" Emmett said backing up as if he was standing on a pile of glass.

"your such an idiot sometimes. I just ended my cycle if you cared to notice!" Rosalie growled.

"you really are a dope…you tell your girlfriend…who's been planning to get married since she was in utero…that you have no plans to commit…ever…and you expect her to sit there, smile, and say 'okay emmy…I'll just sit here while you string my ass along…and waste the best years of my life. Dash all of my dreams…my hopes. Its okay…because I have you. What's marriage anyways…a legal piece of paper?' or maybe you didn't consider that if you didn't marry…lets say Rose for the sake of the argument…and she got pregnant…that you would have to pay child support…a whopping $500 a pop. You really are an idiot!" Alice said.

"Whatever…that wont happen to me…only idiots get pregnant…the smart ones…like me…know to pull out. Nope…I wont ever be a daddy…I'll be laughing at you guys when you all have kids. You all think the condom will save you all…" Emmett started up. It was at that point that Alice looked to the side to see my father's purple face.

"Emmett shut up with the sex talk already!" Alice grunted with her eyes reverting back to Charlie.

"No…Alice don't tell me to shut up. Your father of all people preaches about free love. Says that sex with the glove is no sex at all!" Emmett said. It was then that he caught notice of Charlie's gasping form.

"But to each his own you know hehe!" Emmett laughed nervously before turning his head away.

"don't worry Chief Swan…Bella lives with me…I have a years supply of Trojans in my room. Besides Edwards not a retard unlike Emmett. You don't have to worry about a thing. Besides I don't know why your reacting like this…you are married to Celeste. don't tell me you didn't get a little nooky on the wedding night. You don't fool me Charlie…I saw that stupid grin on your face last time we saw each other. I haven't seen that look on your face in years. it's the same look when…oh never mind." Alice said realizing she was about to slip.

"Same look when what Alice?" Charlie asked.

"Oh when I brought my first Gucci pocketbook. I felt like I was on top of the world!" Alice lied trying to look away.

"Right." Charlie said looking at Alice suspiciously.

"But honestly Charlie…if they got together…and I mean hypothetically…what is the big deal? I mean you gave Bella permission…what is it…bits of the old Charlie shining through?" Alice asked

"Honestly Alice…I didn't think she'd get a man this quick…" Charlie said.

"Thanks dad!" I groaned

"Bella I agree that you made a great choice and I approve …I just don't like you dating any guy." Charlie said.

"No…you don't like me dating any guy that you don't pick out….which was only one…and he turned out to be the king of the losers. Hell you wouldn't like it if I brought home someone like Aro or Marcus…who's mindset is stuck at 9 years old and hardly thinks about sex." I said. Charlie tried to look for a rebuttle but couldn't find one.

"Dad you know what lets stop talking about this before it ruins the night." I brushed off. Charlie immediately stopped talking about it. We all went in side. I was slightly shocked. The room was filled with normal people. I was kind of expecting it to be a star

wars convention or something. Charlie then shoved me in all different directions.

"Bella this is your new Aunt Beatrice and Uncle Demetri!" Charlie said introducing me to a couple who immediately took my hand. The man looked particularly strong for his age.

"Hey I'm Bella!" I smiled.

"I'm Demetri…this is my wife Beatrice…its really nice to finally meet you." Demetri said. Emmett, getting a load of the mans muscle size said "hi I'm Emmett…my brother dates Bella so we're practically family…how much do you lift?" in a very Alice like way.

"I like your hair Beatrice…wait a minute that style looks so familiar…did I do that?" Alice asked.

"I knew you looked familiar!" Beatrice exclaimed. Alice would run into her customer here.

"your hair looks awesome…next time we add highlights…it will go perfectly with the brown…call me…set up an appointment!" Alice called as we dragged her away.

"Alice there's a time to work and there's a time to relax…and now's not the time to recruit customers!" Rosalie huffed.

"I'm not recruiting customers…she's already recruited!" Alice countered.

"well then now's not the time to harass customers about what to do with their hair!" Rosalie corrected.

"BELLA COME SAY HI TO AUNT JANE!" Charlie called over. Edward grabbed my hand and we made our way over. Standing there was a woman who looked to be in her 50's at the highest. Her hair was as light as her sisters and her eyes were kind of a reddish brown color. She had this creepy smile that freaked me out and when I went to shake her hand I was hit with a strong charge of static electricity. Her voice seemed very cold when she said "hi…your Bella." I felt my hand shake in Edwards.

"Hi you must be Jane. So your Celeste's sister?" I said politely

"wow you must be 1 donut short of a bakers dozen!" Jane said in a very bitch like tone. This was going to be a fun evening!

"you don't even know me!" I said shocked. Jane was about to say more if not for the fact that some of her relatives came over to talk to her. Edward and I made our escape into the kitchen.

"Wow she was cold!" Edward said.

"I don't know what I did to offend her…all I did was say hi?" I said. After a while we found ourselves heading upstairs. Edward wanted a tour of the house and frankly I was sick of the noise.


	20. Meet The Volturi's vol 2

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys!**

Chapter 20

BPV

We met Alice sitting in front of the bathroom. I had shown Edward every room upstairs with the exception for my former bedroom. I hadn't gotten around to showing him that yet. Alice explained that she was showing Jasper around and she had to show Jasper where the bathroom was. The toilet flushed and Jasper appeared at the door a few seconds later.

"Oh hey guys!" Jasper greeted.

"So Alice…what's in there?" Edward asked pointing to the twins bedroom door. All of a sudden Alice got extremely nervous. I figured thought that Alice probably just remembered the all the pictures that were posted on their walls.

"Oh nothing…the twins room…very boring…common, lets go downstairs…so many things to do…people to see you know!" Alice said shifting towards the stairway.

"Wait a minute Alice…wasn't it you who said ' you didn't see their room'. I'm interested now. It might give me insight on how they think. Like a big psychological test!" Jasper said as he and Edward walked towards the bedroom door.

"well now that I remember…it was nothing out of the ordinary…lets go…I think I hear Rose calling my name!" Alice lied .Before she could reach the third step I blocked her.

"Common Alice…lets go face the music." I groaned grabbing Alice's hand. I knew that this moment had to come sooner or later. I mean we were at Charlie's after all.

"Alright…I'm warning you though…be prepared. Also- I cant believe that I'm going to say this- but Bella and I had no choice in the decoration so please bear with us!" Alice slightly growled skipping though everyone and placing her hand in front of the doorknob. The door crept open. Everything seemed the same. The only difference was that the posters on the wall seemed newer and the people were making different poses. Edward held me close as we passed another poster of Luke and Layer holding each other with 'Marcus and Bella 3" scribbled on the bottom.

"Damn its worse then I thought…Bella I think your step siblings need intense therapy." Jasper said gawking at a poster which used to be labeled Arwen from lord of the rings. 'Rwen' was crossed out and 'lice' was in its place making the name of Alice.

"Okay its official…the twins are freaks!" Edward said looking around the room.

"EWWW okay that definitely wasn't there before!" Alice said gesturing to a printed out poster in front of the twins closet. This one was of Dark Vader and Luke fighting each other with Charlie's head covering Dark Vader's and Marcus's covering Lukes. The bottom read "Denial…if he's not really your father then you can keep doing your sister" written above the word sister was "Step".

"Alright…definitely not leaving you alone with Marcus. Marcus is a pig!" Edward gulped while trying to rub my hand.

"Aro isn't much better." Jasper mumbled. I couldn't believe that they still weren't dating. It was getting to the point where Edward and I were planning to lock them away together or something like that. At the very least it would save our sanity.

"oh there's my lip-gloss…I was wondering where that went… hey and there's Bella's red blouse…I was looking for that today! The blue looks much better on you!" Alice said through gritted teeth stuffing the items in her purse.

"Jasper should we be worried that the twins are continuing to take stuff from the girls?" Edward asked.

" I suspect its part of their Peter Pan syndrome. They cant actually hurt the girls. It's not that the obsession isn't there…its just that they don't have the mental capacity to do anything. They live in a world filled with child like wonder. Honestly a 6 year old has more of a chance at becoming a sharp shooter then they do of hurting the girls in certain ways. I wouldn't go as afar as to say that they could be totally alone with the girls…especially Marcus-with his impulse control issues. I couldn't see them as sadistic killers…but I wouldn't put it past them to try and rape someone. Not for the reasons that you think but like children they have no comprehension of the word "no". They probably cant see past their obsession to the point where they block out rejection." Jasper said.

" so basically we should be worried." Edward said.

"Yeah. But I wouldn't post an armed guard outside Bella's door." Jasper said.

"you know…I'm considering getting padlocks for my purses and closet. This is getting annoying now. I cant even kick their asses with all their relatives here." Alice said. It was then that Jasper got a load of the spaceship beds.

"they have spaceship beds and their how old?" Jasper asked.

"my reaction exactly….I didn't even know they still made those…I mean how could they fit in them…those beds were made for 10 year olds. I surprised they lasted this long." Alice said.

"if I ever had kids…they definitely would not be sleeping in those beds!" Alice continued on. It was then that I heard footsteps approach the room

"Uh guys…does anyone else hear that?" I asked. It was then that we heard the sounds of inhalers going off simultaneously.

Edward and I dove under one of the spaceship beds and Jasper occupied the other.

"saes jhoji maedasaeraer …bein…bein…Awren…Layer" They were saying together. Though I had no idea what they were saying that last part told me whatever it was…it was about me and Alice. I could hear a growl emanate form Jasper's bed confirming my suspicions. Luckily they didn't notice the sound though.

"hey I just remembered…'passion cove feature 6:between the sheets' is on…" Marcus started up. Judging from the title I already knew what that special feature was about. I tried to hold the gagging back. Looking over I could tell Edward was struggling to do the same.

"dude Charlie will suspect something if we don't go back down stairs…you know how he reacted when we watched that stuff downstairs!" Aro said pulling Marcus away. They then quickly grabbed what they came for and left. We crawled out from under the bed.

"Hey guys…where did Alice go?" Jasper asked. It was at that point that the closet door burst open and Alice fell out gasping for breath.

"UGH I TOUCHED THEIR CLOTHES…I'M FUCKED…I'M GOING TO TURN INTO A NERD NOW…I'M CONTAMINATED!" Alice sobbed hysterically.

"Alice…you don't catch 'geekness'. it's a personality…not a disease. Your going to be okay." Jasper said in a soothing tone. Alice started to calm down but then noticed the water stain on the top part of her dress.

"EWW I GOT AFREN ON ME…AND THAT'S BEEN UP THEIR NOSES!" Alice shrieked.

"MY DRESS TOUCHED THEIR SNOT…DISGUSTING. MY KEEN SENSE OF FASHION IS GOING TO BE GONE FOREVER. BELLA I NEED YOU TO WRITE THIS DOWN…IF I TURN NERD REMEMBER APPLY THE BLACK EYELINER AT A 45 DEGREE ANGLE…THERE IS A LIST OF WHAT COLOR EYESHADOW GOES WITH WHAT COLOR SHIRT/DRESS IN YOUR DRESSER. OH WHAT A WORLD…ALICE BRANDON TURNED NERD!" Alice continued on sobbing.

"Alice your not going to turn into the girl version of the twins. You may catch a cold but that's about it. We wouldn't let you turn into that." Edward said

"Besides we've been around them for a while now and I'm not wearing coke bottle glasses am I?" I added.

"alright…but its all your faults if I morph into nerd -zilla and loose my job!" Alice growled heading into the bathroom to wash the water stain. Something about decontaminating her dress.

"MY BEAUTIFUL DRESS…ITS RUINED…I'M GOING TO HAVE TO BURN IT!" Alice was sobbing in the bathroom. I didn't get what the big deal was…it was salt water for crying out loud.

"What's going on?" Emmett's voice carried as he walked up the stairs. We could hear him jingling the doorknob of the bathroom.

"GO AWAY EMMETT…I'M CONTAMINATED…I HAD TO HIDE IN THE TWINS CLOSET!" Alice cried.

"ALICE IS MORPHING INTO A NERD…ITS CONTAGIOUS!" Emmett screamed running away as if Alice had small pox. Jasper hit his forehead with his hand.

"oh my god…its like living with dumb and dumber." Jasper groaned.

"Deal with Alice first then Emmett?" I asked as we made our way towards the bathroom. Alice was sitting on the toilet covering her face as if she were deformed.

"I'M ALREADY WEARING GLASSES AND I HAVE A ZIT!" Alice cried looking up and pointing to a little dot on her face.

"Alice that's a birthmark…you've had that since I met you!" I said rolling my eyes

"DON'T LOOK AT ME JAZZY…IM HIDEOUS…I CAN ALREADY FEEL THE ASMATHA COMING ON!" Alice cried mistaking hyperventilating for wheezing.

" oh my god Alice…YOUR NOT TURNING INTO A NERD….your hyperventilating because your panicking. And take those ridiculous glasses off your face…you can see fine!" Jasper said.

"No I cant…the minute I entered the bathroom my vision went to shit." Alice countered hysterical.

"that's because when you started crying your makeup went into your eye. Rosalie told you to wear water proof makeup. And what did you say? 'Rose people get trashed at wedding receptions…they don't cry…unless they break up with their boyfriends.'" Jasper said.

"I didn't think _this_ would happen!" Alice countered. It was that we could hear the sounds of Charlie looking for us. Passing by the mirror on the way out Alice freaked out. Her makeup had smudged a little in her hysterics causing her eyeliner to flow down her face. She whipped out her emergency kit and immediately went to work. In the blink of an eye Alice had cleaned the black off her eyes and fixed her eyeliner.

"Thank god I always carry extra q-tips, facial moisturizer, and eyeliner…never leave home with out the essentials!" Alice said beaming. The four of us then walked down stairs. Alice and Jasper darted towards the food area leaving me and Edward in the dust. We ran into Celeste who said that she and Charlie wanted to sit and talk with us on the couch. Edward went off with Celeste but I needed to get something from the kitchen so I told them that I would meet them there. As I was entering the kitchen I could see Charlie hovering over a glass of wine and adding something into it. I immediately knew who that glass was for. I was so going to kill my father. Grabbing my cell -phone I cleared my throat.

"Oh hey Bells…I didn't hear you come in…can you give these to Edward and Celeste for me…thanks…the chardonnay is Edwards and the moscato is for Celeste!" Charlie said as he handed me the glasses of two wines almost identical in color. A 'mistake' could of easily been made. Alice would have been proud. Charlie wants to play _that_ game huh. As I walked towards the couch I could see Alice looking at me from the buffet line and nodding in approval.

"Here you go Celeste!" I said handing her the chardonnay. Edward took a sip of his wine and whispered 'moscato' while looking at the glass weirdly.

"Trust me…drink it." I whispered. I knew that Edward wasn't a fan of the sweet wines but unless he wanted to spill his guts to the entire party he would drink the fucking wine.

"Chardonnay?…Charlie knows I like moscato…oh well…I like dry wine too!" Celeste said shrugging her shoulders and taking another gulp. Charlie walked out with a Budweiser and plopped himself down in-between Edward and I. He then looked at Edward's glass.

"Oh I noticed that you didn't drink much of your wine…drink up boy…it's a reception!" Charlie exclaimed. To appease Charlie, Edward took another gulp. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed that Alice and Jasper were glaring at us.

"Alright everyone don't go far…I want to talk to you in ( Charlie paused and looked at his watched) a half hour." Charlie said.

"Sure thing Chief!" Edward said looking confused. About a half hour later we met back up. Alice and Jasper had covalently positioned themselves with in ear shot. Edward looked fine. Celeste however didn't look like she had a glass but rather polished off an entire bottle of wine. The look Edward gave me told me that he noticed as well.

"So Edward…tell us what you've been doing these past five years?" Charlie asked taking no notice of his wife.

" Oh you know…school…work…that kind of stuff." Edward answered. Charlie found what he wanted in the word "school".

"So school…did you party…smoke weed…do drugs…experiment with anything crazy?" Charlie asked. Here we go.

"No." Edward answered looking at my father like he had three heads

"Are you sure…you didn't do _anything_?" Charlie demanded stressing the word.

"Uh no…is there a reason your asking?" Edward asked slightly confused and annoyed.

"oh Edward…its not a big deal…I did stuff in my day. I smoked the reefer!" Celeste said winking obnoxiously. Charlie stared at his wife oblivious.

"I know its not a big deal…I'm just not into that kind of stuff…I was highly focused on school." Edward said. Charlie looked highly disappointed.

" not even one time?" Charlie asked…the aire of disappointment permeating heavily.

"Nope…sorry to disappoint you…Mr. boring right here." Edward said with a hit of laughter.

"humph!" Charlie said.

"So Celeste…you said you did stuff in your day…I'm curious…what did you do?" I asked.

"well I smoked weed a couple times…one time I smoked this shit that was laced…I woke up naked in a fountain somewhere." Celeste said. Charlie looked at her with his eyes bugging out. Bingo!

"You _what?_ Charlie gasped.

"oh Charlie its not a big deal. I used to prostitute too but I never told you that…oopsie!" Celeste said. Want to fuck with me Charlie…looks like your little princess has some skeletons in the closet as well.

"Bella…can I talk to you for a minute…in private?" Charlie growled

"So Celeste you were a wild child huh?" I asked ignoring Charlie.

"Oh yeah…boy do I have stories on me. One time I was at this star wars convention…I was dressed as Princess Layer…I was the filling in a Luke, Layer, and Dark Vader sandwich. Boy was that a good time or what...oh and there was this other time that…!" Celeste beamed .

"Okay Celeste…your mom's over there…she wants to say hi!" Charlie said trying to push Celeste away.

"Oh did I ever tell you my father wasn't my real father. Yeah me, my brother, and sister were legally adopted by him. Our parents were swingers. We don't know who our real dad is!" Celeste said.

"I did not need to know that…okay then… her cause she's looking for you." Charlie said. From the corner of my eye I could see Alice laughing into Jasper's shirt

"Aren't you glad you didn't drink the chardonnay…Charlie laced it and told me to give it to you." I whispered in Edward's ear. Edward looked at me.

"your fathers psycho…he could be Jack Byrnes best friend." Edward whispered with the hint of a giggle in his voice.

" and for the record…I wasn't lying. I wasn't into that stuff." Edward said.

"I know…you cant lie to save your life even not on truth serum." I whispered back.

"Bella…we need to talk now…privately!" Charlie said dragging me away for a second.

"What…don't you like that your finding out the truth of your wife's past? After all that's what you were attempting to do for Edward now wasn't it?" I said.

"Bella you know I have your best interest at heart…" Charlie started up.

"really…you had my best interest at heart. Do you know how many people you drove away? What if Edward was my one and you drove him away…is that having my best interest at heart…really?" I growled and whispered.

"What are you talking about…one what?" Charlie whispered in a demanding and clueless tone.

"You know…the _one." _I gritted my teeth

"Baby are you talking about _the one_…the one that could take your virginity away?" Charlie asked slightly pissed

"No dad_…the other one_." I growled uncomfortably. Telling your dad you love someone is pretty awkward.

"oh that _one_…baby are you trying to say that your in lo-" I threw my hand in front of his face at that point. I could see that Alice had overheard a snipit of the conversation and was trying to listen while pretending to read a cosmo. Fortunately Emmett had chosen that moment to walk over to Edward and talk to him about football so he didn't hear.

"HEY EDWARD DID YOU HEAR THAT THE SEAHAWKS MADE IT TO THE PLAYOFFS!" Emmett bellowed. Charlie ran over as they excitedly talked about a super bowl prospect effectively ending that conversation. I never thought I'd say this… but thank god for Emmett and his obsession with football. I saw a pissed look cross Alice's face for a split second before it straightened itself out. I grabbed Edward and we made a break for the kitchen.

"Hey guys…I hope you don't mind…I used your salt around the rim around Emmett's margarita." Rosalie said shutting the fridge door.

"Rose…we don't have margarita salt." I said.

"Well there was a small container of white stuff over there and it was labeled 'margarita salt'" Rosalie said. He wouldn't…oh yes he would…I knew my father would try and double dose Edward.

"CHARLIE!" I roared.

"I didn't know…I swear to god!" Charlie said running away.

"like I said…your father…Jack Byrnes…could be best buddies." Edward said rolling his eyes.

"I knew we should of never let him watch 'Meet The Fockers'" I agreed. It was around that time that Alice and Jasper came in followed by Aunt Jane. Curiosity burned in Alice's eyes and I knew that next time I was alone with her I would be drilled with questions. Alice couldn't ask though for Jane, not seeing the rest of us, sat down, poured herself a drink, took out a photo and sobbed.

"What's wrong?" Rosalie asked materially.

"I CANNOT STAND THOSE TWINS!" Jane sobbed. Common ground…maybe Aunt Jane and I could get along after all.

"But their your nephews!" Rosalie said shocked.

"I KNOW…I HATE TO SAY I HATE MY OWN FAMILY BUT I DO! YOU DON'T KNOW THE PAST!" Jane sobbed.

"Well then enlighten us Aunt Jen…I mean Jane." Jasper said taking out a pencil and paper.

"Well it all started many years ago. My sister was always a geek…but she met the ultimate geek. See my brother and sister used to heavily be into Starwars. I was more of a normal I mean novel girl myself. Anyways they used to hit up the conventions all the time. Well one of the conventions that they went to…they got separated. Since they spent three days there and cellphones were in their infancy no one knew that he had lost her. Anyways…she returns up pregnant…with a story about a threesome. Demetri, my husband Alec and I were out for blood. Demetri, who still worked FBI at the time obtained a DNA sample of the two men. Now my sister had an anmino done and Demetri was able to link the DNA with Dark Vader …who's real name was Jared. We tracked down his address and Alec, Demetri and I went to his house. I have to admit he was cute…dork like face but killer body…I don't know why he dressed like Dark Vader." Jane said taking out a picture of what looked like a tan version of Emmett.

"DAMN CELESTE GOT WITH THAT!" Rosalie swooned.

"So anyways we were about to kick his ass when Celeste stopped us. Said that she wanted to make it work with her baby's daddy. There was nothing that we could do…how could that happen to a girl that looked like this?" Jane sobbed showing us a picture of Celeste pre plastic surgery. She was actually very pretty.

"Damn Celeste and Jared were goodlooking…and they had those for offspring…where the hell do the twins come from?" Alice asked. Just then the twins grandmother walked by. She had black oiled hair, coke bottle glasses, and heavily pitted skin from where acne pimples used to be. And she used to be a swinger?

"never mind!" Alice gulped.

"The next few years were hell. Since he knocked up my baby sister…Jared tried to appease my mother in every way he could. My mother practically ruled the roost. Anything my mother said went. I tried to get them into sports…get some normalcy in their life but as they say_ grandmommy_ knows best. _She_ turned them into nerds. She ruined them! So what that they had allergies to practically everything…that's no reason to dress them up like that. And for the eyes…they could of used contacts! I tried to protest when she signed them up for chess … said something about them needing community…but everyone shot me down and sided with her. Yet I sign them up for pewee football and I nearly get shot. How fair is that? As the twins grew older my sister tried to morph herself to appease Jared. He started to call her an ugly old hag when Celeste wasn't even thirty! she fucked with her face to hold her man. I was horrified! I knew then that he didn't give two shits about her. She was turning into a mutant before our very eyes and the only person who could stop was actually encouraging her to get more work done. I wanted to say something to him but Celeste and the old bat over there stopped me. The old woman actually sided with Jared…over her own daughter! He left when the twins were fourteen. Said that he couldn't take it anymore. Left my sister and had a normal family. Asshole…he helped creating the mess and then just left? meanwhile the rest of us got stuck! Demetri even tried to knock it out of them to no avail, What's even worse is that she's now playing matchmaker with my children. See Chelsea over there…my mother set her up with someone from her chess meet. He's right over there…his name's Afton…who names their kid that? Look at him…he looks like the twins missing triplet…I'm worried its genetic!" Jane cried pointing to what could have been the twins brother. The twins were over with him talking about their pokey mon style chess board….something about limited addition.

"So Jane…you mean to tell me that there's more….the twins weren't a fluke?" Alice gasped horrified.

"I wish!" Jane groaned.

"I am so sorry…I couldn't imagine what I'd do if it were me!" Alice said sympathetically.

"Wow Jane…that's really messed up. I mean if someone said that about anyone I cared about I would probably try to say something too. Plus to leave someone who you've mentally tortured with two already screwed up fourteen year olds is just wrong. I mean when my mother left my father it was hard and Charlie and I weren't put through something like that. I understand why you hold such a grudge towards Jared." I said taking Jane's hand.

"I think I misjudged you Bella. I'm sorry I acted like that. Its just after Jared that's how I act towards people I first meet. I really shouldn't of said that. Maybe we should start over…get latte's some time?…some Aunt / Niece bonding time. Since Demetri has no girls and Celeste only had boys you're the only thing close to a niece I have." Jane asked.

"OOH CAN I COME…I'M PRATICALLY FAMILY TO BELLA AND CHARLIE…AND BY EXTENTION TO YOU…WE CAN TALK ABOUT HAIR…NAILS AND SHOPPING!" Alice asked bubbly.

"Alice they need Auntie-Niece time…not Auntie-Niece + Alice time. You should know…how many aunts do you have? Like 47? Your family has 'girls day' once a month. They rent a coach bus to take everyone to the mall…that's how many girls there are in your family. And you want to impede on Bella and her new aunt. Bella…who's father was the closest thing that she had to a mother. Not to mention that we all know …from you might I add…that Bella's mom and Charlie were only children…so she's never had an aunt before! What did you say… ' thank god Bella has me as a friend…what with no mother and no aunt and _that man_ as her father…she would not even know how to dress right if it wasn't for me!'" Jasper said the last part in a mock Alice tone.

"Jasper I did not say that!" Alice said. Jasper whipped out a cam corder.

"should I find that creepy that you recorded me?" Alice gasped.

"my colleagues wanted me to do a case study on someone with ADHD. My patients didn't want to do it so I suggested you. Since you were never properly diagnosed though I needed proof first and I knew that you would never willingly go see a psychiatrist or psychologist." Jasper said.

"What is a case study anyways?" Alice asked.

"We just basically ask you questions about you and your life." Jasper said.

"Silly you should of just came out and asked me…of course I'd do it…sounds like fun! I can talk about my first experience with the mall!" Alice exclaimed.

"but how did you know about the coach bus?" Alice asked.

"Alice I dropped you off last week after breakfast remember…I met your aunts! Your cousin hit on me…you told her to back off and date guys in her own grade…and then whispered in my ear that she was twelve!" Jasper said

"oh yeah…cousin Edwina…don't know why they ever named her that! Mom said that they were hoping for a boy…they were going to name it Edwin…I really don't see the appeal…Edwin's so _old_! I think I had a great grandfather named Edwin!" Alice said distaste coloring her tone.

"Alice…my middle name's Edwin." Jasper said offended.

"Really?" Alice said shocked.

"Well old names are coming back….who knows…I might name my kid Jeddah or something…or Edwin does sound cute for a little boy…we could call it Eddie…think about it Big Eddie (she gestured towards Edward) and little Eddie!" Alice said. Edward growled at the nickname.

"Alice…how many times do I have to tell you 'do not call me Eddie!' I hate that name!" Edward said.

" I don't get it…why do you hate that name?" Alice asked.

"when you grow up hearing 'Eddie come be my dumbells' or walking in with your mom to find Emmett clearly eating the bowl of ice cream that you left out for yourself and listening to him say ' I'm eating Eddie's I mean Eddy's ice cream!' like every time you leave the bowl for a split second you'd hate the name too. Or how about the fact that Emmett had the entire first grade call me ' Eddy's ice cream' every time I entered a room. That was in addition to 'Eddikins' and 'smelly Eddie'. All complements to my lovely brother. I didn't even smell…and if I did it was because Emmett gave me a flushy every day! Jasper always said that it was because deep down Emmett was insecure that I was passing first grade the first time ( a/n Edward, Bella, Jasper, Alice and Rose are 23-24 years old…Emmett just turned 25. Jacob was exaggerating in Chapter 2 ). Jasper came to my rescue and told everyone that my mom always called Emmett "Gummy bear" instead of Emmy bear. Needless to say the class bully took that and ran with it. Anytime Emmett walked by him the guy called him "Dummy bear". One day Emmett couldn't take it any more…there was a fight after school. Emmett got his ass kicked. I guess in the fight the bully called him "brother of Smelly Eddie" for that was the first time he really got pissed off at that nick name. he called him out on him also calling me that name. Emmett wound up with a black eye and a couple of broken ribs. He vowed to never let that happen to him again and got jacked and apologized to me. We made a deal in second grade…since we were now in the same grade because Emmett passed by the skin of his teeth the first grade the second time and taunted together. Emmett would protect me from bullies and I would help him pass the second grade. I really think Emmett had the easy end of the stick…I mean it took Emmett three months to get 40-9." Edward said. I almost laughed at the image of a like 7 year old Emmett giving flushys

"it was around that time that we discovered Emmett's true talents…weightlifting and tackling. Not long after Emmett found out about pewee football. After Emmett's first day of training the coaches exclaimed 'our savior's arrived!' and kissed his feet like he was the second coming of Christ. Then Emmett became the legend. He was dubbed the 'secret threat' but you guys know that." Jasper added on.

"Well that explains the weightlifting obsession. So Jazzy…I need to know something…there was these rumors back in high school that he used to take all his dates to the gym…was that true? I was never able to confirm because I didn't have a gym membership or Seth at the time. I need to know!" Alice asked.

"Your telling me that you didn't drive by a couple of times?" Jasper asked.

" I would of…someone said that it was an invasion of privacy (Alice glared at me) …when in reality said someone was probably afraid of what he or she might see…as in a double date!" Alice said

"Alice I never took my dates to the gym…in fact we always left town because we were afraid of running into "Ask Allie'. you were always there anyways." Edward said.

"do you know how many girls were obsessed with you….I had no choice…I would of lost my whole fan base! I was getting barraged by texts saying stuff like " Edwards heading south bound" or "Edward's heading to Seattle" so maybe a couple of times I happened to be in the same mall…or two tables over at the restaurant…sorry Edward!" Alice said.

"Alice it wasn't a couple of times…and you know that…and if it was why were you wearing a trench coat, sunglasses a hat and a wig in the middle of a mall?" Edward asked.

"How did you know it was me then?" Alice asked.

"one time you saw Jasper…need I explain more…another time my date saw you take your wig off….and finally the time that you were banned from banana republic, you followed us , the manager recognized you, dehatted you, dewigged you and deglassed you right in front of me and called you by your first name. oh it was so obvious that it wasn't you!" Edward said.

" alright so you got me…you make it sound like it was a bad thing…how the hell did I know that you were going to date my best friend? Really I didn't think she'd date _anyone_ what with Robocop over there!" Alice said pointing to the calendar picture of Charlie posing shirtless on his police cruiser. What was even more hilarious was that he struck a pose that Emmett normally takes when taking a picture yet he had 1/10 of Emmett's body.

"Its been three years and he still hasn't taken that down?" Alice asked now staring at the calendar picture. She then got a good look at this years date.

"He did _another one_? And with the same pose that I told him _not_ to do? That's not flattering to his figure!" Alice exclaimed.

"wait a minute…what's that dot?" Alice asked walking over to the picture and pointing to what I thought was food. She whipped out a magnifying glass.

"THAT'S ME! OMG IM ON A CALENDAR!" Alice chirped.

"how the hell can you tell?" I asked.

"Cause only one girl in this town wears Gucci six inch stilettos…that's me in case you were wondering!" Alice responded confidently.

"okay I'm going to take your word for that Alice." I said. It was then that Emmett ran in the room screaming.

"What's wrong Emmet?" Rosalie asked.

"If your step mom's cousin Gale comes in looking for me I'm not here!" Emmett said looking for a place to hide.

"What did you do now?" Rosalie growled.

"well see uh she was raving about how she lost weight and she was now 150 pounds and I said ' really…you don't look a pound under 300 to me!' and she flipped. Really I don't know why I said that." Emmett said licking the "salt" off the margarita glass.

"YOU DID WHAT?" Rosalie growled.

"ut oh…here it comes…the volcano is about to let loose!" Emmett slipped.

"VOLCANO!" Rosalie roared, it was then that the kitchen doors burst down and this humungous woman charged in.

"OH NO…IT'S MOBY DICK…RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Emmett screamed running into a closet to hide.

"And that is why you never give Emmett truth serum…everything flies out of his mouth anyways!" Edward said shaking his head.


	21. Stupid is as Stupid does

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys!**

Chapter 21

BPV.

The next few weeks passed by quickly and quietly. There was almost noting to do at work. My nights were spent with Edward. I couldn't be happier. The Alice and Jasper thing was driving us insane but it was none of our business. On one of the days that we knew Alice had plans with Jasper we decided to head out to a restaurant just outside town. Knowing that Alice would kill me if I went to a five star restaurant bare faced, I found a set of emergency instructions that Alice had left. Opening my closet door to find something to wear I found a black dress that I swore that I did not own. Even when Alice didn't know I was going out she still picked out my outfits. There was a note.

"Just in case…3"

Alice was psychotic. Picking out dresses for dates she didn't know was going to happen. I didn't want to know what her closet looked like but I ventured a peak anyways after I was finished getting ready. There was sticky notes everywhere . It was organized by: First date with Jasper-Casual, First Date with Jasper-Surprise, and First Date with Jasper-Upscale. As I walked out of her closet I got a glimpse of my self in Alice's mirror. Stuck to my head was platonic date with Jasper-Club…a.k.a what their doing now. I couldn't believe that there was another whole list of platonic date things that Alice had. If Jasper ever saw her closet he'd dub her OCD. It was at that point that Edward walked in.

"Hey love are you read- wow Alice really has it bad doesn't she?" Edward asked.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Um you have a sticky note on your back that reads 'Platonic date Jasper-Bar' right over your left shoulder." Edward said walking over and taking it off of me. Next to the word Bar a little martini glass was drawn in.

" wow she really is psychotic isn't she?" Edward asked.

"you don't know the half of it. Lets just say that Alice is the woman with the plan…plans outfits." I said. Edward lightly chuckled.

" alright I just have to find my keys and we can go." I said as we walked out into the living room. I found them sitting on the microwave and we locked up after I grabbed my cell phone. We then headed down to Edward's car. We jumped in and buckled up.

"so have you ever been to this place before?" I asked.

"Once when I was 14. They were giving Carlisle an award for saving a family from a burning house. He was driving by on his way to some conference in Seattle and saw half the house including the garage on fire. They said that if he had driven by a second later that everyone would of died. The food was really good from what I remember." Edward said. He then grabbed my hand and kissed it. The familiar electricity pulsed through the both of us. We needn't talk for the rest of the car ride. It felt too soon when we arrived at the restaurant. Edward helped me out of the car. When we walked inside we were met by a girl who was Alice's size and had Rosalie's light coloring. "Heather" read her name tag.

"Well hello!" The girl named Heather greeted seductively while practically undressing Edward with her eyes.

"Hi…we have a reservation for two…under the name Cullen?" Edward said. Her eyes flickered towards a plaque with Carlisle's gleaming face on it. Apparently he gave the award that he got to the restaurant to keep. From the look she gave you could tell that she was infatuated with that picture.

"You wouldn't happen to be related to him now would you?" she asked pointing to the plaque.

"yeah he's my father…so can you tell us if our table's ready?" Edward asked.

"Oh sorry…right this way!" The girl said extra bubbly. She then brought us to a window with a great view of the mountains. The way she looked at me I could tell that Edward had specifically requested this table…she would of probably placed us in an eighteen person booth if given the chance. We grabbed a menu and decided to split a plate of spaghetti and meatballs. I couldn't believe my lucky stars. This Greek god was mine. I still couldn't believe that he chose me. I felt as though I had been like a dream like state. His eyes blazed into my own telling me that the feelings were reciprocal. Even if Edward never said how he felt I knew in my bones that he felt the same way. He stroked my face and I could feel the path of the electricity across my cheek bone. Out of the corner of my eye I  
could see some waitresses gawking. By the grace of god we had a male server.

"Oh man the hottest guy in here since Carlisle and Mitch gets to serve them…why god why!" a waitress moaned. We pretended not to hear her.

"I guess that Carlisle made a bigger impression then I thought. Well that does explain why mom was flashing her wedding band everywhere and emphasizing the word husband a lot." Edward chuckled shaking his head. It was then that the waiter returned with our two cokes.

"have we decided what we wanted yet?" the waiter asked.

"just a plate of Spaghetti and meatballs." Edward said.

"I'll be right back with that." the waiter said walking away. I couldn't help but notice that Edward wasn't taking his eyes off me.  
"What…do I have spinach in my teeth or something?" I asked.

"no …its just that you look so radiant…I couldn't help looking." Edward beamed. I beamed back. It was then that the waiter returned with our spaghetti. The waitresses were still ogling but we continued to ignore it. We continued to talk and eat for the next few minutes. That was when we heard the weird snapping noise. Turning around we found the source of the noise. We could see Alice's purple pixie wig , sunglasses and a glittering evening gown from two tables away. She was now resembling a short Katy Perry. In an effort to cover her ass, she raised a menu up and pretended to read it. As if to confirm our suspicions , both of our phones went off at the same time. The picture that she got was of both of us eating… a strand of spaghetti hanging down my face.

"Ooh looks like Ella has a hot date tonight!" read underneath.

"What the hell…how did she find us here?" Edward said glaring. Just then Jessica Stanley and Mike Newton walked by. Jessica was wearing an "Edward" shirt that was starting to pop out.

"oh well that explains it!" Edward slightly growled.

APV

I had just returned home when I got a message from a blocked number that Edward's car had been spotted in the parking lot of the fancy restaurant just outside town. I knew Bella would need that dress. I also knew that when push came to shove neither of the two lovebirds would give me the details that I desired. I mean I knew Bella edited…a lot and for once what she told me wasn't going to surface. Besides I really needed to keep my fan base updated anyways…there was still a lofty amount of single Edward fans demanding info from me not to mention some unhappily married housewives. I skipped off to my closet and pulled out a dress of my own design. I then went to put makeup on. It was at that point that I realized how much of a freak I would look if I turned up glitzed out and alone. I knew that Jasper would never go along with this and Seth was stuck up north on some fishing expedition with his father and Leah-I felt so sorry for him…fly fishing is so boring!- so I only had one person left on my list who might be up for the challenge. I hoped he didn't mind driving his car…I couldn't risk taking mine and being spotted. I snuck off to my closet and grabbed the Halloween costume that I had purchased last year in the off chance that I had a boyfriend. I then made a phone call.

"yo asshole I told you to fuck off…who has the balls to prank call a house twice…I can just *69 your ass anyways!" Emmett growled picking up. At that point I realized that I had accidentally blocked my number.

"Emmett…its Alice…what the hell are you talking about?" I asked.

"Oh shit…sorry Alice…wait a sec…Jasper's upstairs…JASP-" I cut the loud mouth off mid sentence. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea…I should of forced Jasper into this.

"Shut up…I don't want him to know I'm calling!…listen Emmett I need your help with something. I'll buy you a protein drink and a protein bar! " I started up.

"NEVERMIND JASPER…IT WAS A TELEMARKETER!" Emmett called happily. I knew my message was received.

"So meet at my place?" I asked.

"five minutes!" Emmett agreed hanging up the phone. Like giving candy to a baby! The jeep pulled up five minutes to the dot later.

Pulling in Emmett was bellyaching about the disguise that I had given him. He was all for spying on his brother but the idiot wanted to look like himself. Honestly I was working with an amateur!

"Oh can it Em…it could have been worse…I did have a men's yellow wig in my closet…I could of used the Prom Ken costume I had…your fortunate that I grabbed the James Bond!" I threatened holding up the bag that read Prom Ken.

"Remember…we're together!" I said. We both looked at each other and gagged. This was going to be one long night! I added the finishing touches to our disguises and we walked inside.

"Hi me and my fiancée would like a table for two!" I said. I could see Bella and Edward sitting in the next room. They both looked invigorated with each other. Guess that meant that Edward was staying over tonight! The little blonde haired girl stared at me and Emmett. Well I guess I could of went with a little more casual dress but I did see a table when we walked in wearing evening gowns and tuxes. I didn't get what the big deal was. Then I realized that she was gaping at my purple hair. What? This girl couldn't see that modern was in? The girl asked a waitress if there was any tables left. Emmett looked at the wall to see some award thing with his fathers picture on it.

"HEY MOM SAID THAT WAS STO-" I cupped my hand over Emmett's mouth.

"Dear its not polite to yell like that. Sorry he just gets overexcited sometimes. Doesn't think. See his mother had a man that used to look like that when she was young and he was stolen from her. Always showed my honey buns his picture since it was his father after all. The woman never really got over it…its sad really. Any time he sees someone who remotely resembles the man he says that. Please excuse him!" I bullshitted. The woman seemed to buy it though since she shot Emmett sympathetic looks.

"Um miss…excuse me…but we would like to sit in that room…see he just asked me today so we're here to celebrate…it looks so much more romantic…doesn't it Emmikins!" I said caressing Emmett's face and hardcore pretending that he was Jasper.

"its perfect sweetie!" Emmett said as if he were speaking to Rose.

"I'm sorry miss…but you need a reservation for that room. We bring the walk ins over here." The woman said.

"Oh we do have a reservation." I said. The girl looked at me skeptically.

"All of our reservations are…" the girl started but I cut her right off.

"its under the name Benjamin." I said flashing a hundred in her face.

"Right this way miss!" The girl said snatching the bill out of my hand.

"That looks like the perfect seat!" I said gesturing to a table two tables behind them.

"Miss that table's reserved for-" Emmett flashed a fifty before the hostess could finish that sentence.

"For you…let me get you guys menu's…Champaign anyone?" the hostess asked before taking off.

"You learn fast young grasshopper!" I said as we took our seats. We sat there watching as the two lovebirds talked and stared star stuck into each others eyes. I so wished that was me and Jasper. Emmett looked like he was resisting the urge to gouge his eyes out. I gave him credit….not a lot of people could spy on their relatives and their dates…as much as many want to. It was then that the waiter walked up to us.

"what would you guys like to drink today?" the waiter asked.

"I'll have a long island." I said.

"I'll have a Barney on Acid." Emmett ordered. I looked at him.

"What…it looked good!" Emmett shrugged. That's what Jasper said last week about one of the drinks he ordered and it didn't end well. We sucked down the drinks…Well since Emmett's was a shot he downed it in one gulp.

"Where's the waiter…I want another one?" Emmett asked looking around. It was then that the waiter came out with a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs and laid it down in front of them. How friggen cute…just like lady and the tramp!

"aww!" I quietly cooed. Emmett quietly gagged. Rose was right…Emmett was emotionally castrated sometimes.  
"Alright I really want another one of these and the waiter's nowhere around so I'm gonna go to the bar." Emmett said taking off. Considering that I knew these two were prude enough not to hardcore make out in a setting like this I snapped the cutest picture that I could get. I then sent out a mass text message. About five minutes later I looked out the window to see eighteen pairs of binaculars looking at us. It was about this point that they turned around and looked right at me. I threw my menu over my face and lowered my head. Hey the Salisbury looks so yummy!

BPV

Alice started to fidget a little. She was spotted and she knew it. We had just turned around to finish diner when this booming voice came out of nowhere. The both of us cringed. Alice brought company.

"HEY ALICE…I GOT YOU ONE TOO!" a clearly disguised Emmett bellowed obnoxiously entering the room. He was wearing a tux that they clearly sold in costume stores and thick rimmed glasses that were attached to a huge nose and bushy brown mustache. Oddly enough he kind of resembled my father. He looked absolutely ridiculous.

"SHUT UP!" Alice roared whacking him with the menu so hard that her wig slid sideways. Edward and I started laughing. The scene looked like it could have been out of Saturday Night Live.

"Oh sorry sweetie pie…I didn't mean to do that. You know I love you…I want to be with you forever. I cant believe you proposed on our 3 year anniversary…your so cute!" Alice said to save ass in front of the waiting staff. The mental picture of Alice getting married to Emmett made me double over in uncontrollable laughter.

"Aww you know I love you too you little pixie!" Emmett said

APV

"We have to make this look realistic." Emmett grunted under his breath.

"What do you mean?" I asked. I knew that Edward and Bella already figured it out but we had to keep the charade up for the rest of the restaurant. It was then that Emmett swooped down and practically ate my mouth off…oh no! I love you Jasper…I love you Jasper…I love you Jasper! Really…kissing Emmett was like kissing a toad. I never felt so disgusted in my life.

"ugh get me mouthwash…that was nasty…I felt like I was kissing my sister!" Emmett groaned as we broke off after what felt like an eternity in hell.

"Emmett you don't get cold sores now do you?" I asked concerned. I couldn't cover cold sores with makeup and Jasper would get suspicious.

"Your asking me this now!…of course not Alice!" Emmett grunted. It was then that we heard the sound of a momma grizzly bear on the attack. Turning towards the entrance we saw our worst nightmare…Rosalie. She had been there with her dad. from the look of it she had been standing there for a while.

"BABE WAIT!" Emmett bellowed running after her and breaking our charade. I should of taken her into account. I knew I should of forced Jasper.

"EMMETT CULLEN…YOU CHEATING ASSHOLE…HOW DARE YOU…AND WITH SOME PURPLE HAIRED FREAK!" Rosalie roared as they reentered the room. Edward and Bella were throwing their hands in front of their faces.

"HEY!" I screamed offended while taking off my wig.

"ALICE? YOU CHEATED WITH ALICE? AND I THOUGHT IT COULDN'T GET ANY WORSE!" Rosalie snarled.

"ALICE…YOU KNEW EMMETT WAS MINE…YOU KNEW!" Rosalie raged on trying to toss Emmett to the side in the attempt to get at me. A waitress took out her cellphone.

"BABE LET ME EXPLAIN…I DIDN'T WANT TO KISS ALICE…I HAD TO!" Emmett cried. I slapped my head. What an idiot…did he realize what that just sounded like.

"NO EMMETT…YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO…DO NOT GIVE ME THAT BULLSHIT! I HAD ONE CHEATING BOYFRIEND…I DON'T NEED ANOTHER!" Rosalie yelled.

"HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I WAS IN THE ARMS OF ANOTHER MAN!" Rosalie bellowed scanning the room. Her eyes rested on Edward.

BPV

Rosalie came over to me and whispered in my ear "Bella I need your help…I need you to allow me to kiss Edward…Emmett needs to learn his lesson. He needs to see it…he doesn't learn through words."

"Don't worry Rose…we got your back." I said pointing to me and Edward. We were still seething that Emmett and Alice actually had the galls to follow us. Alice needed to see the repercussions of her actions as well. She then leaned across the table and kissed Edward, pulling him by the shirt towards her.

"YOU KISSED MY BROTHER!" Emmett bellowed…too stupid to realize what Rosalie had just said. Next thing we knew Emmett rampaged through the restaurant…tables, food and lit candles flying everywhere. The carpet caught fire. Alice raised her phone but I ran over and knocked it out of her hand.  
"I need to get this…the fans need to know!" Alice whined.

"Would you stop this…the fans aren't your friends…they are pathetic losers that have nothing to do all day so they sit around and watch the little things that you post about us. Your two friends are fighting because of your fans. You just almost ended Rose and Emmett's relationship because of the fans. The restaurant is on fire…because of the fans. Rosalie kissed my boyfriend because of the fans." I roared shaking Alice. We looked over to see Emmett holding Edward over his head roaring like a maniac while Rosalie was slapping him and saying "get him down you idiot…it's me…I did it…he had nothing to do with this!"

"If Edward dies…its your fault Alice!" I growled running over to Emmett and kicking him in the balls. Emmett doubled over and immediately dropped Edward. Rosalie caught him in a cradle.

"Holy shit Rose your strong!" I said shocked.

"No its just years of cheerleading. Our only flyer was about Edwards weight." Rosalie said.

"Oww Bella why did you do that?" Emmett moaned doubled over.

"YOU DESERVED IT…FOLLOWING THEM HERE…KISSING ALICE…NOW DO YOU SEE HOW I FELT WHEN I WALKED IN HERE!" Rosalie snarled.

"Oh sorry guys…now I see how you felt…Edward…Bella…sorry Alice and I followed you!" Emmett said.

"Same here!" Alice called. Thick smoke permeated in the air. The fire alarm went off and flames spread up the wall.

"OH SHIT!" Emmett screamed as we ran towards the main exit. It was already blocked by a massive amount of people. Edward grabbed me and held me close to him. Emmett did the same with Rose. Alice really looked like the fifth wheel at this point.

"I so wish Jasper was here!" Alice sighed as we turned towards the back entrance.

"You wish Jasper was in a burning building to die with you? Personally I'd rather Rose be on the outside and I'm sure Edward feels the same about Bella…and vice versa. Why would you even say such a thing. I would want Rosalie to live…even if it meant me dying." Emmett said.

"Emmett…that's the most thoughtful thing I ever heard you say!" Rosalie said touched. From the look in their eyes I could tell that they immediately forgave each other for the incident a couple a minutes ago.

"That's the most thoughtful thing I've ever heard him say." Edward agreed. Getting to the back exit we could see that people already blocked this off too. We turned to head out a third side exit.

"Oh shit…this is serious…this is just like the church burning in 'the outsiders'!" Alice exclaimed as a burning plank fell no more then two feet away from her. While trying to get to the third exit we ran into a bartender who was trying to calm everyone down by serving long island ice teas.

"SERIOUSLY…WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS GUY DOING…NOWS NOT THE TIME TO SERVE DRINKS…LIKE WHO WOULD ORDER A DRINK NOW ANYWAYS!" Rosalie complained.

"THREE PLEASE!" Alice called to the bartender.

"of course…she would!" Rosalie groaned.

"Rose do you see your dad anywhere?" Emmett asked scanning the stampede.

"I saw him Get out earlier. he escaped as the crowd formed around the main exit." Rose said. It was then that we reached the third exit…just to find that it was blocked off by fire.

"That's it…next time Bella and I go out on a date Alice…do not take it upon yourself to follow us. I don't mean to sound pissed…and I'm sure your very sorry its just that we don't have the insurance to pay for this." Edward said. I couldn't help but laugh internally at the irony. Here we were in a restaurant that had a plaque dedicated to Carlisle for saving people in a fire and it caught fire thanks to his idiotic son.

"WE'RE GOING TO DIE…WE'RE GOING TO DIE…WE'RE GOING TO DIE!" Emmett started to scream like a girl. Just then Alice's phone went off.

"JAZZY! OH NOTHING…HANGING OUT IN A BURNING DOWN RESTAURANT SLURPING LONG ISLANDS!" Alice said as she had just informed him she went shopping at the mall."

"WHAT…WE'RE ON THE NEWS…THANK GOD I PUT MY MAKEUP ON…OH JAZZY YOU KNOW HOW THE NEWS LIKES TO EXAGGERATE STUFF…REALLY ITS NOT THAT BAD…WELL OKAY THE CEILINGS ON FIRE SO IT IS KINDA BAD…BUT REALLY WE'RE FINE…I'M WITH EDWARD, EMMETT, ROSE AND BELLA…WE'LL DISCUSS WHY LATER…I HAVE A HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION THOUGH…SAY UH HYPOTHETICALLY YOU WERE TRAPPED IN A BURNING BUILDING WITH NO EXITS…HOW WOULD YOU GET OUT?….UH GOTTA GO…TTYL!" Alice said hanging up the phone.

"WE'RE SO SCREWED…I CAN SEE MY OBIT NOW…'EMMETT CULLEN…DIED AT TWENTY FIVE. ENJOYED PLAYING FOOTBALL. AWESOME COACH AND BELOVED FRIEND TO MANY. DIED WHILE HEROICALLY TRYING TO SAVE HIS BROTHER FROM A BURNING BUILDING. COULD BENCH PRESS 500.' WE'RE GOING TO DIE!" Emmett cried.

" Emmett snap out of it!" Rosalie growled lightly slapping him across the face. It was then that we saw our way out. A huge window that wasn't blocked off by fire or bodies.

"DON'T WORRY GUYS…EMMETT'S GOT THIS!" Emmett bellowed picking up a table and throwing it though the window.

"EVERYONE OUT…THIS WAY!" Emmett screamed as the window shattered. Emmett and Edward scooped Rose and I up and carried us fireman style out of the window.

"oh common!" Alice complained jumping out behind us. We could see the flashing lights of multiple fire engines and ambulances. Rosalie's dad ran at us like a bat out of hell. Rosalie was swarmed by him. It was then that we saw the FPD cruiser pull up. Charlie barreled himself out and ran towards us.

"YOUR ALIVE!" Charlie bellowed almost tackling me to the ground.

"I already know everything. I understand that accidents happen so you guys aren't going to be charged. But you my son have to watch where you put your lips." he said pointing to Emmett. He was able to deduce what happened. I mean that was the only reason I could think of why Charlie isn't pissed at Edward right now.

"don't do it again!" Charlie added on. It was then that a baby blue Toyota Prius came whipping in the parking lot. The window rolled down and Jasper's head popped out.

"Jasper…you drive a Prius?" Alice asked.

"it was a birthday present." Jasper said

"So you guys are alive! I was worried…I mean I could see the glow of the fire from our house. Uh guys…Uncle Carlisle called…he saw the news too. He was talking about coming here but I talked him out of that. Um I think you better call your mom…I could hear her in the back ground…and well lets just say that she didn't sound good." Jasper said to the boys.

"How did they know that we were here?" Edward asked. Jasper took out a portable tv from his back seat and flipped it on. There was images of the burning building playing on the screen. Parked dead center in front of the screen was Edward's car…Emmett's Jeep right next to him.

"Apparently the fire broke out because a young man got into a scuffle with his brother…knocking over several tables with lit candles." the newscaster said as granny cellphone video started to play of Emmett roaring and lifting Edward in the air.

"Oh shit…mom and dad are not going to be too happy with me." Emmett groaned. Just then Emmett's phone went off. He looked down and cringed.

"oh no…its mom….I'm in serious shit. Dad always leaves the worst offences for mom to deal with!" Emmett groaned again before picking up.

"hi mom!" Emmett said timidly. We could hear screaming on the other end.

"now mom…listen to me for a minute. It wasn't my fault. EDWARD KISSED MY GIRLFRIEND!" Emmett cried on the phone.

"Apparently the fight started when the young man was spotted by his girlfriend kissing this purple haired mistress." another granny cellphone picture came up and the newscaster circled Alice's purple wig in the background.

"Witnesses say and we're directly quoting that the 'young man and the wh*** checked in as an engaged couple but were busted when his girlfriend entered the room." The same picture came up circling blonde hair that was hitting Emmett.

"THEY CALLED ME A WHORE ON NATIONAL TELEVISION!" Alice gasped mortified.

"Well technically they didn't…they said bleep." Emmett said.

" ' the bleep' Emmett…not hard to figure out what that stands for…they even put the first two letters in front of it so people would know what they really called me!" Alice said embarrassed.

"Oh really Emmett…not your fault!" Esme's voice said from the phone

"its not what it looks like mom…I swear!" Emmett pleaded.

"Emmett I don't have time…we'll talk in detail about this when I come visit…which will be tomorrow…your dad has a long weekend coming up." Esme's voice said.

"Your coming home?" Emmett gasped.

"well we've been planning this for a while…we didn't tell you guys?" Esme asked.

"no!"

"We had to have told you…I know we told Jasper!" Esme said. Emmett glared. Jasper looked away. Geez…Emmett caught kissing a girl that we all know Jasper likes on national television…it was a wonder Jasper didn't do more then just not tell him that his parents were coming home.

"no…I would of remembered that one!" Emmett countered. Alice started sniffing herself.

"Ugh we all smell like we were in a barn fire….this just totally ruined the perfume that I wore.

"Well it could have been worse…at least we weren't injured." I said.

"oh I know…burn patterns would not go with the plaid skirt that I have!" Alice said. We all rolled our eyes.

"so I'm confused Alice…why would you kiss Emmett?" Jasper asked. Everyone could feel Jasper's jealousy…that's how strong it was.

"Uh I have a right to kiss people you know…its not like a certain someone asked me out!" Alice growled. Jasper blushed.

"Well uh…I mean um…because its your friends boyfriend…uh why would you do that?" Jasper stuttered

"I don't know…why do you care so much Jazz?" Alice demanded

"because it burned down the entire restaurant." Jasper said too fast while looking away.

"No it didn't…Rosalie kissing Edward burned down the entire restaurant." Alice said factually.

"Rosalie wouldn't of kissed Edward if you didn't kiss Emmett…I know that was her rebelling. Ergo you burned down the entire restaurant. Now I want to know why? " Jasper countered.

"well …see…um…I really don't think that your going to like this Jasper. Let me just come clean and be honest…" Alice started up.

"Wow I should get a video camera for this moment!" Rosalie murmured under her breath.

"See I was really bored. I called Emmet. We were thinking of things to do and we said 'hey wouldn't it be fun to dress up like celebrities and go out to eat?' I picked Katy Perry and Emmett picked um uh her husband and we went out to eat. Edward and Bella happened to be in the same restaurant…who knew!" Alice laughed nervously twirling her purple hair.

"we figured why not go all the way…I mean married couples kiss right….I didn't know that Rosalie was in the restaurant…who the hell knew that. Anyways its not like I felt anything…a corpse kisses better then Emmett does." Alice said. Emmett looked extremely confused and offended at the same time

"That's not how it went down and you know it!" Rose, Edward and I said at the same time. Jasper looked at us.

" 'Ask Allie' over there was looking for information to share with the desperate housewives of Forks Washington. Common Alice …I know…I heard Bella. Frankly I hope that this serves as a wakeup to you that something's are more important then gossip. I almost broke up with Emmett…I thought he was more interested in you…do you know how much that hurts. How would you like it if I was single, you had a boyfriend and one day you walked in to find us making out in weird disguises." Rose growled.

"I thought you said you stopped doing that?" Jasper said looking at Alice.

"Well I did technically…but with the arrival of you guys back in town I'm getting all these texts again. I figured for old times sake…I could go out with one last hurrah!" Alice said.

"Oh yeah…you really went out with a bang!" Jasper said pointing to the burning building. It was then that a red convertible drove by blasting "The boys are back in town". A bunch of girls stood up wearing Cullen family t-shirts and flashed everyone while attempting to do a "Sexy' dance.

"What the fuck?" Edward said shacking his head

"hey I think one of those girls was my patient!" Jasper said horrified.

"Anyways back to the matter at hand. Do you see how deranged some of the women are. Your adding to that by doing what you did. Its like adding gasoline to a flame. Let me put this into words that you can understand. They are psychotic…they could hurt Bella…with no remorse might I add…just to get Edward to themselves. They could even eventually hurt you because your so close to us…do you ever think of that? Their not in their right mind!" Jasper said. We watched as the car pulled a U-turn at the end of the street and was coming back.

Their coming back?" Rosalie said mortified.

"WE LOVE YOU GUYS….EMMETT I HAVE YOUR NAME TATTOOED ON MY-" the girls screamed. Emmett waived like he was in a Mr. America contest. Rose cut them off before finishing that sentence.

"Okay we didn't need to know that!" Rosalie said

"WE'RE PRAYING FOR YOU IN YOUR TIME OF NEED!" The girls shouted again.

"What time of need?…we're alive, uninjured and we don't own that place!" Rosalie said pointing to the flames.

"See…issues! And you want to go around making things worse? Your lucky that Emmett broke that window or mad people would of died tonight…and why…because you wanted to play 'Ask Allie'. I'm all for finding out a little information…but Alice you really have to tone it down. You could of died…everyone could of got seriously hurt today." Jasper said.

"Alright already…if I'm going to spy on someone's date then I'll go as myself and I wont bring anyone else's boyfriend along with me." Alice gave in.

"Well think about it though…they could use it as an excuse to remodel…get up-to-date kitchens, brighter colors…maybe use lights instead of candles…it looked like a dungeon in there anyways. We should get an award." Alice continued on.

"Alice…even if the place can be rebuild…never mind remodel…I highly doubt we'll be let in…never mind get an award." Edward said.

"I cant believe that we burnt down the most romantic restaurant in the area…I mean the diner has good food in all but its no five star restaurant." I said shaking my head.

"I know…we should of burnt down Jacob's house." Alice laughed.

"I guess this means that we don't have to pay the bill though." Emmett said. Just then the waiter came over with the receipts.

"The restaurant burns down…and they still want us to pay the bill?" Emmett groaned as the guys took out their wallets.

"Hold on…you two put back your wallets…Alice has this. Since she ruined your date Edward and almost broke Rose and Emmett up it's the least that she can do." Jasper said as Alice pouted and took out two credit cards.

"I knew I should of forced Jasper to go…this all would have been avoided if I just listened to my instinct and forced Jasper to come with me instead of Mr. I need anger management!" Alice muttered to herself while handing everything to the waiter.

"Miss we cant take these…the computers were inside the building…we need cash." the man said.

"well I don't have that much on me." Alice said.

"Well give me what you do have and we'll negate the rest." the man said. Alice took out her wallet and cleaned it out.

"Happy now Jasper!" Alice said walking back to us.

"Its better." Jasper said. 


	22. Meet the Cullens

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys!**

Chapter 22

BPV.

After the fire everything seemed to right itself again. Surviving something like that seemed to only make Edward and I closer some how. Made our bond even stronger. Rose and Emmett's relationship also seemed to head in a better direction. My guess was that kissing Alice made Emmett realize how much he really cared for Rosalie. Though he should of really known that before he kissed Alice…but you know what they say…better late then never. Alice and Jasper still weren't together but their non relationship went to the next level of insanity. They might as well of been dating and enjoyed the perks. It didn't take that long to realize this. In fact when I saw Edward the next morning I already sensed this. That was the moment that I realized that I found my soul mate. Waking up I found Edward preparing an omelet that was stuffed with everything. He looked like he belonged in that kitchen.

"Morning love!" Edward beamed handing me my plate. The omelet tasted as if it descended from heaven .

"Morning!" I beamed back.

"You seem nervous." Edward said in a questioning tone.

"I'm going to meet your parents today." I said.

"um don't be nervous over that…you've known my parents for years…from what Charlie says my dad was more of a pediatrician to you then your own was…he certainly saw more of you. Besides they're not that scary." Edward said reassuringly while rubbing my back. Hearing him say that seemed to make me feel better.

"and its not like your going to be by yourself. I'll be there. Rose is going to meet them for the first time too and Jasper invited Alice over." Edward added on

"Your right…it isn't that bad really." I said calming myself down. It was then that Alice's door opened up and she walked out in a long, silk night gown.

"ugh I had a nasty dream last night! I dreamed that everyone but Jasper was trapped in a burning building and Emmett of all people had to save our lives. Everyone was screaming and it was chaotic. I thought I was going to die. I ran out a window Emmett broke with mad long island iced teas in my hand." Alice said. Edward and I looked at her.

"oh crap that wasn't a dream…damn it…that means I have no money in my wallet…I'll have to make a pit stop to the ATM!" Alice exclaimed. We then turned on the news to see pictures of the destroyed building. There was absolutely nothing left. It was a miracle that no one died last night.

"So since we're going to meet up with everyone later on…I have the perfect idea for your outfit Bella. Rose texted me this morning…she's going to meet up with us there." Alice said informatively. It was then that Alice's phone went off.

"oh hey Seth…your home now. Didn't you see the news last night. That restaurant where you and I had our first drinks fricken burned down. I was in the middle of all the action. It was crazy. They were serving drinks while people were trying to get the heck out of there. There was flames everywhere. We escaped through a window. I was on the national news…go check it out…its under ' man with purple haired mistress burns down restaurant'." Alice said.

"So speaking of last night…" I started up.

"My parents know everything. I spoke on the phone with them this morning. I was afraid of what Emmett would fabricate in the attempt to cover his ass. Also I thought it would be awkward listening to Emmett trying to explain everything to my mom. Jasper backed me up." Edward said as if he could read my thoughts. Alice gulped.

"your parents…know. They don't hate me do they?" Alice said fearfully.

"They were mad at first but then I could hear Jasper say something about them remembering about you being an extreme extrovert and having ADHD like qualities. He said that you couldn't really help it and then they said that they understood…said something about you not changing." Edward said. Alice looked like she didn't know if she liked that or not.

"are you sure that its okay we come…I mean with them just getting home in all?" I asked.

"They said that it was okay…they're really excited about it actually. I wouldn't worry about it…its not like they're going to try and drug you or something…they're not like our lovely Police Chief." Edward said the last part jokingly. I looked at him and smiled.

"okay already…we're supposed to be there at 11...its 9 am. Times a wasting…you (she pointed to Edward) well lucky you when Jazzy and I went to Port Angelus for Charlie's party I picked up emergency items which are in my room…your clothes reek of smoke. Wait till we get out though before you use my shower because it will save time. Five minutes I swear!" Alice said dragging me away and shoving me into my bathroom. I stepped into the hot water. The soot that I hadn't managed to get off last night flowed down the drain. Stepping out I never felt so clean before. Waiting for me when I got out was Alice. With her hair doned up in curlers again, green mask on her face, and cucumbers over her eyes she resembled a 5 ft tall lizard. When she turned around I half expected to see a tail. Walking in I could see that Alice already moved all that she needed into my room. Laid out was a blazer, dark blue blouse and pencil skirt. It looked like a business woman's attire. I looked at Alice.

"Bella we will be in the company of Forks elite…in their palace. You do not wear holey jeans and a t-shirt that doubles as your pj top. Besides casual wear goes out the door any time your boyfriend introduces you as his girlfriend to his parents the first time…unless their a certain disabled two timer divorcee who hooked you two up." Alice said. I had a slight feeling I knew who that last part pertained to.

"now get in the chair. We need to hurry!" Alice said grabbing a hairdryer and brush and holding them like two guns in her hand.. She plugged it in and went to work.

"So meeting the parents…nervous?" Alice asked.

"Not really…not any more." I said

"Well you know them so it shouldn't be that bad. They're not as bad as Charlie…or so I heard…and Edward survived him. His dad knows you too…granted its been a while since you last saw him…but he seemed really nice back then…and their mother was your nurse a couple of times and you two seemed to get along. We were practically part of the ER. I think my honorary authorization pass is around here somewhere" Alice said as she started to French braid my hair.

"wow I never usually get this excited about something other then shopping." Alice added on.

"you know I just thought of this…if you guys ever got married…your father in law would be a professor/ doctor thing…then again Emmett would be your brother in law so I think it balances out there." Alice said as she started to apply eyeliner.

"So anyways I cant believe it…I never thought I'd see the day that the entire family would be in town again…even for a day. I thought I'd die first. Well that did almost happen last night. Who would of thought when they left that they would all come back five years later. If I had known that it would of certainly lowered the amount I spent googleing and scowering the news papers for Jasper's name. I could of done more shopping!" Alice continued on.

"well I mean they are the parents Alice. They do have a right to visit their kids." I said. Alice agreed.

" I feel kind of weird going though…I mean Jazzy and I are just friends…everyone else has a girlfriend/boyfriend or a spouse." Alice said.

"Alice Jasper wants you there…what does that tell you?" I said shaking my head.

"friends meet friends parents…you definitely met mine…we went on vacations together!" Alice countered.

"Whatever Alice." I said shaking my head. It was at that point that Edward walked in. Alice had him dressed in a polo and jeans. Edward got one look at me and then turned to Alice.

"Alice…we're meeting my parents…not the President of the United States." Edward said shaking his head.

"Might as well be…with all the money his family has they could probably reduce the national debt by about half…I wish I knew their stock broker…must be some clairvoyant !" Alice mumbled so low that Edward couldn't hear.

" alright…your ready. Your flats are over there!" Alice said pointing to a shoe box that was sitting on my bed. She then darted off into her room. She reappeared five seconds later dressed and ready to go. She was wearing a dressy sweater, black pants, and a necklace that held her first initial.

"I talked to Jasper…everyone's there waiting already…lets go!" Alice said charging the door.

"She's chipper today?" Edward said.

"I think she wants to get a look at your master bedroom …someone told her that it had a Jacuzzi in it or something like that." I said.

"actually the Jacuzzi is in Emmett's room…he also has his own personal gym in there…they do have their own bathroom in there compete with a jetted tub though." Edward said

A couple of minutes later we were heading down the road like driveway to Edward's house. Appearing in the distance was a gorgeous rustic style house. There was a river gurgling in the background and the yard wasn't a yard but a meadow. It was absolutely stunning. Alice started to shake with excitement. Rosalie was sitting in front of her car waiting for us.

"wow I really like your house…its so pretty!" Rosalie said looking around,

"I feel like I'm in heaven!" Alice sighed. We looked at her and rolled our eyes. Jasper was waiting for us when we reached the front door.

"Hey long time no see!" He joked. He opened the door and we walked inside. Standing there was the good doctor and his wife.

"hey Bella…haven't seen you since the Emmett Camry incident…how are you?" Carlisle greeted warmly.

"Oh same old same old…still a huge klutz." I laughed.

"Emmett Camry incident?" Edward asked suspiciously. Emmett looked away.

"Oh yeah I remember that….the car was totaled and it was in our senior year. Bella and I had to be cut out using the Jaws of life." Alice said. Carlisle Alice and I then launched into the story.

_Flashback_

_"But mom…Macy's is having a blowout sale…50% off everything in the store…it's the opportunity of a life time!" Alice whined._

_"Alice I don't care…I really have a bad feeling about you going out today. Your car isn't the safest vehicle in the world and it's the week after Christmas. There's going to be a mad dash to the malls and people drive like idiots. Why don't you go after it calms down a little…you have gift cards anyways." Alison said._

_"Mom how about I make you a deal…We'll take your car…its bigger then mine and we'll pick you up the nice coach purse that I saw you eye out last week!" Alice bribed. The minute Alice said coach purse I knew she had won._

_"Alright you got me….you know which one I like Alice…here's the keys…remember to stay below 80 mph…we're still paying off your last ticket." Alice's mom said flinging the keys at us._

_"Thanks mom!" Alice screamed running towards the car like a little kid. Alice's mom drove a pearl white Camry with pink lights. Alice preferred it to her dad's Volkswagen bus which had a paint job that closely resembled the van from Scooby Doo. _

_"I don't get how he could stand driving that thing…we used to have to take family road trips in that thing when I was like 4. I was never so embarrassed in my life. He told me he and Billy drove around in that thing all day long…I wonder if they saw any dinosaurs considering it was before Billy's accident."_

_"Well Alice you know your dad." I said._

_"yep…you know he smokes in that thing every night still. You know for a while he tried to deny it and say that he quit…but I saw him run out to the car every night. Tried to tell me that the bubbling sounds were a part of nature. That was until I followed him one night. Opened the door. He was sitting there butt naked with a bong. A cloud of smoke hit me in the face. What was worse was he was in the middle of doing it with my mom. My mom flipped out and said that Caius was setting a bad example for me but I could see that her eyes were red too. I'm not an idiot. After seeing that I didn't give a fuck. I took my dad's philosophy on free love but made one change." Alice said. She then turned on the radio and started to blast "Moulin Rouge"_  
_"Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya da da (yeah-ey) Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya here (here) Mocha Chocolata ya ya (ooh yeah) Creole Lady Marmalarde!" Alice was singing and bobbing her head as she passed through a green light at an intersection that lead to the exit. She was too into the song to check to see if anyone blew the red light. I turned last second to see the minivan right on top of us._

_"ALICE!" I screamed. Then bam. The minivan hit us in the back door drivers side so hard we flipped over three times. Blackness hit._

_APV_

_Oh shit….I'm so screwed. Mom's going to ground me for sure…no matter who's fault the police say it is. We were trapped, hanging upside down in my mom's destroyed Camry. I couldn't even lie and say that Bella and I were in the mall and someone opened their door and hit us. Speaking of Bella…I turned and looked to see Bella slumped with her eyes closed. Oh shit…I'm so fucked…Chief Swan's going to kill me. I went in search of my phone but it was nowhere to be found. Looking at the minivan I could see a hole in the windshield about the size of my cellphone. Great so now I have to get a new phone too! It was then that I could feel tingling right above my left eyebrow. I put my hand there to reveal a trace amount of blood. Oh hell no…this face is not going to have a scar. It was then that Emmett stumbled out of the van._

_"Damn I hope no one hot is in that car…I'm going to go to the dinner…call 911, get something to eat…I'll be back in a half hour!" Emmett said turning to walk away. A bunch of witnesses surrounded him in their cars_.

_"Your not going anywhere Emmett…I already called…the cops are on their way!" Someone shouted. Emmett gulped. Crap that meant Charlie was coming._

_"Wake up Bells…wake up…wakey wakey….if you love me please wake up…the sales await us…oh wait you don't really like shopping…um there's books…I got you a book!" I pleaded shaking Bella's shoulder. There was no response. Chief Swan's going to flay me. I'm so fucked! _

_"Bells please…I wont play dress up with you any more…I'll leave your hair and face alone forever!" I continued to shake. I couldn't see a lot but I could see Tyler jump out of the van and attempt to make an escape. Probably figured that he already had one accident that was his fault. Either that or since everyone in town knew that this was my moms car and figured that my mother was inside and I'd show up on the scene and beat the shit out of him for this. If I could get out of this god damn car I'd knock both of their god damn heads together. Everyone was too busy trying to keep Emmett and Tyler on the scene to bother checking on us. Well it could have been worse…mom could have had her bottle of Arbor mist in here. And I didn't do anything wrong…not that it counts in my moms or Charlie's eyes…Asshole plowed into me. Legally at least it wasn't my fault. It was then that Charlie's squad car pulled in._

_"Jesus Christ Mrs. Brandon…I thought it was another fender-bender like last week are you okay?" Charlie asked. My mom's never got into an accident before? Oh Caius must have been driving. We all know he drives like shit. Oh shit what do I say. If I speak he's going to know that Bella was in the car with me! I deepened my voice to make it huskier._

_"Yes Charlie." I said imitating my mother's voice._

_"Do you want me to call Caius for you?" Charlie asked. Fuck…if he calls my house he'll know. If Caius picked up he'll instantly blow my cover. " my wife's right here…are you sure its not Alice…she and Bella took Big Allie's car!"_

_"No thank you I'm fine!" I called out_.

_"Okay then don't worry…we'll have you out in a jiffy!" Charlie said. I could then hear the sounds of my funeral march as they fired up the jaws of life. Charlie was bound to notice the Curly brown haired girl knocked out next to me. I looked as the machine pushed in and cut away bits of my moms car. I cried internally…my mom was going to be so pissed. She loved this car more then she loved me! _

_"ALICE?" Charlie cried in shock as they pulled me out of the car. Here it comes!_

_"Oh shit" Emmett gulped._

_"BABYYYYYY!" Charlie screamed pulling Bella out of the car when the paramedics shouted that there was a second victim. Charlie knew that wherever I was Bella was too._

_"OH FUCK!" Emmett gulped horrified._

_"Chief Swan I'm so sorry. I swear to god I thought the light was green. It was green when I last looked! TYLER SAID IT WAS OKAY TO GO!" Emmett cried._

_"Thanks so much Emmett…so this is my fault! Emmett you know that I'm color blind!" Tyler said annoyed. Well that explained his horrible fashion sense._

_"Dude no your not…you were just laughing at your brother for being color blind and saying 'Thank god I'm not like that…I'd kill myself' and shit." Emmett countered. They then got into a heated argument which turned into an all out fist fight. Charlie slapped them both in cuffs. I knew though that Emmett at least was going to get away with it. I mean the town needed him for the upcoming game. The report might miraculously might morph into "Tyler was driving the car." or something. It was Tyler's van after all so it was pretty believable…besides we all know that Tyler doesn't have the best driving record. I had to wonder though if Tyler's van had Bella on radar…or if it was trying to finish last year's job. It was then that my bug pulled onto the scene. My mom and Caius were in the car. Caius was driving. Judging by the look of shock on my mom's face Charlie obeyed my orders and didn't call them. Oh shit…oh no. grounded for life!_

_"SEE CAIUS THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I TOLD YOU THAT WE NEEDED TO FOLLOW THEM! I KNEW SOMETHING BAD WAS GOING TO HAPPEN…DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS FENDER-BENDER IS GOING TO COST US!" My mom roared too pissed to see the real damage. _

_"Fender-bender…dear are we looking at the same accident…your car's totaled! I'm as high as a kite right now and even I can tell!" Caius said._

_"I didn't just hear that you were driving while stoned Caius!" Charlie growled_

_"Totaled…we cant afford a new car!" my mother said._

_"That's what insurance is for!" Caius responded. They boarded Bella up into the ambulance. I decided to tag along with the paramedics while Charlie and co followed the ambulance. The doctors ruled that I was lucky. I didn't think I was…I needed five stitches to close the cut on top of my left eyebrow. I felt deformed…it was going to take mountains of makeup just to cover up the scar. Bella had a concussion and a couple of fractured ribs. The doctors made her stay a day for observation. My mother didn't stop bitching for the next week about how she hated the rental car. Well then again with it being a wind star in all I really didn't like it either. For once I preferred using Caius's stoner Scooby Doo van. _

_End of flashback_

BPV

"Emmett let me get this straight…you plowed into someone…caused them to flip over and instead of trying to see if they were even alive you and Tyler tried to run away. What the hell were you thinking?" Rosalie asked.

"Well see I was in survival mode…besides I was going to call 911...at the dinner. Besides its not all my fault…if Alice wasn't on the road that day none of this would of happened!" Emmett pleaded.

"No…you wouldn't of run into Alice…god knows who you could of hit. What if you hit a car with a baby inside…you would of left the baby to die? The poor innocent child! Oh wait a minute….you would of run off into the dinner and called 911 while you were chomping down on a double cheese burger!" Rosalie growled disgusted but in such a low tone that Carlisle and Esme couldn't hear.

"what's that…a double cheese burger sounds nice right about now!" Emmett said only catching part of what Rosalie said.

"And that's why your never allowed to drive my car Emmett…so how come I didn't know about this?" Edward asked.

"Oh you were out touring your college with mom…Jasper was participating in a Civil War reenactment with the Whitlock's down in Galveston. And I did not try to run away…as I said I was going to call 911 from the dinner. I was going to come back…you know after the scene was cleared. Besides its not like I got away scott clean. Dad did take away my protein drinks and gym membership for a week and I wasn't allowed to drive for three days!" Emmett said.

"Poor you…escaping completely uninjured. I still have the scar meanwhile and Bella had to walk around with taped ribs for a few weeks. I've never seen so many sweatshirts in my life. The whole back end of my moms car was crushed. The people said that Bella and I were lucky to be alive…that it was a miracle we were both in a pocket . If Bella hadn't turned last second she would of died!" Alice said lightly sarcastic while shaking her head.

"Carlisle…you never told me about this accident. I asked you if anything happened while we were away and you said 'sweetums the week was very quiet. Emmett was on his best behavior! He was an angel I swear!' I should of known…you never call me 'sweetums' unless there's something bad happening." Esme said in a falsely sweet voice. Carlisle knew that he was in the dog house right now. Guess he realized too late that he forgot to tell his wife about this.

"Well see um I felt that there was no need to bother you with this. You were off dealing with Edward and his schooling. I didn't want to burden you. Besides the damage was already done. Its not like Emmett wasn't dealt with…he was. We eventually got him to apologize to everyone involved. So I uh figured that there was no need to bring you into this." Carlisle said. I knew that wasn't the truth. Neither Carlisle or Edward could lie to save their lives. It was probably more along the lines of Carlisle and Emmett making a deal not to tell Esme and facing a lighter punishment rather telling her and facing complete grounding for a month.

"We'll talk about this later Carlisle…right now we have company. I want to talk to the girls…catch up with Bella and Alice and get to know Rosalie." Esme said as she lead us to a couch in the living room.

"So Esme…I love your hair. It seems longer then I last remembered…and you added highlights…its so pretty!" Alice said.

"Thanks Alice…I like the copper tones in yours." Esme said.

"oh did that myself." Alice said proud of herself.

"Alice is a hairdresser…she works with Rose." I said.

"Ehem…I'm co-head hairdresser at 'Modern Edge Hair Salon and Spa' which is right in the center of town." Alice said as if she was the CEO of Pepsi co and not cutting hair for a living.

"Oh that's great Alice…Bella…Edward tells me that you work with him. I read some of your articles…you really have a gift!" Esme said impressed..

"Thank you Esme…it means a lot." I said smiling.

"You know…for once someone listened to me around here. Five years ago I told him that he should go out with you. I mean you two were the nicest girls that I had ever talked to in the ER and both of you seemed down to earth but Alice you seemed more like Jasper's type. I knew that you guys had good heads on your shoulders unlike most of the girls in town. So Rosalie tell me about yourself?" Esme said the last part as a question.

"Well I grew up in Port Angelus…we moved here three years ago. My parents and I live on the outskirts of town. Alice and I were in the same classes when we went to the trade school and I met Bella through Alice a while ago. When we graduated we decided to open our own shop and I've been working there ever since. I met up with Emmett through the girls. I have to say that he seems to love what he's doing. I only want what's best for him and he seems to be really happy right now. I honestly hope that at least for Emmett's sake that we could be great friends." Rosalie said. Esme looked touched.

"Oh Rosalie…I was hoping that you'd say that…I want that too with all of you!" Esme cooed.

"Oh Esme…you know that you've always been our friend!" I beamed

"yeah…your almost like another mother!" Alice agreed.

"Aww thank you guys!" Esme beamed

"now about this restaurant burning business…while I am mad at the events that lead up to it I really didn't like that restaurant anyways. The waitresses were a little too friendly for my liking if you know what I mean." Esme said.

"Oh Esme believe me I do!" I said.

"huh well they say that good things do come out of tragic circumstances sometimes. You know every cloud has a silver lining." Alice said.

"That's so true Alice." Rosalie agreed.  
We spent the rest of the weekend hanging out with the family. They took us out to eat and very much to Alice's delight shopping the next day. Alice ran like she was on crack through the isles picking up clothes for me and Rosalie. Emmett had fun in the work out section buying new weights (apparently his broke somehow). Right was we were entering Emmett's jeep ( it was the only car that could accommodate all eight of us) Carlisle and Esme broke some major news to everyone.

"Um…so guys…the hospital called. They were wondering if Carlisle and I wanted to come back . Since Carlisle would rather heal then teach and I really miss nursing and we miss you guys we accepted. So we're moving back home!" Esme said. Everyone with the exception of Emmett looked delighted for them. I mean I couldn't imagine being so far away from Charlie…twins or no twins and it meant that a really good Dr. and nurse were returning to the hospital. The guy that they got to replace Dr. Cullen…well lets just say that he was no Dr. Cullen…trying to tell me that I had a sprain when even the radiologist said that I clearly fractured my hand.

"What do yoou mean your moving back…when were you going to tell us this?" Emmett gasped twitching.

"We just did sweetheart!" Esme responded.

"Well have you found a place to stay yet?…I understand that the house next door is up for sale…we could be neighbors" Emmett asked.

"Why would we go looking for a house when we already have one?" Carlisle asked

"Wait a minute…you meant moving back into the house?" Emmett gulped.

"not going to be your bachelor pad now is it Emmy…lets see how fast you jump on the marriage train now!" Rosalie snickered to herself

"Don't worry about it Em…we still have to put the condo up for sale and Carlisle has to finish up the semester…we wont be back till may." Esme said.

"Dr. and Mrs. Cullen moving back home? This is the news of a life time…the fans have to know…they just have to!" Alice said taking out her phone.

"Alice please put the phone down. Remember the promise that you made us the other night ' no more gossiping about other people's lives except for by mouth ( she cant update the world with to the second details) or with expressed consent from us?'" I said as Alice put the phone back

"That's okay…I can wait a day or so." Alice said putting the phone back for once in her life. Rosalie looked like she wanted to take out a camera.

"So anyways that red sweater dress that I got for you Bella is so going to go with those new flats!" Alice said changing back to the conversation before Esme and Carlisle broke their big news. 


	23. Smiley faces and playground weddings

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys!**

Chapter 23

BPV

A couple of days later Edward and I were hanging out in the apartment. Alice and Jasper had gone on a drinking escapade and Rose and Emmett were rock climbing at a gym. We decided that we had wanted to stay in tonight. There was a small battle on who was going to prepare dinner tonight.

"Edward its my apartment…I can handle everything…don't worry about it!" I said as Edward pulled out the marinated chicken from the refrigerator.

"You relax…I have this…you have to cook for Alice every night!" Edward said not standing down.

"And you have to cook for Emmett and Jasper…besides I don't cook for her every night!" I countered.

" and I don't cook for those two every night either….besides Alice pops in lean quinines when its her night to make dinner!" Edward said opening the freezer and pointing to the Mount Everest of frozen dinners that Alice stuffed in there. I cocked an eyebrow.

"Jasper knows his way around a kitchen just as well as me…though he wont admit it." Edward said.

"And Emmett?" I asked.

"Well lets just say that our freezer looks very similar to yours…only with hot pockets." Edward said.

"Alright…I can see that neither one of us is going to win this argument…so I'm proposing a compromise…we'll spilt everything 50/50." I said.

"Deal!" Edward agreed.

"So…do you want the chicken or the salad?" I asked.

"Either or." Edward responded.

"I'll take salad then." I said taking out the salad bowl. Edward went to work on the chicken.  
Afterwards I popped some 80's movie in and we sat on the couch. I rested my head on Edward's shoulder and he traced my cheek bones with his thumb. Again flecks of electricity followed the path that he made. I looked into his blazing green eyes and had I been standing I would of gone weak at the knees. The distance between our lips quickly closed. It felt as if fireworks had gone off or heaven opened its pearly gates with all the angels singing. It felt like all of the other kisses that I had received from Edward…absolutely divine. It was then that we could hear a commotion in the hallway. It sounded very much like a couple hard core making out in the hallway. Edward and I looked at each other with a "what the fuck?" glance. The door burst down and Alice and Jasper stumbled in practically eating each other's face off.

"Alice?" I asked.

"its about time already!" Edward exclaimed. Their only response was Alice swatting her hand in front of our faces as her trashed Prince Charming carried her into her bedroom. The door shut and a flashy "Do not Disturb" sign flew up on the doorknob.

"I know…finally!" I agreed.

"So love…are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Edward asked with a light tone in his voice.

"I think so!" I beamed. Edward then scooped me up and carried me over his back into my bedroom. Already laid out was a dark blue flowing negligee that still had its tags on with a match book and note on top of it. Hershey kisses and condoms surrounded it making the shape of a heart.

"Call me psychic but I knew that you'd need these. No need to thank me. Be careful with the candles…we don't need to be trapped in another burning building. Oh and remember keep the Twinkie wrapped guys. You don't want to wind up like Jess Stanley…pregnant! 3"

Looking around I could see candles strategically placed everywhere. Edward was carefully lighting them. I headed into the bathroom to put everything on.

"How did Alice know?" Edward asked.

" I bet she actually didn't. she probably figured…home alone with a bed near by…she figured better be prepared." I said.

"Your roommates tapped!" Edward snickered.

"well considering your cousin's in love with her I'm guessing he's not too sane either." I laughed.

"You know what they say about insanity…it runs in families!" I added on.

"Well considering Charlie takes the cake when it comes to mental illness I guess it was bound to come down in the genes." Edward laughed

"well then looks like we're both one floor over the cookoo's nest." I laughed walking into Edward's arms. Our lips met. The rest of the night was spent in passionate bliss.

Waking up the next morning I tip toed out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Waiting for me was a pair of smiley faced boxers….wait a minute that ass was not Edward's! Jasper turned around with a frying pan in hand.

"Hey Bells…fried or scrambled?" Jasper asked very chipper. Edward was sitting at the kitchen table laughing into his cereal bowl.

"Jasper?" I asked shocked

"Oh excuse my attire or lack there of…I woke up like this. I honestly have no clue where my clothes are. Though I heard my cell phone go off somewhere in Alice's room." Jasper said.

"Oh don't worry… I lived with Charlie…I'm used to it." I said.

"Ugh bad visual!" Edward shivered.

"So Jasper why didn't you say that you could cook?" I asked. I mean I partnered with him sometimes in foods…he never volunteered to cook…he always took the dishes!

"Oh Edward's the true culinary genius in the family…he taught me a few meals…I'm more in tuned to people's feelings." Jasper said informatively.

"Jasper…your better then you give yourself credit for!" Edward countered.

"Speaking of which I have a feeling that Emmett's near a stove right now. We better call him. Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme already had to remodel their kitchen because of Emmett once…we don't need another Super bowl incident." Jasper said grabbing the phone and dialing a number.

"Emmett put the pan back…that was Edward's Christmas gift from Aunt Esme…Emmett how would you like it if I broke your boflex…listen to Rosalie…let her cook…no one's doubting your manliness Emmett…give the fucking pan to Rose Emmett…Emmett are we suffering a little bit of roid rage today…breath…put the chair down…good Emmett. Keep breathing…put Rosalie on…listen Rose there's some sedatives in my medicine cabinet…Carlisle refilled my emergency stash…either stuff it in his food or tell him that it's candy…Emmett's too stupid to know the difference anyways. They should act quickly. Once he's asleep make breakfast. I'll be back later to check on every thing." Jasper said hanging up the phone.

"So Jasper…what happened last night…beside's the obvious?" I said pointing to his almost naked body.

"Couldn't tell ya really. Alice and I were at the bar drinking screwdrivers…then we moved on to my-ties for her and southern screws for me…I blacked out when she ordered her first Pink Panther. I honestly don't know how we got home. But when I woke up this morning it was easy to figure out what happened considering that the thing was still on." Jasper said pointing to down south.

"TMI Jasper!" I said. Edward nodded in agreement. It was then that Alice's door opened up.

" wow I must have been fucked up last night…I have no clue what happened…and the most bizarre thing happened to me…I woke up completely naked and spread eagle on my bed…has anyone seen my bathrobe?" Alice asked stumbling out in her birthday suit.

"EWWW!" Edward and I exclaimed together covering our eyes. Alice then caught sight of everyone.

"OH MY GOD!" Alice cried running back into her room. When she next appeared she was wearing silk pink pj's.

"Jasper do you remember if we…you know?" Alice asked.

"I don't remember but I think we did. There's uh evidence." Jasper said taking out a condom wrapper.

"Uh guys do you want us to leave for a minute…give you guys some privacy" Edward said looking extremely uncomfortable.

"ah no why don't we all just have some breakfast and calm down…me and Alice can talk later!" Jasper said looking at Alice with nothing but love.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Positive!" Alice said staring at Jasper's smiley faced ass dreamily.

"Do you want me to get you some clothes?" Alice asked still star struck

"I don't think I would fit in your clothes Alice…its okay!" Jasper responded with the same exact tone as hers.

"No I think I know where yours are…I saw them when I went to get changed…I'm pretty sure they're in the bathtub!" Alice said darting off to her bathroom.

"Oh look…here they are…exactly where I said…in the bathtub…wow we were really screwed up last night…I wonder how we got home?" Alice asked. Just then Alice's phone went off. Aro's voice filled the air.

"Alice…what's up sweet heart?" Aro asked. Alice looked confused.

"Sweet heart?" Alice asked.

"I've come to terms with the fact that I don't mind sharing you. I don't mind having an open relationship…as long as I get to have you and your happy someway. That kiss we shared was so amazing!" Aro gushed.

"WE WHAT?" Alice shrieked.

"You planted one right on my lips…I'm never washing these babies ever again!" Aro said. Alice looked horrified.

_Flashback._

_Aro/Alfred's point of view_

_I was in the Delorean wating for my lovely Alice to walk out of the bar. Luckily Marcus volunteered to take Alice's car home…go me! Alice had called me looking for a ride home…well technically she called Bella but she got me instead. It was fate! I lifted my door as she and pretty boy approached the car. Ugh I didn't know he was here!_

_"Hey Allie…Casper." I growled the last part_.

_"closee…itss' s Jassper…what up Arrooww?" Pretty boy slurred trashed out of his mind. This could work to my benefit. Me being the D.D…I would surely be the hero in Alice's eyes. _

_"Youu knoow its really wonderfulll that your doing thiss AAAlllphie….I love you!" Alice said grabbing me planting her lips directly on mine. This was most decidedly the best night of my lift. Better then when Tron came out…and way better then when Mom, Marcus and I were able to score premier tickets to Star wars: The Phantom Menace. I was in absolute heaven._

_"Goo Alphie!" Jasper drunkenly slurred. Marcus beeped Alice's horn. Her horn was so adorable! I couldn't help laughing at Marcus though. This was going to be my black mail for a while._

_"Thhe best thing abouttt being a womann is the prerogative to have a little fun!" Alice belched out waiving her shoe in the air. The best thing about being a Volturi is the prerogative to have a little Awren!_

_"oh oh oh!" Jasper, Casper or whatever his name is sang background. Wow this dude must really be trashed. We pulled into Alice's apartment complex sooner then I would of liked._

_"Alice…be my girlfriend?" I called out._

_"Yeah sure whatever!" Alice called before jumping pretty boy. Well I guess I could be willing to an open relationship as long as I get a little bit of my Awren._

_End of Flashback_

BPV

"Listen Aro…nothing happened last night got that. We did not do anything…nothing's changed. do you understand me?" Alice asked mortified.

"I understand." Aro said sounding dejected before hanging up the phone.

"Boy Alice when you get trashed you really know how to spread the love around…Go Aro that's my boy!" Edward exclaimed laughing.

"Shut up Edward…I have a really sharp nail file…Charlie taught me how to castrate someone and I'm not afraid to do it! Nothing happened….GOT IT!…now where's the Listerine and the bottle of Acne treatment…I'm still shivering at the thought of someone with that horrible oily skin touching my face!" Alice gagged the last part running into her bathroom.

"I cannot believe that I did that…alright definitely shouldn't of had that last Pink Panther…I knew that number seemed off but I don't remember talking to Aro…crap that means I came too close for comfort to talking to Charlie (Charlie could of picked up his cell phone)…and we all know that's never a good thing!" Alice said shaking her head.

"I so wish that I didn't find that out. My mouth feels so disgusting…I'm going to have to brush my teeth for the next eight hours…ugh I kissed a brace face…do you know what that will do to my lips!" Alice said.

"Deleting Aro's number now…so that could never ever possibly happen again!" Alice said taking out her phone. There was already eight missed messages from Aro.

"I'm so happy we're together…my first live girlfriend….that was my first kiss ever…now lets talk marriage. I've always wanted to get married at a lord of the rings convention. I've already brought your dress…in your size. I know all that shit on the phone that you said was just to placate Jasper. I'm right in front of your house right now. I have the perfect wedding march…the Star Trek theme song. Bella and Cedric- I mean Edward can be apart of the wedding party. Marcus suggested that we make Bella Galadriel and he wants to be her husband Lord Celeborn…and we both decided that Edward could be Golem. Emmett…can come too…he'd be the perfect Gandalf…Rosalie can come as herself…no lord of the rings could capture her beauty!" The final message read.

"Well Edward you kind of do look like a Golem!" Jasper laughed.

"Geez thanks Jasper." Edward growled but a chuckle escaped.

"Really I am kind of offended though…I mean where am I on this list…I was actually nice to the twins!" Jasper said.

"Oh quit bellyaching…at least they didn't list you as something that looked like some swamp creature freak thing that's smaller then Alice and looks chronically constipated." Edward said

"That's because their threatened. Marcus has a huge crush on Bella and he knows that you two are dating-" Jasper started off

"and he also knows that he and Aro aren't anything to look at!" Alice chimed in

"So his idea is to make himself look like the savvy prince and you look like a freaky mutant toad and hope that Bella has a change of heart. Frankly Aro probably thinks of it as a 'playground marriage'. by 3 o clock he wouldn't be married anymore." Jasper said.

"Read my text…hell no. I don't mean to be mean but we're just friends Aro. I love you but as Bella's step brother and that is it. I really appreciate that you came to pick me up last night though….I was really trashed and I didn't know what I was doing. P.S- if you ever date someone…do not propose on the first night…you look desperate." Alice sent.

"See I've always said that the twins were freaks…Bella don't ever get trashed around Marcus. Lesson learned." Alice said.

"Alright this just made his obsession like eighteen times worse." Alice groaned as we looked out the window and saw the Delorean drive away.

A few hours later Alice and I were alone. Alice and Jasper finally talked about their feelings and decided that they wanted to "take things to the next level"…thank god. The insanity was finally over. No more "I don't know if he likes me…he sends mixed signals…why won the ask me out already?" every single time we were alone together. I was laying down and reading "Pride and Prejudice " when Alice burst down my door.

"So we need to talk." Alice said sitting on my bed.

"I cannot believe this. I mean I've been praying to God to let me do it with Jasper ever since he came back. Finally that moment comes and I don't remember one fricken moment of it…really? How messed up is that? Thanks god…you just had to look away when I ordered that Pink Panther huh…you couldn't send a little warning…not even Jasper pecking me on the cheek?" Alice vented flopping down on my bed.

"And worse…god made me call Aro…like he couldn't send a biblical plague to keep him away…I mean boils wouldn't work considering that he practically has those on his face already. I don't know maybe a random flood floating his car away.

"Alice!"

"What? I never wished that he was in the car!" Alice said.

"Anyways I feel like I got screwed out of something. I feel like I got screwed out of my memories. What if Jasper and I ever got married and had kids who came to me asking about my first time with daddy. I'm gonna have to say ' I don't remember…I was trashed!' oh that's really going to be a great conversation!" Alice continued on.

"Well Alice maybe that's what needed to happen. I mean it forced you guys to talk…something we've been trying to get you guys to do forever. And just like I said Jasper has feelings for you." I said.

"True…I guess that means that we just have to make the second time around extra special to make up for it. And my outfit was cute yesterday so it wasn't like I was dressed in a bag…I just wish I remember where the hell I put my $500 Gucci heels…I have no clue what I did with them!" Alice agreed..

"Well did you check the bathtub…considering that's where Jasper's clothes were?" I asked.

"First place I looked…outside my room." Alice said.

"We'll I'm sure that they'll turn up somewhere." Alice said walking away. I then headed into my bathroom. I was washing my hands when I had a nagging suspicion to check my draws. After all like I said Jasper's clothes were in Alice's bathtub…so obviously neither one of those two were thinking clearly last night. Staring right at me when I opened the first draw was Alice's black 6in Gucci high heels. I shook my head. Alice really doesn't think too much when she gets trashed.

"Oh there they are!" Alice said as I walked out of the bathroom to leave them on her bed.

"I was afraid that I lost them in the evil twins car!" Alice laughed.


	24. Chapter 24

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys!**

Chapter 24

BPV.

The next few days were completely uneventful. Now in addition to Edward ( who slept here at least 3-4 times a week) , Jasper was a constant at the apartment. My prediction about what would happen if Alice and Jasper started dating came true. Edward and I were bombarded with Alice and Jasper making out everywhere we went. It was like those two were trying to make up for lost time. I was thanking god at this point that I wasn't single or I probably would of found it nauseating. So when Alice came home alone one night Edward and I were shocked.

"Alice where's Jasper?" I asked. Maybe they had a fight or something?

"Oh Jasper said that he wanted to sleep at home tonight. Rose called in the middle of our date Something about being unable to come over and 'babysit' Emmett for you guys…he didn't want Emmett to be alone. Which meant that we couldn't drink a lot tonight. He offered to take me there tonight but I just wanted to come home." Alice said.

"Oh…Rose canceled on him?" I asked. So in other words Jasper had to go home and make sure Emmett didn't do anything stupid.

"Yeah she said that she had to do something with her mom and her mom's friends and she wouldn't be back till late. I think that they were shopping for some girls baby shower and then heading out to eat or something. Anyways I know her mom's friends…all of them are talkers so I could see why Rose canceled. They probably wont get to leave the restaurant till midnight or something." Alice said informatively.

"in fact…I don't think that they'll leave the baby depo till midnight. Rosalie goes crazy in those stores. Its kind of like me going into Gucci. Rosalie already told me that if I ever get pregnant that she'll buy everything for me. I so look forward to those days…all the cute dresses…picking clothes out for my little doll. I already have a name picked out…Dolly for a girl…Ken for a boy. Rosalie helped me pick out the first one…I always wanted Ken for a boy." Alice continued. Geez I wonder where she got those names from. I could picture Alice naming her kids after Mattel's doll collection. I wouldn't be shocked if Dolly's middle name was "Barbie" and her other kids names were Kelly, Francie, Jazzie (Double meaning there), Midge, Christie and Stephen…all Mattel characters.

"Alice maybe you should consider not naming your kid after a doll that falls in love with Barbie…I mean think of all the damage that it could do when he finds out where his name came from. I mean finding out that your name came from a doll that girls like to play with doesn't exactly make you feel masculine." Edward said.

"You sound just like Jasper…that's exactly what he said when I told him that…then he went on to suggest something like Burt or Bob. I said hell no…those sound like the names of the twins kids. So we came to an impasse…if we ever have kids…Jasper's naming the first boy unfortunately and I'm naming the first girl. What Jasper never took in to account was the randomness of having more…I will get my Ken!" Alice said.

"Now if anyone needs me…I will be putting on my facial mask!" Alice said heading to the fridge and grabbing a half cut cucumber.

"Night guys!" Alice called over her shoulder as her bathroom door slammed shut.

"Bella…I've said it before and I'll say it again…Alice is a psycho." Edward said.

"Your telling me?" I laughed.

"I HEARD THAT!" Alice shouted from the bathroom.

"oh Alice…even you know that your nuts!" I called back.

"Crazy people don't think their crazy!" Alice countered.

"more proof of Alice's insanity!" Edward chuckled pointing to the bathroom. Alice then stomped out wearing a bathrobe, face mask, and pink hair cap that had curlers poking out.

"Oh stop it…Edward I would especially shut if I were you…I have a fake nail kit in my room and I'm a licensed nail technician. You might wake up one morning to 6 in long fuchsia nails." Alice said holding up a bottle of pink nail polish to substantiate her threat.

"you wouldn't!"

"Don't test me Edward!" Alice smiled sadistically.

"I'm a Barbie girl…in The Barbie world…life in plastic…its fantastic…you can brush my hair…undress me everywhere…imagination life is your creation!" Alice sang to herself as her nightcap slightly swished back and fourth.

"Why am I not surprised that that's one of Alice's favorite songs?" Edward said shaking his head.

"come on Barbie lets go party…ha ha ha yeah!" Alice sang some more entering her room.

"I guess I know which song's going to wind up on Jasper's I-pod next." Edward sighed.

"now you know what I've had to put up with whenever Alice goes driving and it comes on the radio." I said

"Guessing Alice loves singing in the car." Edward said.

"Very much." I responded. I then rested my head against his chest and listened to him breath. His breathing was as soothing as a lullaby. With in minutes I was half a sleep in his arms. He swooped me up and carried me into the bedroom.. I fully slipped into dream land the minute my head hit the pillow.

I awoke early the next morning feeling a little hungry. Considering the sun was just breaking I knew that breakfast wasn't going to be for a while. Today was a public holiday so we didn't have to go in to work…which meant that breakfast was going to be even later then usual. So I figured that a little snack couldn't hurt that much. Before getting out of bed I looked at the sleeping angel that was next to me. How could someone who looked that good even be interested in me was beyond my comprehension. I slinked over to my slippers and quietly tiptoed out of the bedroom. Afraid to turn on the lights I took the risk and attempted to make my way in the dark. Fortunately I made it into the kitchen with out any chairs or shoes magically jumping out in front of me. The brightness of the refrigerator blinded me . I could then hear the creek of footsteps It was at that point that I could hear a commotion. It sounded like something was pillaging the apartment. I gulped and made to turn around. A blade immediately met my throat. I dropped the yogurt that was in my hand.

"turn around and you'll regret it!" a deep husky voice growled in my ear pressing the knife harder. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the butcher knife that I had left on the counter earlier that night. I slowly reached for it.

"even think about touching me and they'll be taking you out of here in a body bag!" I said taking the knife and holding the point firmly against what I guessed to be the man's temple. It was then that a second man appeared and pointed a gun at my head. I could see six more heading out through the front door with almost everything from our apartment in their hands. It was then that I realized that I was in deep trouble.

"Drop it or die !" The man holding the gun snarled. Please god don't let me die…not now! All I could picture was Edward's face in my mind. I was afraid of putting him through this. I didn't want him to be the one to find me.

"Look you can have anything that you want…anything…I'll even drop the knife…just please let me go!" I pleaded. I could feel my knee start to buckle.

"I'm not so sure…what's to say that you don't get a stroke of bravery and try something?" the man growled. Obviously this guy didn't know me well at all. I'd be more likely to hurt my self in that case.

"I wont…I swear…I'm as cowardly as the cowardly lion…not a ounce of courage!" I gulped.

"no…I think that I'll keep you like this." the knife man said.

"oh shut up…one more word and I'll shoot!" the man with the gun said while holding the gun closer. It was then that I could see what could only be described as an infuriated angel out of the corner of my eye. The look in his eye was scary enough to scare off the devil in the flesh.

"Drop the fucking gun asshole!" The angel growled taking out a gun of his own.

EPV

I was a really light sleeper. The minute Bella left I was up. If there was a mouse in the house I couldn't sleep. As I trying to focus all my efforts on falling back to sleep I could hear a set of footsteps cross from Alice's room. The bedroom door opened up a crack and then shut. Alice was so nosy sometimes…she probably didn't like what she saw…people actually sleeping. That girl was a weirdo. It was then that I could hear what sounded like multiple people in the apartment. I looked out to see a masked man running down the hall with one of Alice's wigs. Oh shit. Looking into the kitchen area I could see Bella with two guys. One had a knife to her throat and the other had a gun to her head. OH HELL NO! Where was Emmett when you needed him? I instantly regretted leaving my revolver in the glove compartment of my car tonight. I then remembered that there was one gun in the house. I thanked my lucky stars that Alice fully supported the second amendment. I never thought that I'd say this but thank god for Alice's impulsiveness. I crawled military style into Alice's bedroom. Looking over at her bed, I could tell that Alice was a deep sleeper.

"Jasper…oh JASPER!" Alice moaned. From the way she sounded, I thought she was having an erotic dream.

"Oh Jasper oh that Armani suit looks dashing on you…its so perfect!" of course…Alice was dreaming about shopping. Was there anything else that she ever thought about? Well it looked like Alice was going to have to a lot of shopping in the near future. I knew that Alice always locked her gun away in her makeup stand. Something about no robber ever touching her makeup. Well here was Alice's chance to use the gun and Alice was practically in a coma singing sonnets about Jasper in his Armani suit. I grabbed the small key from under her mattress and quietly crawled over to her night stand. All the time I prayed to god that I would get there in time.

"Hey I wonder if we could get $1,000 off the couch!" I could hear some guy as they passed the bedroom.

"Oh Jazzy…you didn't have to buy me the $1,000 couch!" Alice moaned I shook my head.

"Man I feel bad for whoever Jasper is." another voice said. I don't…Jasper was snug sleeping in his bed and his house wasn't getting robbed. Alice flopped over as I was sticking the key in.

"Oh Charlie…your such a prude…just because you haven't gotten laid till recently doesn't mean rest of us have to hit a 46 year dry spell. What do you want to do…throw Bella in a convent? That's insane! No wonder why she was still a virgin when she lived with you…what do you have? Sexdar? Chief she's not your little girl anymore. Bella is not a five year old that you have to protect from perverts. She needs to get a sense of the wrong man also known as Jacob …better to learn now then after your dead Chief. Your lucky she dumped his ass…ugh! Chief really I know that Billy's your friend but you really think that he would have been a good father in law…he's just like Caius. And that brings up and my other point…what do you have against my father?" Alice moaned as I grabbed the gun. I didn't want to know what that dream conversation was about. I crept unnoticed across the living room.

"no…I think that I'll keep you like this." the knife man said. Oh no you wont!

"oh shut up…one more word and I'll shoot!" the man with the gun said. Not if I shoot first…asshole! I gleefully pictured that man sprawled out on the floor. I knew at the very least Charlie would be proud. They were so engrossed in Bella that I could easily sneak up behind them.

"Drop the fucking gun asshole!" I growled cocking Alice's .44 magnum while pointing it to the guy's head. The gunman dropped the gun and immediately started to shake. The other man threw the knife to the ground and raised his hands in the air.

"Look man we don't want no problems!" the knife man spoke fearfully.

"You have a funny way of showing it…holding knifes and guns up to people's heads inside their own apartment. You know you really picked the wrong apartment…her dad's a cop…cop's don't like it when their families are threatened. You think I'm bad…well you better pray that you do not run into him." I snarled.

"Oh shit…po-po's daughter…we're fucked….what if she call's her dad!" one guy gulped.

"Fuck!" the other guy swore.

"he's on his way right now…you guys triggered a silent alarm when you broke into this apartment. They know specifically which unit that you are in. I wish you luck…he's going to rip your balls off." I partially lied. The girls didn't have an alarm…an alarm man was supposed to come next week to set it up for them and Charlie didn't know yet but he sure as hell was going to soon. And when he did find out he sure as hell was going to rip their balls off.

"oh fuck…lets get the fuck out of here the man sounds like a psycho!" one guy said. Then by a miracle one of the men slipped up.

"Lonnie…I thought that you said that there was no complications…that we were in the clear…you called it an easy mission!"

"Dude SHUT THE FUCK UP!" The man called Lonnie gasped. I laughed at their stupidity. Having a feeling that Chief Swan would want evidence I snatched a glove that he pulled off of himself when he wasn't looking. Lonnie at least was going to go down.

"Where's my glove…oh hell forget the glove…lets just get the fuck out of here!" Lonnie said as he and his cronies screwed out of the apartment.

BPV

When all of them were finally gone I allowed my self to break. I was so shaken that I felt my knees buckling again. Edward grabbed me for support.

" its okay…its all over…they're gone now!" he said soothingly.

"You saved me!" I whispered thankfully in his ear

"When I saw them doing that I freaked…I thought that they were going to kidnap you or something. I don't know what I'd do if something ever happened. I figured that I had to do something." Edward whispered back. I looked into his blazing green eyes and couldn't resist the temptation to kiss him. How many people could say that they got to make out with their guardian angel? A door then opened up and lights flew on. Alice walked into the kitchen slipping her sleep mask below her neck.

"Hey what are you guys doing up so early?" Alice yawned looking around.

"Where's the coffee maker…OH MY GOD WE'VE BEEN ROBBED…OMG MY ROOM!" Alice screamed dashing off to her bedroom. They cleaned Alice right on out. The only things that remained in there was her makeup stand and her bed. The rest of it was gone. Edward called the cops.

"THOSE BASTARDS TOOK MY GUCCI PURSE! I HAD A BOTTLE OF 1920'S WHITE WINE THAT I WAS SAVING FOR A SPECIAL MOMENT WITH JAZZY…IT COST ME A FORTUNE…I'LL KILL THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS…THEY GOT MY DIAMOND NECKLACE TOO!" Alice roared hysterical.

"Oh wait I forgot…that was my cubic zirconium necklace…the real one was in a vault at my parents house…must have been a group of all men…a woman would of known the real stuff from the fake." Alice said calming down just a hair.

"ALRIGHT…I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT EXACTLY YOU TWO KNOW…YOU GUYS MUST OF SAW SOMETHING?" Alice growled. I then told her the whole story.

"THOSE ASSHOLES…FUCK THEM…THREATENING PEOPLE'S LIVES AND STEALING MY STUFF! I'LL NEVER SEE MY GUCCI PURSE AGAIN!"

Edward and I then went to check my room which was relatively unscathed. I figured that they must of got a look at Edward and decided not to come in there.

"okay your on your way…thank you and please hurry!" Edward said to the dispatcher. We were waiting for the cops by the door when Alice walked in on the phone with Jasper.

"JAZZY WE'VE BEEN ROBBED BLIND! THEY TOOK EVERYTHING…OUR COUCH, TV, MY CLOTHES, MY COFFEE MAKER. IT WAS AWFUL…THEY WERE SO VIOLENT! I WAS SO SCARED!" Alice sobbed into the phone. Scared? Alice slept through the whole god damn thing! Alice didn't have a gun to her head and a knife to her throat! It was then that Charlie busted down the door in his Forks PD pajama pants and police jacket. It looked like he just rolled out of bed and came here.

Charlie's point of view.

I was having a wonderful dream about Celeste and I doing the- well lets just say that I was having a wonderful dream. I felt like I lucked out finally meeting a wonderful woman. So what she had weirdo children and a wild past…everyone's got a few skeleton's in their closet. I mean everyone does do stupid things that they regret later on. I was just at the best part when a ringing sound broke through my sleep. Suddenly jolted back to reality I stared at the clock groggily. Who in their right mind would call right now…its like 5am! Celeste was moaning next to me about picking up the phone. Seeing the station number I groaned and reached for it.

"Hello?" I yawned into the phone.

"Hey Chief…we have a report of a robbery that you might want to investigate ." The female dispatcher named Denise said into the phone.

"shouldn't you be hounding some detective over this!" I growled annoyed. I was being woken up for something like this?

"Chief it was your daughter's apartment!" Denise said informatively.

"You mean to say that someone in her apartment complex got robbed?" I asked. Definitely getting Bella a third set of locks to have in addition to the alarm then.

"Charlie it was her apartment unit that they broke into. " Denise answered.

"WHAT!" I screeched so loud that I could hear the twins fall out of bed. Celeste rolled over afraid.

"Marcus something happened to Bella and Alice!" Aro was shrieking.

"Your sure?" I asked. If they were robbed someone surely would of called me personally!

"Chief we triple checked. We had the caller repeat the room number and we traced the call." Denise said. I headed over to my cell phone. Surely they would of tried to contact me…unless all their phones were stolen as well. My phone was lit up and reading "One text message Alice."

"CHIEF SOMEONE STOLE MY GUCCI POCKET BOOK! :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-("

Was that all this was about. A fucking pocket book? I was being dragged out of bed because Alice misplaced her god damn purse! I was going to have to speak with that young lady about calling the police for non emergencies. It was then that she sent me a second message.

"Oh by the way…thought you ought to know…they held a knife to Bella's throat and a gun to her head." I was seeing white at this moment. All I remember was hearing a wild boar like roar emanate from me before I somehow wound up in my car. Those fucking bastards…no one threatens my baby's life. I'll fucking murder them! My front door swung open and the twins popped out in their Star Wars footsies.

"Wait…Wait for us!" The twins called running towards my car.

"STAY HERE!" I snarled pealing out of my driveway at mock speed and throwing my lights on. I patted my gun. Hopefully the ass-I mean perps were in the area. DON'T WORRY BABY…PAPA IS ON HIS WAY! Just then my phone went off.

"Charlie we're going to meet you there." Alfred said as I picked up the phone.

"Oh no you wont. Stay home with your mother and do what your told. that's how you can help the situation. Tell your brother to do the same. You understand that …if I find that you two are anywhere near the apartment you will both be skinned alive…got that boy!" I said. Alfred gulped.

"Stay home or die…I think I understand." Alfred said.

"Good…now go back to bed!" I said hanging up the phone. Honestly my wife would kill me if something happened to those two boys…and I really didn't need them running around the scene of the crime harassing everyone. Driving in I could see that I was the first to arrive. I tell everyone on the force that the faster the response is the faster we can catch the perpetrators. Honestly everything I say seems to go in one ear and out the other with these guys!

I then made my way into the apartment building.  
BPV

It seemed as if right after Charlie arrived that the entire police force was in my apartment swamping everything. As far as Charlie knew…Edward had slept on my floor tonight. That was the last minute excuse we came up with as for why Edward was standing in the apartment wearing only a cotton t-shirt and boxers. Alice was sitting at the kitchen table with a pissed off look in her eye.

"I cant believe this. All these people in my house while I'm in my pj's looking like shit. My bottle of wine, my Gucci purse, my shoes and my clothes are all missing. They wont even let me in my room to fix myself. Thank god I left my wallet in my makeup stand…it would have been such a pain in the ass changing all my cards back. I'm going to have to go shopping today to replace what was stolen. I cant believe I'm going to ask this but Bella I need to borrow some clothes? I don't have any at my parent's house" Alice asked. Knowing that this was Alice's worst nightmare I told her that she could. I also knew that if the shoe were on the other foot Alice would of done the same…or at least would of called Rose to ask her.

"Well we figured out how they got in. They used the second fire escape and slashed Alice's screen…what we cant figure is how they got the window open with out breaking it." Charlie said walking out of Alice's bedroom. Alice looked away.

"oops….what? I like to sleep with the window open! The sound of the wind calms me down and puts me to sleep!" Alice said.

"Alice…how many times do I have to tell you…lock your god damn windows!" Charlie said shaking his head.

"Well how was I supposed to know…our town is like in the middle of a forest and is the most boring town in the u.s.a …honestly Chief Swan…no one locks their doors in this town except for you and Bella…and that's because you drilled it in her head to do so." Alice said.

"now you know why I do that…Alice what if something went wrong…Robberies are botched all the time. Would you be able to live with yourself if…uh someone got hurt? You were lucky that Edward was awake and knew where your gun was. Now is there anything that any of you remember about the robbery like did you see their faces?" Charlie asked.

"no faces but we did get a first name." Edward said.

"Really?" Charlie asked…his eyes lighting up.

"They called one of the men 'Lonnie'…sounded like he was the leader of the group…that he orchestrated the entire event." Edward said.

" I know of only one Lonnie that could be involved in something like this. Lonnie ' the badass' James. We've been after him for years but there was never any conclusive evidence linking him to any of the crimes." Charlie said. Edward then whipped out the glove. Charlie beamed. I could tell that Charlie finally excepted Edward into his good graces.

"Will this do?" Edward asked smiling.

"Son…you just gave me the evidence to put that fucker away for at least the next 20 years. Good job …Bells you picked a keeper!" Charlie beamed. It was then that the door flew open and several cops were being pushed out of the way.  
"ALICE? ALICE…I'M HERE…OH GOD ALICE ITS WORSE THEN I THOUGHT!" Jasper cried as he rampaged through a group of cops to get to Alice. Emmett and Rosalie were behind him , Emmett looking extremely bleary eyed and Rose looking shocked.

"JAZZY…YOU CAME!" Alice exclaimed happily.

"oh shit…what happened here…it looks like someone robbed the place?" Emmett yawned half a sleep.

"Emmett someone did rob the place…the girls were just robbed…someone broke in though Alice's window, grabbed everything and held Bella at gun and knife point." Edward said seriously. That woke Emmett up.

"OH DAMN…THAT SUCKS!" Emmett whistled.

"oh my god you poor baby…you must have been terrified!" Rosalie said running over to me like a bat out of hell.

"So forgive me…but how exactly did you guys find out?" I asked. Jasper looked at his feet

"Well see…it starts off like this…" Jasper started off

Flashback.

_JPV_

_I was having my usual dream about Alice. We were sitting at the bar…Alice was enjoying a Carmel apple martini and I was having a Gin -a -tonic. I stared into her eyes adoringly. It seemed as if the entire world was spinning…then again that could be because I was three sheets to the wind. I didn't know and I didn't give a fuck. I absolutely loved the feeling . Her mouth opened up as if she were going to say something but the only thing that came out was "Here comes the bride…all dressed in white!". I immediately returned to consciousness. I picked up the phone on its third ring._

_"JASPER…JASPER…MY PURSE…MY PURSE…WAHHHHH!" was all I could make out at first._

_"Alice calm down…what's wrong?" I asked. Why the hell would Alice call me like in the middle of the night crying about a purse?_

_"MYAPARTMENTWASBROKENINTO!" Alice cried into the phone._

_"Alice your talking too fast…slow down and say that again?" I asked._

_"JAZZY WE'VE BEEN ROBBED BLIND! THEY TOOK EVERYTHING…OUR COUCH, TV, MY CLOTHES, MY COFFEE MAKER. IT WAS AWFUL…THEY WERE SO VIOLENT! I WAS SO SCARED!" Alice sobbed into the phone. At that I think I almost dropped dead of a heart attack._

_"Alice your okay right?" I gasped into the phone._

_"only shaken…could you please come over…pretty please!" Alice sobbed some more._

_"I'm on my way!" I said hanging up with her. I then realized that I had to wake Emmet up. Emmett wouldn't want to miss out on the action. Besides I didn't want to leave Emmett alone._

_"EMMETT…EMMETT…WAKE UP…WE HAVE TO GO TO THE GIRLS APARTMENT PRONTO!" I yelled through his door. I heard a massive bang and a volley of swears. Emmett dragged himself out of his bedroom a few minutes later._

_"Look man if you want to get it on with Alice that's fine…I'm not a child you know…I can stay by myself for a few hours…you don't have to take me along!" Emmett groaned pissed as he threw pants and a shirt on._

_"I'm not going there for that reason moron…now get dressed and call Rosalie…tell her to meet us there!" I demanded. Rose would be pissed if she wasn't there. Besides Rose's heavy maternal instincts might be needed today._

_"What's going on Jazz…you sound like Alice died or something…what did her apartment collapse from the weight of her clothes?" Emmett asked rubbing the sleep out of his eye. _

_"No!" I said rolling my eyes as Emmett grabbed the phone._

_"Hey Rose listen…something happened at the girls apartment…Rosalie? ROSALIE?…huh she hung up on me!" Emmett said looking at his phone. We could hear tire's squealing and Rosalie's car was pulling down our driveway at a million miles an hour. Our door flew open and Rosalie was screaming "WHAT HAPPENED?"_

_"was someone hurt…do we have to go to the hospital…do I need to kill someone?" Rosalie hyperventilated. _

_" no, no, and possibly." I said as Emmett grabbed his car keys. The four of us then jumped into Emmett's car. Since Emmett wasn't awake enough to drive I drove. About 500 feet from the girls apartment there was a road block. Flashing lights were everywhere._

_"Holy shit…what the fuck happened?" Rosalie asked shocked as cops were emerging from a wooded area._

_"Hold on guys…looks like we're going off- roading!" I said veering off the road and heading into the dense forest. If they weren't going to let us in the front we were going to go through the side._

_"god I hope no one died…did you see how many cops were there?" Rosalie asked worried._

_"I can personally tell you…no one died." I said._

_"Well then what happened?" Rosalie asked._

_"Alice's purse was stolen." was all I could think of saying._

_"Are you kidding me…that's what all of this is about. A purse? I thought that there was something seriously wrong! Really are you kidding me…that's like nothing. Alice probably left it at the bar that you two were at. There is no need for this much man power over a purse. Hell Rosalie looses her pocketbook all the time and she doesn't call the swat team in!" Emmett said annoyed._

_"Alice would call the police over loosing her purse." Rosalie said rolling her eyes._

_"Alice really loves her purse…its like her child. In Alice's mind this is like an abduction. We have to be here for her" I said. Rosalie gave an understanding look._

_"still that's not an excuse for shutting down the entire town of Forks!" Emmett countered._

_"Emmett…your telling me that you wouldn't do that if all your dumbbells went missing." Rosalie said._

_"Not the same!" Emmett countered. It was then that we reached the parking lot. I whipped out the cop outfits that Alice always made me carry and proceeded to walk through the front door. We could see a couple cops stare and wolf whistle at Rosalie. Emmett threw them death glares and they immediately turned around. The minute we were out of sight we changed back into our regular clothes. _

_End of flashback_

BPV

"Jasper you said Alice's purse was stolen…not Alice's entire apartment was ransacked while Bella was held hostage…man I wish I was here…that would have been totally awesome to see!" Emmett said. Rosalie elbowed him in the ribs.

" Why would you say that…everyone just went through a traumatic event and your response was 'damn I wish I was there!' well I for one am glad you weren't there. Knowing you Emmett you would of got shot. Edward had to see them holding Bella against her will and Alice's room now looks as barren as the Nevada desert. Bella's lucky that they didn't shoot her. She's lucky that she doesn't have you for a boyfriend. You would of did something stupid and we probably would have had a funeral to attend. You probably would of ran out there like macho man. They would of started shooting before you even got across the living room." Rosalie said pissed.

"You don't know what I'd do!" Emmett said offended.

"Actually I do…remember when I was mugged a few weeks ago a couple of feet from the restaurant that we were supposed to meet up at in Port Angelus. What did you do Emmett…ran like a wild bull over screaming your lungs out. They shoved you to the ground and I had to pepper spray them. Some of the pepper spray went in your eyes. I could only imagine what would of happened if they had a gun on them. They would of shot you instead of shoved you. Emmett sweetie I don't mean to sound so harsh but I'm really afraid that one of these days your going to get yourself killed while trying to be the hero. Honestly Emmett if someone had a gun and you were completely defenseless you would still fight them." Rosalie said. It was then that the door opened up and a bunch of cops entered holding a couple of bags.

"Alright we think that we recovered two of your missing items. Firstly a bottle of wine matching the description that Alice gave us was found on the edge of the property." The man said taking out an empty bottle of wine that was wrapped in plastic.

"THOSE ASSHOLES…THEY ACTUALLY HELPED THEMSELVES TO MY WINE…DO THEY KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE THAT WAS!" Alice roared pissed.

"Secondly we discovered a woman's purse about 10 feet away from the bottle. Miss. Brandon it had your name engraved." The cop said holing up Alice's white Gucci purse. There was mud and grass stains all over it.  
"MY PURSE IS RUINED!" Alice shrieked right before she fainted. Jasper whipped out smelling salts.

"Poor Allie…this is just like if her child died." Jasper said placing her on the kitchen table and putting wet paper towels on her face. Alice started to come around.

"Did they at least recover my clothes?" Alice moaned.

"No sorry…we're still looking for those." The cop said.

"OH IF THEY EVER FIND OUT WHO EVER FUCKING STOLE MY CLOTHES AND TRIED TO KILL MY FRIEND I'LL MAKE SURE THEY BURN IN HELL" Alice snarled like a lion.

"So guys obviously you cant stay here tonight…do you want to stay with us tonight?" Edward asked. Charlie glared.

"in the guest bedrooms of course!" Edward added.

"Thank you but no thank you …I was thinking me, Jasper, and the Crown Plaza…hitting up the bar. Bella can stay with you guys though." Alice said grabbing her toothbrush and two pairs of my clothes that she had brought me.

"I think Alice just answered that question." I joked as I grabbed a small duffle bag and entered my room.

A few hours later we were getting settled at Edward's house. We had just eaten dinner when Emmett said that he and Rose rented a motel and were going to stay there for the night. Edward looked at him as if he had three heads.

"Your going to leave us in a million dollar mansion by ourselves the day that my girlfriend just got robbed?" Edward gasped shocked.

"That's what the alarm is for! We have the top of the line security model for a reason!" Emmett said walking over to the alarm key pad. He punched a bunch of numbers in and red lasers shot everywhere.

"This shit is more secure then Fort Knox…and that's not all!" Emmett said heading over to an intercom.

"Hi Chief!" Emmett said pressing a button.

"Hi guys!" Charlie called back. Okay that's just creepy…lets just say that Charlie was a big fan of Big Brother in the book 1984.

" Emmett what if we cant get to the intercom?" Edward asked.

"Oh that's why there's one in every bedroom and bathroom." Emmett responded.

"uh Charlie cant beep in on it can he?" I asked.

"oh hell no…I added a privacy feature in…don't worry your safe." Emmett said

"Emmett what exactly happens if we trip the alarm?" Edward asked.

"lets just say that you have 5 seconds to run…don't worry there's a remote so if it gets accidentally tripped all you need to do is press the big red button." Emmett said holding up a small white remote with a huge red dot in the middle

"Like I said…this shit is more secure then Fort Knox. I would of invested in the package that had hidden security guards but you had to pay them on a monthly basis…so I settled for the panic room. don't tell mom and dad though…they think I spent the money upgrading the jeep" Emmett said.

"Oh yeah…its also hooked up to my cell phone…anyone tries to break in and I get a text…don't you love technology." Emmett said.

"Emmett you actually thought about something?" Edward asked slightly shocked.

"Well yeah…we do live out in the country and that's the most likely for a crime to happen actually…according to that sociology class that Jasper made me take." Emmett said grabbing his small duffle bag and heading towards the garage.

"Night guys…don't let the condom break!" Emmett said heading out to the garage.

"Did I say that Emmett was Alice's evil twin?" Edward joked. He then scooped me up and ran up the stairs. We barely made it into the bedroom. 


	25. Welcome To The Moulin Rouge

**I dont own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys!**

Chapter 25

BPV

A few weeks later we got the call that they arrested the men and had recovered our stuff. About half of Alice's wardrobe was sold off but by that point Alice was ecstatic that they were able to recover anything at all. As we went down to the station to retrieve everything they were bringing who they identified as Lonnie past us in order to put him in the holding cell. Edward held me close.

"Fucking asshole…threatening my girlfriend!" Edward snarled as the man glared at him before fearfully turning away.

"Bastard…stealing my shit and scaring the hell out of my friend…you destroy my purse and have the balls to drink my vintage white wine…I'm going to sue your ass for the cost of everything you stole (this got me scared…Alice could get at least 50 grand) hell has a special place for people like you!" Alice growled. She made to attack him but Jasper held her back.

"Alice he's not worth it. Besides he's going to get his. He's going to be in jail for the rest of his life (the judge slapped him with 60 years because of the fact that they pulled the knife and gun on me)." Jasper said reassuringly.

"Free food, room and board for the rest of his life…doesn't like much of a punishment to me…I have nightmares every night!" Alice countered. I didn't get why…as I said before Alice slept through the entire event. Me…a long time ago I built a mental wall so things didn't effect me as much. I mean I had a few nightmares for a couple of days after the event but they went away. Alice on the other hand…we still heard her screaming in her sleep.

"Think about Alice…every day for the next 60 years he's going to be wearing the same color shirt over and over again…prison orange. Lets not forget that there are no private bathrooms in prison." Jasper said. A huge smile grew on Alice's face.

"Prison orange is definitely not anyone's color…oh I love the way you think Jazzikins…Karma is such a bitch. I hope he likes being bubba's wife…cause that's the only action he's going to see for a long long time!" Alice cackled. Walking into the back room we could see that they recovered the coffeemaker, one of the couches, the tv and as I said before half of Alice's wardrobe. They never got the DVD player back so Alice grabbed a portable one instead. Since everything had been replaced already it looked like we were going to have to put the furniture and tv up for sale.

"oh clothes…I missed you so much. I'm so sorry that I couldn't defend you guys! I swear I'll try to do better!" Alice said hugging her clothes like she was holding a lost puppy or something.

"You know we should celebrate the fact that everyone's clothes are safe now…I have the perfect idea…we throw a huge party. This town hasn't seen such a good time in the last couple of years…only problem is location. We cant fit a massive amount of people in our apartment?" Alice said the last part coming out more of a question. Edward and I could see the ploy in Alice's eyes.

" hey we could host it at our place!" Jasper said.

"why thank you Jasper…we could put the dance floor in your living room. We could do an area for making old fashioned drinks…that will go so well with the theme in my head as well as a couple other things. It will be the best thing this town has seen since Lauren's sweet 16 masquerade ball…which that bitch totally stole from me!" as Alice said this I could see the wheels turning in her head. Whatever she was planning…it was going to be huge and probably obnoxious to a certain degree. Edward and I gave each other an "oh no!" look.

"we could do it over the weekend…so much to do…gotta buy clothes, alcohol, food…everything!" Alice started talking at a million miles a minute.

We returned to work about a half hour later. Ted had been very generous with everything going on. He had told us to take time if we needed it and if there was anything that we needed to let him know. Whether it was him being nice or the fact that we gave him an exclusive interview we didn't know. Seth was already sitting in my office when we returned.

"Hey guys…so Alice sent me a text message…said something about a huge theme party going down at Edward's house over the weekend and asked me to help get the word out. I already told her that I could go. She said that everyone who can go will get a text telling them what the theme is in a few days" Seth said swiveling around in my chair. Ugh as I said huge and obnoxious.

" yeah we know about that. They finally caught the guy that robbed us and she wants to celebrate that they got him off the streets." I said.

"wow that's great that they got the guy…did they recover your stuff?" Seth asked.

"Some of it…but its better then nothing right?" I said.

"and at least we're alive…Charlie said that they linked the guy to a home invasion murder that they were investigating from a couple years ago. So its not like he hasn't done it before." Edward said.

"True and for the first time you didn't have to rely on Charlie for intimate details of the crime. I got great pictures of the road block. I still remember Big Ted's face when I walked in the next day with pictures already to go. What can I say…the man needs a police scanner!" Seth said.

"Oh that's great Seth." I said

"Hey guys…got some stories for you two to write…Veterinarian risks his life to save stray dog… apparently the dog ran out into the woods and some hunter thought it was a deer…needless to say the vet now has some metal in his …well lets just say that he probably will be infertile now (all the men in the room winced). Anyways told the hospital that you guys would be in for an interview in 15 minutes…I want the story on my desk tomorrow. The other story is 'Woman saves baby caught in house fire…parents thankful…apparently she received mild burns and is also at the hospital waiting for you guys." Ted said informatively. geez sounds like something Rosalie would do. I wonder if…no Emmett would of called if something like that happened…or Alice.

"I hope Rosalie wasn't in the vicinity…that totally sounds like her." Edward said shaking his head as we grabbed our stuff and prepared to head out again.

" I know what you mean but I don't think so…someone would of called." I said.

"Besides Alice did call right before you guys got back. Rosalie was right next to her giving breastfeeding tips and I could hear the roar of hairdryers going." Seth said.

After pulling up to the hospital we walked in to find a board receptionist popping bubbles and twirling her pigtails. She dazedly doodled on a sketch pad. Seth cleared his throat. The woman then looked up.

" I know you…your that hot doctor's son!" The woman said as her eyes immediately went to Edward.

" hi um we're here from the paper…" Edward started up.

"Oh you're here to see Dr. Zoolander and Mrs. Hale…or is it Miss…I mean with all the divorces around here you never know who's married." the girl said.

"Um is her name Rosalie Hale by any chance?" I asked.

"I think it is…I don't know…it did start with an R." the woman said. I think I went into shock at that point. I could hear Edward groan next to me.

"alright I'll take the vet because no offense love but I don't think he's going to feel comfortable talking to a girl about how his nuts got shot off. Do you want to take Rosalie?" Edward asked.

"Sure!" I said wondering if she had called Emmett yet.

"So who do I go with ?" Seth asked.

"Your choice." I responded as two nurses showed up to take us to the patients.

"Fine…see you in five minutes Bells!" Seth said taking off after Edward. I followed a petite older nurse to the other side of the ER.

"Alright Mrs. Hale…that reporter from the paper is here!" the lady said opening the curtain to reveal an older version of Rosalie.

"So…um Mrs. Hale…can you tell me what exactly happened in your own words?" I asked.

"Rosetta…please…So here I was driving to surprise my daughter when I noticed a house with thick smoke surrounding it and flames completely engulfing the garage. Seeing a car in the driveway and no one around I ran to the door knocking frantically and screaming that their house was on fire. A young couple ran out and then realized that they had left their 5 month old infant in the nursery. Having a daughter myself I knew that if it were me and my baby were caught in a fire I would want someone to save her. So covering my mouth, I ran inside. All I could think about was getting to that precious little angel. I ran through the falling beams and busted down the nursery door. I scooped up that bundle of joy and shoved him out the window into his mommy's waiting arms. I only did what any person would do in that situation." Rosetta said.

"Rosetta….you said that you have a daughter…how old is she?" I asked.

"Oh she's around your age!" Rosetta responded. I was pretty sure at this point that I knew who her daughter was.

"What's her name…maybe I know her?" I asked. Chances are I did.

"oh its going to sound really conceded but I just loved the 'Rose' as a nick name and we wanted to name the child after her grandmother on her dad's side -she was the first grandchild born in the family on both sides- since that woman knew how to run a family. So we named her Rosalie. We already know that she's going to be the head woman of the family one day. Grandma Rose and I are preening her to be just like us." Rosetta said. Huh so over hyped maternal instincts run on both sides of her family. Guess that doesn't bode too well for Emmett.

"oh I know her!" I said. Rosetta gave an "oh shit" look.

" Um Rosalie doesn't kind of know that we selected her to be the matriarch of the family. Um could you just keep that between us. She thinks its going to be her cousin but we had a vote on it the day she was born. Her aunts unwillingly conceded their daughters rights to the head of the family." Rosetta said. The way her mom was talking I could picture Rose and Emmett sitting on throne's one day with crowns on their heads. The scary thought was that Emmett would some day be the patriarch of someone's family if they got married. It was then that Seth came in to take a few photos. I could see Edward waiting out in the hall.

"So how was talking to Rose?" Edward asked.

"Wrong Rose…that was Rosalie's mom." I said.

"Really because the receptionist said…" Edward started up.

"Her name is Rosetta so its close enough to screw up." I answered.

"well what did she have to say?" Edward asked

"Well lets just say that I didn't know Rose was in a woman's mafia. 'my daughter will be the matriarch of the family some day…we've already taken a vote.' honestly Edward it was kind of creepy…there's multiple Rose's" I said.

"creepy…but doesn't Alice's family have the same obsession with the nick name 'Allie' except for the cousin Edwina and Jasper said since her middle name is Alyse they still call her 'Allie'." Edward said.

"True and it did make meeting her family a lot easier… 'Allie…Allie…Allie…Edwina but we call her Allie.' and its on both sides of the family too. The guys side is a bit more complicated but there is a shit load of Nicholas's on her dad's side with the exception of Caius…guess they wanted him to be unique since birth." I said.

" I could just picture Jasper's face meeting them." Edward snickered.

" probably thought it was a psychological gold mind. I'd prefer to think of it more as straight out of a sci-fy movie since they all look like each other and have the same personality too. I've been on their girls day bus trips to the mall…lets just say that when they see a store they like they look like a pack of hungry rhinos running towards their food source. Its even worse when there's a sale. Black Friday is a nightmare." I groaned.

"So I'm guessing next week's going to be crazy then?" Edward asked.

"Why what's next week?" I asked.

"it's the week after Christmas love…did you forget?" Edward asked. Crap with the robbery and everything I completely lost track of time.

"oh love we all forget sometimes!" Edward lightly cackled reading the look on my face. Why I never remembered was because Alice and I never put a tree up. Alice's family always thought that a tree would clash with their living room color scheme so she never had one growing up. Charlie and I stopped having them because my mom left the week before Christmas. Seriously she couldn't wait till the week after. So the last time I saw a Christmas tree was when I was eleven. Its not like Charlie and I didn't exchange…we did…we just didn't want a big monument to my mom's leaving in the living room. I must have had a pained expression on my face for Edward noticed.

"oops I forgot about your mom." Edward said sympathetically. The entire town knew when my mom left…they just didn't know how. It was pretty obvious that Charlie was single after three days of my mom's car being gone. That and the fact that Alice got her gossiping gene from her mom. I was fortunate that Alice kept it to herself that it was a note.

EPV

I had totally forgot that Bella's parents had split up the week before Christmas. I'm such an idiot. It was one of the only facts that I knew about the break up before I got to know Bella. I couldn't imagine how hard it would be if my parent's split up. Especially the week before Christmas. Now I really didn't know her but you'd have to be a complete bitch to leave your family the week before Christmas

Flashback

EPV

_I was looking out the window waiting for it to snow when a brand new white Camry with pink lights whipped down my driveway at light speed. Texting was in its infancy at this point so most gossip was spread face to face and the woman who's car was parked in my driveway was the queen of gossip. My mother answered the door._

_"Hey Mrs. Brandon!" My mother greeted as a small pixie like woman barged into the house. (Guess that's where Alice got her looks from)_

_"I have the news of the century. Chief Swan's wife left him. He's single now. I heard it right from the horses mouth…my daughter. Alice wouldn't tell me how though…she clammed right on up." Mrs. Brandon said sitting on the couch. Geez I wonder why!_

_"oh my god that's awful…they have a kid…that poor child!" my mother said horrified._

_"Chief Swan always has me to help. I only have one kid…and girls are easy. I mean all Alice does is talk to me about school mates and makeup. We have such a close relationship! Anyways I bet she was cheating. I saw her a few times getting a little chum chum with some man…I wont name him out of respect for the family but she definitely looked more then friends with him. Anyways from what my Alice said…I don't think it really sunk in with Charlie. The poor man was probably in shock. Alice also said that Bella shut down over it. But I guess that's normal for a child that age. And the week before Christmas too…such a shame. Alice said that half the gifts under the tree went missing…as in she took Charlie's gifts and left. How horrible is that!" Mrs. Brandon said while chomping on some cookies and sipping some milk._

_"those poor people!" my mother sighed_.

End of flashback.

BPV

Later on that day I had just gotten home to find Alice and Rosalie sitting on the couch together talking about something.

"Bella we have to talk to you about something!" Alice said dragging me to the couch.

"I need your help with something for the party. See the theme is going to be Moulin Rouge and I'm planning two surprises. One you need not be concerned with…but the other involves you so we need you to be on board for this." Alice said gesturing between Rose and herself.

"What is it?" I asked

"Rose and I were thinking and we thought it would be fun to reenact the Moulin Rouge music video. We already have the parts picked out. I already have your outfit picked out!" Alice said taking out a sparkling Bra and underwear.

"What is that?" I gasped horrified.

"Oh its called a bustier…I wanted it to look authentic." Alice said. Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"Alice that's a bra!" I gasped again.

"oh Bella don't freak out…we're going to be out there like five minutes tops and Rose and I are going to be wearing similar things as well." Alice said as if we were just going to head out to a night club and not parade ourselves naked to the entire town. There was no way in hell that I was doing this.

"Absolutely not Alice…I am not dancing practically naked in front of everyone we know!" I refused.

"Bella think about it…Edward's going to be there!" Alice said with that goofy smile she gets on her face when she comes up with the these half baked schemes.  
"All the more reason not to do it. I don't think that my boyfriend wants all the guys in town to see me half naked…and for that fact neither does either of yours!" I said pointing between Rose and Alice.

"please Bella…I'll never ask you to do this again…I swear…I just want to make everything perfect!" Alice begged giving me puppy dog eyes.

"Oh what the hell…I guess we'll be able to laugh at ourselves later." I gave in.

"YES! I SWEAR BELLS I OWE YOU BIG TIME!" Alice exclaimed you-tubing the music video and showing us exactly what she wanted. I then looked at Rosalie.

"Rose shouldn't you be with your mom right now?" I asked.

"No…why?" Rose asked.

"Well she was in the hospital this morning…we were interviewing her because she was burned while trying to save a baby from a house fire…I Figured that you would want to be with her." I said. From the look on her face Rosalie didn't know this.

"WHAT! MY MOTHER'S WHERE?" Rosalie gasped shocked. After a few minutes she was able to collect herself.

"Well it does sound like something that my mother would do…so what did you guys talk about?" Rosalie asked.

"Oh about the fire…you came up. Rose I didn't know that you were named after your grandma?" I said.

"Well it really wasn't by my dad's choice. She kind of forced it and my mom went along with it. She was really obsessed with the name. she even forced my dad to only date 'Rose's'…he once brought a 'Rochelle' home and she flipped shit. He tried to say that it was similar but she wouldn't have it. All the girls are named variations of the name 'Rose'  
Aunts Rosa, Rosaleen, Rosanna, Roselle, Rosario, and all had one girl with the exception of Rosario who had twins…Rosabelle, Rosanne, Rosine, Rosita, Ros, and the twins Rosemary and Rosemarie. My father knew that was going to happen and he tried to spare me the fate. He argued that I should be named Susan and that he should at least pick my name since my grandmother had been so restrictive with who he dated. Of course my grandma pulled a fake heart attack and my mother felt bad. Dad got to chose my middle name though which is why my middle name's Susan. I really wish he won the argument…I hated being referred to as ' Rose: The next generation, Rosalie Hale 2 and Rosalie jr. she even tried to name my father Rosencrantz just to have another 'Rose' in the family. Grandpa put his foot down though and made her name my father Ryan instead. That way he escaped the curse of the 'Rose' while keeping up with the theme names. Its really confusing when everyone's being addressed. I know that when I have kids I am not naming them anything with an R no matter what my psychotic family says. I feel bad for my dad…growing up with five girls and my grandma all named Rose…he must have had a hell of a time trying to talk to them…'Rose hit me!'…'Which Rose?' what's worse is that my aunts are identical quintuplets so you cant tell them apart." Rosalie said.

"Hey sounds like my family…almost everyone in my family is named Allie." Alice laughed.

"so Alice if you ever had a child what would you name it?" Rosalie asked with this dreamy glaze in her eye.

"Well really thinking about it I would probably go with Alize for a girl and Nick for a boy." Alice said. It figured.

"Alice I thought you said Dolly for a girl and Ken for a boy?" I asked.

"Well I thought about it and Jasper's right about the Ken thing and Dolly Whitlock kind of makes it sound like some weird redneck thing. No I think Alize is better. Keep up with the family tradition." Alice said. Rosalie made a motion as if to say " Alice is crazy"

"So anyways…back to the dance…1234!" Alice said jumping on to the floor.

Alice made us practice every day up till the day of the party. I felt as though I was in a dance class. The night of the party Edward came to pick me up right after Alice was finished with me. I was dressed in a early twentieth century dress and wearing the typical hat. Right as Alice headed to the parking lot to hide the costumes in her car ( she was going to meet Jasper there and take her own car) Edward came into my room. He looked like he stepped right out of the early 20th century.

"So do you know anything about tonight?" Edward asked. The only thing the guys knew was that there was going to be a big surprise.

"maybe…maybe not." I said aloof.

"you know something…don't you?" Edward half demanded.

" I don't know what your talking about!" I said looking away.

"and you say I'm a poor liar…I'll find out sooner or later." Edward said. I don't think in his wildest dreams he could picture what was going to happen tonight. In fact the only guy who knew about it was Seth. Lets just say that Seth was going to play a special role in tonight.

" I'll only tell you this…you wont figure it out in time." I said as we made our way to the car.

"Alice isn't going to do anything crazy right…like anything that does damage to my house?" Edward asked. Since I only knew about our routine and not Alice's other surprise I didn't know how to answer that.

"Well its not in her plans…I don't think." I said.

"well I wouldn't be so sure about that…Alice had a team come in and plant those invisible ropes that they use in the movies." Edward said. Oh my god I hope that Alice doesn't make us use those ropes. She didn't say anything about that but I can barely stand on my own two feet as it is!

"What's the matter?" Edward asked.

"nothing!" I said trying to keep the lie out of my voice. After getting in he turned the car on. Frankly I felt like Cinderella…if only her fairy godmother was a psychotic 20 something year old woman named Alice and her prince doubled as the carriage driver. I knew that I wouldn't loose my glass slipper. Edward rubbed my hand and the electricity pulsed through us. Pulling into his driveway we could hear Alice's "man I feel like a woman" horn honk behind us.

"The best thing about being a woman is the prerogative to have a little fun!" Alice said swishing her black dress walking with us to the door.

"Oh guys I think I left something in my car…it will only take a second…you guys can go right on in!" Alice said winking and dashing off to her car. Walking in it looked like Alice transformed the place to a French cabaret . There was a bar already set up and serving old fashioned drinks and half the town was already inside the place dressed like they stepped out of a time machine.

"As I said…biggest thing since Lauren's sweet sixteen and I think we topped that." Alice said sneaking up behind us. She then pushed her way through Edward and I and started to cancan dance with the professional cancan dancers that she hired.

"holy shit." Edward said chuckling at my half crazed roommate.

"EVERYBODY CANCAN!" Alice bellowed. All the women and Jasper started doing the cancan. A flashed emanated from Emmett's phone as he pointed it right at Jasper. Knowing Emmett, Jasper should expect that picture to pop up at some point.

"alright Jasper's definitely lost his mind." Edward laughed as Jasper continued to hold up his pretend dress.

"I want whatever he was drinking!" Emmett snickered walking over.

"Actually Emmett…I think Jasper's sober. I haven't seen him with a drink in his hand since we got here." Edward said.

"Rose is acting so weird tonight…I keep on trying to get out of her whatever the hell Alice is planning and all she says is 'trust me Em its good'…and 'you'll have to wait and see.' or 'if you try and worm it out of me again Emmett I'll kill you…now stop annoying me!' Bella you wouldn't happen to know…" Emmett started up.

"Its not going to work Em…she wont even tell me!" Edward said.

"is he starting up again…god Emmett what part of the word surprise doesn't sink through your head. By definition the word means that you are not supposed to know what it is until its sprung upon you. You know what…just shut the fuck up and come dance with me." Rosalie said grabbing Emmett's hand and dragging him to the dance floor.

About an hour later I had noticed that Alice wasn't on the dance floor. Scanning the bar I could see that she wasn't there either. The lights then dimmed.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN…THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR…MISS. ALICE BRANDON!" Seth's voice called over a speaker as a huge spot light focused on Alice. She had changed into a glittering silver evening gown and was hanging like 25 feet above the ground on while laying on her side. A huge diamond necklace glittered off her neck and her hands now looked like they were made of diamonds.

_"the French are glad to die for love!_" Alice sang sexually. The music blared and they ever so slowly started to lower her.

_"A kiss on the hand might be quite continental but diamonds are a girls best friend!_" Alice sang louder reaching the group of professionals that she had hired for the event grabbing one of their hands and pecking it.

_"a kiss on the hand may be grand but it wont help pay the rental …on your humble flat…or help you feed your mrow pussy cat_." Alice sang as the group started to swing her around the room.

"What the fuck is this?" Jasper gasped shocked.

"alright who gave Alice acid?" Emmett asked.

"_Men grow cold as girls grow old…and we all lose our charms in the end…but square cut or pearl shape…these rocks don't loose their shape…diamonds are a girls best friend!_" Alice sang brushing Jasper's face as the group carried her by. They then dropped her off on the stage.

_"Tiffanie's…Cartier"_

_"Cause we're living in a material world and I am a material girl!"_Alice sang blowing a kiss to the crowd.

_"come and get me boys…oooo…Black Star…Ross Core…Talk to me Harry Zidler…tell me about it"_Alice belched out.

_"There may come a time when a lass needs a lawyer…but diamonds are a girls best friend! There may come a time when a hard boiled employer thinks your_…" Alice sang .

_"Awful nice!_" the male professional dancers belched out. Their tone of voice offended Jasper a little. Someone wolf whistled and Jasper turned around pissed. Alright definitely rethinking the Moulin rouge dance.

"I cant believe she did this!" Jasper said.

"I can." I said. Alice was reveling in the spot light. I had to admit she was actually pretty good. She gave Nicole Kidman a run for her money.

_"Cause that's when those louses…go back to their spouses…diamonds …are a…girls…best…friend!"_Alice sang jumping off the stage.

"_Well what did you think Jasper?_" Alice asked meeting up with us again.

"_Well when you said surprised I was definitely surprised that's for sure._" Jasper said still shocked that his girlfriend did something like that. Well wait till he got a load of her next outfit.

"Girls grow cold as men grow old…and we all loose our charms in the end…but square cut or pear shaped these rocks don't loose their shape…protein is a man's best friend!" Emmett sang coming over and flexing his muscle while looking at Rose's chest.

"I just had my masculinity practically ripped apart in front of the entire town and Emmett's the one who feels threatened?" Jasper laughed.

" What are you talking about Jazz?" Alice asked.

"Oh I don't know…you being carried around by strange men…touching my face right as you sang 'those rocks don't loose their shape' but don't worry I'm not mad. I should of expected something like this when they brought in the see through ropes. What's the other surprise?" Jasper asked.

"Oh common Jasper you honestly think I'm going to tell you…lets just say if you think that was good…" Alice started up.

"Oh Alice your not going to descend out of a disco ball are you?" Jasper groaned.

"They didn't have disco balls in the early twentieth century silly. The next one doesn't require the use of ropes but I think I found some good substitutes." Alice said.

"Now I'm going to go powder my nose…Bella I need your help getting out of this dress." Alice said winking so that no one but me and Rose caught it. She then grabbed our hands and dashed away.

"Alright so I hid everything in mama Cullen's closet. Bella I really do need you to help me get this damn thing off…the friggen zipper goes all the way up to my neck." Alice said as we dashed into the master bedroom. We quickly got changed. as I was staring at myself in the mirror Rosalie approached.

"Don't worry about it…it will be done quick…and Bella its not like your flat chested…if you really want to make yourself look bigger you can use the natural enhancements that Alice brought." Rosalie said reading my main issue. Easy for her to say…she had the body of Aphrodite. Just then Alice popped out of the bathroom two cup sizes bigger.

"Hey I brought some for you Bella!" Alice called happily tossing a box at me.

"at least you guys can sing and dance!" I growled.

"Oh Bella you sing just fine…and we gave you the easiest dance…even you cant screw it up!" Rosalie said.

"yeah…you try doing the cancan!" Alice said.

"you think these costume's are good…wait till you see what Sethy's in. lets just say that I think the girls will be all over him tonight." Alice said as we headed over to makeup. Alice teased Rosalie's hair so it looked just like Christina's. lucky…those two got to wear corset's while I was stuck in a bra. At least their belly buttons were covered.

"Alright lets do a last minute cover…we all come out and sing the first line…then I step forward and sing…then I do my part…then we all sing again…then Bella does her part…then we all sing…..then we all sing again…then Rose does her part…then Bella you know what to say…then I know what to say…then we all sing again…then we do the line dance." Alice said adding the finishing touches to all of us.

"READY GIRLS?" Alice chanted excitedly as we turned towards the door.

EPV

Where the hell was Bella? She was going to miss Alice making a spectacle out of herself again. The DJ that Alice hired called us back to the stage for a special performance. God knows what that little pixie was going to do now. The three of us made our way to the front . The lights were turned completely off. A spot light turned to Seth who was standing by himself on stage with a bow-tie, no shirt, and tight glittering pants. I immediately started looking for Bella. Damn where was she…she had to see this. Emmett was laughing.

_"Where's all my souls sisters…Let me hear ya'll flow sisters."_Seth sang snapping his fingers.

"Oh my god!" Emmett said still laughing.

"_Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister (oh) Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister_" At this point a second spot light turned on and I went into shock. It revealed all three girls behind and to the right of Seth. I couldn't take my eyes off Bella. She was smoking hot but I was a little uncomfortable with her standing practically naked in front of the entire town. I automatically knew who picked out those outfits. Jasper and I looked at each other.

"I'm so sorry!" Jasper mouthed.

"OH MY GOD THAT'S ROSE!" Emmett shrieked like he was going to have a heart attack.

"_He met Marmalarde down in old Moulin Rouge_  
_Struttin'her stuff on the street_" Alice sang dancing forward into the first spot light. She replicated Mya's moves exactly.

_"street"_Rose and Bella echoed

"_She said, "Hello, hey Joe, you wanna give it a go?" woah!_" Alice belched again pointing at Jasper happily while still replicating Mya.

_"Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya da da (yeah-ey) Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya here (here) Mocha Chocolata ya ya!_" All three girls sang doing dancing moves that looked like they were straight out of the music video itself. Alice then shimmied her way back .Jasper looked extremely shocked. Emmett was too wrapped up in Rosalie to notice anything else that was going on.

_"Creole Lady Marmalarde!"_Alice sang in her high soprano voice.

_"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir …ah, oh! Voulez vous coucher avec moi …Yeah yeah yeah yeah. Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister hey sister, go sister soul sister flow sister!"_the girls sang snapping their fingers. People started to throw money on the stage. Bella then steeped forward.

"_He sat in her boudoir while she freshened up …Boy drank all that Magnolia wine…on her black satin sheets…is where he started to freak, yeah_" Bella sang doing moves similar to Pinks. Alice even managed to obtain the same props.

"could have been worse…they could of given Bella Lil Kim's line" Jasper said shaking his head.

"ugh since Alice's parents definitely wont take charge and take away her credit cards looks like I have to…I warned them that something like that could happen." Jasper continued on. As Jasper said this Bella stepped back.

_"Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya da da"_

_"da da"_Rosalie's boming voice echoed over all.

_"Gitchie, gitchie, ya ya here ."_

_"ooh ooh yah yah_" Rosalie added in as they paraded around the stage.

_"Mocha Chocolata ya ya (yaaaa)"_They all sang together with their bodies moving to the beat.

_"Creole Lady Marmalarde!_" Bella sang. I had to say that she was really good. Maybe I should add lyrics to some of my piano pieces.

_"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir (ce soir) Voulez vous coucher avec moi (Yeah yeah yeah uh)" _The girls sang snapping their fingers again. Alice started rubbing herself. Emmett was mouthing the words along with them.

"I will definitely be talking to Alice about this later on." Jasper moaned.

"TAKE IT ALL OFF SWEETIES!" a couple of male voices called from the crowd. One was right behind me.

"HEY SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Jasper , Emmett and I roared at the same time. More guys came up and threw money onto the stage.

" Hey guys…this isn't a strip joint…its my house!" Jasper snarled.

"Funny it looks like a strip joint…those definitely aren't ballerina's up there…especially the blond bombshell." the guy behind us said. Emmett turned around like a bull.

"HEY THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND YOU FUCK TARD!" Emmett snarled enraged

"They're all pretty slammin!" Someone called.

"I'll slam you…right into the ground!" I growled as Emmett cracked his knuckles. Jasper was trying very hard not to express any emotion what so ever.

_"One more time c'mon"_

_"Marmalarde_" Alice and Bella sang together

_ "ooh"_Rosalie added in strongly.

"_Lady Marmalarde_" Alice and Bella repeated

_"ooh yeah"_

_"Marmalarde"_

"_ooh, hey hey_HEY " Rosalie added enthusiastically. Holy shit she gave Aretha Franklin a run for her money She then strutted up to the microphone.

_"Touch of her skin feeling silky smooth, hey_  
_Colour of cafe au lait (all right)_  
_Made the savage beast inside roar until he cried_  
_More more MORE!"_Rosalie belched out dancing just like Christina. Emmett, who had grabbed the guy behind us in the attempt to beat the shit out of him turned around…with the man's shirt still in his hand.

_"More more more!"_Alice and Bella provided in the background

_"Now he's back home doin' 9 to 5 (9 to 5)_" Bella sang enthusiastically. Almost all rage in me was put on hold.

_"Livin' a grey flannel life_" Alice added in proudly.

_"But when he turns off to sleep memories creep, _  
_More-more-MORE_" Rosalie sang pointing to Emmett. The girls then strutted to the front of the stage.

_"Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya dada (da daeaea yea)_  
_Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya here (ooh)_  
_Mocha Choca lata ya ya (yea)_"They sang doing the exact line dance from the music video

_"Creole lady Marmalade" _Rosalie belched out

_"Voulez vous couchez avec moi ce soir (ce soir)_  
_Voulez vous couchez avec moi_" They sang continuing the line dance

_"all my sistas yea"_Alice sang

_"Voulez vous couchez avec moi ce soir (ce soir)_  
_Voulez vous couchez avec moi"_they sang proudly.

_"C'Mon! uh"_Rosalie sang strongly. Seth then strutted out into the middle of the stage. His pants glittered and blinded everyone.

_"Rosaliee!_" Seth said turning his head and pointing at Rosalie.

_"oh Leaeaa Oh"_Rosalie stepped forward and chimed in.

"_Bella_" he said turning towards Bella.

_"Lady Marmalade"_Bella added following Rosalie.

_"Alice"_he turned for the final time and pointed to Alice as she strutted forward.

"_Oh Oh oooo_" her high soprano voice sang.

"_Rot wailer baby...(baby) Moulin Rouge... (0h) Misdemeanor here…_" Seth sang as a bunch of girls wolf whistled.

_"Creole Lady Marmalade Yes-ah..._…" All of them sang together. The girls then made their way towards the stairs.

"ENCORE NUMBER!" a bunch of guys called.

"pigs!" I growled as Emmett roared "HEY!" The stage lights then went black. When the regular lights turned back on the girls were gone. We pushed our way through the crowd figuring that they went to get their clothes back on.

" Guys really…I'm sorry…Alice is definitely going to get an earful from me." Jasper said apologetically as we started to climb the stairs. Knowing that that's what direction they went to when they changed in to the outfits we figured that they were somewhere up there. The minute we went up there I found Bella still in costume. She was waiting for Alice to finish up in the bathroom. Emmett took off in search for Rose…who was looking for a brush to attempt to flatten her hair. Jasper looked and backed off.

"You were…fantastic." I whispered in her ear. Bella turned and looked at me.

"Not as good as Alice or Rosalie Aguilera." Bella countered.

"You always sell yourself short…you were really good…you gave the other two a run for their money." I whispered stroking her face. The electricity pulsed between us…pulling us like a magnetic force towards each other until our lips met. I scooped her up and carried her towards the bedroom. The both of us were laughing the entire way.


	26. Blizzard buddies

**I don't own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys!**

Chapter 26

BPV

A few days later I awoke for the first time in a while alone. Edward had some things to take care of at the house so he decided to stay home that night. Since Jasper was with him for the first time in a while Alice and I were the only ones in the apartment. Walking out my eyes were automatically drawn to one of the living room windows. It was a complete white out outside (A/N - its winter time right now). I don't remember the forecast saying this? Alice then strode out wearing her pink bathrobe and curlers.

"What?" Alice asked heading over after seeing the look on my face.

"OH MY GOD IT WAS ONLY SUPPOSED TO FLURRY!" Alice screeched horrified looking out the window.

"Great…I have to open up the shop…how am I going to work!" Alice said starting to run around frantically.

"Alice I think the question should be how the hell am I going to get out of here!" I said. The snow was already half way up the door and the streets weren't plowed yet.

"well if I start now I could make it in only fifteen minutes late…I know where my coach snow boots are!" Alice said dashing into her room.

"Alice forget going to work. How are you going to drive if you cant even see where the hell you are going!…besides I don't think that many people are going to be out in this you know!" I said.

"Bells some people risk everything just to look good…besides I have a bridal party coming in and I know for a fact that they would risk hell and high water just to get there." Alice said. No she would risk everything to look good. And the girl that was getting married…lives right next door to us. Just then Alice's phone went off.

"Oh hi Yolanda we were just talking about you…your postponing your date? Let me get my date book…18th 18th…yeah I have an opening at 8 am. Your sure that you want to postpone? Getting married isn't that important to you? So what if your fiancee dies on the way to the church…at least you attempted to get there! What are you going to do with the honeymoon tickets? Well its your decision on when you want to get hitched I guess. See ya on the 18th…hopefully the blizzard is over by then. Bye!" Alice said hanging up.

"What?" Alice said as I gave her a dirty look. The phone went off again. Alice took it into the other room. A few minutes later she reappeared.

" I still have to go in you know…that was Rose on the phone…remember how she went to florida for the Make a Wish foundation the day after the party? Well she was supposed to come back today (Christmas was supposed to be in 3 days)…but her flight was canceled. So if I don't go no one's going to be there to run the shop!" Alice said frantically wripping out her curlers.

"Alice face it…we're stuck!" I groaned. Just then I got a call from Ted who unwillingly canceled work again. It figured…finally a good story to write about and it looked like I would have to write it from home…with a cabin fever infected Alice bouncing off the walls. The lights started to flicker All I could think about was Edward. I hoped that he had power…that he was going to be okay. His face consumed my thoughts as I somehow wound up in the kitchen and grabbing a bowl of cereal. I moaned using the last of the milk up. Our refrigerator was pratically empty. Alice and I really needed to go food shopping…so this storm could not hit at a worse time. Just then the lights finally gave up.

"Peachy…well it could be worse!" Alice groaned. Just then we heard the musical sounds of our radiator stop working. Looked like our heat was gone as well.

"oh what the fuck!…well that's why I brought the extra blankets!" Alice said running over to a closet and taking out five bed sized fleece blankets with a huge flashlight in hand. She then went about the task of lighting candles and turned on a battery operated radio that she owned.

"God it looks like we're having a seance in here!" I laughed.

"all we need is a psychic…hey I have tarot cards!" Alice agreed.

"Oh and here's the extra flashlight…lord knows we don't need any injuries right now." Alice said handing me a pink glittering flashlight.

"god I have to get to the shop…my customers need me!" Alice moaned sitting on the couch with her hands crossed.

"Alice the roads are completely gone, they issued a blizzard warning and they are calling for like 8 feet of snow ( a very slight exaggeration…but they were calling for at least a few feet) , with the wind out side you cant see your hand in front of your face, not to mention we have no power or heat. Your not going anywhere for a while." I growled while taking out "Clue" and setting the board game up. I badly wished for Edward. I hoped that he was okay.

"One round!" Alice said turning her attention to the board game.

After a few rounds Alice went to glare out the window again to see if it was lightening up. Unfortunately it hadn't all that much.

"I'm never going to get to work!" Alice sighed.

"Oh well at least we got our Christmas shopping done…hopefully this is all plowed out by the day after Christmas…what do you think the chances are that it will be cleared out by then?" Alice asked obviously thinking of her week long trip to the mall. ( a/n Alice's family only missed this trip a couple of times…one of which was the time involving the accident.)

"Not high Alice." I moaned. I was supposed to see Charlie. I didn't know if he was going to postpone or not. Alice was supposed to go with her parents.

"look if we're trapped in here for Christmas we'll make the best of it…I brought a portable DVD player and we have Legally Blond, Miss Congeniality, The Devil Wears Prada, and Zoolander…we'll have a blast!" Alice said excitedly. Alice then turned and looked back out the window.

"Jesus Christ who's that cross country skiing into our parking lot?" Alice asked gesturing for me to come to the window. You could faintly make out the shape of a person in the white wall that was now the outside. Alice whipped out a set of binoculars that I never knew she owned.

"where the hell did you get those?" I gasped shocked.

"That Army Surplus store where I got Jasper's water proof binoculars…one pair for me and one pair for him!" Alice said happily holding them up to her eyes.

"Damn he must really love you!" Alice said shocked. I automatically knew who had just skied into our apartment complex. Edward was so cute sometimes. A few minutes later I opened the door to reveal Edward with a couple of bags of groceries in his hands. I was amazed…that must have been one hell of a feat.

"I hope you don't mind…I figured that you guys could use some things so I brought the basics." Edward said dropping off the bags on the kitchen table and taking his coat off.

"Thanks…you're a lifesaver!" I said pecking his cheek.

"it was no big deal." Edward said brushing it off.

" pink pop tarts OMG THAT'S MY FAVORITE FLAVOR" Alice laughed holding up a box of strawberry milk shake pop tarts.

"So do you have power at your place?" I asked.

"well we did when I left…but I doubt it by now…while I was out there I could see that almost the entire town was out." Edward said. Alice then looked at his feet.

"Ooh Edward…could I borrow those skis…I really need to get to work?" Alice asked.

"Alice I highly doubt that even if you get in there anyone's going to come in. it was absolutely barren when I was out there and the roads were almost impossible to cross and I was on ski's. The entire town is shut down. Its nasty out there." Edward said. Hearing it from someone who was out there made it finally sink in Alice's head that she was not going anywhere.

"well I guess we could take the loss of business for a little while. Besides it wouldn't be fun by myself and no customers. At least here I have people." Alice said giving up finally.

"so what's the plan?" I asked.

"I don't really know…its really bad out. I passed a couple of national guard troops on my way here. Its going to take a while to dig out of though." Edward said

By the way Alice…I saw Jasper when I left the grocery store…he and Emmett were dropping food off to Rose's parents and then planned on coming here so they should be here soon." Edward said. Just then we could hear the sound of a snow mobile. Looking through the binoculars we could see Emmett driving a snowmobile which was pulling a plastic sled carrying Jasper. The sled was whipping side to side. By the time they got here the snow was three fourths of a way up the door. I could barely see the first floor of the building. No one was going anywhere…at least for today. Already sensing this Alice dejectedly went to get out the spare linens for later on.

"well at least its going to be a white Christmas and Jazzy's going to be here!" Alice said to herself walking away. It was then that Jasper and Emmett knocked on the door.

"Damn that was fun…I wish Rose was here…she's missing an epic snow storm! Well that's what she gets for accompanying a sick kid to Disney world. She called me up freaking out that her flight was canceled…I really don't know what she was complaining about…she gets to party with Mickey Mouse a little while longer while we're all stuck in this frozen waste land. If I get one word though that Mickey made a move on her I'll make sure some how that I get down there and kick ass. Saw people waiving at me from their roofs. The entire town's dead." Emmett said he and Jasper too their coats off. Jasper dropped a guitar case near the door.

"Damn Alice did you guys not pay the heating bill!" Emmett said shuddering.

"No the storm knocked out the heat." Alice said grabbing blankets and handing them to the three guys.

"Now guys everyone's obviously staying here tonight…Emmett you don't mind sleeping with pink blankets do you…I mean they aren't exactly your type but its flannel so it will keep you warm." Alice said.

"oh hell no…that will not be necessary…my snow mobile can make it through anything!" Emmett said. Just then the radio announced that all the roads were effectively closed in Forks. There was a driving ban put in place. On top of that there were reports of trees down blocking the roads anyways.

"anything huh…I don't think it can make it through trees. Besides what do you think Rose would say if she found out that you got an evergreen shoved up your ass even though I offered you the chance to stay here…Emmett none of us are going anywhere till at least tomorrow…might as well make yourself comfortable…now excuse me I'm going to take a quick cold shower and clean up." Alice said walking away.

"Lets just face it…we're all going to be stuck here for a while…now how can we pass the time? Sorry, Clue, Monopoly, Life or Flashlight puppets?" Alice asked boredly after she returned.

"O…O…O…Flashlight puppets!" Emmett called excitedly grabbing a flashlight out of Alice's hand.

"Guess Emmett's already decided." The rest of us groaned following him.

"see if you can guess what this is?" Emmett asked making a poor Eiffel tower with his hands

"The Eiffel tower?" Alice asked bored out of her mind.

"How did you know?" Emmett asked stupidly.

"Just a guess…now see if you can guess what this is?" Alice asked stepping forward and making an over lapping double C. Jasper and Edward laughed. Emmett looked stumped.

"I…I don't get it." Emmett said.

"The Chanel sign?" I asked.

"Bingo!" Alice laughed.

"Now I want to go again so see if you can guess what this is?" Alice asked making another symbol.

The rest of the day was spent doing this. We all had one turn and Alice had three. After a little while it was starting to get boring so we dove into the board games. Alice moaped about Monopoly not having a shopping district.  
Dinner that night consisted of cold canned peas ,corn, and cold soup. Luckily Edward had the forethought to buy enough for the five of us for the week (Guess he knew his cousin well…and some of it was in a backpack that he brought with him) so we didn't have to ration off. I was surprised that Alice even didn't mind…Alice was a very picky eater usually. Well when you have to survive you have to survive.

"You know…I never thought I'd like cold vegetables…but their actually okay." Alice said digging in.

"you know I so envy Rose right now…Florida…balmy eighty degrees…swimming pool…t-shirts…beaches…ugh definitely going on vacation soon." Alice sighed with a twinkle in her eye. It was then that Emmett's phone went off…Rosalie was calling. Deciding to give him a little privacy we took off to the only part of the patio not buried under a mile of snow. Jasper, who had brought his guitar with him, was serenading Alice about ten feet away form us.

_"Beauty queen of only eighteen … She had some trouble with herself… He was always there to help her …She always belonged to someone else"_Jasper started to sing. I rested my head against Edward's shoulder. Alice's head started to bob with the beat.

_"I drove for miles and miles…And wound up at your door…I've had you so many times but somehow…I want more"_Jasper sang proudly. Alice took out a lighter

_"I don't mind spending everyday…Out on your corner in the pouring rain…Look for the…girl with the broken smile…Ask her if she wants to stay awhile…And she will be loved…She will be loved!"_Jasper belched out with Alice now joining him.

_"Tap on my window knock on my door…I want to make you feel beautiful…I know I tend to get so insecure…It doesn't matter anymore"_They sang together…his tenor and her soprano complementing each other well.

"Bella we need to talk." Edward started up.

"_It's not always rainbows and butterflies…It's compromise that moves us along, yeah…My heart is full and my door's always open…You can come anytime you want_!" Jasper and Alice let out loudly.

" I don't think I can wait any longer. I think I've known for a while now but after the fire, the break in and now this I realize that…" Edward said drifting off.

"_ I don't mind spending everyday…Out on your corner in the pouring rain…Look for the girl with the broken smile…Ask her if she wants to stay awhile…And she will be loved…And she will be loved…And she will be loved…And she will be loved!_" Their voices carried over.

"Realized what?" I asked as hope swelled inside of me. I had to deflate it though…what were the chances?

"_I know where you hide…Alone in your car…Know all of the things that make you who you are…I know that goodbye means nothing at all…Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls."_Jasper and Alice sang. Alice's pink lighter was still waiving in the air.

"That I love you." Edward said holding me. I stared at him bewildered. What did he just say? He…loved…me?

"I love you too!" I sighed as he stroked my face. Before I knew it we were heavily making out.

_"Tap on my window knock on my door_  
_I want to make you feel beautiful_

_I don't mind spending everyday_  
_Out on your corner in the pouring rain_  
_Look for the girl with the broken smile_  
_Ask her if she wants to stay awhile_  
_And she will be loved_  
_And she will be loved_  
_And she will be loved_  
_And she will be loved"_died out in the distance. We were too concerned with each other to see Jasper and Alice walk up to us.

"What are you two doing…trying to ward of hypothermia?…you know that strategy only works if you guys are getting your freak on in the bedroom upstairs." Alice laughed lightly as we boke apart.

"Alice!" I grumbled.

"So anyways…I'm starting to get frost bite out here…I think its time we go inside." Alice said.

"Alice I told you to wear gloves!" Jasper said.

"Well I couldn't find the pair that matches this coat silly!" Alice said gesturing to her pink pea coat.

"Why the hell did you wear that anyways…it's a blizzard!" Jasper gasped

" I wanted to look nice in case someone saw us." Alice responded shivering.

"So you'd rather freeze?" Jasper asked shocked.

"Pain is beauty…even Emmett knows that!" Alice said turning towards the back glass door. As we opened the door Emmett was hanging up. Studying Alice, I was thanking my lucky stars that the boys were going to be stuck with us for a while. She had no alone time to harass me about what had just transpired.

"Rose says hi…and that she misses everyone. She wishes that she was here with everyone. I kind of laughed at that one. She also says that she's trying to get the next available flight here and for us to stay out of trouble ( I had a funny feeling that she just meant Emmett) and that she should be here soon. Stranded in Florida…lucky son of a bitch!" Emmett moaned the last part.

"I think I'm going to head off to bed…see you guys in the morning." I said giving Edward a look.

"I think I'll follow you." Edward said catching my look. Message received. The minute that we reached my room I was lost in all that was Edward.

A few hours later we were just starting to drift off when we could hear this moaning sound coming from the couch. Emmett was talking in his sleep.

"Rosie…I miss you Rosie…please come back!" Edward looked slightly shocked at those words.

"Wow…Emmett actually misses his girlfriend?" Edward mouthed shocked. We tried to go back to sleep but it wouldn't stop. Finally we heard Alice's door open up.

"Anyone decent?" Alice whispered knocking on the door.

" Come in Alice." Edward said in a tone that I almost didn't hear as we scrambled for bathrobes. Alice then strode through.

"alright I figured you guys could use some ear plugs since we cant duck tape Emmett's mouth." Alice said tossing four ear plugs at us.

"Thanks so much!" I beamed.

"Anyways…if you need anything else…feel free to use my bathroom." Alice said as we put the plugs in. we nodded. Alice gave a slight wave and left the room.


	27. super hoes and elevator doors

**I don't own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys!**

Chapter 27

BPV

Over the course of the next day or two the neighbors had started to help each other out. This one particular neighbor though seemed to have her eye on the guys…and while I knew I shouldn't be concerned it still had me a little unnerved. She looked like a tall blond supermodel…with a particular eye for Emmett. Knowing Rose would do the same thing if the shoe was on the other foot we kept our eye on her. I was thinking about this as I was getting laundry done with Edward.

APV

Emmett and I were the only ones left in the apartment. Bella and Edward had taken off to get laundry done and Jasper was off giving sugar to one of the neighbors in exchange for said neighbors extra box of cookies (which meant he was probably giving a counseling session). Rosalie then called my cell phone (We had to ski to Bella's car which had the only operable cell phone charger left…she had a universal car charger…thank god I bought that for one of her birthday presents.).

"Hey Alice…how's everyone?" Rosalie asked happily as I picked up the phone. The doorbell rang and Emmett ran to answer it.

"Good…good…we've been watching movies, playing games…the roads are still not plowed yet…they're having difficulty because everyone had parked on the street the night before it hit. They also have to clear all the trees." I said.

"How's Emmett?" Rose asked.

"Emmett's Emmett." was all I could say.

"Hello Emmett…I brought you guys a little care package…just some jams, Twinkies, protein bars and shakes…I thought that you of all people could use those last two items." the whore said seductively.

"Damn you know me well…I love protein!" Emmett said leading her on unknowingly.

"What was that?" Rosalie asked pissed.

"So…tell me…are you seeing anyone?" Steal-a-man asked caressing Emmett's face

"yes…but she's on vacation in Florida." Emmett said. What a dope…might as well of hung a sign on him self saying " looking for a mistress"

"Uh Rose hold on…my neighbor's flirting with Emmett!" I said.

"WHAT?…I'M ON MY WAY!" Rosalie growled hanging up the phone. Shit…should I have said that?

"So what did Rose have to say?" Emmett asked heading into the kitchen.

"Oh that she misses you terribly. She cant wait to see you…and she should be home very soon." I lied through my teeth. Well Rose would find a way to get home…and from what I could tell she does miss him.

"cool!" Emmett said starting to do push ups on the floor. He didn't know that he was going to be in the doghouse pretty soon. I could only imagine what she would do to him the minute she got back. Well it was understandable…with what the douche bag Royce did to her…not to mention the reputation that this town has.

"So Emmett tell me…what are your plans for Christmas?" I asked.

"Well if we can get out of here and she by a miracle got back…Rose and I were planning on going to her parents. You know that Mom and dad still have things that they need to handle up there with putting the house up for sale and finances and stuff. Besides we'll have a grand one next year with them home and all. Hopefully no blizzards hit." Emmett laughed on the last part.

"Oh so what did you get Rose?" I asked

"oh its great I got Rose her own Sea hawks signed football." Emmett said proudly. Rose was going to take that football and shove it up his ass. I knew Rose and I knew that she was probably expecting something like bracelets, necklaces, glittering 5 kt rings…no wait that was me. She was expecting clothes, makeup, or as mentioned before jewelry…not a football.

"oh that's uh great." I said

"its going to be great!" Emmett said. No she's going to murder you.

"I have it right here with me…actually Alice I was going to ask you if you could wrap it…I don't know how to do it." Emmett said heading to the linen closet and taking it out.

"how long have you had that here?" I asked.

"A few weeks…I didn't think you and Bella would mind." Emmett said

"I'll let this slide…but next time you hide Rose's present here…you ask me…I want to be in on the surprise." I said as we went about wrapping it.

"um where do I put it?" Emmett asked when we finished.

"in the corner behind the tv with the rest of them." I pointed.

"Why don't you have a tree?" Emmett asked.

"oh a tree wouldn't go with my color scheme…besides Bella hasn't had a tree since she was eleven and her mother left." I said.

"Well why would her mom leaving have anything to do with Christmas?" Emmett asked. He then realized what he just said.

"Ooh…now I get it…so that's why it was a big deal when Chief Swan became single!" Emmett said. I rolled my eyes…yeah the time of year was the reason why it was a big deal and not the fact that she was having an affair that had been like two years old before hand.

"They still exchange…they just decided never to get a tree again. Caius was thrilled at that…something about them helping save the environment. that's the other reason why I never had a tree." I said. Emmett then went into the kitchen and grabbed a protein bar. The door opened and Jasper returned from his impromptu counseling session.

"well that was a mess…I walked in to find that he and his wife were in a huge couple's fight…she was threatening to leave him, I don't know why she would say that now given that we're snow bound in this building but I had to have them sit down and talk about the good aspects of their marriage and things that they want to improve on in a more calm positive aspect. Well at least I'm keeping up with my skills." Jasper sighed sinking down on the couch. At some point I was going to have to get him alone to tell him about Rose. His talents would be useful in trying to keep Rose from killing Emmett.

" I wonder when the roads are going to be cleared…I'm starting to go a little stir crazy!" I sighed. I wanted to get out, do some shopping, get back to work…you know have a life!

"well lets see." Jasper said turning up or emergency radio. I didn't know that thing lasted this long…it was surely low on batteries.

"Authorities cannot give an estimate on how long the roads will be closed for at this time. Nether the less expect to stay inside for at least the next day or so. Repeat the roads are still closed." the newscaster said.

"Wonderful!" I sighed pissed while flopping on the couch next to him.

"Think of it as another day off." Jasper said.

"another day off and I'll go insane!" I hissed.

BPV

The next day was Christmas eve. Waking up it was the day that the sun had shown in a while. I smiled…the storm was finally over! That meant that it was only a matter of time before everything was cleaned up. I looked over at the perfect sleeping angel and remembered the conversation from last night. We had decided to move in together since Edward was practically living here already and I had stayed over his house long enough to have half my wardrobe there ( we stayed there when Alice asked to have alone time with Jasper…which was getting more frequent lately.) that it was logically the next step. Since it would be awkward to live with his parents come may…we decided that we would live here for a little while…until something opened up. We hadn't yet told the others. His eyes fluttered open and we walked into the kitchen to get something to eat (The power was still out) when Emmett stirred from the couch.

"oww what's that bright yellow ball in the sky?" Emmett moaned in fake pain heading over to the window.

"well I'm hungry…what's left to eat?" Emmett asked now heading to the kitchen and raiding it. We then heard a door open and Alice and Jasper strode out…Jasper dressed normal…Alice wearing an Italian silk robe.

"Yay the sun's finally out!" Alice cheered looking out the window.

"Hear anything on the radio?" Jasper asked.

"No we were just about to turn it on." I said as Edward headed over to it.

"the bulk of the storm is finally over. Utility company is reporting that the power should remain off for the next few hours as they work to try and restore it. Folks its going to be a while so just sit tight. Most of the roads are still closed as well although they are working on that." the newscaster said.

"So nothing new then." Jasper said.

"Well it could be worse…we're all stuck together…and we have board games and stuff…who's up for another round of clue?" Emmett whooped.

"we'll mix it up…how about Life?" I asked.

"I call one of the pink cars!" Alice beamed.

"OOH YOU JUST HAD TWIN GIRLS…SKIP TWO SPACES!" Alice called ecstatically jumping her car forward. Alice's car was full of pink people. There was only one blue piece in the bunch.

"Hey Jasper…that's a glimpse into your future!" Emmett chuckled. It was then that we heard what sounded like a plane over head and Alice turned towards the window.

"Who in their right mind would parachute into the-Oh shit." Alice said gaping as we all went to the window. Looking out we could see someone with long blonde hair just about to touch the snow pack with her parachute. Looks like Rosalie's home. Just then there was a knock on the door and the lights flickered back on.

"EMMETT I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE SOME MORE PROTEIN SHAKES!" The hoe who had been haunting us these past few days called through the door. She really did have bad timing.

"Stupid bitch doesn't know that she's about to die in about one second." Alice muttered as Rosalie somehow managed to plow her way to the door.

"EMMETT WONT YOU LET ME IN?" The girl called seductively. Emmett then opened the door.

"EXCUSE ME…WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!" Rosalie's voice snarled.

"Oh god here it comes!" Alice said covering her ears.

"I COULD ASK THE SAME ABOUT YOU!" the girl said.

"I HAPPEN TO BE THE GIRLFRIEND OF THE MAN THAT YOU ARE TALKING TO!" Rosalie growled.

"must not be much of a relationship…if your taking a vacation without him!" the girl said.

"its none of your business how our relationship works…besides I was doing charity work and I wasn't supposed to be gone this long." Rosalie hissed.

"Babe calm down!" Emmett gulped. She turned toward him with a fire in her eye.

"And you don't think your getting out of this one…I will get you Emmett Cullen…after I deal with the trash!" Rosalie growled. Emmett backed up like a trainer in a tiger's den.

"ooh I'm so scared…Blondie is going to attack me with her fake nails. What…jealous because while you were doing 'charity work' a.k.a whoring yourself out on the beach…Emmy here was spending time with someone real!" the girl said in a snotty tone.

"Real…please…Barbie is less plastic then you!" Rosalie said letting out a hearty laugh.

"How dare you…I'm all natural!" the girl said offended.

"Really…cuz I can see your rhinoplasty scar and your surgeon messed up your chest." Rosalie said snidely.

"excuse me? This is my natural nose!" the girl said even more offended.

"Ha! that's a good one…your nose is about as real as a Gucci bag sold in Chinatown!" Rosalie countered. Alice burst out laughing at this.

"Hey…its not my fault okay…I have a deviated septum!" The girl said covering her nose. Rose and Alice laughed harder.

"Please that's what they all say!" Rose said.

"You and Ashley Simpson both!" Alice added in.

"Whatever I'm not subjecting myself to this. Making fun of people with conditions!" the girl muttered walking away.

"what condition…an addiction to plastic surgery?" Rosalie asked making the girl turn around.

"Alright I may not be all natural but I'm also not deaf…I have my problems but I don't have to worry about my boyfriend cheating on me!" she said slamming the door to her apartment.

"That's because she's too busy trying to get with yours…if anyone's going to cheat in that relationship it'd be her." Alice said.

"Alright….Rose is home…the trash is gone…what does everyone want to do now?" Alice asked.

"I need to have a word with Emmett first about talking to strangers…since he obviously hasn't gotten the concept yet!" Rose said with fake sarcasm while giving Emmett a death glare. Emmett gulped. She dragged Emmett into the kitchen.

"Okay definitely staying out of our apartment for the next hour…I have an idea!" Alice said whipping sharpie markers out of her purse.

"Lets write our names in between floors in the elevator…it will be something special since we all know that it will be there forever…I used to do this in high school!" Alice said bolting towards the elevator.

" oh so you're the one who used to draw the Gucci and Chanel symbols!" Jasper said.

"how'd ya know!" Alice beamed

"Just a wild guess!" Jasper laughed. Alice hit the down button and the door opened up. She then herded us all in. the door closed and she pressed floor 4.

"Perfect!" Alice hissed when we were between floors five and six. With a strength of a person twice her size she opened the door. Edward and I hesitantly grabbed some markers. We wrote our initials plus the date.

_"Mr. and Mrs. Jasper Edwin Whitlock 3!_" Alice wrote in like twenty font.

Closing the door Alice pressed the button to go back to our floor. It was then that we heard this weird buzzing sound and the elevator jolted a little.

"ut oh…oh shit…the elevator's stuck!" Alice said staring at the dead floor buttons.. The lighted screen that told us what floor we were on went black. Edward and I glared at Alice.

"I cant believe we broke the elevator" Alice said looking away.

"we didn't break anything…this was all you Alice." Edward said as I shook my head. Jasper went to use the emergency telephone…just to find that someone had cut the cord.

"Anyone notice how small this elevator actually is?" Jasper said starting to hyperventilate.

"Oh no…here we go!" Edward moaned

"Jasper…your not claustrophobic…are you?" I asked.

"No….well maybe a little…okay I have a severe case of it. I can deal with being in crowded places short term but if I know I'm going to be stuck there for more then 15 minutes I start having issues. Its one of the reasons I went into psychology." Jasper said in between pants.

"Oh great…and I left all my paper bags up in the apartment…wait I think I have something that may help!" Alice said digging through her purse. Jasper was on the floor at this point clutching his chest.

" The walls…the walls are getting closer…there going to crush us…their going to crush us…we're going to die…we're going to die…I feel like I'm having a heart attack!" Jasper gasped out.

"A doctor told me to try one of these before…I took it but I didn't really like what it did to me…made me really not myself…I didn't have any anxiety on it which don't get me wrong…I loved that…but it felt a little too strong for someone of my body size. But you look like your in need for any type of relief." Alice said taking out a bottle of Xanax and handing Jasper a pill. She then dug through her purse again and found a bottle of water.

"Here you go Jazzy!" Alice smiled as washed the pill down with the water.

"Since when did you have Xanax?" Jasper asked curiously.

"oh I got the bottle when I went for my physical the day after the robbery….I told him what happened and I may have had a mild panic attack…the nurse came at me with a shot…next thing I know I'm waking up with a prescription in my hand." Alice said. Knowing that they don't usually resort to doing stuff like that I could only imagine the scene that Alice made.

"When the hell did you take it?" I asked.

"oh you two were off working together and Jasper, you were at your clinic, …I had gone home a little early…I told everyone that I wasn't feeling well…remember the miraculous recovery?" Alice said. A few minutes later Jasper looked extremely calm.

"So when do you think that we'll get out of here?" I asked as the four of us sat against the wall.

"Whenever someone notices that we're missing." Alice said.

"So basically when Rosalie realizes that we didn't come back yet." I said.

"Yeah…thank god she came back. Lord knows how long we'd be down here if it were just Emmett." Edward said.

"Who's up for a game of Rock Paper Scissor to pass the time…we're going to be here a while?" Alice asked.

"Rock beats scissor, scissor beats paper, and Chanel no. 5 gets them all…I win!" Alice said.

"What?…its rock paper scissor…that's cheating!" Edward said.

"Not in my version its not…now rock paper scissor Shute!" Alice said starting round two.

"Scissor beats paper, Rock beats scissor, and Gucci beats everything…looks like I win again.

"Remind me not to play this game with Alice again…she's always going to make up a way to win." Edward said. I should of known that this was coming considering that at her birthday parties we always played 'pin the Gucci symbol on the pocketbook'.

"So what's the deal with his parents?" I whispered when Jasper was too engrossed in a conversation with Alice to hear.

"oh it's a long story." Edward said.

"We have the time." I responded.

"See his mom…my mother's sister…had him when she was 14. My mom and my aunt have about a ten year age difference. I was just born (a/n Edward is only a few months older then Jasper)and Emmett being not much older…we don't remember it well but it was a huge drama in the family…especially since Jasper's father graduated with my mother. My grandparents had sent her to a boarding school in LA to prevent something like that but he followed her down there. Since my parents were married, very financially secure for just starting their jobs…Carlisle was already reaping the benefits of making good financial decisions at age 18, and already had children…with one being the same age, the decision was made that they would raise Jasper as their own. They had to go down there and pick her up. Jasper knows the whole story which is why he refers to my parents as "aunt and uncle"…in fact he often speaks to his mom by telephone and they try to see each other once a week. My mom encouraged him to have a good relationship with her. His dad on the other hand…well she thinks he's a total douche bag. The only one who hates him more is grandpa. He made Carlisle look like a golden boy in grandpa's eyes…starting a family after marriage. Jasper…well lets just say that while he doesn't hate his dad…he doesn't really like him either. " Edward whispered

"Why wasn't he charged?" I asked shocked.

"My aunt didn't want to press charges and she threatened to runaway with Jasper if they went through with them. My mom and grandpa decided that it was best to enact justice…in other ways. Lets just say that Jasper's dad had an 'accident' not too long afterwords…it looked suspicious since his break line was cut and grandpa was the last mechanic to look at his car. Grandpa really doesn't deny it either…he just says ' the asshole got what he deserved' and looks the other way whenever it comes up. Grandpa was bummed he lived" Edward whispered again.

"Wait…I thought Jasper's dad's family was from Galveston?" I asked.

"Jasper's dad's parents moved up here when his father was young. They moved back there a few years ago. They flew him down so they could have the whole clan down there for the battle. They text each other. I've seen pictures of him…he screws up Jasper's number sometimes and sends me things instead." Edward said swiftly taking out his cell-phone. He pulled up a picture of a man with two hoes kissing his neck. He looked like a cross between a cowboy and a Jersey Shore douche bag. I couldn't believe that that was Jasper's father. I imagined that wasn't the only picture that he sent. If Alice ever knew what her boyfriends biological father was sending him she would surely flip shit.

"Okay then…well then what happened with his mom…you said that they still talk and stuff?" I asked.

"Well she decided to go back to the boarding school right after he was born. Said something about missing her friends down there. By the time she got out of there and went to college and stuff Jasper was already settled with us. So she was allowed to continue on with her life." Edward said.

"Well aren't they going to spend Christmas together?" I asked.

"No…she's taking off to Montréal to spend it with her new boyfriends family. Its funny…Jaspers way more mature then his parent's ever were. Its okay since Jasper usually spends Christmas with us anyways" Edward said. And I thought my family was fucked up!

"But if your mom hates Jasper's dad then why did she let him go to Galveston?" I asked.

"Well while she thinks Jasper's dad is the spawn of Satan…she really liked his family, plus Jasper's dad's family was still his family and they had a right to see their nephew and grandson." Edward responded. Edward held me in his lap and I rested my head against his shoulder. We remained like this for the next few hours.

"Hey guys…shut up a minute…I think I hear something!" Jasper said.

RPV.

I was calming down after the huge powwow with Emmett in the kitchen. It took a while but I think he finally understood that there was certain blood sucking blonde haired whores that would try to attach themselves to him, and that he couldn't let that happen. Its not that I didn't want him talking to girls…he just had to be extremely careful who he associated himself with. Emmett had excused himself to the living room and was watching ESPN on the television. Looking at my cell phone to get a better judge of time (the stove clock was still flickering) I realized that everyone had been gone a ridiculous amount of time. I started to get worried.

"Emmett…I'm starting to worry…everyone's been gone a while." I said.

"They probably went to the convenience store." was all I got in response. Emmett was such a moron sometimes.

"Emmett…the roads aren't even reopened yet…and there are still trees down everywhere (I had just changed the channel to the news)!" I said.

"Ugh…give them another ten minutes." Emmett said. I unwillingly did as Emmett said.

"That's it…common…we're going to look for them!" I growled when the ten minutes were up.

"But babe!" Emmett whined.

"Get off your ass Em!" I hissed. Emmett then jumped to his feet and we started going door to door. By the time we reached the end of the hall we realized that they weren't on this floor. Being that we were closer to the stairs we decided to go that route instead.

"Emmett they've been missing for a few hours and we know that they haven't left the complex…I'm telling you that there's something not right about this…I have a really bad feeling!" I said while we searched the sixth floor

"Chill Rose…how much danger could they be in…alright granted Bella's a huge klutz and all but still!" Emmett said nonchalantly. Emmett would say that.

"they could have been kidnapped…they could have been killed!" I growled.

"Rose…who's going to take them…no one can friggen leave the complex…where would they be held…someone's god damn apartment…I think people would notice the screams." Emmett said.

"No their more apt to be stuck in the…" Emmett's voice trailed off as we both looked at each other and then to the elevator doors.

"OH MY GOD THE ELEVATOR….WHAT IF THEIR STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR!" I shrieked. Just then I heard something.

"GLAD SOMEONE FINALLY NOTICED!" What was clearly Alice's voice shouted from what sounded like no father then half a floor below us.

"Guys use the emergency hatch…I'll open the door!" Emmett called.

BPV

We finally got the hatch open, and using Jasper as a foot stool, Alice was the first one out of there. I felt bad…surely her five inch heels must of dug deeply into his back. She then grabbed Jasper's hand and helped pull him up. I was starting to wonder if Alice was getting into Emmett's protein.

"Ladies first!" Edward said hoisting me up and through the hole. Jasper then grabbed him and pulled him through. We then saw two sets of hands appear in the door way pushing the elevator doors open. A sparkling pink stoned ring was on one of them.

"oh thank god you guys are alright…I'm so sorry…Emmett and I feel terrible…don't we Emmett!" Rosalie said glaring at him on the last part.

"Why …I didn't force them to go on the elevator…I didn't break the elevator!" Emmett said.

"your right Emmett…we played no hand in this whatsoever…the argument that we had didn't force them out of their apartment and into the elevator in the first place now did it." Rosalie said.

"Sorry guys." Emmett finally said


	28. The Christmas Nightmare

**I don't own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys!**

Chapter 28

BPV

I awoke the next morning to find a neatly wrapped small box sitting at the end of my bed. Edward had just walked in with a tray holding two stack of pancakes and two glasses of orange juice. He really was cute sometimes. After digging in I held the small gift in my hand.

"That one's from me…its not much but it's a little something…you have one from Alice and Jasper and one from Emmett and Rose sitting in the living room." Edward whispered smiling my favorite crooked smile. At first I couldn't get past the paper. It was a gold incrusted deep red that looked like it was of a fine material. I slowly detached the paper trying to keep it in good condition. Inside was an ornate box that could of belonged to my late great grandmother. Its aged mahogany wood shined in the light. It and of itself would have been a great gift.

"Oh its beautiful!" I murmured rubbing the box.

"That's not the gift…well not the only gift…open it up." Edward softly said as the smile on his face grew into a full on beam. Doing as told, I opened the ancient box to reveal a new necklace with an ancient diamond heart. I felt my jaw hit the floor. Only a little something?

"its perfect." I gasped.

"The heart used to be a bracelet charm and can still double as that. Its from my mother's family. Mom gave it to me a couple of years ago because I don't have any sisters, though he respected the family history Jasper held a preference on creating new memories, and we all knew better then to trust Emmett with something so valuable…especially something that Emmett in particular didn't see the value in. his exact words were ' I don't get why your making such a big deal out of this…I could pull that out of a gumball machine' for a diamond that a jeweler acquaintance of my parents valued at over $10,000 easy when he visited a few days before." Edward said putting it on me. I then went and grabbed what I got for him…bypassing Alice who was talking to Emmett about spandex aerobics clothes. Rosalie was passed out on the couch. I then went back to the room.

"its not a diamond…but I hope that you like it." I said handing him the gift bag. I had gotten him his favorite ( and my favorite) cologne and my high school year book. I knew the latter was extremely odd but it held a special quote that I didn't even realize was there until I had revisited it a few years ago.

_ "Life is exciting and unpredictable at points. The only way to enjoy it is to let it take you along for the ride. May we meet again some time_" anonymous. I always knew deep down inside that Edward was the one the wrote that. The other guys in the school would try to link their names to the quote so that they could get the recognition. Also almost none of the guys that went to the school had clear handwriting except for Edward, as evidenced by Emmett's barely discernable _"congrats…hope you keep in shape…remember a mile a day keeps the doctor away!"_…I would of taken offence to that comment if he hadn't scribbled it in everyone's year book. Edward loved the cologne but looked slightly confused at the year book.

"I was looking though it a while ago…I thought there was something in the back that you might like to see." I said as a look of recognition crossed his face and he flipped to the back page.

"Life is exciting and unpredictable at points…The only way to enjoy it is to let it take you along for the ride…may we meet again…Wow that's eerily prophetic." Edward said with light laughter in his voice. I knew it was him!

"did you remember writing that?" I asked though I knew that he did.

"Of course…that was the only time I ever used a full quote. Thank you…that was the best gift ever." Edward said pulling my face closer to his.

"Merry Christmas love." he whispered before the distance between our lips closed. The year book cluttered to the floor.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS LOVEBIRDS!" Emmett chirped slamming the door open with Alice in toe, causing Edward and I to break apart. Rosalie followed panting.

"I'm so sorry…I tried to stop them!" Rosalie said throwing both of them a dirty look.

"Ooh me love…diamonds are a girls best friend!" Alice sang gawking at my new necklace. I knew that sooner or later she would ask to borrow it.

"Alright guys…everyone's awake…come out…I want to see your faces when you see what I got you…although I know I cant top the look on your face when you saw the diamond Bella I think I'll come close. Hark the herald Angels sing…Glory to the newborn king!" Alice belched out skipping down the hallway. We all congregated to the table, where the gifts were now laid out. Alice was psychotically twitching …the girl definitely needs to switch to de-calf.

"Alright Alice….this is from me." Jasper said handing over a small bag.

"ooh…Envy Me by Gucci!" Alice squealed the minute the bag touched her hand. From the expression on Jasper's face I knew that that's what he had really gotten her.

"How did you know?" Jasper asked astonished as she pulled it out of the bag.

"all you need to know is I have my ways Jazzy." Alice smiled sniffing the perfume happily.

"Alright Jazzy this is what I got you!" Alice said handing Jasper over a professionally wrapped gift. Inside was a new shirt and the movie "Me, myself and Irene"

"I love that movie!" Jasper smiled.

"alright…Bells this is from Jazz and I" Alice said pointing to her gift for me. Alice had chosen to wrap her gifts in bubble gum pink wrapping paper . I shook my head…typical Alice.

"Now this is something that every girl has in the bedroom Bella…you have to admit that you need this…considering that your starting to get nice things now!" Alice said. I internally groaned and walked over. Unwrapping it, I found that they had gotten me a Jewelry case. I looked at her.

" I didn't know I swear…but I had a feeling that _he_ was going to get you something nice. I wanted to coordinate!" Alice said with a knowing smile. I could feel the shock on my face.

"Alice…sometimes you scare me." Edward said slightly weirded out.

"sometimes I scare myself Edward." Alice laughed.

"So Rose…this is from me." Emmett said handing over an oddly shaped box.

"This is going to get interesting!" Alice muttered as Rosalie unraveled it to find an official NFL football signed by the Seahawks. Rose's face dropped in disappointment.

"of course I have to date the idiotic brother!" Rosalie mumbled almost inaudibly.

"I hope you like it…I mean I know I would." Emmett said.

"Shut up Em!" Alice graveled.

"Emmett I would give you something…but what I got you is at my parents house. Do you want to know what it is or would you like to wait and find out later?" Rosalie asked.

"tell me now!" Emmett pleaded.

"Oh alright…I got you a boflex and a couple of more weights." Rosalie said. Emmett looked like he wanted to squeal like a girl. Just then we heard this beeping sound.

"OH MY GOD IT'S A MIRACLE…A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE…WE'RE GETTING OUT OF HERE!" Alice cheered as a plow backed down the driveway before clearing the rest of the road.

"HELL YEAH!" Emmett belched at the same time. Rosalie turned towards us.

"I just want to thank you and Alice for your hospitality. I really appreciate it and I know Emmett does as well. Thank you." Rosalie said shaking my hand. Alice's phone went off.

"oh damn…dinner's still on…we have to be out of here by two!" Alice shrieked pushing Jasper towards my bathroom and jumping in her own. Jasper was going to experience the horrors of a Brandon Family Christmas. I still had nightmares from the last one I went to.

A few hours later Edward and I arrived on Charlie's doorstep. He too decided to continue with the dinner plans since the roads were reopened. Charlie immediately threw the door open and we went inside.

"So guys…come in…take a load off…relax!" Charlie said speaking fast and gesturing to the living room where the twins were playing the new Donkey Kong on their Wii. Looks like they had decided to switch up their gaming systems.

"Donkey Kong…oh how we missed you!" the twins sighed getting really into the game.

"So when's dinner going to be ready?" I asked.

"Soon…we're…um…waiting for some more people to arrive." Charlie said looking at his feet. Something that he did when he knew he did something very very bad.

"dad?" I growled.

"Oh all right you were going to find out anyways ….Billy and Jake stopped by to pick up bait this morning…I may of invited the Blacks for dinner…and they might of accepted. I felt bad…it sucks being stuck in your house with only one family member on the holidays!" Charlie flinched.

"You…WHAT? You actually invited my ex over for dinner…have you lost your mind Charlie…what the hell were you thinking…the whole reason their alone is because the both of them are two timeing creeps!" I gasped shocked. Edward rubbed my shoulder.

"I told you not to do that…didn't I…but no…you didn't listen to me now did you!" Celeste called from the kitchen

"Charlie…we understand that Billy's your friend…its okay…we'll deal with it…but you should really think next time before you go inviting the Blacks over for a family dinner." Edward said as the shock wore off. I was pissed to say the least but I didn't want to ruin the dinner for everyone else. Looked like I was going to have to put up with Jacob tonight.

"So I'm going to go get a beer…anyone want anything?" Charlie asked.

"No thanks!" all of us said as Charlie left the room. Edward and I looked at each other. I knew that he'd try not to leave my side…but we'd have to have a back up plan just in case.

"are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Edward whispered as we both glared at Marcus.

"well its better then nothing." I said. Frankly Marcus was the last person I would ask for help in this situation but we had to use whatever resources were at our disposal at this point. Charlie would be too busy ingrained in conversations with Billy and Celeste to be of any help.

"Oh Marcus…we need your help with something!" Edward said.

"Ooh how the tables have turned…so what is it you need…maybe we could strike a deal!" Marcus said sinking into a chair and acting like a pimply version of "the god father."

"well you know who is coming over tonight…Charlie probably filled you in on the basic background of the situation…" I started up.

"he may of mentioned it in brief conversation…ex partner…ended badly…go on!" Marcus said.

"Well incase I'm not able to help her…we were wondering if you two could help keep an eye on Bella?" Edward asked.

"dump him and I'll do it!" Marcus said pointing to Edward.

"No deal." I responded looking sternly at Marcus.

"how about a new Nintendo 3DS game…your choice." Edward asked.

"Deal!" the twins chirped shaking Edward's hand happily. Just then the doorbell rang and Charlie scampered to answer it. Billy's wheelchair shot through the door as Jacob sauntered in behind it. Edward rapped his arms around me.

"Hey Charlie how's it going!" Jacob said nonchalantly as if Charlie hadn't tried to beat his ass the last time they saw each other.

"its going well." Charlie said with a forced smile. I could tell that he would of preferred just Billy over the house but that didn't make me feel much better.

"So guys…everyone's congregated in the living room right now…head in there…sit tight…dinner should be out in five minutes." Charlie said as the two Native Americans entered the room. Jacob and Edward throwing each other disgusted looks. Edward looked like he wanted to say something but didn't want to disrupt anything.

"So pup…I mean Jake…how've ya been since we last saw you?" Edward asked keeping all animosity out of his voice. I couldn't say the same thing for Jake.

"life's been grand…doing my own thing you know." Jacob growled rudely. The twins were watching intently.

"oh that's cool." Edward said glaring.

"yeah I've been fixing my bike up…finally got the rabbit fixed enough to be back on the road…all by myself!" Jacob said acting all macho. So that was his game. Frankly I wasn't that impressed. I knew that Jacob's "Bike" was an old Honda z50r which he couldn't even ride anymore…and Billy wouldn't let him get another one…though that's not how Billy himself became paralyzed he was afraid that Jacob would wind up in a wheelchair too. From the look on his face I could tell that Edward saw through the façade as well.

"I'm confused…Charlie said that Billy said that your Honda 50 blew up last week?" Marcus asked blowing his nose and Jacobs spot.

"Shut up Marcus!" Jacob growled. Edward bit his lip.

"Dinner's ready!" Charlie called herding us all into the kitchen. Laid out was a turkey, and every type of side that you could imagine. I never thought I'd ever see something that grand sitting on Charlie's table. The twins special dinners were set off to the side. During the dinner Jacob tried to force himself in between Edward and I but had to move since Charlie had enough common sense to say that Jacob should sit next to Billy incase Billy needed to be changed. Edward immediately moved over the minute Jacob got up. Just a few more hours…just a few more hours!

"So and then I said that the fishing rod wasn't worth shit…and that Newton character backed me up. The jackass finally relented and showed me the better model that 'magically' reappeared. Jake and I went out on the boat where I smoked a fatty and caught a ten pounder!" Billy bragged a few minutes later while Celeste was handing him his plate.

"I didn't just hear that about the weed Billy." Charlie growled.

"oh relax Mr. Uptight…I know you have a skeleton or two in your closet somewhere!" Billy said.

"Shut up Billy!" Charlie said narrowing his eyes. Billy immediately zipped his lips. Alright there was something definitely weird there.

When everyone was done eating we went back into the living room to watch some television before desert. Waiting for his chance to pounce, Jacob struck when Edward went to use the bathroom.

"finally we're alone" Jacob whispered in my ear. I groaned. Was he that stupid to think that we would get back together after he ran around with like half the town? After he cheated on me with Seth's mother?

"you don't have to pretend anymore Bella…if this is some desperate attempt to get my attention you got it. You don't have to fake a relationship for me any more." Jacob said. What a fucking conceded ass wipe…he actually thought that this was some ploy to get him back? I wanted to laugh.

"Bella honestly-" Jacob was cut off by Marcus rampaging over demanding that Jacob see Marcus's pokey mon card collection. Jacob's face contorted in rage…the serene smile disappearing completely.

"Does this have to happen right now…I'm in the middle of something here?" Jacob moaned

"I don't have any other time…I'm leaving tomorrow for a five day Lord of the Rings convention…I'll forget!" Marcus said pleadingly. Oddly enough it sounded like Marcus had been rehearsing this scene for a while now. I could see the 3DS game sparkle in his eyes.

"UGH FINE!" Jacob threw his hands up in the air and followed Marcus out of the room. Aro was laughing from the couch.

"Remember sis…we want a new 3DS game…you owe us." Aro said

EPV

I was just about to leave the bathroom when I could hear a conversation between Marcus and Jacob from down the hallway. I kept the door open a crack and listened.

"I thought that you were going to help me break them apart tonight you little shit…your pushing them together…stop doing that!" Jacob roared. That fucking son of a bitch…I'll break him apart!

"Listen Jake…I didn't say anything about helping you. I told you that it was a stupid idea in the first place. You screwed up…she moved on. End of story. And while 'dI be just as happy as you to see them over…the thing is she wouldn't be. She's happy…and I haven't heard Charlie speak ill of him…in fact Charlie seems okay with it. Besides I don't think I could live with myself if I ended someone's relationship for my own selfish needs. If they don't work out…Bella knows that Marcus has a shoulder to cry on should she choose. you'll look better if you just shut the hell up and see how things turn out." Marcus said. Wow was Marcus actually defending me? My respect for him rose.

" you little shit…I paid you $300 to do this one favor for me and you choose their side!" Jacob growled.

"you never paid me anything…granted you tried to bribe me when Charlie and your dad went off planning their big fishing expedition next weekend but it didn't work. I told you no again." Marcus said. I then decided that it was time to reveal myself. Jacob's face dropped in shock.

"Yeah…I'm…um…going to see if they need any help in the kitchen." Marcus taking a hit of his inhaler and screwing out of there. I turned my attention towards Jacob.

"Jacob…I'm going to tell you this again…it is up to Bella who she wants to be with…not you. Now if she does want to be with you then I wont stop her…but you cant just break people up for your own personal pleasure. It doesn't work that way." I said.

"you just cant handle that she might be remotely interested in me…she hit on me downstairs you know!" Jacob said. I really had trouble believing that one. Aro then came up the stairs looking for his nasal spray.

"What are you talking about Jake…I was there…you were putting the moves on her…and she definitely wasn't interested. Now excuse me I need to get my Afrin." Aro snorted grabbing a bottle out of his room and walking away.

"Look I respect Charlie too much to deck you right here right now…but if I hear that you even look at Bella with out her permission and the minute I see you I'll make sure the message gets across loud and clear." I growled and Jacob gulped. I then turned and made my way downstairs.

BPV

Billy and Jacob didn't even stay for desert. The minute Edward found me Jacob grabbed Billy and practically ran out the door shouting about how they would of loved to have stayed but absolutely could not. Right after desert Charlie grabbed a gift that was from the entire family to me.

"Now I know that you needed one after yours was stolen…and the twins said that this was a good model." Charlie said as I opened a combo VHS/ DVD player. I looked at my dad and gave him a huge thanks. We left about a half hour later.


	29. memories and surprises

**I don't own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys! alright I'm just going to clarify something... Bella and Edward _did not _date in high school. They had crushes on each other but they did not officially go out in high school with evidence of how deep those crushes were coming up in future chapters.  
**

Chapter 29

BPV

Getting in that night we were the first back at the apartment. Which meant that we had at least a few minutes to ourselves before the others came home. We sat on the couch and turned the tv on. Edward held me as I rested my head against his chest. He played with my hair. Somewhere deep down inside I knew that Edward already knew what had happened tonight and was probably responsible for Jacob running out of Charlie's house like a freak. Not wanting to ruin the moment though I decided to remain quiet. His Smokey green eyes locked on my own, neither of us blinking for the next five minutes. Finally after what seemed like an eternity my arms wrapped around the back of him and our lips touched. It felt like the fourth of July, Christmas, Easter, New Years and my birthday all wrapped up…hands down the best kiss ever…which was what all his kisses felt like. It was amazing…he was amazing. I couldn't believe that this god like creature was all mine.

"HEY GUYS WE'RE BACK!" Alice belched opening the front door causing us to break apart for the second time today.

"So how was the party?" I asked. I knew that there was going to be some interesting story here.

"Oh it was great…we'll talk about it after I put my snow boots away." Alice said disappearing into her bedroom.

"Oh. My. God….her family's even more crazy then I imagined. The RV's for tomorrow were waiting in the back yard. when we walked in…her father ran down the stairs stoned out of his mind. I think the shit he smoked was laced too…he was ranting about being attacked by werewolves and how they were chasing him. We got through the dinner fine and then her aunts started making battle plans for tomorrow. Bella your name was brought up a lot. The men were planning a week long party with Caius offering free blunts." Jasper started up. Great looked like Alice's family was planning on using me as an experimental dummy again this year. Well what they didn't know was that Mrs. Brandon okayed Jasper and Edward to go with us so I was going to be protected.

"Then a couple of Alice's uncles got annihilated and passed out drunk…taking eight bottles of wine with them. And you wont believe the story I heard about Alice's cousin Jacque …" Jasper continued on.

"So I was talking to Auntie Alyssa and you wont believe what she said. Well cousin Perv is still out on the U.S Virgin Islands with his wife and when they changed their will they left everything to their favorite niece…me! And their millionaires…I knew there was a reason I spent so much time with them…I'm going to be a millionaire…I'm going to be a millionaire!" Alice started singing. Edward looked confused so I explained the situation with Jacque.  
"okay Bella…did I ever say that Charlie's psychotic?" Edward laughed.

"I know…my dad's warped…he drugged Alice's cousin and tried to do the same to you…yet he was okay with Jacob. Go figure!" I said shaking my head.

"So how was yours?" Jasper asked.

"Jacob came over. Enough said." I said. 

"WHAT! OMG BELLA YOU SHOULD OF CALLED ME! I COULD OF HELPED!" Alice shrieked disgusted

"and Charlie actually let him into the house?" Alice gasped.

"He had to…he's still Billy's friend…and that is Billy's son." I said.

"did the bastard say anything?" Alice asked though I knew she already knew the answer to that question.

"yeah…similar to what he said last time." I said

"don't worry Alice…I took care of business." Edward said.

"You knew?" I asked though as I said before I had a feeling.

"A little birdie named Aro told me. I was already dealing with Jacob cause apparently Jacob tried to get to Marcus earlier…but your step brother's allegiance solely lies with you …I was telling Jacob to lay off when he tried to lie and say it was all you. Aro happened to hear everything and the truth came out. I didn't get physical…but lets just say that puppy ran away with his tail between his legs." Edward said confidently.

"You know…too bad murder's illegal…bastard!" Alice seethed.

"Other then that though it was good…look what they gave us." I said holding up the video player.

OOH PERFECT! WE CAN WATCH THE HOME VIDEOS MY MOM GAVE US TONIGHT…BELLA I THINK YOUR IN SOME OF THESE!" Alice beamed holding up a stack of videos proudly. The boys went to work hooking everything up.

"Well looks like we both had interesting evenings." Alice said .

"you know I think I'll call Rose and Emmett…it doesn't feel right with out them here for movie night you know." Alice continued on grabbing her phone. About a half hour later everything was hooked up. Rose and Emmett had just arrived and Emmett was making pop corn in the kitchen.

"You know this should be interesting…I really think that your in some of these Bella!" Alice said carrying some of the video tapes over to the tv. She popped the first tape in when everyone was settled down. The minute it started up Palm trees waived lazily in a small breeze. I automatically knew what tape this was. It was the cruise that Alice, her mother and I had taken the day after Christmas the year after my mother had left. Charlie was off at a week long police conference which left me in the care of the Brandon's. Alice's aunts couldn't do the shopping trip that year because one of them just had a baby and they didn't want to leave her out. Mr. Brandon ironically took off to a weed convention leaving an open ticket. I shook my head as young Alice ran at lightning bolt speed towards the boat. That was the only cruise that I had ever been on. It was one of the most uh interesting vacations that I had ever been on.

"I still remember those rooms…we had such an awesome view!" Alice sighed as the camera entered the cabin.

"The mall on that ship was so awesome…say its too bad that we couldn't hit up the night club. Oh well we still had fun. Mom said tomorrow…the entire Brandon clan is going on a cruise…they already booked it. Anyways she already paid for the tickets of everyone in here… ." Alice beamed.

"Alice…Edward and I have work!" I gasped.

"Oh silly…you and I both know that the paper closes for the two weeks cause Ted goes skiing( Ted was the second Richest person in town so he could take the hit…in the sense of a feudal society the Cullen's would be royalty and Ted would be a baron). Its been a known fact to the town for years…and since I saw him heading towards the highway with skis on the top of his car today I doubt his plans changed. Rose, Jasper and I run our own businesses and Emmett works as a personal trainer with a second job as a gym teacher…we all know that the schools are closed and Emmett got the week after new years off and everyone's too busy stuffing their faces the week after Christmas to work out…no one makes weight loss resolutions till after new years." Alice said

The first day of the cruise seemed to fly by with Alice's mother and I chasing Alice through out the boat. I groaned…this was the preview of what tomorrow was going to be like. Stuck on a boat with like hundreds of Alice's. I saw Rosalie's face twitch. About three days into the trip Alice was sitting in a Jacuzzi holding the camera and drinking a Hurricane that her mother bought her. Alice was an early starter. 

"Geez Alice I never figured you for an early drinker." Edward said sarcastically. Alice rolled her eyes.

" _hello hottie! that looks_ just _like Jasper, Edward, and Emmett…it cant be though…must be their cosmic twins…Jasper would never wear that bathing suit!"_ _Alice said as the camera zoomed in on the blonde's Speedo…which was black with white Mickey mouse ears._

_"I have to tell Bella this one…OH BELLA!" Alice's voice said as the camera fidgeted but still locked on the three guys._  
"Oh man… Aunt Esme made me wear that…and your parents said that no one that knew us could possibly see us!" Jasper moaned turning beat red.

"That was you!" Jasper, Emmett, Edward, Alice, and I gasped looking at each other shocked.

" I thought I saw you a couple of times …but it was out of the corner of my eye." Edward whispered in my ear.

"wow…talk about fate…that's fucking weird." Rosalie said.

"Oh that was the cruise that that hot blond 20 year old was on…you know…the one who told us she once lived at the playboy mansion. Man she was friggen smoking!" Emmett whistled at the memory. Rosalie made a light growl and glared at Emmett.

"But your ten times better looking babe." Emmett said trying to save ass. Rosalie looked away. The boys made periodic appearances on the tape…but that was probably because we always 'happened' to be in the same spot at the same time. Any time I brought that up Alice always said that it was a coincidence…though I caught her hiding behind a wall once as they headed into the dining room. Then the most interesting part of the trip came on. Alice's mom was holding the camera that day since she wanted to record something's her self. Alice and I had decided to head off to see what trouble we could get ourselves into. Alice's form then came into the camera's view.

What's playing on tv:

_"HEY MOM!" Alice beamed walking over._

_"Oh hey Alice…is there anything that you want to say to the folks back home?" Alice's mom asked. Alice strutted forward like a reporter._

_"Hello fellow family members! it's a bright sunny day and we're off the coast of the Bahamas. We're going to stop off at one of the islands in a few hours…stay tuned for images. Hope your having a great time back home…and congrats Auntie Allie on the new baby…from what I heard she looks a lot like our side of the family…gonna be a looker when she grows up that means…might want to keep the shot gun ready. Anyways that's all I wanted to say!…damn I knew I should of brought a microphone" Alice beamed into the camera._

_"So Alice why aren't you with Bella…where is she anyways?" Alice's mom asked._

_"Oh she's fine…she wanted to go snorkeling…you know see sea creatures…I stayed on the boat…I refuse to step in water with all creatures swimming around me…I don't like swim with things that I eat. Anyways she'll be fine…the instructor's certified in CPR" Alice said gagging on the first part._

_"Okay!" Alice's mom said unsure. Just then something in the corner of the camera's view caught their eyes. Zooming in you could see a dorsal fin._

_"OOH LOOK IT…DOLPHINS!" Alice and her mom cooed together. Then the nose of what obviously was no dolphin reared its head._

_"HEY ITS JAWS!" someone shouted as everyone flocked to the side of the ship. Curley black hair came into the corner of the camera as Emmett's voice let out the Jaw's theme song. TV Alice was too focused on the shark to recognize the voice._

_"There's people down there!" someone else shouted as the camera zoomed in on a group of people snorkeling. Alice and her mom looked at each other horrified. _

_"Oh god…Bella's down there!" Alice gulped._

_"lets keep this between us and Bella , Alice…Charlie need not find out." Big Allie said nervously. The people's shouts of 'shark' was what alerted the group which now was getting out of the water. The camera zoomed in far enough that you could see me swimming for the boat. The shark was right on my tail._

_"SWIM BELLA SWIM!" Alice shouted. I had just reached the ladder when the shark went to take a bite out of my left ankle. I pulled my leg out fast enough not to get the full on damage that a shark could inflict but I still had a bite wound deep enough for stitches. As far as Charlie knew though…I fell onto a stack of wine glasses. He was pissed enough at that._  
Edward stared at me shocked the entire time it played out. Until now Alice and Mrs. Brandon were the only ones that knew about the attack. I rubbed the scar in remembrance. Wow I couldn't believe how time flew by.

"you…were…attacked…by a shark?" Edward gasped out before rubbing my shoulder supportively.

"damn Bella…you were in a shark attack…THAT'S SO BAD ASS!" Emmett whooped. Rosalie stepped on his foot

"You poor baby…you must have been so traumatized." Rosalie said materially.

"I TOLD YOU GUYS I SAW A SHARK…YOU ALL SAID THAT IT WAS A SCHOOL OF FISH!" Emmett bellowed out.

_Flashback_

_Emmett's point of view._

_I was in the swimming pool doing laps when I heard a bunch of people screaming about a shark. Natural curiosity brought me over to the side of the ship where everyone was congregated. I got as close as I could…standing next to a woman wearing a bright gold glittering bikini. Her daughter…which I couldn't get a good look at her face…was wearing the same one in pink. Seeing the thing with my own eyes…I felt like I was in the middle of a scene from the movie Jaws. After someone shouted "HEY…ITS JAWS!" well I couldn't resist. Everyone watched nervously as the thing closed in on a group floating face down in the water looking like a open buffet for sharks. I thought of the scene from 'finding nemo' where the sharks all say "fish are friends…not food." and a giggle escaped my lips. My jaw dropped as I saw the fish go for someone's leg. I felt bad for them…whoever that was…they were surely fucked up, that was for sure. I then took off to the cafeteria to find Jasper and Edward._

_"hey guys your not going to believe what I just saw…a fricken huge shark just mauled the shit out of some swimmer!" I said_

_"yeah right…very funny Emmett but you just used that prank yesterday." Edward said rolling his eyes._

_"no I really did!" I said._

_"Emmett…you probably saw a school of fish. Nice try though." Jasper said as if we were talking about who lifted more dumbbells._

_"school of fish my ass…I know what I saw…I don't use the same prank twice in one week, it was no school of fish, and I'm not crazy…I'll be in the gym working out working out of anyone needs me!" I growled turning_ _away_.

End of flashback

BPV

"Emmett how the hell were we supposed to know…we never saw the shark, and you've been known for tweaking the truth a little to make it sound better. Who would of thought that you actually told the truth." Jasper said.

"maybe next time I say I saw something…you might actually believe me." Emmett said smugly.

"He's never going to let us live this down." Jasper said shaking his head.

"So what happened after the attack?" Edward asked

"not much really. I still swim though I avoided the ocean for a few years. Charlie for the life of him couldn't figure out why. Eventually I faced my fear in the event I needed to swim in the ocean." I said.

"Exposure therapy…100% accurate." Jasper laughed though I had the faint sense that he was kind of bummed that he couldn't be there to help.

"me on the other hand…well lets just say that it cemented my feelings of not swimming with fish." Alice added in.

"Well then what do you do at the beach?" Edward asked.

"The beach is meant for tanning…the reflection of the water gives you a great tan and you don't even have to spend the money. All I have do is lay down and slather the baby oil on." Alice said.

"Baby oil? Alice you don't use any SPF…your going to get cancer some day!" Edward said looking at Alice like she had three heads.

"oh silly everything gives you cancer these days…might as well just sit back and enjoy the sunshine. I can always have it zapped off anyways." Alice said.

"Alice…you do realize that if you have it cut off…it will cause a scar." Edward said.

"And that …is what chemical peels are for." Alice said slightly smug.

"so you'd rather run the risk of going through painful procedures just so you can look a little darker?" Jasper asked.

"yes." Alice said

"Well then thank god we don't live anywhere near a tanning salon." Jasper said.

"You would figure that they would put one in the rainiest place in the us." Alice said shaking her head. 

"but no…we just have to utilize what little sun we get. I so cant wait for the family cruise. I don't have to have mom buy me drinks. Me and Jazzy can hit up the bar…it'd kind of be weird if we hit up the night club together…but maybe there's a casino on board." Alice said. Well at least they waited till last minute to tell Alice about the trip. Thank god I renewed my passport.

" its going to be so fun…I cant wait to hit up the Mexican Rivera! "Alice let out. We all looked at her.

"What? I don't remember them saying anything about location…Alice?" Jasper said with his eyes narrowing. Edward mumbled "thank god we renewed our passports!"

"Well…see…uh…I may of…um…borrowed truth serum from Charlie with out his permission and slipped it to my Aunt Alisa…you know the family travel agent…and I may of asked her where we're all going…she kind of…um just gave it up." Alice said looking away.

"Alice…you and I need to have a talk about surprises and how by you knowing them…they get ruined. Now I understand that your part psychic and you really cant help that…but when you give people truth serum just to find out where your going on a vacation…that's a violation of trust. That was your parent's Christmas gift to you …and its not like its cheep…cruises are worth thousands of dollars. You know that you shouldn't of done that." Jasper said.

"oh whatever…Aunt Alisa is feeling good right now . This is going to be the funest almost all girls cruise ever ( only the girls and Jasper, Edward, and Emmett are going)" Alice squealed.

"What about the RV'S?" I asked.

"Used to drive to the airport so we can fly down to the dock. My family is really afraid of having to spend the night there incase of delays." Alice said..

"it really is going to be so fun…its going to be spring break all over again!" Alice whooped. Oh god…memories of a drunken Alice in a wet t-shirt contest flashed into my mind. Really I don't know why she said that…she doesn't remember any spring break that she went on.

"Hell yeah!" Emmett whooped. Looking at Edward I could tell that he was having the same thought about Emmett that I had about Alice.

"oh noo! Lets just say that our spring breaks were interesting…Last time we went…we were in L.A and Emmett was drunk…one thing lead to another…and now Paris Hilton has a restraining order against him because he tried to break into her house to tell her how much he hates her as an actress. Do you know how much we had to pay to keep it out of the media?" Edward gulped. Everyone stared shocked.

"WHAT!" Rosalie snarled.

"You were in her house?" Alice asked delighted.

"Hey…it was never proven that I was actually on her property!" Emmett said offended.

"Emmett…they have security video of you actually inside her house…not to mention the security guards that brought you down, a cook, and a maid…who all saw and testified that you were inside the house. The only reason you didn't go to jail was because of the plea bargain you copped…reducing the charges and paying off the hefty fines. We turn our backs for one minute and you managed to enact $30,000 worth of fines…not to mention the court fees and the lawyers bills." Jasper said.

"whatever whatever man!" Emmett said.

"so I think that Emmett, Jasper and I are going to head back to our house now. Its getting late and we have to pack." Edward said.

"Oh you don't have to pack…I can do the job for you…I know where your house is and I know where you keep the spare key. And I know where everything is." Alice volunteered.

"Alice…we can pack our own stuff." Edward said.

"Well considering we have to leave at 3 am to make the plane and its already 11...I really think it would go faster if I packed everyone's stuff. I can have four bags packed in under a minute…and still make everything coordinate." Alice said.

"Alright…our passports are in the kitchen…" Edward started up.

"in a draw to the right of the kitchen sink under a pile of junk." Alice cut him off.

"your creepy." Edward said.

"Thank you!" Alice beamed.

"alright first I'll take the boys…get the bulk of the work done…and then I'll head to your house Rose…can you text me a list of what makeup you want me to pack…and tell your parents I'm on my way? I don't want to disturb them" Alice asked Rosalie. Rosalie just nodded her head and took out her phone.

"Bella don't pack anything till I get back…got that!" Alice called running out the door.

"Congratulations Jasper…your dating a control freak." Emmett laughed.

"well we all have our issues…Mr. I work out to the point where it could be considered OCD." Jasper said

" hey I'm not crazy!"

"Denial!" Jasper scoffed. 


	30. The Allie Family Vacation

**I don't own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys! alright I'm just going to clarify something... Bella and Edward _did not _date in high school. They had crushes on each other but they did not officially go out in high school with evidence of how deep those crushes were coming up in future chapters.  
**

Chapter 30

BPV

I think that I only got an hour's worth of sleep before Alice obnoxiously ran in the room screaming to get ready. Showering at the speed of light…I told myself that I could sleep in the RV…if not in the plane. Alice dried my hair and said that she would do my makeup when we got closer to the airport. Looking down on my bed I could see that Alice had already laid out an outfit for me…a loose fitting white t-shirt, dark purple sweatshirt, jeans, with my sneakers already set neatly at the end of the bed. I dressed quickly and ran out so that the next person could get dressed. We had just finished getting ready when we heard "I'm a material girl" play from the parking lot. Looking down we could see a succession of RV's sitting there waiting for us. The lead one…which Alice's mom drive…was pearl white with pink lights. Emmett groaned

"I know…it's a miracle that she was able to rent a tricked out RV." Alice said.

"I'm going to be riding in Barbie's RV!" Emmett groaned.

"Oh shut up Emmett…Mrs. Brandon was nice enough to buy your plane and cruise tickets(a/n since there was a travel agent in the family they were able to get extra tickets a few months ago). Now you will go into the RV with a smile on your face and thank Mrs. Brandon for considering you. She didn't have to do that you know." Rose said sternly.

"okay okay…geez your just like my mother sometimes!" Emmett moaned.

"I wish I could be half the woman your mother is!" Rosalie said defensively. Emmett backed up afraid.

"alright guys…hurry up…times a wasting…we don't want to miss our flight right!" Alice called forcing everyone out the door. Not wanting to risk another elevator break down, we ran down the stairs with the mountains of luggage in our hands. Note to self- never have Alice pack everyone's luggage ever again…we looked like we were moving out…not going on vacation.

"common!" Alice bellowed power walking to the front entrance.

"Alice…how the hell are you this awake!" I yawned. 

"I may have had a cup of coffee last night…or five…at my parents house…then I stopped at the dinner in between the boys house and Roses and had another two." Alice said.

"Geez Alice…you have a problem…what are you going to do on the way to the cruise?" I asked.

"Oh silly…not a problem…planes and RV's have bathrooms!" Alice said. We then walked out to see all the women in Alice's family converging on us. The younger girls eyes flickered towards the guys.

"Jasper…I didn't know you were coming!" Edwina said flirtatiously all dolled up.

"Edwina…that's gross…you just turned 13…your still in middle school for crying out loud!" Alice growled.

"That's so sad…they starting younger and younger these days." Rosalie said shaking her head. Edwina gave Alice a dirty look and stomped off. 

"I should tell her mother…if her mom knew how she truly was they would die of shock…lets just say that Jacque is not the only perv in the family. Edwina is shaping up to be just like him…she got the perv gene. you know remember when I went to Port Angelus the day after the Moulin Rouge party…well I was in the grocery store replenishing my supply of protection and I heard a familiar voice. I turned to see Edwina half way down the isle throwing pregnancy tests into her carriage. She looked like she had been throwing up all morning. Then my mom called me that night and told me that Edwina had 'the stomach flu'…bullshit…more like the 9 month stomach flu. I cant wait till the shit hit's the fan…its just going to be like Cousin Jacque all over again. Her mom criticized his parents over that situation and look what happened to her daughter. My family is so dysfunctional…I swear to god." Alice said.

"Join the club Alice." I said shaking my head.

"yeah every family has its problems." Edward said

"But Alice…if she's…you know…then why is she going on the trip?" I asked.

"to keep up appearances…duh. Its going to look suspicious and ungrateful if she refused the ticket. See the glow…the big shirt and the swollen ankles…I'm definitely right about this. The dummy got pregnant and dumped her boyfriend. Watch…when it comes out…she's going to blame it on some poor sap." Alice said shaking her head.

"alright everyone back in the RV's…we've got to get going if we want to make the flight!" Big Allie called loading the luggage into her RV. The minute we were in she shut the doors and made for the high way. 

"we're going to make good time I think" Alice's mother said.

Later on that day we had just gotten settled into our rooms. Our accommodations were absolutely stunning. I felt like I was in a floating palace. I sighed walking around with Edward to get a look at the place. Alice's mom was good enough to get each couple their own one bedroom suite that had a great view. Everything was made with a light finished wood with gold accents. In the corner was a small fire place. I felt bad…this must of cost them a fortune.

"This place is amazing!" I sighed sinking on to the king sized mattress. Edward playfully threw a pillow at me which started a half hour pillow fight which ended with both of us on the floor laughing. I looked up into his eyes and were lost in them. Next thing I knew we were heavily making out. The electricity flowed like a strong current between us. I was consumed in Edward…there was nothing else in the world that mattered to me…nothing more that I cared about. We only stopped to grab protection before hitting the bed. About a half hour later Alice barged in. she must of somehow picked the lock. 

"Hey guys…what happened…looks like a bomb went off…EWWWWWWWW!" Alice shrieked the last part after getting an eye full

"Alice…how the hell did you get in here?" Edward gasped scrapping sheets up to cover the both of us.

"Told the maid that I had lost my key…I just wanted to see what your place looked like and to tell you that mom said that dinner's getting served now…I didn't mean to interrupt…I swear!" Alice said covering her face. Edward and I looked at each other.

"Give us five minutes." I said.

"Five minutes…then I'll be back to fix your makeup…its fancy so dress nice." Alice said shutting the door behind her as she left. We decided at that point just to do what Alice said. We didn't want her walking in on us again. Five minutes to the dot later Alice was back fixing my hair and makeup.

"so anyways…so my mother told me that she's bunking with Edwina and her mom…and Edwina's mom told my mom that Edwina's still 'sick' and that she's starting to suspect that there's something seriously wrong and she wants Edwina to see her doctor…but Edwina freaks out saying that she doesn't want any needles and that she's fine…it's a lingering a stomach bug….that's complete bullshit…more like she doesn't want them finding out that someone sent their fish up her stream…what does she take us all for…complete morons? And how the hell is she covering up for being late?" Alice vented.

"I really don't know Alice. But she and her mom must not have a strong relationship…because you know and you don't even live with her…but her mom doesn't. if that was you…wouldn't your mom be the first to know?" I asked.

"are you kidding me…of course…I'd be on her front door step asking for advice . My mom would murder me if I didn't tell her." Alice said.

"alright your done now." Alice said as we got up and met Edward before leaving. Alice skipped down the hallway and into the dining room where her family plus Emmett, Jasper, and Rose were waiting. They then turned and charged the buffet line. Sitting down I was flanked by Edward and Alice. Sitting right across from her was Cousin Edwina. 

"Pst…look at her plate…chock full of sweets…I've seen enough pregnancies in my family to know she's definitely pregnant. All my aunts craved sweets. From what dad says mom was the same way. The nausea, the vomiting, the sweets, the glow…it all adds up." Alice said as Edwina ate a piece of chocolate cream pie like she never seen food before. Getting a look at her plate I could see that Alice had a point. While the rest of us had things like chicken or fish, mashed potatoes and corn…Edwina had brownies, the piece of chocolate cream pie, a side of strawberry ice cream and a cookie. Yet she had a "stomach flu"? did her mom even see what was on her plate?

"Edwina…I thought you had a stomach virus…isn't that a little heavy?" Alice asked innocently. Edwina gave her a dirty look before piling a brownie in her mouth.

" oh Allie…maybe you should have a little chicken broth instead…those sweets are very greasy!" Edwina's mom said.

"Shut up mom…I'm fine!" Edwina responded angrily.

"I was just trying to help!" her mother said. Alice growled. A little while later Edwina ran off to the bathroom and came back looking green around the gills.

"Sea sickness." she grumbled resting her head on the table. Alice looked like she had enough at this point.

"Dumbass…its not sea sickness…you've been sick for the past few weeks…Christmas dinner the minute the smell hit your face you were puking your guts out…why don't you just face the fucking music already and tell them what's really going on. I saw you and I'm not a complete idiot. Just admit it…your fucking knocked up!" Alice snarled. The entire family looked at our group shocked.

"Alice where would you get such a absurd idea…Edwina isn't even sexually active…are you Edwina?" Edwina's mother said irritated. Edwina blushed and looked at her feet.

"Are you Edwina?" her mother repeated more forcefully.

"it was my first time okay…I didn't think it could happen my first time…besides Jasper over there said that we'd be fine because he pulled out!" Edwina said defensively and pointing to Jasper. I automatically knew that was a lie…the only person that was stupid enough to do that was Emmett.

"oh my god!" Edwina's mother said embarrassed.

"WHAT…WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT…I NEVER EVEN TOUCHED YOU!" Jasper gasped shocked. Alice's face grew enraged.

"You fucking bitch…your lying!" Alice growled .

"Alice honey…you've been duped. Jasper's shown a clear interest in me…he's using you!" Edwina said fluttering her eye lashes at Jasper who looked horrified.

"Are you fucking insane…I think I would know if my boyfriend was a child molester!" Alice snarled.

"You tell her girlfriend!" Rosalie whooped

"Alice you really don't know that man…you've been dating less then a year. He could be a total creep and you wouldn't even have a clue. And you young man…I will fucking get you for what you did to my daughter. You better sleep with one eye open…you knew better then she did!" Edwina's mom growled.

"This coming from the woman who bought into her daughter's lies that she had a stomach bug hook line and sinker when what she really had was a baby on board. And you're the pot calling the kettle black. Edwina's father…where is he again…the state penn for having an affair with a fifteen year old. You married him…so don't give me that bullshit about not knowing each other long enough. You had to know something was up…when he started disappearing for nights on end. Besides I've seen Jasper around Alice and I've seen him around Edwina…and I have to say that I'm siding with Alice. Jasper is definitely not the father. Now Edwina tell your mother the truth before you completely destroy the trip! Oh and Aileen…you touch my daughter or her boyfriend and I'll fuck your shit up. " Alice's mother said menacingly.

"Go mom!" Alice whooped. The family divided up…some siding with Alice and her mom while others sided with Edwina.

" um I'm going to go to the bar until things blow over here…want to come?" Edward asked uncomfortably.

"lets go" I said launching myself up.

"Wait for us!" Rosalie called as she and Emmett followed. No one wanted to get caught up in Alice's family drama. Heading over there…we all ordered Alabama Slammers. Feeling bad that we left them we grabbed some for Alice and Jasper as well. Edward, Rose and I stopped when we were pretty lit and Emmett was trashed out of his mind.

"Whatever…I know that Jasper was faithful to me…he's with me almost every night…and Rose or Emmett would tell me if Jasper was lying about sleeping at his house. And while our relationship isn't perfect I trust him…which is more then she can say for Edwina." Alice vented finding us when the dinner was over. Jasper was right behind her

"I'm sorry…I know that it was awkward back there. I didn't think that she would actually lie and say that it was Jasper. We were finally able to prove that it wasn't him when she gave the date in question…Jasper and I were out drinking during the hours that she gave and I had the pictures to prove it. She was forced to give the true name…some kid in her own grade. Apparently her school was too stupid to teach the no glove no love rule. Her mom apologized…Edwina's grounded for the next thousand years and her mom is going to tell his the minute we get back…Edwina's mom wants to raise the baby…told you it'd be interesting when the shit hit the fan." Alice said gulping down her Alabama Slammer like it was water.

" Auntie Alyssa is so not thrilled with Auntie Aileen…she said that Aileen should of known better and that she should be looking in her own back yard instead of criticizing her about Jacque's life and acting like the worlds best parent. She also said that Aileen just made herself look so bad by showing everyone that she didn't even know that her daughter was active or teaching her daughter about the birds and the bees and that at least Jacque got married…even if it was to an ex prostitute…before grandchildren came along. And Aileen should of never jumped on the Jasper train that fast after finding out that her daughter lied to her face like that. She also said that the ones who sided with Aileen were dumb assholes" Alice said

"I swear to god…my family's crazy. Guess that's what happens when two people from families who each have like eight thousand children get married. Goes to show you…never open your big mouth or else karma will bite you in the ass in the end. Look how all the 'perfect children' turned out….while the rest of us rejects are doing quite well for ourselves. I may of not had a 4.0 GPA average but I'm doing what I love and standing on my own two feet. I may have been a bit of a wild child when I was younger but not to the extreme…yet everyone always said that it was in my genes to fuck up…that I was a lot like Caius in certain ways. Well look who fucked up now huh….not me that's for sure. Guess that gene skipped me." Alice growled before taking another sip.

"Well this has been one hell of a night…I think I'll be heading off to bed." Alice said winking at Jasper while quickly brushing her hand across his chin before turning towards the exit. Jasper followed like a thirsty man being led to a gallon of water.

"Ew…bad iimage!" Emmett slurred and gagged at the same time.

"Common Emmett…I think that we're done for the evening." Rosalie said slinking Emmett's arm over her shoulder before dragging him away. I looked into Edward's blazing green eyes and knew that we would be continuing what we did earlier when we returned to the room. We barely made it to the elevator.

Everything was more quiet over the next few days. Edwina and her mother barely spoke two words to the rest of the family which made the trip quite enjoyable. I hadn't had this much fun at least in the past few years. I did everything except for the scuba diving trip…knowing me another freak accident might cause me to drown or something. I really felt like I was having the time of my life. The sun was setting as Edward and I were drying off at one of the pools. I traced my fingers on his washboard abs and marveled that such a creature could exist. The electricity flowed back into my hand. For the moment at least, it seemed as if it were just me and him. Nothing else mattered except for the reincarnation of god the almighty that was holding me. I knew that I could never be without him. We watched as the stars grew brighter in the night sky and a few stray shooting stars flew across at blinding speed. We continued the discussion about moving in together. We decided that we would do it soon…with in the next few months. Realizing that the others would worry we got up to head inside. Just then the door opened up and Rosalie walked out.

"Hey there you guys are…Alice and Emmett left me standing in the dust and with Jasper still hung over in his cabin I was left alone." Rosalie said.

"Emmett and Alice…" I groaned

"Took off?" Edward said finishing what I was about to say. We then turned to each other with a look of horror crossing both our faces. We immediately knew where they were…the bar. The three of us looked at each other and took off at lightning speed. It was too late though. Walking in we found Emmett and Alice doing drinking games at the bar and both were really trashed. Jasper was sitting next to them looking lit himself.

"Yoou wwinn another shott Em!" Alice slurred as Emmett gulped down a three finger shot of vodka like it was water.

"Alright guys…enough with the games…I think you both have had enough." Jasper said polishing off his glass of whisky.

"oh shush Jaspy…your not too sober yooourr seelf…stoop pointing fingers!" Alice said wagging her finger. She then turned and fell out of the barstool. We didn't know where to look.

"Youu alll are sooo booring…Alice heree is the only one who knows how to have soome fun!" Emmett slurred in agreement.

"another shot please?" Alice asked the bartender.

"I'm sorry mam…we're going to have to cut you off…you've had too much." The man said.

"fine whatever." Alice growled.

"I'll find something else to do!" Alice said storming off with Emmett and Jasper in toe. After a few minutes of looking for them we found Alice, Emmett, and Jasper on the top deck. Alice and Emmett had climbed the steel bars.

"IM THE KING OF THE WORLD!" Emmett belched looking and sounding like a drunk brown haired and muscular Leonardo DiCaprio. Alice…who in her drunken stupidity had climbed to the top bar in 8 inch high heels…stumbled and fell off the side of the deck.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Alice screamed as she fell into the pool which was 10-15 feet below us. Fortunately she wasn't hurt…but the people sitting at the side of the pool threw her dirty looks because she soaked them.

"IIM DROWNING….IIM DROWNING!" Alice cried drunkenly splashing around the pool. At this point I was more worried that she would be murdered by the people sitting by the pool then her actually drowning.

"Edward…remember LA…I think we finally topped that." Jasper said as Emmett tried to do a Swan dive off the deck. If the people were pissed before…they were livid now.

"Oh my god…my boyfriend is such a moron." Rosalie said slapping her head. Below us…those two were creating a huge scene.

"Alright…never allowing Emmett to drink with Alice ever again. Guys I'm really sorry about this." Edward said mortified as Emmett was now swimming around in only his boxers. A group of women took out their cameras and were taking pictures. Not to be out done Alice stripped down into her bra and underwear. 

"This is why alcohol and stupidity should not mix. I think we should go down there and help them before something bad happens…I mean they're not in the right state of mind to fight someone off if need be." Rosalie said reaching into the beach bag that never left her side. She whipped out two towels and a bundle of clothes.

"I'm prepared for everything….I brought first aid kits, food, clothes, towels, sun block, some baby clothes, toys, and baby food." Rosalie said patting her huge, bulging, bag. The three of us looked at her.

"What…you never know….you might have to baby-sit someone's innocent little baby…god knows there's a lot of irresponsible parents that would take their kids on cruises. You have to be prepared for every scenario." Rosalie said.

"Rose dear you might want to stop by my clinic one time…pick up some Prozac…or Thorazine is more like it." Jasper said. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rose huffed angrily.

"uh nothing…forget I mentioned it." Jasper said. Rosalie gave a 'humph' , turned towards the stairs and marched away.

"Well I better go with her. Rosalie may be one tough bitch but we all know that restraining a drunken Emmett is like jumping in front of a herd of elephants. And Emmett isn't the only one that's trashed." Jasper said making to follow Rosalie. We decided to go with them because they were definitely going to need help.

"Rose get off of me…I'mm fine!" Alice moaned drunkenly as Rosalie plucked her out of the pool.

"Alice…your new cache outfit and Gucci shoes are sitting on the bottom of the deep end…your definitely not fine. If you were sober right now you would realize that your only in your Victoria Secret underwear and bra….swimming around in a chlorine filled pool…with strangers looking at you. Not to mention swimming with retard over there. All I can say is that your very lucky that I saw everything go down or else it would look like you were trying to seduce Emmett. Look at the creeps over there watching you!" Rosalie said wrapping Alice up in a towel as a bunch of men wolf whistled.

"Geez…Chill out mom!" Alice said rolling her eyes.

"Alice…if your mother saw you right now…she would be so embarrassed!" Rosalie scolded. Just then Alice's mom and a few aunts walked out with Mai-tai's in their hands.

"Oh my god…Alice Charlotte-Mary Brandon…I. saw everything. You are in such deep trouble young lady. Look it…you can hardly stand!" Alice's mother said mortified while pointing at Alice who was being supported by Rose.

"Everyonee's acting like I was the one that did wrong…but how many Mai-ties have you had mommy…that's definitely not your first. Stop casting stones miss glass house." Alice slurred.

"And that's why I'll never get that trashed…especially with my family around." Rosalie groaned. Alice didn't catch what she said.

"ALICE…HOW DARE YOU!" Alice's mother growled.

"Sorry mom…but I don't live with you any more and I'm over 21...I can have a drink if I want. Besides I've seen Caius a whole lot worse. I've seen you a whole lot worse." Alice slurred.

"you and me will be talking about this tomorrow young lady." Alice's mother pouted. The aunts were whispering in each others ears.

"Talk all you guys want about me but maybe you should keep an eye on your own children. Edwina's pregnant. Jacque is not even living in the continental U.S and is married to a ex prostitute and wont come home to see his family. Oh an I have some juicy secrets about some other kids too…Allegra…is a high class call girl…a.k.a hooker. Jeremy…not in jail for tax evasion like he claimed…more like the pot invasion in his downstairs basement. Alicia…lets just say that her and Adderall are best friends…how do you think she lost 50 pounds in one month. Michael…was high as a kite off of Jeremy's weed…totaled his car…and told you guys that it was stolen. I know shit that goes back years…including things that go back to you guys in your teens. Aunt Aileen did you ever tell anyone that you dated that Mafia Don when you ran away to New York?" Alice slurred pissed. The whole family looked stunned.

"oh there's a whole lot more where that came from…by the way Alyssa…did you ever forgive Alarice for trying to seduce your husband?" Alice asked.

"Alice stop!" Alice's mother demanded.

"this is just getting fun…I'm just getting started!" Alice said.

"Alice this is a family trip…there's already been enough damage!" Alice's mother said sternly

"Whatever…my point is that you guys all talk about me…yet you should keep an eye on your own back yard…better yet you guys should shut your mouths because you were just as wild as any of us." Alice said.

"Just so you know…if you ever marry Alice…your marrying into that." Rosalie whispered to Jasper while pointing at her family who was fighting amongst themselves.

"YOU TRIED TO SEDUCE MY HUSBAND!"

"YOUR KID CAUSED MY KID TO GET INTO A CAR ACCIDENT!"

"I told you…my family's deeply fucked up. that's just the surface…if they only knew what I know…they wouldn't be talking to each other right now." Alice said.

"Like what?" Jasper asked.

"Auntie Alberta's little boy…cousin Nick…is not her husbands like everyone thinks…His real father is Uncle Alex…married to Aunt Aldora over there. Aldora's no angel either but I'll save that conversation for a different day." Alice said.

"Alice how the hell did you know that?" Jasper asked.

"Alberta may of needed a shoulder to cry on one night and I happened to be there. The whole thing came out over a bottle of wine. Said the minute the doctor told her the date of the conception she knew it wasn't her husbands. Lucky for all of them he's a spitting image of his mother with short hair. I told you my family's like a soap opera. Only no one talks to each other…only me and mom…which is bizarre since we're so close. " Alice said.

"I tell everyone…tell them…talk…but no one listen to me so things end up happening like this." Alice said.

"Things end up happening like this because you tell everyone everyone's business…you said those things to get the spotlight off of you!" Jasper said.

"it worked…didn't it!" Alice said jerking her head at her family's chaotic fighting and grabbed a Mai-tie off the plate that a waiter was carrying around.

"Your diabolical." Jasper said.

"Thank you!" Alice responded.

"oh whatsss a familyyyy vacation with out a littlee drama. Makes life interesting!" Emmett slurred.

"Vacation all I ever wanted…Vacation gotta get away…vacation got to spread the love!" Emmett sang drunkenly.

"NO I WANT TO KNOW WHAT ELSE YOU'VE BEEN HIDING FROM ME!" …Jasper had to slap his hand over Alice's mouth.

"There's a time to gossip and there's a time to shut the fuck up Alice…you don't want there to be any more fighting on this vacation." Jasper said dragging Alice away.

"Say goodnight Alice." Jasper said.

"GOOD NIGHT ALICE!" Alice called.

"Okay definitely glad that I'm not dating anyone in that family…your family's not like that right babe?" Emmett asked.

"No." Rosalie lied looking away. The image of Emmett being the patriarch…or more accurately termed "godfather" of someone's family came back into mind.

"Now aren't you glad that you met my family…I mean their not perfect by any means…case in point my psychotic father and his truth serum…but at least their not hostile." I whispered in Edwards ear. Edward beamed. A little while later we went off to bed.


	31. Expect The Unexpected

**I don't own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys! alright I'm just going to clarify something... Bella and Edward _did not _date in high school. They had crushes on each other but they did not officially go out in high school with evidence of how deep those crushes were coming up in future chapters.  
**

Chapter 31

BPV

The rest of the cruise wasn't as eventful. Alice was forced to apologize the next day which her family accepted. Still though I was never so glad then when the RV pulled into the driveway of my apartment. A vacation…even one like that…was good, but I was glad to be home.

"Bye mom…get home safe…again I'm sorry!" Alice called as her mother shut the front doors to the RV and pulled out of the driveway. We each grabbed some bags and headed inside.

"Geez Alice…how much luggage did you bring!" Emmett exclaimed as we headed towards the elevator.

"Enough…I wanted to make sure that I looked my best." Alice responded. Everyone shook their heads.

"You know what's going to be so weird…we have work tomorrow. I feel like its been for ages." I said.

"I know…its been 3 weeks. Ugh I miss my station." Alice sighed.

"gym!" Emmett sighed happily.

"there's going to be so much to do…all the rescheduled appointments…all the new appointments…the wedding party coming in on the 18th. Not to mention any walk ins. Rose…we're going to have to make some runs to the liquor store this week." Alice said.

"You still haven't learned your lesson have you." Rosalie said shaking her head. Alice gave a big pout.

"nope!" Alice said.

"alright…everything that's mine goes in my room." Alice said as we reached our apartment. We separated the bags…my three…and Alice's three hundred.

"alright I think that we're going to be going soon…we all have to unpack…especially you Alice." Emmett said as Edward kissed me good bye and said that he'd see me in the morning. At that they were gone and for the first time in a while I was alone with Alice.

"Alright girl…you two have been acting really weird…even for you guys these past few weeks. _spill!_" Alice demanded.

"well we said it." I said. Alice looked confused for a moment.

"Wait a minute….you said it? It it…those three marvelous little words…! I knew it…I soo called that. Jasper owes me big time. He said valentines…I said around Christmas. He owes me $300 buckaroos.

"This deserves a toast…thank god I nabbed this bottle of Champagne from mom's RV…I think the rental people left it in there." Alice said whipping out a bottle of Champagne and pouring it into toasting glasses.

"to you and Edward…may you always be this happy…to me for finally getting with Jasper…and to god…you know why I'm so appreciative!" Alice winked at the ceiling before we clinked our glasses together.

Waking up the next day I woke up to find that Alice had already went to get breakfast from the diner. We really needed to go food shopping sometime soon. A cup of coffee was already in her hand and she was flipping through a Cosmo.

"Edward's going to be here in a half hour…eat fast." Alice said as I opened the Styrofoam carton and dug in to the omelet.

"Alright shower now!" Alice said throwing on the water the minute I was finished eating. Walking in I could see that a bathrobe and towel were already laid out for me.

"Five minutes Bella!" Alice called shutting the door. I immediately jumped in . if she didn't always act this wacky I would of sworn a that she was doing this because of what I told her last night. She started to hum some love song as she went to work

"you know…how did you know?" Alice asked curiously.

"I cant describe it. All I think about is him. When I'm by myself I find myself wishing that he was with me. I cant see myself with anyone else…I don't want to be with anyone else. I'm actually happy when I'm around him…and I couldn't say that about anyone else. It feels right to be with him." I said.

"Wow that's deep." Alice said …her face dropping in awe. A huge smile spread across her face.

"I knew it…I knew it…I knew it…god I cant believe how life changes…you have Edward…I have Jasper…finally! Oh how I love Love!" Alice beamed humming the wedding march.

"Alice chill…its not like we're getting married." I moaned.

"You mean not _yet_." Alice corrected. It was then that the door bell rang. Behind it was the greek god known as Edward.

Today we decided to follow one another in separate cars. Jasper had to stay late at work and someone had to be there to make sure that Emmett didn't burn down the house. Pulling in we were immediately rampaged by Seth.

"HEY…SO YOU GUYS SURVIVED THE EPIC BLIZZARD OF THE CENTURY!" Seth happily greeted snapping pictures

"So did you…how's Harry and Leah!" Edward and I said together.

"Dad's still exhausted…shoveled the roof every hour to prevent a roof collapse. Leah freaked out when the power went…but that was the first time in a long time that I've seen her come alive. We built snow forts and had a snowball fight where the snow wasn't that high. speaking of Leah…you aint going to believe this one!" Seth said.

"What?" Edward and I asked

"well I went on Leah's screen name the other day…Harry was on the main one which I normally use and I don't have one of my own…and out of curiosity I went on her e-mail. It seems as if my boring no-life twin sister has been secretly talking to some dude on line. His name was mentioned in one of the e-mails so I may of asked Charlie to look him up…with out mentioning why…" Seth started up. I cut him off.

"wait a minute…you told my father that your sister was dating some guy on line?" I asked shocked.

"I didn't tell him _that_…I'm not an idiot…I knew that if I told him that Charlie would run and tell my father. I told him that some guy expressed interest with Leah on Facebook and that I wanted to know who he was!" Seth said.

"Seth…that's the same thing!" Edward and I said together.

'Well whatever…the cat was going to be let out of the bag anyways. Fortunately for her he's legit. I found e-mail from him asking her to marry him. The retard didn't delete her forward from the outbox which was obviously yes. Apparently they had been sneaking around for a while. I knew I should of followed her…that her 'I'm taking night classes' story was bullshit…wonder if my mom helped her concoct the story. Oh when dad finds that one out." Seth said.

"_WHAT_!" Edward and I gasped shocked. Just then Seth's phone went off.

"Yello….slow down dad…Leah's what? Engaged?" Seth gasped injecting shock into his voice.

"how did you find out?…really? Wow…well dad it isn't all bad. We always thought that Leah would never get married…well at least I did." Seth said.

"Yeah we'll talk when we get home…bye!" Seth said hanging up the phone.

"Poor man…woke up to find Leah was nowhere to be found with a rope hanging out her window. Panicked…searched her room. Found a picture of her and the kid with an engagement ring held right up to the camera in her underwear drawer…ransacked the computer and found the e-mails. Sounded like he was on the verge of another heart attack." Seth said. Five minutes later there his phone went off again.

"Yello…yes this is Harry Clearwater's son…wait a minute…what happened? Alright…I'm on my way…I'm leaving now. How bad is it?…okay thanks!" Seth said.

"uh I have to go…Harry had a heart attack. Knew that was going to happen. Fucking Leah knew she should of told us. She could of told us in a way that didn't cause dad to have a second heart attack. Moron knew he had a heart condition!" Seth said grabbing his stuff.

"TED I HAVE TO LEAVE…TAKING A SICK DAY!" Seth called as the door jingled shut. Edward and I then went to work. With all the time off the stories were starting to pile up. Luckily we were fast typer's so we got through the mountain of papers pretty quickly. I was finished with my work and Edward was in his office finishing up the last story for the day when Alice walked in.

"Hey guys…figured I'd come visit since Rose and I are on lunch and she's on a date with Emmett…where's Seth…I have some juicy gossip on Eric Yorkie and his relative/wife that I think he would like to hear?" Alice asked.

"Had to leave…Harry's been hospitalized." I said.

"For what?" Alice asked slightly worried.

"Another heart attack not that I'm surprised" I said. Alice looked confused.

"why…Sue left months ago?" Alice asked.

"Your telling me that you don't know?" I asked.

"Know what?" Alice asked more confused.

"Your actually telling me that there's a piece of gossip in this town that you _don't_know about. And something pretty big too…not tear apart the entire town big…but pretty huge." I said.

"Bella if you don't tell me now I SWEAR TO GOD!" Alice demanded raising her voice.

"Alright don't have a stroke Alice…frankly I'm surprised that Seth didn't tell you…Leah Clearwater is getting married." I said.

"haha very funny…now seriously what's going on?" Alice laughed.

"Alice I'm serious." I said.

"No…I think I would of known that one…and Leah doesn't even have a boyfriend. Leah's never had a boyfriend. Frankly I always thought…even with psycho Charlie…that you'd get married before her. Now Bella tell me what it is?…you know how impatient I get" Alice asked.

"Alice I'm telling the truth…LEAH. IS. GETTING. MARRIED." I emphasized the last part.

"pst there's no way." Alice denied. Alice's phone went off. Alice put it on speaker phone prove her point.

"ALICE YOUR NOT GOING TO BELIVE THIS…MY SISTER'S GETTING MARRIED!" Seth shrieked into the phone.

"Seth are you sure that she's not pulling your leg…I mean its Leah…she doesn't talk to anyone…never mind have long relationships." Alice said.

"apparently that excludes people behind a computer screen. I've seen the E-mails myself. I met them at the hospital. I've seen the engagement ring. This shit's for real Alice…they were talking wedding dates when I found them." Seth said.

"WHAT?…well does she need a planner?" Alice asked. I rolled my eyes.

"No…Leah's designing the whole thing…I know can you say disaster…we're all probably dressed in wolf suits!" Seth said.

"Oh dear god…your right…she'll probably have it in some fucked up haunted house with all werewolf's in it." Alice said frightened.

"Well I have to go…Harry's coming to and the doctor wants to talk to us." Seth said hanging up the phone.

"Wow…I cant believe that Leah is getting married before me…before you…how the hell did I not know this. That's it…I'm not going on vacation ever again!" Alice said knocking me off my computer to update her website. On Alice's face book her status read "LEAH CLEARWATER IS ENGAGED…:-0 :-0 :-0 :-0!" There was already 23 comments.

"You've got to be kidding me…Leah the werewolf?" Jessica Stanley asked.

"Were-girls getting married…oh no it's the apocalypse!" Eric wrote.

"I thought she was a lesbian?…she told me that when I asked her out" Mike Newton asked. Alice snickered at that.

" you would!" Jessica replied underneath.

"no way…Leah…Wolf Wolf's getting hitched…holy crap! Never thought I'd see the day…god damn…guess there's someone for everyone." Tanya wrote.

"I almost fell off my chair reading this." Lauren wrote.

"I know. I didn't want to believe it myself. Boy did not see that one coming. Stay tuned for details on the wedding ceremony." Alice scrawled underneath.

"oh Alice." I said shaking my head.

"what…like we're not going to get an invite…Seth and I used to date…and we're still close friends…and your family's best friends with theirs. What with Leah's lack of female family members and friends we might actually be asked to be in the wedding party." Alice said. I rolled my eyes. Alice would think of that.

"but then again lets hope not…we might have to dress up in a wolf costume…ughhhh!" Alice said.

"So what was your thing about Eric?" I asked.

"Oh nothing that big…heard that he and his cousin-wife were going to go to Hawaii for their belated honeymoon…and I know that Seth has a cousin out that way…I was hoping you know…extend my feelers a little." Alice said.

"Alice…when are you going to realize that there are certain times in a couple's life that are private. I think a honeymoon falls under that category. How would you like it if it were you?" I asked.

"oh silly…you're a journalist…you know that the world needs to know certain things." Alice said.

"The world needs to know if wall street crashed…not Eric Yorkie going on vacation!" I responded. Alice rolled her eyes.

"whatever!" Alice shrugged.

"Oops breaks over…gotta go!" Alice said nervously as Ted glared into the room. She bolted out of the room at the speed of a lightning bolt.

Before I knew it I was on my way home from work. Edward and I made plans to meet up after Jasper got home from work. We were going to try and go see a movie in Port Angeles. I was about half way to the apartment when I saw it. Passing by an alley way I could see what could only be described as a pack of wild savage beast like dogs getting at what I first thought was a piece of trash. But then….one of them moved slightly and I could see a tiny paw sticking out. I must have been possessed by Rosalie…for the next thing I knew I had taken out a bat and bashed my way to the poor creature. My heart ached even more when I saw that it was what looked like a puppy Yorkie Terrier. I scooped the little puppy up and wrapped it in my jacket which I had taken off.

"Hold on little baby!" I whispered in the dogs air as I placed the puppy in the passenger seat of my car. I then pealed out. I already knew what I had to do…I pulled into the nearest vet not five minutes later.

"Excuse me I need some help!" I said to the startled receptionist who immediately set me up with a room. Seconds later the dog was whisked into a back evaluation room and I went to sit in the waiting room. I picked up the phone and called Edward who immediately left the minute I asked him to come. Then I called Alice.

"Hey Alice…um what's the policy on pets at our building?" I asked.

"Well since the neighbor across the hall has three Siberian Huskies and eight iguanas I would guess that anything is allowed…why?" Alice asked.

"How do you know that?" I asked though I shouldn't of been shocked. Alice knew everything about everyone.

"Never mind that…what's going on?" Alice asked

"uh well I kinda rescued a puppy…and I was I don't know…thinking about taking it in…if its healthy enough." I said.

"A puppy…I'm on the way!" Alice said hanging up. Next thing I knew I was besieged in the waiting room. Edward brought Emmett along…and Alice brought the rest of the entourage.

"OH MY GOD YOU RESCUED A BABY DOG. I TOTALLY WOULD OF DID THE SAME THING!" Rosalie beamed.

"Yeah she would!" Alice shrugged in agreement.

"you know I volunteered in an animal shelter in high school…I would of taken the little darling in if it wasn't for Dottie." Rosalie said.

"Dottie…who's Dottie…I've been to your house and I don't remember any Dottie?" Emmett asked

"Dottie's my Doberman…you've never met her Emmett because we kept her in my parents bedroom…she's not mean…but she is kinda protective of the family and you cant risk even one dog bite with that breed of dog. She never barked because dad gave her a small tranquilizer that the vet gave him cause as a puppy …she used to be high-strung." Rosalie said. I could totally picture Rosalie as the proud owner of a Doberman. Alice nodded in support. She would know about this.

"So wait a minute Rose…you have a Do-Do-Doberman?" Emmett stuttered out afraid.

"Yep…got her right after I broke up with my last boyfriend…we wanted different things out of life…I wanted to get more serious…and he wanted to get serious with other women…at the same time. Dumped his ass and got my Dottie and haven't regretted it since." Rosalie said as if we were talking about a book she bought. A nurse then came out and called us in. The little dog was wrapped up in a fluffy pink blanket with all tubes coming out of its paws.

"HOW CUTE!" Rosalie cooed

"Oh my god…little baby Yorkie! she could fit in my purse…oh the little cute outfits!" Alice said in the same tone while running over to get a closer look.

"that's a dog?…it looks like a rat!" Emmett said mockingly. Rosalie elbowed him in the stomach.

"that's because its no more then 3 months old you dip shit…how could someone be so cold as to release a baby out into the cruel world like that!" Rosalie said materially

"well we don't know that…Rose…someone could of lost her." Jasper said.

"Oh please Jasper…that dog is too little and young to even be let outside. A bird could of ate her…no I bet you no one is looking for that precious little angel. Besides even if someone lost her…wouldn't they have posters all over town. I haven't seen any and I'm always on the look out for missing dogs." Rosalie said. Just then the vet walked in.

"Alright we called the local pound an no one's called about any missing Yorkie puppies for the past year. We also called other pounds and vets in the area and got the same response. Also by the physical condition of the dog it looks like its been on its own for at least a week…long enough for someone to notice a family pet missing. She's been able to find some food and water but she is still really malnourished and dehydrated. My assumption is that this is a dog that has been abandoned." the vet said. Edward rubbed my shoulder in support.

"See…told ya!" Rosalie huffed pissed. She looked like she wanted to hunt down who ever did this and shoot them.

"So what's the dogs name?" Edward asked.

"Prada!" Alice volunteered.

"Um since Bella saved the dog I think she should be the one to name it." Edward said

"uh I was thinking more along the lines of Brittney." I said to Alice.

"ooh that's pretty…alright Brittney-Prada Brandon-Swan." Alice said. I didn't try to argue the point…I'll come up with a nick name.

"Geez Alice how many names are you going to stick on that thing." Emmett said.

"well you know….big name for a small dog. You do have to compensate. Besides I have four names" Alice said offended. We all rolled our eyes.

" moving on then. Brittney…I'm going to call her just that for now…was very lucky that you found her when you did. In addition to wounds from the animal attack, malnutrition, and dehydration…she has a pretty severe infection . The infection was serious and would of surely killed her but fortunately we can treat her with some oral antibiotics. She's going to have to stay here a few hours but she can go home tonight." the vet said leaving the room.

"Thanks doc!" Emmett called happily

"poor baby!" I mumbled stroking the puppy. Rosalie looked like she was told the dog was going to die of cancer.

"Those jackasses…oh wait till I find out who left a defenseless puppy to fend for itself. I will personally make sure that they regret that decision." Rosalie growled

"We're going to have to find the nearest pet store after we leave…we have absolutely nothing for this dog….not even a shirt." Alice said.

"We're going to have to set up a play date with Dottie…Dottie is so good with puppies… great mothering instincts…frankly I don't know where she gets it from." Rosalie said taking the bundle of blankets into her hand and rocking it ever so gently as not to rip out the iv. Gee I wonder.

"Hush little puppy don't say a word… Mama Rosie's gonna buy a mocking bird and if that mocking bird don't sing….Mama Rosie's gonna buy you a diamond ring!" Rosalie whispered singing.

"um Rose…you know that that's a dog that your singing to…not a baby." Emmett said.

"oh shush!" Rosalie rolled her eyes while still humming the tune.

" I would totally take you in little puppy…if my parents didn't have that one pet rule. Who's so cute…your so cute….ooh I could eat you up!" Rosalie cooed some more.

"your speaking to the little rat like it's a child…if that's what parenting is…common a moron could do it!" Emmett rolled his eyes.

"Emmett…for the love of god…do not have children!" Jasper said. Rosalie hissed.

"alright I take that back…if you do have kids…make sure that they spend lots and lots of time with Rosalie." Jasper backtracked.

"Who's a pretty little puppy…you're a pretty little puppy…yes you are….yes you are!" Rosalie continued to coo while stroking the little dog's head.

"You know its funny…I was just in the local pet shop the other day when I saw the cutest little outfit…I think they still have it in her size too." Alice said.

"Why were you in a pet shop Alice…you don't…well didn't at the time…have a pet?" Jasper asked suspiciously.

"Oh I don't know…thought it would be fun to look around I guess." Alice said too fast while looking away.

"Alice." Jasper said in a warning tone.

"Jasper." Alice said in the same tone.

"oh alright…so I may of wandered in there with the hopes of maybe finding a puppy or two…its not like I found any anyways…they were all bigger breeds…and I cant have a big dog…lord knows it would drag me around like a rag doll." Alice said.

"Well I did find one little cutie pie…" Alice said trailing off. Rosalie looked at her.

"Alice!" Rosalie growled.

"And uh…I may of put a down payment on it…they're expecting me at six." Alice said. I was flabbergasted. Now not only did I have one dog…I had two.

"Let me get this straight…you bought a dog…with out consulting me or Bella…what on earth possessed you to do that?" Jasper gasped.

"How was I supposed to know that Bella was going to find a half dead dog on the side of the road? I just saw those cute little eyes and I fell in love. I couldn't help it…just like Bella couldn't help finding Brittney!" Alice countered.

"Alice…Brittney and I just happened to be in the same place at the right time…I did not go out hunting for dogs…I did not enter a pet store with the expressed intent of finding a puppy unlike you…you know you should of told us." I said in a very calm manner.

"What type of dog did you get?" I asked accepting it. After all another dog wouldn't be bad. We were already going to be training Brittney anyways.

"Well since they didn't have any Yorkie s…which believe me I was on the hunt for…I got a really cute Bichon. Now I got my Yorkie and my Bichon." Alice smiled.

"hear that little puppy…your getting a sibling…yes you are you little cute baby you." Rosalie cooed.

We were allowed to leave the vet around 5:30 and b-lined to the local pet store. Alice dragged us to the back of the store where the puppies were being held. Rosalie looked like she was in all of her glory.

"Poor babies…locked up like that…don't worry little cutie pies…you'll go to great homes…at least I hope you all will…I wish I could take every one of you home…yes I do!" Rosalie cooed tapping on the glass.

"Hey Rosalie…how cool is this!" Emmett called. We all turned around to see Emmett with a boa constrictor slinked around his neck. Rosalie looked like she was going to faint.

"GET THAT THING OFF YOUR NECK RIGHT NOW EMMETT…THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL THAT YOUR GETTING THAT…I'M NOT WORRYING ABOUT THAT THING STRANGLING US IN OUR SLEEP….WHAT IF WE'RE BABYSITTING? WHAT IF WE'RE DOG SITTING!…THAT THING COULD EASILY EAT BRITTNEY…OR ALICE'S BICHON. PUT THAT BACK…NOW!" Rosalie snarled .

"I just bought it babe…I cant put it back. Besides he's not poisonous…what harm could he do?" Emmett asked.

"Oh my god…its like talking to a brick wall. I just told you that it could strangle all of us and not give a damn. Those things get to like 14 feet long Emmett…ever think about how your going to case it?" Rosalie asked.

"Oh god mom's going to flip out when she sees that thing. She made Emmett get rid of that Gardner snake that he caught…and that was microscopic compared to that thing." Edward groaned.

"what is it with the people in my life buying pets with out telling anybody." Jasper said shaking his head.

"Rose…why cant you show little Petie the same respect you show little Brittney." Emmett said stroking the snake.

"Emmett…Brittney is a puppy that's a little bigger then my hand…Pete is a dangerous six foot boa constrictor that's wrapped around your body like a carnival prize…forgive me for seeing a difference!" Rosalie growled. The snake then slithered down Emmett's body and down the isle where they sold mice. I clutched Brittney close to my chest.

"Oh look he wants to place with the mice…wait what is he doing…WHAT IS HE DOING…OH MY GOD HE'S EATING THAT MOUSE!" Emmett cried running after him.

"oh my god…what do you think snakes eat Emmett?" Rosalie said through gritted teeth.

"Snake food?" Emmett asked.

"What do you think is Snake food?" Rosalie asked pointing to the sign that read " Mice: Three for $5 special"

"Petie come back…I'll buy you an unlimited amount of mice…it will be like a snake buffet…my gym is infested….it's a snakes paradise!" Emmett cried disappearing.

"Not to sound mean or anything guys…but one day Emmett's stupidity is going to kill him. Mark my words…something's going to happen…like that snake going on a rampage in the middle of Forks…and we're all going to go down for it. It will be like Anaconda or Python…only it will be called BOA." Rosalie moaned.

"PETIE…STOP…DON'T EAT THAT LADY'S PUPPY!" Emmett's voice carried over.

"Oh my god…Lawsuit!" Rosalie groaned. We didn't know where to look. Just then Alice rounded the corner.

"Hey guys…say hello to Dolce Gabbana Brandon!" Alice beamed she placed a white ball of fluff on the ground in front of us. Just then…probably smelling dinner…Pete appeared…slithering his way to the dog.

"OH MY GOD **_SNAKEEEEE!_**" Alice screeched the loudest noise I ever heard.

"Don't worry Dolce…I'll save you!" She said grabbing the ball of white fluff with the same strength of the boa constrictor and jumping up on a table as if that would be enough to save her.

"PETIE…YOUR BACK!" Emmett cried running over. Alice looked murderous. Petie was going to go down.

"YOU…_you_ almost killed _my dog!_That thing is a murderer…a monster!" Alice half shouted pissed.

"hey he was just acting on natural instinct…it's not his fault puppy chow walked into the room!" Emmett defended his snake.

"Puppy chow? _Puppy chow?_…better watch it Em…my father knows how to cook snake…Petie might just have an accident. I've had snake before…tastes like chicken!" Alice shot back. Emmett looked offended

"if anything happens to Petie…your dog might just disappear…the Yorkie will be spared cuz Bella and Brittney didn't do anything wrong…cant say the same for the little white snowball though." Emmett threatened

"Alright corners you two…Alice go play with your dog over there…Emmett take that _thing_ over _there!_" Rosalie said sending them away.

"God I cant take that fighting…alright Alice…you will not broil and eat Petie…Emmett…you will not do something fucked up to that puppy…and Emmett I catch Petie without you with in the vicinity of any small child or those two dogs I will personally break his neck myself. Do you understand me?" Rosalie said sternly. Alice nodded.

"Yes mother." Emmett said.

"You two are honestly like two year olds…common lets go pick out harnesses!" Rosalie said rolling her eyes.

"Well we can look for Brittney…I already ordered Dolce's online…a very nice pink Gucci collar with matching leash that will be in tomorrow." Alice said.

"Alice did you get the dog a bowl?" Rose asked.

"No."

"Did you get her toys?"

"No."

"Let me get this straight…you brought the dog yesterday…and the only thing you got her is a collar?" Rose asked shocked.

"Well duh…everyone sees the collar…no one sees the bowl or toys…the only thing that matters is the collar and shirts!" Alice said

"He needs a bowl Alice." Rosalie said.

"That's what plates are for silly…by the way Dolce is a girl." Alice said.

"you wont be saying that when you have to shout out the her stains because the dog was eating out of a plate." Rosalie said.

"Eh…good point." Alice said.

"OOH LOOK AT THIS!" Alice said gesturing to a bright purple harness that was extremely small and had pink flowers all over it.

"Perfect for Brittney until I buy her the Burberry collar I saw online!" Alice squealed already grabbing it and dashing off to the next isle…while ripping off a lime green leash along the way. I was looking at a pretty stand up stainless steal bowl when I heard Alice squealing from the other side.

"Found the bowls!" Alice called holding up two rhinestone studded hot pink bowls. One had a huge _D_ in scribed on the front and the other had a _B_. again she dashed out of the isle before we could stop her.

"Is that thing secure?" Rosalie asked Emmett as he placed Petie's carrier on the floor in front of her. A huge aquarium was in a truck that was heading towards the boys house right now.

"Yeah…why?" Emmett asked.

"Oh I don't know…maybe because we have lunch and dinner in the back seat…and desert if you count Alice. I still cant believe that you actually bought that thing…that thing is going to be sleeping in the same room as us. I'm going to have to sleep with a crowbar now!" Rosalie growled.

By the end of the night we were loaded with cages, wee-wee pads, dog food, bowls, toys, and the harness and leash. The minute we stepped back into the apartment Rosalie went about puppy proofing the entire place. Rosalie was going to be the female version of Charlie when she had children. Its probably why they got a long so well.

"alright…remember the gate locks this way…oh and call me if anything happens or if you guys need something. Bye bye babies!" she said petting the dogs happily and making kissy faces

"Definitely having her for a babysitter when I have kids. Alright lets lay out the responsibilities for Dooney and Burke over there. I feed…you do wee-wee pads/ walk?" Alice asked.

"Deal!" I said shaking her hand.

"Alright babies…time for bed!" Alice said locking the dogs in their crates and turning out the lights.


	32. and the crazy things continue

**I don't own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys! alright I'm just going to clarify something... Bella and Edward _did not _date in high school. They had crushes on each other but they did not officially go out in high school with evidence of how deep those crushes were coming up in future chapters.  
**

Chapter 32

BPV

Over the next week I had to take over Alice's job too after she forgot to feed the dogs for three days. Now she was in charge of washing and dressing the dogs up in whatever she pleased. Potty training was going well. Both dogs learned to go outside really fast. Edward was really good with the dogs…I could tell that he was going to be a great father some day. He treated them like he would his own children. We both had a soft spot for Brittney though…don't get me wrong…we loved Dolce to death…but I don't know…there was just something about Brittney. The dog went though something horrible…yet she had this positive energy about her. Also it seemed like Dolce was Alice's dog…she carried her around everywhere in her purse. She even gave the dog little baby sun glasses so when she popped out of her purse she looked like a doggy Hollywood Starlit. Yeah she was definitely Alice's dog.

"Alright Dolce…mommy has to go to work today….don't worry you have Brittney to play with…and I'll be back soon…Wee-wee pads are in the corners…and if I find one shoe out of place I'll tan both your hides!" Alice said as we closed the door on the two puppies.

"Please god…don't let them go for my Gucci shoes!" Alice said.

"You locked the gate?" I asked.

"I think so…or did I?" Alice asked. I looked at her.

" yeah I locked it…I remember now." Alice said whipping out her keys and dashing to her bug. She passed by and honked her horn as I got into Edward's waiting car.

"morning love." Edward beamed kissing my hand. Electricity shot through.

"Morning!" I beamed back.

"you know I think we should tell them three weeks from Saturday." I said. Edward looked at me.

"you know that I don't want you sleeping in that house incase Petie gets on the loose…and you don't want the same thing with me. But we just got the two dogs so things are still a little hectic. It gives it enough time to calm down a bit yet not enough for Petie to plot his escape and eat the entire household." I said.

"three weeks from Saturday it is then." Edward smiled cupping his hands on my face. Our lips touched. The electricity coursed between us. After a passionate five minutes we broke apart and Edward started the car up.

As we walked into my office we were greeted by Seth swiveling around in my chair sipping a cup of coffee.

"morning guys…what's up…not much…Leah set the date today." Seth said.

"wow really…she's been engaged what? A week?" I asked.

"yeah well she had a place in mind already…who knew she planned on getting married…ever. that's not the best part either. Alice's going to love this one…Leah decided to get married in three weeks from Saturday. Can anyone say disaster!" Seth exclaimed.

"wow…that's soon." I said.

"yeah well it was the first date the place had and Leah and Jacoby wanted to do it fast cause of Harry's second heart attack. Oh yeah did I tell you that she's marrying someone who's name is almost spelt exactly like Jacob only with an added y at the end. People with the nick name Jake haven't really been good to my family and she goes and adds another one! And if that isn't bad enough Jake and my mom are back on...which means he's attending the wedding. It must be genetic or something. God I hope I don't fall for a Jacoba or something. Might as well send Harry into heart failure. He's not too thrilled about this either. I feel like I'm in a nightmare where I'm surrounded by Jakes." Seth said. He looked like he was about to ask something but then Alice barged through.

"you had a nightmare about being surrounded by Jacobs…I hate that nightmare…I wake up screaming every time." Alice said striding into the office.

"Alice I thought you had work?" I asked.

"Yeah I did too…but then Rose had to leave because Emmett got attacked by that murdering monstrous sack of shit that he calls a pet. Had to have a few stitches in the well lets just say that it was in an area that Rose is particularly furious about. She was crying about Emmett not being able to have kids as she left. Karma…his snake went after my dog and he condoned it…well now the snake went after his snake. Maybe we should send that snake as a gift to Jacob. So anyways I had nothing to do…no customers till 10 and Rosalie canceled her appointments so here I am" Alice cackled.

"So Seth…heard anything juicy lately?" Alice asked sitting on my desk. Seth repeated what he had just said to us.

"WHAT…THAT DOG IS BACK WITH SUE….ARE YOU FOR REAL!" Alice chocked too shocked to hear the and attending the wedding part.

"Wow…that's fucked up. Well at least he's not going to the wedding." Alice said.

"he is." Seth groaned.

"Oh no! well I'll keep my tazer on me and my gun in my car…just in case…three weeks…Seth no offence but is Leah knocked up…cause from where I'm standing that whole lets do it as fast as possible because of Harry's heart sounds like a load of horseshit to me. I mean the whole reason for the second one was because of LEAH AND SUE…they knew he had a heart condition and Sue has an affair and Leah has a secret boyfriend." Alice said.

"these days I don't know anything Alice." Seth said shaking his head.

"That reminds me…I have to ask you something. Leah was wondering if you and Bella would-" Seth started up but Alice cut him off.

"I think I know what your going to ask and the answer is of course we'll be bridesmaids!" Alice exclaimed. Alice always wanted to be part of a wedding…even if it meant dressing up in the most ridiculous outfit. Seth looked at her shocked.

"how the heck did you know that?" Seth gasped.

"Seth you know me by now!" was all Alice answered.

"and oh yeah she told me to tell you that she wants you guys to bring your dogs as props or something weird like that. Now I can see one or two dogs at a wedding…but not enough to have a canine wedding party! As I said disaster in the making." Seth groaned.

Alice looked stunned. Alice is crazy and everything but even she wouldn't have a wedding like that.

"oh god…I can just see it now… ' I DoOOOO!'" she said howling like a dog on the last part.

" the'Bride of wolf man' wedding" Seth said shaking his head.

"well anyways you guys have to go with her tonight to try on bridesmaids dresses…she's demanding it. The other bridesmaids sprung into action and already set up a bridal shower so no need to worry there…that's three days before the wedding. Oh and Leah doesn't want a bachelorette party so your set there as well. Really all she wants you guys to do is show up and do the ceremony…oh and Alice she wants you to do everyone's hair and makeup. Oh and Bella she wants you help the maid of honor with the 'just married' sign and tie up her dog bisque party favors…don't ask." Seth said.

"we'll be happy to help in any way we can…I aint missing any of this for the world." Alice saluted.

"So who exactly are the other bridesmaids and maid of honor…and who is our escorts?" Alice asked.

"The other bridesmaids and maid of honor are his sisters…she actually wanted Bella to do the maid of honor job…no offence Alice…it's because of Harry and Charlie being close and all and she thought it would be awkward to ask you even though we're still close friends…but his oldest sister insisted…well the correct term would be demanded…that she be the maid of honor since she was going to be related-" Seth started up.

"Bitch!" Alice interrupted.

"So Leah was strong held into having his entire family involved in the wedding…4 brothers and 3 sisters. I'm best man thank god…Leah put her foot down there and insisted. Not that they liked that too much…but too fucking bad for that…I'm her only blood sibling and they wanted his cousin to be best man…really…REALLY…my own sister's wedding!" Seth said.

"Sounds like their family is a piece of work…makes for good gossip though." Alice said. Oh god…more victims of 'Ask Allie' and her associate 'Paparazzi Seth.'

"oh I know!" Seth agreed.

"another reason why this wedding should be interesting…a bunch of demanding control freaks who are 'close' drunk …yeah my family is close too…but there's still lots and lots of shit that they keep secret from one another. Now I don't remember much…but from what I'm told I let loose on the ship. From what I heard and remember…what I said was only the tip of the ice berg. We have lots and lots of affairs with peoples husbands…one of my cousins drunkenly made out with my other cousin at a rave they were both at and a hell of a lot more. God me and mom better not get that trashed at my wedding…we'd probably cause at least a couple divorces…a lot of disownments…and Caius would come off smelling like a rose." Alice said. Seth looked at her with his eyebrows raised.

"every family has issues…case in point Bella's dad running off and marrying some woman with weirdo children….case in point Leah…and for Jasper and Edward case in point Emmett." if only Alice knew her boyfriends lineage she wouldn't of used Emmett as their family issue. From what I understood Jasper never told her…believe me I would know if he told her. Frankly I thought that he should just tell her anyways…it was going to come out sooner or later…like when she asked to meet his actual parents.

" true. Drama does make life interesting." Seth agreed.

"So what about the people in the wedding party who don't own dogs?" Alice asked.

"oh believe me…they all do…they're all big dog lovers…they all have at least one. Leah loves that about them…and he's just like her…loves were wolves." Seth said.

"nice…Harry must be so proud." Alice said.

"you don't know the half of it." Seth said.

"so how is Harry doing?" I asked.

"Well he's recovering well. He's up and around. Goes to therapy and pills up the ying yang now but he's handing in there." Seth said.

"That's good…that's good. At least he's feeling better." Alice said. The way her eyes sparkled I knew she wanted to talk about some gossip that she had over heard. Edward caught it too. I just wanted to get to work

" alright so Bella…I have to show you something in my office…uh alone." Edward spoke up coming to my rescue.

"Thank you." I said.

"I know…we needed to get work done…and I highly doubt Seth's going to give up your chair any time soon. We'll take turns writing articles until Ted kicks Alice and Seth out." Edward said. We shook on it. We were both almost finished when Ted peered in and then turned his head towards my office. We then heard him start up. I looked up…it was almost 10. Definitely going to finish early .

"Alright Seth out…you have work to do…and you…little black haired girl…you don't even work here." Ted roared.

"oh man…what work do I have to do…move some pictures around!" Seth growled

"SETH NOW!" Ted roared louder.

"Geesh we're going we're going!" Alice said. I could hear the roll of her eyes.

"I'll be in in a few minutes." Edward said as I lightly stroked his face and took the flash drive in which I saved my work. True to his word the minute my last paper printed Edward was in my office.

"Long time no see!" I joked turning towards him.

"So dinner…my place or yours?" I asked

"I think my place tonight for a change…I'll cook." Edward said. I scowled at the last part.

"you don't always have to cook you know." Edward said reading my face.

"neither do you." I countered.

"I guess we're at another stale mate." Edward said smiling

"I guess we are." I agreed.

"alright…you let me do this…and whatever you want is yours." Edward said.

"That's not fair…I already got what I want." I said walking over and playing with his bronze tufts.

"alright now about the move in thing…do you think we should still tell them even though its Leah's wedding?" I asked.

"Love…that's what the receptions for." Edward said. The distance between our lips closed but was interrupted not even a second later by Seth.

"Hey guys…we got a hot one…high speed chase…just caught it on the scanner…Charlie's hoping to get him in the middle of town…someone was caught shoplifting from the department store in Port Angeles. Never got a make or model" Seth said.

"Oh god…you don't think its Alice?" Edward asked jokingly.

"Nah…Alice gets thrills off of actually buying things…besides the description was definitely a male in jeans and a holey white t-shirt… even disguised Alice would never wear that." Seth said. Just then my phone went off. It was Charlie…telling us where the chase was going to go.

"CARPOOL!" Seth called grabbing his camera and heading out the door. Luckily this time I had my tapes on me. We all jumped into the Volvo.

We had found a good spot in the parking lot of a Laundry mat that was located far enough behind the road block for Charlies liking. The minute we could hear the roar of the very distant police sirens along with a high revving engine Seth whipped out his camera about 20 feet away.

"I can smell another award…if I could just get closer!" Seth said lining the camera up just right.

"Seth go any closer and I'll throw your ass in jail again…and this time I'll make sure Harry knows!" Charlie threatened.

"Right here's just fine!" Seth gulped. Edward was off interviewing Charlie-who was 5 feet away from me- about police chases when the Mini van whipped into view doing like 80 mph. I could hear the rapid snapping of Seth's camera as the van blew through the road block and lost control. It spun into the parking lot on two wheels and it seemed like it was happening all over again. A van loosing control and me right in the line of fire. I stood there frozen and my senses went into overdrive. Memories flashed over me. Edward got me into a flying tackle and knocked me out of the way not a second too soon. The van slammed into the building right where I had been standing a second before.

"Bella are you okay?" Edward whispered , his face still ashen with shock. I barely got out an "I'm fine" before there was another squeal of wheels. Half sitting in Edward's arms I saw a lime green bug whip into the parking space two spaces down, Alice's horrified/ pissed off face peering though. Charlie then ripped Tyler Crowley…who was the uninjured driver…out of the van.

"Tyler Crowley?" Seth, Edward, Alice and I asked shocked. Seth and Alice looked at each other and whipped out their cell phones. A few seconds later our phones went off.

"YOU BASTARD…I WARNED YOU…ONE MORE TIME AND I'D HIT YOUR ASS UP FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER…YOU DIDN'T LISTEN…YOU ALMOST KILLED MY BABY!" Charlie snarled. Anger blazed in Edwards eye.

"Wait one minute…I'll be right back." Edward said staring at Tyler like he was scum.

"whatever you do don't kill him" I said. he got up and marched slowly towards Tyler.

"Step away Chief Swan." Edward called over.

"don't hurt him too much…cant get slapped for excessive force." Charlie beamed turning around. Edward then decked him in the face. He probably would of thrown another punch in if Alice hadn't jumped into the fight and started to rip Tyler's face off.

"YOU…LEARN HOW TO DRIVE WITHOUT ALMOST KILLING PEOPLE ASSHOLE…YOU'VE BEEN INVOLVED WITH THREE ACCIDENTS CONCERNING MY FRIEND NOW….TWO OF WHICH WE KNOW YOU WERE BEHIND THE WHEEL…AND THE THIRD PUT A SCAR ON MY FACE! AND WHILE YOU WERE A PASSENGER THAT TIME…YOU TRIED TO LEAVE US FOR DEAD ON THE FUCKING ROAD…IVE WAITED FOR YEARS TO DO THIS TO YOU!" Alice snarled continuing the attack.

"Alright Alice…enough's enough…off before I have to slap an assault charge." Charlie said dragging Alice off. She stomped back over.

"Piece of shit…should learn how to drive better…why was he even being chased?" Alice asked.

"Shoplifting." Edward growled.

"that's it…he didn't want to pay a fucking shirt…well I'm hoping it was a fucking top…by the looks of that one he needs it…he's going to be paying for a lot more if Charlie has his way!" Alice cackled.

"That was some sick shots though…definitely getting an award for this…especially the one where he's slammed into the road block." Seth said flicking through his camera.

"the one fucking day that I left my gun at home!" Alice growled.

"Alice what were you doing here anyways?" I asked.

"I was on my way back to the salon from the hair supply store…my hair dryer blew up and Rose's was in her car. I saw a van weaving in and out of traffic followed by a bunch of sirens and you know that I'm a curious as a kitten so I decided to follow…also I knew that this was going to end in some sort of crash by the way the van was driving. Honestly I thought that it was going to flip over before the road block. The van whizzed by so fast that I couldn't catch the license plate or anything or else I definitely would of known it was that jackass. Honestly what is it with that kid and ramming his van into Bella…I'm beginning to wonder whether he's actually trying to kill her or something." Alice said.

"Alice why does everything just find us…even when we're not looking for some shit it sneaks up on us." Seth said.

"I don't know Seth…but enjoy it…your always in the loop…god damn that boy did some damage…well at least you guys weren't hurt and no cars were destroyed again. my mom still reminds me of that accident whenever I drive during a sale! Do you know how much councilor I have to use to cover the scar from that." Alice said.

"What accident?" Seth asked.

"It was before your time Seth…back in the early days of 'Ask Allie'…his van-which he allowed Emmett to drive-broke my moms car. Now I forgave Emmett even though he tried to leave us because…well its Emmett…and he had no prior history of recklessly driving his van in Forks high parking lot in the dead of winter…causing said van to spin out and nearly pancake Bella. Tyler on the other hand did, he too tried to leave, and obviously he hasn't learned his fucking lesson after all these years if it just happened again!" Alice said. Edward held me close to him.

"Oh man…I missed a lot before I moved here. Alice, one day your going to have fill me in on all that I missed." Seth said.

"oh silly I have everything written down in my diary…this is from first day freshman year to the day that you moved in. there's a lot of shit in this…and there's some secrets in this that you have to swear on your life that you'll never say!" Alice said whipping out a small fat notebook. I looked at her.

"Don't worry…nothing about you is in there…that's for my journal…which is locked in a vault in Seattle somewhere…no one but me knows where it is…cause there's some big family shit in there that even my mom doesn't know about that I know she would read if she found it. That stuff that came out of my mouth on the cruise…in the diary. My journal has a lot of drama but I know you Seth…and that diary is where your interest lies." Alice said.

"Cool!" Seth exclaimed.

"So Sethy what do you say I give you a ride back in my car…give the shaken love birds some time alone together…I heard some really juicy news on Jessica and her baby…or should I say babies." Alice winked on the last part. Seth cocked an eye brow.

"I'll meet you guys there." Seth said as he and Alice turned towards the bug

"bye guys…lunch in a half hour?" Alice called.

"Are you ever going to work Alice?" Edward asked.

"Actually I have an appointment right now…a cut not a color though. In fact its with the Jackasses mother….how ironic!" Alice said looking at Tyler with hatred in her eyes. They then jumped into Alice's car which pulled out at warp speed.

"you think that's bad….you should of seen it when they were dating. Put it this way…if there was a car wreck with in a ten mile radius of them…they would show up together. My phone was constantly going off. It was constantly ' Mike Newton caught walking into girls bathroom" or " Jessica Stanley…out of a job again?" with like eighteen thousand pictures." I said. Edward snickered. Just then our phones went off again.

"This day keeps on getting better and better folks…look at what we have here! Jessica Stanley…eating for two? Or is five more accurate? Better save those unemployment checks Mike…looks like your going to be needing them…with four new mouths to feed. Remember guys…if your going to cheat on your spouses…wear a glove!" the message read under a picture of Jessica eating a shit load of hot wings.

"when is she going to learn that its not nice to talk about people?" Edward asked shaking his head.

"I've been asking myself that for a long time." I responded. Edward scooped me up and carried me back to the car. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Charlie trying to decide whether or not he liked this.

"you saved me again…I don't know how to thank you." I said.

"Let me cook tonight and we'll call it even." Edward said. I looked at him.

"fine!" I gave in.

That night I was sitting in Edwards kitchen…if you count a kitchen that looks like it should be in home and garden a kitchen. It was absolutely stunning…it was my dream kitchen. Actually it was Alice's dream kitchen. Edward just popped in the two pieces of chicken breasts and was tossing a small salad when Emmett walked in.

"Is that Chicken I smell…yum when are we going to eat?" Emmett asked. Of course Emmett would be craving something with protein. Edward looked horrified. It was obvious that he didn't count on anyone else to be there…Jasper was out on a picnic with Alice.

"Uh Emmett aren't you supposed to go out with Rose tonight?" Edward asked.

"plans changed. we didn't feel much like going out after what happened with Petie." Emmett said grabbing an ice pack and throwing it on his crotch.

"Emmett…I thought you were going out…we didn't make enough." Edward gulped.

"That's okay…there's hot pockets in the freezer…you guys can help yourselves out to that!" Emmett said.

"oh hell no Emmett…you are not eating their food…I'll make you something to eat." Rosalie said walking in. she popped some TV dinner in the microwave and when it was finished she threw one in front of Emmett.

"You know what Em…on second thought I think I feel like some ice cream. Want to go to the dinner?" Rosalie asked once they finished.  
"I thought we were going to stay-" Emmett was cut off by Rosalie.

"I SAID LETS GO!" Rosalie growled.

"okay…someone's PMS-ing" Emmett said but Rose didn't catch it. Before we knew it Emmett and Rose were out the door…Emmett whimpering the entire way. We now had the entire house to ourselves. After dinner we decided to watch a movie. I rested my head against his chest and let the electricity pulse through us. Before we knew it we were in the throws of a very passionate kiss. Lightly laughing Edward scooped me up again and carried me up the stairs.

"I love you." he whispered knowingly in my ear.

" I love you too." I whispered back. We were cuddling in his bed two hours later when the door opened up downstairs.

"Emmett…he nearly ripped your balls off…the doctor said a millimeter deeper and you would of been infertile." we could hear Rosalie saying.

"Petie didn't mean it…I came at him too quickly!" Emmett defended.

"Sure…that's what they all say Emmett!. I've heard it all before…down at the animal shelter! What happens if that thing goes after a child? He could kill it! I'm sorry Emmett…I really am…don't get me wrong…I love all animals as if they were my own children…I even donate money to animal charity's…but either the snake goes…or I go." Rosalie said finally putting her foot down. It was dead silent for a minute.

"alright…I choose Petie." Edward and I looked at each other flabbergasted. We knew he loved the snake…but more then Rose?

_"WHAT? YOU….HOW COULD YOU…THROW THE PAST FEW MONTHS AWAY LIKE THAT!-_" Rosalie's rant was cut of by Emmett.

"Ouch babe…what do you have in your purse…a fifty pound weight? You didn't let me finish…I was going to say that I chose Petie to go. I want you…psychotic tendencies in all." Emmett said.

"wow…Emmett knows what psychotic tendencies are…that has Jasper written all over it." Edward whispered shocked.

"Emmett!" Rosalie said happily. We then heard foot steps.

"babe…wait…cant I at least say goodbye!" Emmett called running after her.

"What is it with the people in our life and insanity?" Edward cackled.


	33. Three women and a baby

**I don't own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys! alright I'm just going to clarify something... Bella and Edward _did not _date in high school. They had crushes on each other but they did not officially go out in high school with evidence of how deep those crushes were coming up in future chapters.  
**

Chapter 33

BPV

I had gotten home from work two days before Leah's wedding to find Brittney dressed up in a pink blouse , black poodle skirt, and 2 inch high heels. The poor thing looked like she was struggling to walk. I was definitely going to have to have a talk with Alice about how four legged creatures and heels do not mix.

"Alice?" I called taking Brittney's shoes off.

"in here!" Alice called from her bedroom.

"Why is Brittney in high heels?" I asked walking into the room. She was brushing Dolce's fir.

"Your dog is so much like you…absolutely hates it when I dress her up. Dolce on the other hand…absolutely loves it…loves getting brushed. Allows me to manicure her nails. Your dog growls and runs away from me…huh must take after you." Alice sighed before answering my question. No more like Alice was running after her screaming "brushey brushey little dog!" and scaring the hell out of her.

"Oh well…Rosalie wanted to come pick up her invitation to the wedding ( Alice got Leah to invite Rose and Emmett…said that they were really close friends that would be disappointed if they couldn't come…and since his brother was my date and his cousin was Alice's…they didn't want Emmett feeling left out.)…I cant believe Leah actually asked on the invitations for the guests to bring their own dogs…then again I can…so anyways I figured what the hell…the pooches were going to meet in two days anyways…and I may of suggested a little doggie play date. She'll be here any minute." Alice said. Just then the door burst down.

"Hey guys…we're here!" Emmett called. I looked at Alice

"oh did I mention that the boys were going to stop over and pick up their clothes for the wedding?" Alice asked. Alice stored their stuff here because she wanted to make a few last minute alterations.

"No." I said

"opts…well they are." Alice said.

"Guys we're in here!" Alice called. Edward, Emmett, Jasper, and Rose who had Dottie on a leash, walked into the room. Alice handed the boys three dress bags.

"so do you want to go out to eat tonight?" I asked Edward.

"Where do you want to meet?" Edward asked beaming.

"Here's fine." I responded with a smile as big as his.

"ooh that sounds great…how about we all go along…triple date!" Alice said over hearing. I wanted to say no…but it would be rude to do so now that she said it in front of everyone.

"I'm so sorry…do you wanna try and get a different booth?" I whispered in Edward's ear.

"no its fine…I understand…better this then her following us and burning down the entire restaurant again.." Edward whispered with a hint of laughter.

"Hey Alice…I thought you said Dolce was a girl?" Emmett asked holding Dolce up towards himself.

"She is…why?" Alice asked

"because I don't know about you…but I'm seeing a little wrapped sausage between her legs!" Emmett said in a confused tone.

"Let me see her!" Alice said ripping the dog out of Emmett's arms.

"OH MY GOD…THEY TOLD ME THAT SHE WAS A GIRL!" Alice roared pissed. To tell the truth I didn't know the dog was a male either…but that was because it squatted just like Brittney when I walked it and Alice always held the thing so you really couldn't see it…not to mention it was constantly in dresses.

"Your telling us that you didn't notice that when you put clothes on it?" Edward asked.

"I DIDN'T KNOW…I DIDN'T THINK TO LOOK AT HER TINKY…GREAT…WHAT THE FUCK…THEY HAVE HORRIBLE CLOTHES FOR BOY'S…WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH ALL HER STUFF!" Alice roared.

"Well you could still dress him up like a female…he doesn't know the difference…and you do have another female dog in the house so its not like it wont go to waste anyways." Jasper said.

"True…but I already had her dress fixed for the wedding…if everyone finds out…hello can you say gossip…Alice with the cross dressing dog…Seth would be mortified!" Alice said.

"Well you could get it neutered…its just like a female then." Emmett said.

"I cant have it neutered in two days and I cant order a tux to have it ready by then….looks like I'm going to have to make this one myself. I know Dolces size…I can work on it tonight after dinner…I'll head to my moms and get her sewing machine…she has the materials and color I'm looking for anyways. God damn it this put a kink in my plans for tonight…I was going to experiment what I wanted hair wise to do for Leah's wedding on you Bella. I know I usually work with wigs but I need to see it on a live person before I went with it." Alice sighed. Thank god!

"Alright…so we'll be back around 5?" Edward asked.

"Sounds good." I said.

"Yeah…see ya guys!" Rose and Alice called.

"remind me to drop Dottie off before they come back…she doesn't like being alone in places she's not familiar with ." Rosalie said.

"So Dottie…would you like these bows?" Alice asked holding up little pink bows and wiggling her eyebrows. Alice would ask a Doberman that. Dottie threw her a dirty look.

"so I guess its no to the manicures as well?" Alice asked.

"Alice…no offence but you know that Dottie only trusts me to do that stuff…its nothing personal or anything but it's just how she is. She's really fickle." Rosalie said. Alice had a small pout.

"oh alright!" Alice moaned. We brought the two dogs out to the living room where Brittney was sleeping on the couch.

"See Dottie…these are Auntie Bella and Auntie Alice's baby puppies…we play gentle with babies don't we Dottie." Rosalie said to Dottie. Dottie barked as if she understood.

"Good Dottie!" Rosalie said as Dottie sniffed Dolce and Brittney. We watched as all three dogs went after a rope on the floor. Being the larger dog Dottie obviously won. After a while Brittney and Dolce were getting tired. Dottie picked each dog up by the nape of the neck and carried them to a corner of the room and laid down - while staring right at us…and throwing a death glare at Alice-with them as if she were their real mother. Oh yes Dottie was just like her human counter part sitting next to me.

"I told you my dog had good maternal instincts…she thinks their her own!" Rosalie cooed adoringly.

"You know what they say…like owner like dog…but I don't know why she hates me so much…she obviously likes you!" Alice whispered in my ear. Rosalie only hearing the second part answered.  
"it's because she doesn't trust you…Dottie had a bad experience at a groomers once- they were trying to clip her nails and they went too deep…then they had to restrain her to fix it and put the bows in her ears and while doing that a couple of the elastics broke- and she doesn't trust people who come at her with bows and nail clippers now. Its not that she doesn't like you…just next time don't come at her with manicures and bows. You'll eventually win her over." Rosalie said.

"you say tomato…I say she hates my guts." Alice said staring back at Dottie.

"Alright…I think I'm going to get something to drink…anyone want anything?" Alice asked going into the kitchen.

"I'm fine." I said.

"What do you have?" Rose asked.

"Root beer…Sprite…lemonade…or those coffee bag thingamajigs …and for the hard stuff some margarita mix and tequila for it, whisky, red and white wine, Jaspers Southern Comfort which he forgot. Or if you want…I could make a dirty martini…I have all the ingredients for that as well" Alice called. Alice should be in AA.

"Jesus Alice…what do you have a mini bar back there…I'll have a glass of white wine?" Rosalie called. Alice walked out with a dirty martini in one hand and a glass of white wine in the other.

"Are you sure you don't want something Bella?" Alice asked sitting down.

"Maybe later Alice." I answered.

"Fine….your loss!" Alice said.

"Does Dottie want anything?" Alice asked.

"no…she wont eat until the puppies wake up." Rosalie said

"So anyways…back to Jessica Stanley and her quads…so I heard 4 boys…I wish her luck with that but then again its her own fault for not using protection when she cheated on her husband! Looks like its shaping up to be worse then senior year. God 5 kids by two guys at 23. And that's the way we became the Stanley bunch!" Alice sang the last part.

"I've been meaning to ask…how exactly do you know all this?" I asked.

"I had a gyno appointment in the same building…I uh happened to pass by the ultra sound room right as Jessica left. I pulled the technician aside and the whole story just came right out of him…well there was a little bit of money involved. Not much!" Alice said the second part too fast.

"how much is a 'little bit'?" I asked

"five?" Alice gulped. Five dollars wouldn't get a man to talk. I raised my eyebrow.

"Multiplied by 100" Alice gave in.

"You paid a man $500 for information that should be only between Jessica, Mike, possibly their families, and her doctor…Alice are you insane…I mean I knew you'd give your right arm for the biggest news ever…but really?" I gasped shocked.

"oh Alice!" Rosalie shook her head.

"what…I have an inheritance coming to me!" Alice said

"not until your Aunt and Uncle are dead!" I countered

"Alice…I know your doing well right now…but your heading towards a shit load of debt if you don't watch out. You use your credit card on everything yet pay someone five hundred dollars just to hear information on a girl that you graduated with five years ago. Wouldn't your money be better spent if you tried to pay off your bills?" Rosalie asked.

"that reminds me…my Discover bill has to be paid soon." Alice said.

"See where are you going to get the money for that?" Rosalie asked.

"oh don't worry…I have it. I have enough to pay my share of the rent and food and my bills." Alice said.

"so anyways he told me that he saw four babies…all of them boys…and that Mrs. Newton and Mrs. Stanley both fainted. They were talking about several ways in which they could raise the boys…marriage kept coming up a lot. If that's the case…I'll definitely have to worm my way into that ceremony somehow. Frankly to me it sounds like a she tried to trap him…she knew her marriage sucked, wanted a divorce…was always obsessed with Edward and Mike…and waited for an opportunity to arise with either one. Backfired though when she got knocked up four times over. Wow she must be getting big now being that she's a few months along! The Jacob thing was probably a failed attempt." Alice said as if we were talking about who had the better purse.

" your mom would be so proud right now." I groaned.

"Thank you!" Alice said taking it as a complement. Just then Alice's phone went off.

"oh hold on…its mom." Alice said picking up.

"Hello…Dolce is fine! what did you hear…your classmate Megan did what? Divorced her husband for no reason…moved to Idaho…why Idaho? Why not Italy or Miami or the Caribbean…she definitely had the money to do something like that…sounds like she went bonkers." Alice said.

"really she's her mother's daughter." Rosalie said shaking her head.

"Alright mom…I have to go…I have people here…love ya…bye!" Alice said hanging up the phone. Just then the weirdest thing happened. There was a strange noise…almost like a cry followed by a doorbell ringing. The three dogs raised their heads. The three of us looked at each other.

"I'll go get that." I said running to the door. On the door step was a naked baby girl that looked like it had just just been born and not even cleaned off. The only thing she had on was a light pink blanket. Oh my god. I went into shock. I brought the baby inside gently rocking her Then I found the note attacked.

_" I thought that I wanted to be a mother, but it turned out that I didn't. My responsibility right now is for myself and no one else. I feel as if I am on the brink of insanity already. This town has done nothing for me. The father of my child already moved on to another woman. Take care of her. Good luck in this shit hole !"_

"OH MY GOD…BABYYYYYYYYYYY!" Rosalie shrieked running forward and practically ripping the child from my arms.

"ewww how could you touch that!" Alice gagged pointing at the bloody child. As I said it looked like it was just just born not even 5 minutes before hand.

"Alice…someone abandoned their child on your doorstep…and that's the first question you ask? How could someone be so heartless. _'my responsibility is to myself right now and no one else'…_selfish much? You just had a baby…your child always comes first no matter what. Almost the entire letter sounds like a rant from a self centered woman…maybe it was a blessing she gave the child up!" Rosalie said pissed while cleaning the baby off. She whipped out a blue suction tube and started clearing the airways.

"What…my aunt was a nurse on a maternity ward in Seattle…taught me everything she knows." Rosalie said rewrapping the child up.

"what are we going to do?" Alice asked

"We have to get her to a hospital. Alice we cant take care of a kid!" I said.

"Well we don't have to take her right away…besides the hospital closes early on Thursday nights…everyone who feigns an illness usually comes in Friday morning. Hell I think the hospital is already closed…besides I have some stuff that we could use for tonight." Rosalie said.

"Alright…we'll wait till the morning," I said. I knew that the real reason was because Rosalie wanted to play mama.

"alright…we have to go to my car…I carry a few things in there for emergencies such as this. …you know…onsie's…bottles…a bassinette…toys. You never know when your going to find a baby!" Rosalie said. I was thanking god at this point for Rosalie being here. Other wise we would have been totally unprepared. Rosalie placed the baby in-between Brittney and Dolce

"Protect the baby Dottie." Rosalie said to Dottie who sat down in front of the child and two puppies while barking once. Her stance switched from playful to the guard dog that her breed was known for.

"Good dog!…common guys!" Rosalie said as we followed her out to her car.

"Alright team…Bella you grab a couple of onsies-babies spit up- and toys…Alice you grab the pack that's filled with diapers and bottles and bibs, and the container of formula. I'll take the bassinette and a few blankets." Rosalie said opening her trunk to reveal a mini baby depo.

"How the hell did you fit all of this?" I asked shocked.

"Oh well the main problem when it came to space was the bassinet…so I just took that out of the box…and a moron could assemble it…see all you do is screw a few things in very easy to reach places (she did and took the bassinet apart with in two seconds). And almost everything could be placed in the cradle part of the bassinet…so it was real easy to do." Rosalie said in a matter of fact tone. We grabbed what we were assigned.

"honestly what is it with people and abandoning innocent creatures that cannot fend for themselves. It makes me so pissed off. How would they like it if someone shoved their ass out into the cold! Huh! There are some evil people in this world I'm telling you…pinning off their responsibilities onto others. For all that woman probably knew you and Bella could have been two 50 year old male child molesters who prey on baby girls. Its outrageous how cold some people are. If she didn't want a baby then why didn't she wear a glove or take birth control…a pack of Trojans costs less then $10...pricey but a lot less then what a baby costs." Rosalie growled.

"Yeah…and_ ' Good luck in that shit hole?'_Bella…your mom didn't come back here at all did she?" Alice asked. Rosalie looked confused

"Oops…I forgot you didn't know!" Alice said

"No Alice…its just some fucked up coincidence…that was the ending of the note my mom left the day she left us." I answered the last part to Rose.

"You poor baby….that's it…I'm founding an abandoned Children foundation…anyone who's had at least one parent leave can join. I think I'll call it 'Heavenly Cherubs Foundation' its sickening how many children are left like that." Rose said.

"Rose…I was fine…I still had a dad." I said.

"Well it is kind of like abandonment…the woman left you with a man who's domestic abilities were I don't know…not there. Not that Charlie sucked as a father…cause don't get me wrong he didn't…but Bella…you were cooking full course meals before we even got out of sixth grade. You know that if you didn't learn how to cook…you and Charlie would of both starved. The man micro waved pea's while still in the can …hell he almost burned your house down a few times." Alice said

"What type of woman would leave a man who cant even fend for himself with a child…disgusting!" Rosalie growled.

"Guys…can we get back to the matter at hand…the infant in the apartment who was dropped on our door step." I said trying to shift their attention back to the current problem at hand.

"Right!" Rosalie said racing off to the elevator. A thought then crossed my mind. I looked down at my watch. Five minutes before five. Fuck I forgot to call Edward and tell him there was a change of plans. He probably was leaving now. It was probably too late to call him. When we were a few doors down we could hear the baby crying.

"oh what does she want…if she pooped I aint cleaning that up!" Alice moaned

"sounds like someone's hungry." Rosalie and I said together. Unlocking the door I immediately went to prepare a bottle while Rosalie rocked the child. I handed the bottle to Rosalie and the baby immediately started to suck it down.

"You two are creepy!" Alice said staring at the eating baby before heading into the living room to set up the bassinette and play with the dogs

"Hey Bella…no offence…but how did _you_ know the baby was hungry?" Rosalie asked.

"I think the question should be…how did Alice _not _know?" I responded. Rosalie looked as if she was about to say more if the door hadn't burst open.

"Hey guys…hope everyone's ready cause I'm fucking starv- what the heck?" Emmett said staring at the baby like it was an Alien. Jasper and Edward were staring over Emmett's shoulder in complete shock.

"Oh god Rose…you didn't…please tell me that I don't have to testify at a kidnapping trial!" Jasper said still in shock.

"I didn't steal this child if that's what your implying Jasper. Someone just left her on the front doorstep." Rosalie said highly offended. From the look on their faces Jasper and Edward knew that we were automatically staying in tonight.

"Oh man…what are we going to do…I'm hun-gry!" Emmett moaned.

"Emmett can you stop thinking about your stomach…we're obviously not going out to eat tonight!" Rosalie growled.

"Don't worry Em…we're still going to eat." I said. Jasper and Emmett left the room, leaving Rosalie, Edward and I with the eating baby. We divided it up so that Edward would make the salad and I would make the pork chops.

"You know…I'm wondering if I should switch to breast feeding her…I have a special pump that would get the milk out." Rosalie said. Edward made a slight gagging noise that was masked by Emmett turning on "The Water boy".

"Looks like someone's sleepy now…yes she is!" Rosalie said placing the baby in the bassinet and wheeling it into my bedroom. She then grabbed the remote and turned the TV down.

"Hey…why'd ya do that?" Emmett asked shocked.

"The baby is sleeping!" Rosalie hissed.

"Oh." was all Emmett said.

"lord help the first one of us to have children…Rosalie's practically going to take over raising the child." Edward said shaking his head.

"yep…but at least we'll have one hell of a babysitter…she'll probably try to breast feed the kids." I laughed.

"when's dinner…I'm starving!" Emmett whined sounding like a baby himself.

"and Rose isn't missing out if she doesn't have kids…having Emmett's just like one!" Jasper said heading back into the kitchen.

"HEY…AM NOT!" Emmett shouted highly offended. The baby woke up and started crying.

"Way to go asshole!" Rosalie said pissed before I heard the sound of my door shut.

"please god…don't let Emmett have kids!" Jasper pleaded.

We got through the dinner fine and then I went into the bedroom to check on the baby. After being there for all of two minutes the baby woke up and let out a loud yell. I knew that cry as well…someone needed a diaper change. I already knew that this was going to be one hell of a night. I undid the baby's onsie to find out that I was right…the diaper was wet. I laid down a towel and brought the baby to my bed and grabbed an extra diaper. The diaper was half off when Rosalie walked in and I realized that I forgot the wipes.

"Need any help?" Rosalie asked.

"I'm okay but get me the wipes?" I asked. Rosalie nodded and brought them over to me.

"So you never answered my question?…how are you so good with kids?" Rosalie asked.

"Rose…I had to take care of two middle aged men…one of which I had to change and bathe him every time I was over his house…plus from when I was sixteen till when I was eighteen my dad thought it would be fun to be a foster parent…we took in six babies during that time period…three of which were triplets which I took care of practically by myself cause Charlie refused to change diapers…and always screwed up the formula. I asked him how the hell he took care of me and he said that mom always handled it. And the typical project for our child care class." I said

"ohh…I knew you had experience. You used to take care of foster children?" Rosalie asked happily.

"yep…what about you?" I asked.

"ran a babysitting service all through out high school. Twice I had to watch kids over a few nights because the parents went on vacation. Never triplets though…and like I said my Aunt was a nurse on a Maternity ward and she taught me a lot." Rosalie said.

"what about Alice?" Rosalie asked.

"no experience whatsoever…shocking considering the size of her extended family. Tried to help me watch the triplets once…then one of them spit up on her blouse and that was the end of that. And there was that school project…but I have a feeling her parents helped her out a lot there." I said.

"Yeah to tell the truth I don't think she has a lot of material instincts. See I always held the theory that Dottie could sense parental instincts…she always growls and gets weird around people who lack them. And well you saw what happened with Dottie and Alice. Now I'm not going to say that Alice has none whatsoever…but the little bit she does have is probably buried deep inside her." Rosalie said.

"god I just sounded like Jasper!" Rosalie laughed.

"I'M HUNGRY!' Emmett yelled even louder.

"FOR CHRIST SAKE…YOU JUST ATE DINNER…YOU HAVE TWO HANDS…MAKE YOURSELF A SANDWICH!" Rosalie roared. The baby wailed.

"LOOK WHAT YOU DID YOU BIG BUFFOON!" Rosalie roared again.

"YOU FEED THE BABY!" Emmett hollered back. I held the child close and started to rock and hum lullabies

"THE BABY CANT FEED IT SELF…UGHHHHHHHHH " Rosalie groaned standing up.

"Mama Rosalie's going to be right back sweetheart…Uncle Emmett is retarded!" Rosalie said…the tone in her voice changing back to highly maternal. Tomorrow was going to be such a hard day for Rosalie. A few minutes later Rosalie walked back in.

"Should we tell her a bed time story?" Rosalie asked.

"Be my guest." I said

"alright I got the perfect one…the three little ex girlfriends." Rosalie said.

_"Once upon a time there were three little ex girlfriends who were best friends…Marsha, Louise, and Rosalie. One day they decided that they would have a competition to see who would build the best house. Marsha decided to build her house out of straw…her contractor was a retard. Louise…who was only a little bit brighter built her house out of sticks. Meanwhile, Rosalie built herself a brick fortress. One day…their jackass ex boyfriend…named Royce King II rolled into town in his Rolls Royce…which was bought with stolen money. He showed up at Marsha's house first…begging for her to take him back. When she wisely refused…he huffed and he puffed and he blew her shitty house away. He then turned to Louise…but Marsha beat him to her house. When he showed up begging…Louise didn't even answer the door. So he huffed and he puffed and he blew her house away as well. Meanwhile word reached Rosalie about Royce's return. Knowing that she was next on the list, Rosalie went out and bought herself a 12 Gage sawed off shot gun and a Doberman named Dottie. Rosalie also attended lots and lots of marshal arts basically Rosalie was a one woman army. When the two other girls showed up at Rosalie's house Rosalie immediately took them in. hearing the familiar engine of Royce's car…Rosalie mounted herself on the roof of her fortress. Royce knocked on the door and said that he would huff and puff and blow her house down if she didn't answer the door. Rosalie scrambled down the side of the fortress and went through the side door. She opened the front door just a crack and shoved the gun in his face. 'Try me bitch!' she snarled as the evil Royce backed up. 'Rosalie I swear to god I will blow your house down if you don't let me in!' Royce growled but Rosalie could sense the fear in his voice. She knew she had won! ' come here Dottie…come meet Uncle Royce' Rosalie called. Dottie knew that this was Rosalie's code name for ' come kick Royce's ass'. Dottie shot through the door and bit Royce right where the sun doesn't shine. Royce's scream hit an octave only high sopranos could reach. Rosalie then punched him in the stomach for added dramatic effect. Royce then scampered out of town with Rosalie's high heel mark still imprinted on his right ass cheek. Rosalie, Marsha, and Louise all had Cosmo's at Rosalie's palace. The end!"_ Rosalie said in a story book voice. Wow Rosalie had an extreme view on feminist fairy tales.

"wow I totally didn't get the moral of that story." I said.

"Really…I thought it would be obvious…don't cheat on your girlfriend." Rosalie said.

"Rosalie…your one tapped individual." I said.

"No I'm really not…I'm just a very vengeful person…besides its hypothetical anyways…well except for the code name to kick Royce's ass…that really is the code name in case Royce ever decides that he wants to come back to me. I'm very well prepared for that scenario. Of course having Emmett around wont hurt either." Rosalie said adding an afterthought.

"ROSIE I'M HUNGRY!" Emmett called again.

"MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T WORK OUT FOR LIKE THE ENTIRE DAY…YOU WOULDN'T BE AS HUNGRY AS A STAMPEDING RHINO!" Rosalie roared. The baby started crying again.

"Another story…how about the story of David and Goliath…only David's actual name was Rosalie and Goliath's name was Emmett." Rosalie said heatedly.

The baby started crying at like two in the morning. A nasty smell hung in the room. I groggily and reluctantly released myself from Edward's sleeping arms and slid off the side of the bed. About half way to the bassinet I fell over some large and warm form laid out on my bedroom floor.

"oww…my ribs!" the form which sounded suspiciously like Rosalie cried.

"what the hell…Rosalie?" Edward asked waking up.

"I thought you went home?" I asked her. Thank god we didn't do anything tonight…we had decided against it with the baby sleeping not even 4 feet away. I wasn't mad though, I knew Rosalie's intentions were solely for the baby.

"I know…but I just couldn't leave the little cutie pie…I had Emmett and Jasper drop Dottie off on their way back. I stayed in the closet until everyone went to bed. Its not that I don't trust you guys…but look how friggen cute that kid is! How could I not leave? Besides I wanted to lend a helping hand just in case you needed it…I mean do you really want _her_ changing diapers at three a.m.!" Rosalie said pointing towards Alice's room as we heard moans of "oh Jasper!…I love that Tiffanie's necklace you got me…little Nicky…uh is it really important where he is right now." I then started changing the baby's diaper.

"Rose…you're a friggen psycho…but your right. we might wake up to find the baby with an old poopy diaper and diaper rash, and Alice saying 'sorry guys…I don't do diapers'…though I think that we'd all be more comfortable if you slept on the couch. Its nothing personal…its just that that floor isn't really comfortable…and I don't want to fall onto the bassinet and launch the baby across the room." I said finishing up.

"Yeah I was getting a back cramp anyways." Rose whispered as we walked out and got her set up on the couch

"why didn't you ask…we wouldn't of minded…hell you know that Alice would of seen it as a slumber party?" I asked.

"I don't know…I didn't want to put you guys out…I mean what with the baby and everything…" Rosalie said.

"Rose…its one night. Your not putting anyone out." I said. Edward nodded in agreement.

"Thank you." Rosalie said appreciatively before laying down.

"As I said before…lord help the first one of us to have children." Edward whispered in my ear. I shook my head to keep from laughing.


	34. The next day

**I don't own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys! alright I'm just going to clarify something... Bella and Edward _did not _date in high school. _They had crushes on each other but they did not officially go out in high school_ with evidence of how deep those crushes were coming up in future chapters.  
**

Chapter 34

BPV.

The baby woke us up once more that night for a feeding. Mama hen…a.k.a Rosalie had everything handled though so we got back to sleep with ease. I woke up early the next morning and decided to get something to eat. As I walked into the kitchen I found Edward sitting with the baby and feeding her with a bottle. I sat there for several minutes unnoticed. The way he was with her…I could tell that Edward was going to be a great father some day. He then looked up and saw me.

"morning love…hope you don't mind. I woke up and she was crying like she was hungry. I didn't want to disturb you." he said in a quiet voice.

"no I don't mind at all. Guess this is kind of like practice for the future huh?" I laughed. We have had conversations about when we wanted to have kids over the past few weeks. Both of us had the same idea…thank god- we wanted to wait a few years…at least get married first.

" I guess so." Edward laughed beaming. Rosalie then walked into the room with a heavy aire of disappointment.

"Great…so you get Mr. Mom…while I'm dating moron…who as he so aptly demonstrated last night…would not know what to do with a baby if the survival of the human race depended on it!" Rosalie huffed sitting in a chair. We could tell that there was something else bothering her.

"Rosalie…what is it?" I asked handing her a cup of coffee.

"its nothing really…okay you two have to swear on your life not to tell anyone. Okay?…Emmett would probably kill me if he knew…and I don't want my parents knowing from Mouth of the South Alice. See…I went off my birth control two months ago…and I'm still not pregnant." Rosalie said.

"Let me get this straight…you want to make my brother a father? Emmett?…Mr. I killed my fake baby in junior year of high school child care class Emmett." Edward said half shocked half amused.

"Oh Edward…we all threw our flower babies down the stairs on grade day." Rosalie said as if it were nothing. What Rose didn't know was that we didn't have flower babies…Carlisle donated enough money for the school to buy electronic ones for every student to take home. They were real enough that people gave dirty looks when Alice and I went shopping in Port Angelus.

"Rose we didn't have flower babies…we had electronic…life like ones. Emmett's 'starved to death' because he thought football was more important then feeding his child. Since Emmett didn't feed the thing and its bottle was a battery charger the baby actually died. Jasper and I couldn't help because we had our own to take care of and our parents couldn't interfere because they wanted us to have a full on experience with having kids. Our parents flipped and asked Emmett what he would do if it were a real child…and Emmett said he didn't get what the big deal was…and that a real child would know enough to feed itself. He didn't say it to be mean or anything…he honestly believed that to be true. Besides if you want a child so bad…why not adopt this one?" Edward asked.

"its not the same thing…I want to feel the joys of pregnancy…besides the child wont starve with me around." Rosalie said.

"Rosalie…no offense but why do you want kids right now anyways? I mean you still live with your folks and yours and Emmett's relationship isn't at the level for kids yet…and you know that. Besides the economy's gone to hell right now…you guys are doing good business despite the recession…but you know that can change in a heartbeat. What if you have a kid…take a few months off…and something goes wrong like they do a massive lay off in the area and everyone has to conserve money. You'd go under…and you'd be unemployed for a little while." I said.

"Well I guess I could wait a while…but no longer then five years…I want kids this decade. I would have to find a suitable place…I couldn't do that to my parents." Rosalie gave in finally.

"So when you guys did the fake baby thing in high school…you know how some people listed Brad Pitt or something like that for the other parent or some people wrote down girlfriends/ boyfriends and 'got twins'…or in my case I listed immaculate conception…who did you guys list?" Rosalie asked.

"well actually I listed Bella." Edward said. I looked at him.

"you listed me…and not your girlfriend at the time?" I asked honored

"what…I wasn't the only one…you know puppy and Labrador listed you as well. I know it seems weird because we weren't really talking to each other at the time but you were the only girl in our grade who didn't come on to me or in Alice's case stalk me and my dates out for info ( she had Big Allie drive her before she got her license…which her mom was happy to oblige and get other gossip for the entire town to hear) I respected and still do respect that about you…and me and Irena were already done with." Edward said

"Well that's weird because I listed you too." I said. He gave me the same look I gave him.

"Edward…every girl in our class probably listed you as their baby's daddy who didn't have a boyfriend and some of those girls probably did as well. Your forgetting who you were…who you still are…in their eyes. Actually the only girls who didn't list you probably listed Jasper…or superstar football man. I didn't say anything because what was I going to say… 'Hey guess what…even though we've barely even talked before…you're the proud new papa of my child care project…SURPRISE!' …I just thought it'd be…"

"Awkward?…I have to admit…now it makes sense why the teacher said that the other twin fared just as well( a/n they were taking the same class at different times in the same semester)." Edward beamed finishing my sentence.

"Yes it does." I said.

"So who did Alice list?" Edward ask.

"I'll give you a hint…he's blond haired, lives at your house, and his name rhymes with Casper." I said. Edward rolled his eyes.

"Why am I not surprised…that explains why they told Jasper that he should of taken custody of the baby's twin sister when he handed his back. Jasper and I thought that they made mistakes with us…What did Alice get for a grade anyways?" Edward asked.

"she got a C…there was some damage because Alice tried to hot glue a black haired wig on to its head with no success and she was sewing 'Alicia-Porscha-Marie-Brandon-Whitlock' a dress at home with her on her lap and the baby fell forward causing its hand to go through the sewing machine. I'm shocked Alice didn't kill her…but I have a feeling that Mrs. Brandon has something to do with that." I said.

"Alicia-Poscha…figures…what did you name yours?" Edward asked.

"well I went kinda traditional and went with Daniel for the first name and out of respect o you I gave him your middle name Anthony…which I knew because ' I love Edward Anthony Cullen' was scrawled all over the girls bathroom and girls notebook margins. I would of made him Edward Jr but do you know how many ' Eddie Jr's' and 'EJ'S' were in that class? And you?" I asked.

"Thank you…I went with Destiny Savannah…I don't know why…I liked how it sounded." Edward said.

"it sounds beautiful for a girl." I agreed. If I ever had a girl I think I just found her name.

"So what about Emmett…who'd he list as the mother and what did he name it?" Rosalie asked.

"uh I forgot who Emmett listed as the mom." Edward said looking away.

"Edward…I know your lying to me….its not right to lie in front of the baby…You don't want her picking up that nasty habit now do you?" Rosalie asked in a very menacing voice.

"Your not going to like it!" Edward warned.

"Try me." Rosalie growled slightly leaning in.

"Victoria….they named the two girls Daisy Duke and Harley Queen…Emmett didn't have a say in the naming process since she was in our class…Emmett killed Daisy Duke and the teacher found out that Victoria dumped Harley Queen in a lingerie bin at Victoria's Secret. Both were told to never ever reproduce with each other in real life. "

"THAT WHORE!" Rosalie snarled. Alice stuck her head into the kitchen at that point.

"Explains why she spent an odd amount of time with Emmett those few weeks…probably part of some whacked out plan…I thought she was screwing him or trying to get closer to you Edward / some combination of the two." Alice said.

"no that didn't happen till the next year as you know…though I think the only reason why was because she had multiple STD's at the time…didn't find that one out till after she and Emmett…well you know. Fortunately Emmett never caught anything" Edward said

"I never knew that…how the hell did that get by me? Damn it…why did Seth have to come after high school!…that's nasty Alice said.

"Please don't say anything…she didn't want anyone to know…and no one does still." Edward said.

"don't worry about that….I wont say anything…_for now at least!_" On the last part Alice's eyes sparkled with unspoken rage.

"come to think of it I got a tip that they met up last week…" Alice said

"WHAT! _I KNEW IT_…HE SMELT LIKE CHANEL NO.05 …HE LIED TO ME…HE TOLD ME THAT HE WAS MEETING AN OLD FRIEND…NOT HER…THAT JACKASS KNEW I WOULD KICK HIS ASS IF I HAD ANY CLUE!" Rosalie roared.

"He told me and Jasper that too." Edward said shaking his head

"Apparently Emmett thought he was meeting her as a perspective client…and Victoria had other ideas. Don't worry…from what I heard Emmett stayed faithful." Alice said in a calm voice.

"Still that doesn't make it right to lie to me…I'll have to get him back…lets see how he likes being lied to!" Rosalie said pissed.

"Rosalie I agree with you that Emmett shouldn't of lied…but please think before you do whatever your going to do…cause you know as well as I do that Emmett gets pissed when he gets jealous…and as evidenced by the charcoal pit right outside town…when he gets pissed he looses touch with reality. I know that you don't want anyone getting hurt…so please just think about it." Edward said.

"Yeah do what he says…don't give the bitch the satisfaction of breaking up another relationship…she obviously knows that you two are together by now…everyone always asks me if Emmett fucked this relationship up yet…I mean she'd have to be living in the basement of an old K-Mart in the middle of nowhere not to have known. I fucking always hated that bitch. Accusing me of some fucked up shit like that…really? Well I at least didn't get VD…maybe she got it from the Vice Principal…I thought I saw a herpe or two on his lips before they became an item. And she tried to fuck Bella over in Biology…cheat and say that Bella copied off of her…which I didn't find out about till a couple of months ago…ugh she was and still is so god damn evil." Alice agreed.

"maybe you would of known if you weren't stalking Jessica Stanley out in the bathroom that day." Edward said as if he already knew. How the…? Well he was in the class.

"I heard rumors about her buying a pregnancy test…I wanted to see if it was true…wait a minute how the heck did you know?" Alice asked.

"I went to sharpen my pencil…and I mean it wasn't like she was trying to hide what she was doing. I mean she was leaning so far forward that her desk was on two legs I'm sure that the teacher would of even noticed if he wasn't reading some Biology magazine. I wouldn't of said anything but I didn't want you to get in trouble for Victoria's actions." Edward said.

"So that was you…I never got a chance to thank you." I said pecking him on the cheek.

"Anyone would of done it." Edward said.

"ughhh I know its not right to hate anyone…but if that bitch died I wouldn't be sad…the poor sap who she divorced…probably didn't know what he was getting himself into. I cant wait to find something juicy out on her…I'll have so much fun with that. I heard she brought property out in this area right after the reunion…I'll have to get Seth on her trail. One of our joint ventures." Alice said.

"Alright I think we should get ready to leave now…Jasper just text me and said that he and Emmett are on their way." Alice said shoving me into the shower. The minute we were all ready we hooked the baby up in Emmett's jeep. Edward and I then called work and told them that we would be coming in late. I felt so bad over doing this. I really wanted to keep her but I knew that none of us could take care of a kid at this point in our lives. Rosalie started crying. We all looked at her.

"I'mm soo Sorry little one…but we cant takee care of you right noww. You'll bee going to a great home…I promise!" Rosalie sobbed hysterically.

"not to sound mean or anything but I really don't feel bad over doing this. She's probably going to go to people who can provide good care and love her unconditionally. We're giving her a great opportunity…she's going to grow up with a great family probably. You all know that infants are the fastest adopted out of the foster care system…everyone wants a baby. I feel like we're giving her the best chance at life. I really have a good feeling about this." Alice said.

"Your telling me that you wont miss her?" Rosalie sniffed.

"Of course I will…but Rose, common…we've only been with her for a day!" Alice said jumping into the front seat. The rest of us sat in the back with the baby. Emmett then pealed out of the parking lot.

"Slow down Emmett…we have a baby on board!" Rosalie growled.

"Babe we're only doing 50 mph…and we're practically in an armored tank. Even if we got into an accident my car wouldn't even have a dent…calm down." Emmett said.

"I SAID SLOW DOWN!" Rosalie roared.

"Fine!" Emmett said purposely bringing the car to a crawl.

"You can go faster then this…we want to reach the hospital today!" Rosalie complained.

"Babe if your such the expert at driving…then why didn't you take your car!" Emmett said

"Oh no…he didn't just say that." Jasper said shaking his head.

" WHY…I'LL TELL YOU WHY… MAYBE ITS BECAUSE I DIDN'T TRUST YOU IN THE BACK SEAT WITH THE BABY." Rosalie growled.

"babe you seem very cranky…did you sleep at all last night?" Emmett asked.

"I'm sorry Emmett…I did get some sleep last night. I'm still very pissed off at this whole situation I mean who could leave a child like that. I didn't mean to take it out on you." Rosalie said.

"Ugh its all bad news these days…it feels like it's the end of the world." Alice said randomly scrawling through her phone.

"So I'm curious…how do you guys think the world's going to end?" Alice asked.

"I believe that all our bad deeds…such as this (she gestured to the baby and around) …are going to cause a big asteroid to come slam right into us. All the good people are going to have to suffer for all the assholes…such as the woman who left the baby on the doorstep. You know what they say…what comes around goes around." Rosalie said.

"I kind of agree with you Rosalie…not with the bad karma part…but I just think an asteroid is going to take us out." I said.

"I'm not going to say how I think its going to happen but I think that we're not going to see it coming…kind of like Lady Gaga." Alice said.

" I think a global flu pandemic's going to wipe us out. I mean look how fast Swine Flu went around the world. Imagine if it was something more deadly. Everyone panicked during that so imagine something much worse. that's just how I feel." Edward said.

"I'm more of the 'war to end all wars' guy myself. I think we're going to get into a war with someone…then one side's going to nuke the other and then we're going to have MAD and no one wins then." Jasper said as if we were discussing the weather.

"I believe that our asses are going to be what take us out." Emmett said.

"You mean to say that you think we're going to take ourselves out?" Rosalie asked.

"No I really believe that our asses are going to be what take us out. We sit on them all day long and everyone's getting obese. I believe that one day we're all going to have heart attacks." Emmett said.

"I'm dating stupid" Rosalie shook her head.

"No really…we're in an obesity epidemic Rose. Everyone's just stuffing cheeseburgers down their throats. Little kids don't even get off their asses to ride a bicycle…I really think that that's going to do us in." Emmett said.

"So basically you think that lack of exercise is going to end the world." Rosalie said.

"Yeah basically." Emmett said

"Wow such a comforting thought Emmett…watching everyone around us blow up like balloons." Alice said sarcastically.

"Relax Alice…people like me and you will escape…I cant say the same thing about others!" Emmett said throwing the rest of the cab dirty looks.

"Listen Emmett…not all of us have the time to live at the gym…besides I work out…I work out on your thigh master." Rosalie huffed.

"Well Emmett…Uncle Carlisle said as long as you take the stairs instead of the elevator…" said Jasper, who we all knew wasn't a fan of working out. Then again neither was I…but knowing me I would probably get crushed lifting weights or fall off the treadmill. Alice on the other hand loved doing jazzercise and spin class.

"who would want to survive in a world like that…think about it…the only food we'd probably find would be Doritos and Twinkies. Your work as well as mine would take a nose dive. Hell I would probably be your only client. The power would go out as there would be no one at the power grids and stations and your machines would shut down. You would have to work out old school." Alice said.

"huhh…no more listening to my i pod on my treadmill?" Emmett gasped.

"Nope."

"that would be a night mare!" Emmett said horrified.

"well you do what you have to to survive." Emmett added on.

"yeah…true." Alice agreed

"Emmett…I really think your wrong there…I just don't think it's a feasible way…I mean not everybody stuffs their face…look at the starving African Children…their asses are certainly not killing them!" Rosalie countered.

"Whatever…your just saying that because you know that your not going to survive…nope me and Alice are going to be the only ones left." Emmett said. Wow that's a scary thought…the hope of all humanity resting on Emmett and Alice's shoulders? We'd definitely go extinct.

"Damn straight…wait a minute….that means that I'd have to…eww oh my god I'm gonna puke! that's like screwing my brother." Alice said disgustedly.

"EWWWW!" Emmett gagged.

" ha not too happy to survive now are we…it could be worse…like hooking up with someone with STD'S …speaking of that Emmett I have a bone to pick with you later." Rosalie growled.

It was then that we pulled into the hospital parking lot. We were getting out into the parking lot when we saw movement in a blue Corvette that was right across from us. The hands of a older man rubbed against the back windshield.

"Ohh look it…older couple getting it on!" Emmett whooped. Just then fiery red hair flew up obscuring the sight for a second as Victoria's body graced us with its presence. Before we could turn away Mr. Varner grilled us and a flash emanated from Alice's cellphone. Emmett gagged and Rosalie shielded the babies eyes while looking horrified. The rest of us looked down and away.

"Definitely sending this out…I've been waiting so long for this moment…want to make stories about me!" Alice said typing on her phone like it was a type writer. Our phones went off.

_"ooh look who's getting it on…Victoria's_ back!_ looks like someone's up to their old tricks again. Well you know what they say…I guess a leopard really cant change its spots. Wanna go around accusing people when your doing the same thing. Practice what you preach! Cannot get an A+ this time now can we…trying to secure your future children's grades? Well too bad he's not an anatomy teacher…oh wait you screwed him too along with the entire male faculty and the Vice Principal of Forks high. Watch what you say…cause while it may take years…it will eventually bite you in the ass!"_

"Alice…maybe you should of watched what you said…I mean it was a long time ago." I said.

"Bella…I was hearing things around town…believe me if you know what I know you would be proud of what I did just now. Lets just say that what I did was a retaliation against some unsavory things that flew out of her mouth recently." Alice said.

"Lets get this situation under control first guys then Alice your going to tell us what you know so we can handle it the right way." Rosalie said as we turned towards the hospital. We handed the baby to a shocked nurse and told her the story. The child was immediately whisked away and we were told to stay put until the authorities came to question us.

Charlies point of view.

I was dealing with a situation pertaining to the male faculty of Forks High School and an former student when my phone went off. The number of the hospital flashed across the caller id.

"Hello?" I asked picking up the phone.

"Hi this is Forks Community Hospital…Chief we need you to come down here." The woman said.

"What happened?" I asked taking out a pen and paper.

"Um your daughter came in with a baby this morning…" the woman started up but I cut her off.

_"WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!"_I shrieked. The room started to spin a little. Before I knew it I was waking up on the floor with the woman and her lawyer staring at me like I had three heads. I mean I never noticed her having a baby bump or anything…but the Swan women usually don't get baby bumps until very late in the pregnancy…and I even questioned whether Renee lied to me up until two weeks before Bella was born cause she was as flat as a board.

"I'll be right there." I said hanging up the phone.

"we're going to have cut this meeting short…don't worry…your case will be in the best of hands…I promise." I said as the three of us stood up. I shot past Mrs. Brandon who was reprimanding Caius for his indecent exposure arrest…lets just say he was found wandering the streets of downtown Forks…and I was scarred for life. I whipped my car out and sped at mock speed towards the hospital.

BPV

The hospital doors opened up and Charlie came charging in like a bull. His gaze was so locked on Edward that he didn't even notice me in the chair right next to him.

"Oh shit Edward…you better run…Charlie looks like he's out for the kill…you can actually feel his anger from here." Jasper said.

" you don't think he's stupid enough to think that…" Emmett started up. We looked at him.

"yeah I think so Emmett…though the man's not stupid…just overprotective." Rosalie said.

"YOU…YOU KNOCKED UP MY BABY GIRL!" Charlie snarled charging over like a grizzly bear on the attack.

"Dad!" I growled. Charlie, finally noticing me took a step back.

"Bells…why aren't you in a hospital room…and dressed in normal clothes?" Charlie gasped shocked.

"I never was pregnant…Edward and I haven't even been together for 9 months…the baby isn't mine…and I'm sure that it doesn't belong to anyone else in this room. Someone left her on our doorstep…trust me…if I was pregnant…you would be the third to know." I said.

"Chief we called you here because of the fact that the child was abandoned" a nurse said backing the story. I could see the relief spread across Charlies face.

"Geez that almost gave me a heart attack…don't ever do that to me again" he said placing his hand over his chest.

"so while we're all here…Alice I was with your mom who was bailing your dad out this morning and I saw your text message. Then that Victoria girl came in to file a complaint." Charlie said.

"Against me?" Alice asked pissed.

"No… against the entire male facility of Forks high as well as the Vice Principal. She has evidence that we believe was obtained by you Alice…you may have to testify at the trial." Charlie said.

"that bitch was probably planning a lawsuit….wait a minute -what evidence?" Alice asked.

"Well we went on your site and we were able to pull up photographs that were from at least 6-7 years ago that were in your 'Juicy Gossip History of Forks-Woman's addition' album. There was enough that we were able to build a case on that. We're moving in later on today…you guys might want to right it down at some point. (A/n not sure in real life that they would have a case at this point but go along with it for the story purposes) " Charlie said. Looks like Edward and I found our story for the day.

"SHE USED EVIDENCE FROM_ MY_ WEBSITE…AND SHE WANTS ME TO TESTIFY?" Alice growled pissed.

"Well you want to go around spreading rumors…I warned you something like this may happen one day." Rosalie said shaking her head.

"Alice…you know that testifying is the right thing to do. Think about it…the teachers were giving her good grades just because she slept with them. Not only did it hurt Victoria-in that she actually didn't learn a thing yet received the praise of an honors student- but it hurt the rest of us as well…you know this…you threatened to tell the superintendent. Don't think about it as helping Victoria…you don't realize how big this is going to be…think about it as you…with a microphone…with the biggest news ever-because don't kid yourself…this is going to be the biggest scandal in Forks in modern history…and everyone in the room and if there's tv cameras allowed in the court room the state and possibly the nation listening to your every word….Alice this is what you love!" I said.

"Me on national television…with the biggest scoop in at least the last few years. ' Ask Allie' gone national!" Alice said with her eyes twinkling and her mouth hanging open. Oh shit I shouldn't of said that.

"Consider it done…ooh maybe I'll get a talk show some day!" Alice said excitedly. God that's all we need…Alice and Seth with a professional camera crew. I saw Rosalie's eye twitch.

"So back to the baby…there's some standard questions that I have to ask…firstly when did you find the child?" Charlie asked.

"Yesterday afternoon…we decided that it would be best to keep her over night and bring her here in the morning." I said.

"alright I know you guys say that the baby was left on the doorstep but…are you guys absolutely positive that any of you did not steal this child?" Charlie asked. The boys all flashed looks at Rosalie.

"ugh I told you guys that I did not steal that baby…I would never steal an innocent little child! You can polygraph me if you want!" Rosalie said offended

"No dad…we didn't steal the child…we have the letter that the mother left…you can do a handwriting analysis if you want but I guarantee that it wont match any of us." I said handing Charlie the note

"Huh _'good luck in that shit hole' _so I guess that means Renee is back in town?" Charlie joked.

"That's what I said!" Alice said.

"Well I have to go…lots of paper work to file now what with the abandonment and the multiple indictment statutory case now. I know that this was a false alarm and everything but if I get another phone call like that one and it is the real McCoy …unless you guys are married…just remember I wont hesitate. I know what we agreed to before Bells…just take into consideration that I don't want to be Grandpa Swan for a while." Charlie said slightly nervous. An old nurse looked like she wanted to say something but quickly changed her mind under my father's glare .

"alright…now back to more current events…so I heard that Rich Bitch Queen Victoria told the entire town that Bella cheated on Edward with Angela's boyfriend Ben and some other guys from Seattle…apparently your quite the cheater Bella. It gets better then that…you Edward in your grief went to Victoria's place and I guess found 'solace' in her…all night long…I gagged when I heard that one. Apparently you told her all sorts of things…like how she's the most beautiful girl you've been with and you cant live your life with out her and you two are talking about marriage. Oh yeah and apparently I gave Jasper HIV on purpose or some bullshit like that…and poor Jasper had to find a girl like me…'how dare such an evil pixie whore lay eyes on someone as pure and innocent and wonderful as Jasper'… now you see why I hate the fucking bitch…never mind what she said about Emmett and Rose!" Alice growled

"SHE SAID WHAT…HOW THE HELL DID SHE EVEN THINK OF THAT?" I gasped.

"EWW EVEN IF THINGS WENT BAD BETWEEN ME AND BELLA…I WOULD NEVER RUN TO HER…THAT'S DISGUSTING!" Edward growled gagging.

"SHE SAID WE HAVE AIDS…WHAT?" Jasper roared pissed.

"Now you see why I sent that!" Alice said

"Said what about Emmett and Rose?" Rosalie asked.

"That Emmett's a victim of domestic abuse and apparently he broke down during dinner and showed all his bruises and how he cant tell anyone cause your family is connected in the mafia." Alice said.

"WHAT…ARE YOU KIDDING ME…WHO WOULD EVEN BELIVE THAT…I WOULD BREAK MY HAND PUNCHING THAT!" Rosalie said gesturing to Emmett's massive form.

"Actually that's the story that people believed the most out of Victoria…but no worries I cleared it all up." Alice stated. Rosalie's mouth was hanging open

"I broke down…I'll break her down…Emmett Cullen never cries!" Emmett said as his face flustered and tears fell down his cheek.

"THIS IS JUST THAT BITCHES WAY OF BREAKING US APART…I'LL FIX THAT…ALICE DO YOU HAVE HER TELEPHONE NUMBER?" Rosalie snarled.

"Who's number don't I have…here it is!" Alice said handing her phone over. Victoria picked up on the first ring.

"Hello!" her husky voice filled the phone.

"LISTEN YOU FUCKING BITCH…STOP MAKING UP LIES ABOUT US…SINCE YOUR SO FAMILIAR WITH THE LAW…HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF FUCKING SLANDER BITCH…YOU DE-CHARACTERIZED US YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Rosalie snarled on the phone.

"Common Rosalie we all know what I said was the truth." Victoria responded.

"ARE YOU FUCKING DELUSIONAL!" Rosalie roared.

"Emmett wasn't exaggerating about your temper." Victoria said.

_"TEMPER…I'LL GIVE YOU TEMPER!"_ Rosalie growled.

"I'm sure you would darling but I'm afraid that you've done enough damage to poor Emmett…you better not threaten me sweetie…you know those lovely children that you've always wanted…one phone call to child services and I can have them taken away in a heart beat…what with your anger issues and all." Victoria said.

"YOUR THREATENING MY FUTURE CHILDREN! YOU EVER THREATEN THEM AGAIN OR TOUCH ONE HAIR ON THEIR HEADS AND I'LL PERSONALLY MAKE SURE THAT YOUR NEVER FOUND!" Rosalie snarled and growled at the same time.

"I'm sure you would…the type of 'Family' your in could have that arranged." Victoria said.

"I'm sure they could!" Rosalie agreed menacingly. Victoria didn't know how mob like Rose's actual family was…maybe not a traditional mob but I wouldn't want to fuck with any of those women.

"Hope you sleep well tonight." Rosalie threatened hanging up the phone.

"I so cant wait to kick her ass." Alice smiled.


	35. The Jacob Black affair part 1

**I don't own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys! alright I'm just going to clarify something... Bella and Edward _did not _date in high school. _They had crushes on each other but they did not officially go out in high school_ with evidence of how deep those crushes were coming up in future chapters and they aren't married...Charlie was the one who got remarried. oh and Leah's getting married in this chapter.  
**

Chapter 35

The minute I stepped out of the bedroom the next morning Alice was shooing me into the bathroom to get ready. She was acting as if she were on crack.

"Hurry hurry…we have to get mani's and pedi's and go to Leah's to get dressed…the boys and Rose are going to meet us at the place…the boys and Rose are going to meet us at the place. Hurry up hurry up!" Alice said shoving me into the shower.

"ALICE EXACTLY HOW MUCH COFFEE DID YOU HAVE TODAY?" I called.

"THREE CUPS AND A CAFFINE PILL…WHY?" Alice called back hyper.

"WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU TAKE A CAFFINE PILL?" I asked.

"STARBUCKSWASN'TOPENYET!" Alice called out too fast. Oh god this was going to be a night mare…an already nervous Alice on caffeine walking down an isle…and then drinking later…at a wedding…holy shit.

"Alice how many times do we have to go over this…you don't need caffeine!" I said finishing my shower.

"blow dry blow dry blow dry!" Alice said grabbing me and running into my bedroom.

"You know how dangerous that is Alice…your like the size of my pinky!" I said.

"Lies…lies…all lies…caffineisgoodforyou….everyoneneedscaffine!" Alice twitched.

"okay…I'm driving." I said as Alice finished my hair and I put my clothes on.

"…LOVEYOUDOLLS!" Alice called running out the door. Alice grabbed the keys out of my hands and dashed towards the car.

"Alice I'm not going unless you give me the keys and let me drive!" I ordered as Alice sat in the drivers seat in protest.

"I'M DRIVING…YOU DRIVE THE SPEED LIMIT…YOUR TOO SLOW…WE GOTTA GO GO GO!" Alice said throwing me into the passenger side and taking off …speeding away like a bat out of hell. Please god don't let us reck.

"Alice slow down!" I said looking at the speedometer which read 120.

_"Cause we're living in a material world and I am a material girl…wahoo!_" Alice sang ignoring me. Oh god oh god…definitely going to get a ticket if we don't crash.

"Where the hell are we even going…its like 9 am…Leah's ceremony isn't until like 4" I said. My phone then went off.

"Was that you and Alice we just passed…flying towards the Forks exit at the speed of sound?" Edward asked.

"Help me!" I whispered.

"put it on speaker phone." Edward said.

"ALICE SLOW DOWN THIS INSTANT…YOUR GOING TO KILL YOURSELF AND BELLA!" Edward roared.

"NO TOO SLOW…TOO SLOW….GOTTA GO GOTTA GO GOTTA GO!" Alice roared as the car shot forward

"What the hell did you have this morning…crack?" Edward asked.

"Might as well have." I mumbled

"oh no…did Alice take any supplements?" Jasper asked in the background.

"I ONLY HAD THREE CUPS OF COFFEE AND A CAFFEINE PILL!" Alice said very fast.

"Oh shit!" All three boys said.

"Alice listen to me very carefully…I know that your hyped up on caffeine and everything…but think about what would happen to Leah's wedding if you and Bella cant make it because you two were arrested…or worse in a car wreck. Leah would have to cancel the whole thing. Think about all the decorations that would go to waste. All the food…all the booze." Edward said. Alice let up on the gas a little.

"oh no…cant let the open bar go to waste!" Alice said. I rolled my eyes.

"SPA…WE'RE HERE WE'RE HERE…WE'RE HERE!" Alice said pulling into the parking lot. In addition to getting our nails and feet done we were going to get a massage. Alice jumped out and skipped up to the front entrance. 

"We're here for the Clearwater affair!" Alice said to the receptionist.

"My your early…right this way!" the lady said leading us back. Leah was the only one back there and she had just arrived. About an hour later the room was filled with people

A few hours later we were in Leah and Seth's house…Alice surrounded by every beauty product known to man kind x 10. The dogs were with Harry in the other room and Seth was with the groomsmen. She was psychotically running back and fourth between all of the girls getting makeup and hair done. I didn't get why she was acting this way…I mean we were all wearing werewolf masks for crying out loud.

"You know I don't get why we have to wear masks…it hides my work…and look it…does she even need a mask I mean she looks like a werewolf!" Alice said pointing to a girl who had an abnormal amount of facial hair.

"Alice its rude to point!" I whispered.

"Out of all the beauty supply's I bring with me I forget the electrolysis kit…and the closest thing they have here to hot wax is Nair…and you cant use that on your face…especially not on someone's wedding day. A big puffy red face would look horrible in the pictures that she takes her mask off. I was going to try and shave it off…but we all know how that goes." Alice said. We then zipped each other up in our short brown Halloween costume dresses. Leah was sitting on the couch already…she was wearing a wedding dress that she bought from the same costume store. Alice was never so mortified when she bought it. Hey but Leah wanted it.

"when I get married…I'm never dressing anybody up like this…this is ridiculous…your all wearing designer made dresses…end of story…how the bridesmaids look reflect upon the brides taste. I mean we brought these at I-Party. Poor Sethy…I can imagine what she did with him." Alice said as we strapped on our 3 inch werewolf faced high heels. Leah hand did the design herself…a.k.a she glued on the werewolf faces.

"Come here Brittney and Dolce…we're leaving soon!" Alice called when it was about time to leave. The dogs came running out. Brittney was wearing a smaller replica of our dresses and Dolce was wearing an all brown tux with brown shirt and brown tie. Someone was going to pick us up from the house and we were getting our own ride to the reception.

"alright here comes the…oh what the hell Leah got a hearse…should of seen that one coming. Well at least it somewhat coordinates." Alice said looking out the window.

"I'm sorry guys…its that their father is an undertaker and he wanted to help out with the wedding." Leah whispered to us.

"This is exactly why people should let me plan their weddings." Alice moaned as we lined up and walked to the car. He opened the car door up to reveal a line of seats around a big mahogany coffin which smelt weird. Alice was staring horrified.

"There's no one in that right?" Alice gasped horrified.

"Oh sorry guys…I'm on lay away for a funeral…the family decided to bury the guy later on…something about how he liked the night or something. Just sit around the coffin." The driver said.

"your telling me that there's a body in that thing!" Alice said scared.

"I don't know what your so afraid of…he's not going to hurt you!" the driver said.

"Alright I'm going to say it again…this is exactly the reason why people need to let me plan their weddings for them…I'm pretty sure it's a bad omen about the marriage when the brides riding in the back seat with a dead guy." Alice whispered in my ear as we got in.

"ugh it smells of death in here!" Alice said as the doors closed. She whipped out a bottle of perfume and started spraying. The dogs ( all the bridesmaids and Leah owned small dogs) sniffed and barked at the coffin.

"Eww Dolce don't sniff that…it might be diseased!" Alice said taking out hand wipes and wiping the dogs nose.

"this would have been a great wedding for Halloween…too bad its not." Alice mumbled to herself

"Alice…this is Leah's day…this is what she wants!" I said.

"But look at our flowers…they have earth worms in them…and she's getting married in a Cemetery. I knew this wedding was going to be fucked up." Alice said quietly.

"Actually Alice…she's getting married in a mausoleum." I corrected.

"Same thing…there's still going to be dead bodies around us…we're just going to be indoors…not to mention its on the property of a Cemetery. Huh must of did that for convenience…incase Harry has a heart attack at the ceremony…they can just throw him in a hole outside. Poor Seth…this is going to be so embarrassing to him!" Alice whispered

"but Alice…this isn't about Seth…its about Leah and what she wants. Even if what she wants could be ruled insane by a psychiatrist." I whispered back.

"Jasper's going to have a field day with this wedding…All I can say is thank god we have these masks so I can frown all I want." Alice said

"Alright Alice…if this was your wedding how would you go about doing it?" I asked. 

"Well I'm a traditional girl myself. I always saw myself getting married at a grand cathedral. 500 of my closest friends and family all staring at me as I walk down the isle in my ruffled ivory Vera Wang wedding dress with rhinestone studs across the top. Then me and my groom enter the Rolls Royce that he owns and speed off towards the Reception at which we dance in candle light under the under the $100,000 chandeliers that we rented. What about you?" Alice asked.

"Well I haven't really-" I started up

"and that's why I planned your wedding…don't worry its going to be a whole lot better then this. Actually I've been planning it for so long that there's people waiting on stand by for my phone call…for any type of wedding you want whether its an elopement or thousand plus person wedding. And its definitely going to be better then this!" Alice said gesturing to the coffin.

"I cannot believe that we're going to be seen like this…oh the gossip." Alice said shaking her head. We then pulled into the graveyard and everyone in the back started humming the funeral march…Alice being the loudest of them all.

"Hey…you're the one who said that we would be bridesmaids…you knew how Leah was!" I said.

"well I hoped that maybe I could influence the wedding plans…well cant cry over spilled milk…we've made it this far." Alice said. The hearse parked on the side of the mausoleum and the back doors opened up.

"Fresh air!" Alice exhaled. We walked around to the front entrance where we were greeted by what could only be described as a six foot tall werewolf. Seth's Siberian husky, Paulie, barked happily at his side. Seth's voice emanated from deep inside the costume.

"Hey guys!" Seth greeted. Alice and I stood shocked.

"Seth?…why are you wearing that?" Alice gasped out.

" Fucking Leah made me wear it. Now I'm going to look like a freak in front of my entire family…as I said this wedding is going to be such a fucking disaster. I cannot believe this. Harry almost didn't even show up…he's still so pissed off at this whole thing. If this were my wedding he wouldn't even show up…but no because it was LeeLee and this is probably her one and only shot at marriage he decided to come. Look at me…how am I going to score any hot bridesmaids…no offence…in this getup. She couldn't at least put me in a tux?" Seth complained.

"I don't know what your complaining about…your not holding flowers with dead worms all over them and you don't have eyes on your shoes…its going to take forever until my hands feel clean. My newly manicured nails have dog prints on them…dog prints aren't even in this year. And don't get me started on our ride here!" Alice said.

"What did my sister do now?" Seth moped. Alice pointed to the hearse.

"Oh. My. God…typical Leah. As if we don't look freaky enough…all the relatives are going to see her get in side that thing." Seth shook with embarrassment.

"You want to talk freaky…how about the fact that that thing has a dead body inside of it. I had to ride to a wedding with a corpse…a fucking corpse Seth." Alice said

"There's a body in that thing?" Seth asked horrified.

"No…I smell like a decomposing body because I rolled around in a grave. Of course there's a body in there." Alice said.

"Leave it to Leah to have some fucked up shit like that…I told Harry she needs help a long time ago…he refused and now we're all here. Look at me I'm sweating like a dog. Another huge wolf walked up to us.

"lets go son…ugh this is so not how I pictured Leah's wedding day." Harry's voice came out of the costume.

"You pictured Leah's wedding day…I didn't even do that." Seth said.

"Want to get a picture of the Father and the Brother of the bride?" A photographer asked walking up to us.

"Absolutely not!" Seth said as Alice escorted the woman away.

"Good Choice Seth…who knows…that could of wound up on Face book." Alice shuttered. We all then lined up. Seth and Alice were pared up…wonder fixed that considering Seth was Best Man and Alice was just a bridesmaid. I was going to be walking with some random brother of the groom right behind them. As the music started up Alice and Seth linked arms.

"Look it…your dogs dressed better then me!" Seth said as Alice put Dolce down. The doors opened up and we started our decent. Alice and Seth strutted down the isle as if it were all about them.

EPV

"Ooh Jasper…Alice and Seth look a little chum chum…is someone Jealous?" Emmett asked as Alice and Seth strutted down the isle.

"No…I know the psychodynamics of that relationship…there's nothing to worry about there…their both just very vivacious people…so when two people like that become friends it's a very expressive friendship." Jasper said. Emmett was lost on the word "psychodynamics'.

"can you say that again…in English this time." Emmett said. Jasper, Rose and I rolled our eyes.

"alright how about this…There. Is. No. Romantic. Interest. There. I can see it in Alice's body language." Jasper said as Alice flicked her mask off for a second and waived at the crowd. Bella and her escort were right behind Alice and Seth. She shook her head for a split second. I didn't like how were-boy was staring at Bella but I didn't want to ruin the wedding.

"one word and Dottie can bite his balls off." Rosalie whispered in my ear looking in the same direction I was.

"No Rosalie not right now…he hasn't done anything physical yet." I whispered back.

"Okay." Rosalie said. Emmett then went to pet Dottie and Dottie snarled at him.

"okay…I get it …you don't want to be pet right now." Emmett said backing away from the dog.

"You know…this isn't such a bad place to get married…" Emmett started up.

"Don't you dare finish that sentence Emmett…most girls don't want to get married in a raised tomb." Rosalie said.

"She does!" Emmett said pointing to the bride who was now walking down the isle with a huge furry man wolf thing.

"That's the exception…and if you haven't noticed this wedding doesn't exactly scream traditional anyways!" Rosalie said pointing to the line of werewolves that were at the end of the isle. The minister stepped out in a huge werewolf costume.

"Why am I not surprised?" Rosalie said. Jacob Black's voice emanated from the costume. Alice's head shot out into the isle and Bella stiffened up. Since the minister realized he had to do another wedding today at the rehearsal a fill in had been assigned to do the job so no one knew who it was.

"Puppy!" Emmett laughed hysterically. Jasper looked like he just took a shot of moonshine. Rosalie looked like she was possessed by the devil.

"That bastard…he knew they were going to be bridesmaids…I bet that's why he volunteered…he's so much like Royce. I'm gonna have to teach Dottie a new code word." Rosalie mumbled under her breath.

"We're here today for the Union of this happy couple. You two are very lucky to have made it this far…I know _some_ couples never make it down the isle…even after a _year_ of Dating." Jacob said. I felt my hand clinch. Rosalie scowled and I saw Alice twitch. Jasper looked disgusted and Emmett just stared.

"Asshole!" Rosalie hissed under her breath.

"a marriage is built on trust…trust in the other partner. With out trust a relationship usually dies. But some times…a once in a million shot…you can gain the trust back. And if there's even that one chance….shouldn't you take that person back and not jump into another relationship with a guy you barely know." Jacob said. To say that I was pissed was the understatement of the century. Bella looked like she didn't know where to look and Alice started to shake.

"I cant believe he's turning this into all about him and Bella…he's ruining the ceremony!" Rosalie growled.

"and now it is time for the vows." Jacob said as Leah and her groom turned towards each other. They decided to write their own vows.

"aww wasn't that so sweet…people expressing their love and devotion for each other…a rarity in our days…even with people who have known each other_ forever_ and always talked about getting married just to have them dumped on their ass." Jacob started up.

"Hey Jacob…we're not paying you to hear your thoughts on relationships!" Harry Clearwater bellowed pissed. I was going to have to personally thank Harry Clearwater at some point.

"HEY BUDDY…YOU SUCK…SEE A SHRINK ALREADY!" Emmett bellowed. Rosalie was laughing hysterically. The entire crowd erupted in applause.

"Shut up Em…I don't want to have to deal with him!" Jasper growled. Too bad he had a fucking mask on…I wanted to see his face.

"I feel so bad for Bella, Seth, Alice and Leah…he's making a mockery of the ceremony." Rosalie said.

"So anyways…where were we…right…now the happy couple will exchange rings…repeat after me…I thee wed." Jacob said  
"I thee wed." Leah said.

"I thee wed." the werewolf groom said.

"such a wonderful…happy couple…may the natural spirits of this earth bless your relationship forever and ever. By the powers invested in me…by the internet…I now pronounce you man and wife…you may now kiss the werewolf." Jacob said…his eyes glaring at Bella through his mask.

"Wow…just wow." Jasper said shaking his head

"ugh…so much like Royce…he would do the exact same thing…just look at him…acting like he's a king or something…he's a king alright…king of the douche bags!" Rosalie growled. She patted Dottie and they both growled as Jacob walked by. I was about to say something but Jasper stopped me.

"Edward don't even give him the satisfaction…at least wait till the reception." Jasper said. We then went to meet up with the girls.

"CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SCUM BAG…SPOUTING ABOUT TRUST…PLEASE…HE CHEATED ON BELLA. I WANTED TO FUCKING PUNCH HIS LIGHTS OUT…JACKASS!" Alice snarled the minute we met up with them. 

"I cant believe he did this…I'm so sorry guys." Bella said looking shameful.

"Don't be…its not your fault Jacob's an asshole." I said rubbing her shoulder.

" candy…flowers…Dottie…shooting Jacob at point blank range." Rosalie was saying to herself.

"What are you doing Rose?" I asked.

"a technique I taught her…finding her happy place…I guess she's doing it somewhat successfully." Jasper said as an evil smile crossed Rosalie's face.

" God damn it…and I totally forgot my tazer!" Alice said gloomily.

"Common…lets go eat…Leah would be pissed if we didn't show up at the reception." Bella said. And with that we all climbed into Emmett's jeep.

"Hey look at what I snuck!" Alice said pulling out a bottle of Champaign from under her seat.

"I didn't know that was in there?" Emmett asked.

"Oh yeah I put it in last night….lets get this party started!" Alice said cracking open the bottle and poring it into glasses that she had stored next to it.  
"To Leah and Jacoby…may this be their only marriage…god knows we don't need Jacob as a minister again.!" Alice toasted.

"Here here!" Everyone said happily.

"yeah I would say that the boy clearly had a nervous break down if he did that…either that or he could be suffering from a manic episode…either way he really does need help because he could wind up hurting somebody." Jasper said.

"Thank you…I've been saying that for a long time now…does anyone listen…no…Billy laughed at me and said I'm one to talk!" Alice said feeling validated

"you are one to talk Alice." Jasper said.

"Just kidding darling!" Jasper added after seeing the look on her face.

"ooh Jasper just called you psycho!" Emmett said from the drivers seat.

"Emmett I would shut up right now if I were you…Mr. I have OCD with working out…it's a wonder that we could extract you from the gym to come here." Rosalie said.

"At least I didn't get branded as a domestic abuser." Emmett countered.

"Emmett you are on thin ice right now." Rosalie hissed. Emmett clammed up.

_"Everybody, everybody, let's get into it._  
_Get stupid…Get it started, get it started, get it started….Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here….Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here….Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here….Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in !_ " Emmett bellowed out and fist pumped out the window.

"Oh my god!" Rosalie said covering her face.

_"Everybody, everybody, let's get into it._  
_Get stupid…Get it started, get it started, get it started….Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here….Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here….Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here….Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here.__Yeah_!" Alice sang happily along with him.

"if Jacobs here…definitely drinking at this wedding!" Alice said.

It was then that we pulled into the reception hall. 


	36. The Jacob Black affair pt 2

**I don't own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys! alright I'm just going to clarify something... Bella and Edward _did not _date in high school. _They had crushes on each other but they did not officially go out in high school_ with evidence of how deep those crushes were coming up in future chapters and they aren't married...Charlie was the one who got remarried. oh and Leah's getting married in this chapter.  
**

Chapter 36

About a half hour later we were sitting at the table with Alice and Jasper. Emmett and Rose decided that they wanted to go get drinks and took off.

"Guys we have some news that I think will effect you two the most out of everyone…well except Emmett." Edward started up.

"Good because we have something that we want to tell you too." Jasper said.

"You go first." Jasper added. Edward held my hand

"Well Bella and I were talking and we decided that-" Edward started up.

"I think I know what your going to say and its about god damn time already…I mean to announce it at _someone else's_ wedding is a little tacky…but hey to each his own I always say…but you definitely could of told me in the hearse Bells…when are you going to set the date and pick out the ring cause I want to come along!" Alice cut him off while staring at my barren left hand. Edward looked at her as if she had three heads.

"Alice…we're not engaged!" I said laughing.

"What…then what's going on?" Alice asked confused.

"Well we decided that it was about time we took the next step in our relationship and move in together." Edward said.

"might as well get engaged then." Alice mumbled to herself. Jasper shook his head.

"Well that's ironic because Alice and I were going to tell you guys the same thing." Jasper laughed.

"what are we going to do?" I asked. Definitely did not plan on this.

"Well we'll take the mansion because someone needs to watch Emmett and it has more closet space for Alice's clothes." Jasper said.

"Are you sure…because we can always-" Edward started up.

"Edward…you've been taking care of everyone for a long time and now you found someone who can at least share in the responsibilities…I have this…besides you had to dorm with Emmett in college while I got to go off on my own. Now is my time. Alice and Emmett cant cook…but Rosalie and I can. We'll keep them away from the kitchen. I don't want another foods class field trip incident from happening." Jasper said. I laughed and Edward looked confused.

"Oh shit I forgot that we didn't tell you …well remember how I had to ask Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle for that $100,000 'donation'…well it wasn't exactly a donation…and it obviously didn't help our high school!" Jasper said launching into the story.

Flashback  
_BPV_

_Our foods class took a field trip to a local college because they had just finished remodeling and our teacher thought it would be fun if we got to use the new kitchen. Our instructions were to partner up with someone that we didn't work with before and do something out of the cookbook. Everyone divided up except for me, Jasper, Alice and Emmett. _

_"I really want to work with you or Jasper…but I've worked with the both of you before." Alice said trying to fight her fate. Emmett just looked around like he didn't know where to go and Jasper knew that I was the only person that he didn't cook with. The teacher walked over and sighed._

_"Alice…you know what I'm going to say." The teacher said._

_"No…NO…NOOOOO!…ARE YOU KIDDING ME…HE BURNS EVERYTHING!" Alice roared disgusted._

_"Alice I'm just as excited about this as you are…my two most Culinary handicapped students working together is no dream of mine…but it was part of the curriculum…I'm going to go say prayers in the back." The teacher said escorting them to their kitchen before walking away._

_"Alright…what do you say we get started…well I know that we're supposed to switch off during the cooking and cleaning process…but do you mind if you take all of the cooking and I take all of the cleaning…its just that I'm currently learning how to cook from my cousin and I'm not that good yet…and I don't want to screw anything up…and I know that you're a good cook because the teacher's always raving about you . I'm not trying to back out of the project…I just want us to get a good grade." Jasper said. I was surprised at how polite he was…considering Emmett was his cousin. _

_"No I really don't mind…my father and Alice aren't really good cooks themselves. Believe me you cant be as bad as the two of them…and you certainly cant be as bad as Emmett." I said shaking his hand. Jasper laughed. You know it would be nice to have something like a cake. I showered through the book and decided on making a chocolate one. Jasper watched quizitively over my shoulder._

_"Ohh what is that your adding?" Jasper asked infatuated with the cake. Poor thing…I couldn't imagine what it was like to want to cook and not have the skills. I hope his cousin was doing a good job. As we were just taking the cake out of the oven we could hear a commotion._

_"IT GOES IN AT 350!" Emmett roared_

_"NO IT GOES IN AT400" Alice snarled._

_"350!"_

_"400!"_

_"350!"_

_"DID YOU EVEN READ THE DIRECTIONS YOU BIG BAFFOON!" Alice roared._

_"DID YOU…NO WAIT YOU WERE TOO BUSY MAKING KISSY FACES IN THE MIRROR OVER THERE!" Emmett shouted back._

_"SHUT UP!"_

_"NO YOU SHUT UP!" Emmett shot back whacking the oven and turning the gas burner on with out the flame._

_"JUST PUT IT IN THERE!" Emmett roared._

_"YOU RUINED MY EYELINER YOU JERK!" Alice said pulling out a lighter to melt her eye pencil a little. There was a sonic boom and a fireball spread across the room. Jasper saved my life by tackling me to the ground as the fireball whizzed overhead. Flaming cheese shot everywhere. A small ball of fire ran out into the middle of the room screaming. Alice's coat had caught fire. Fortunately for her she was wearing a turtleneck and jeans that had fire retardant on them and her hair was tied back. She received a pretty bad burn on her neck but that was about it. It was a miracle that she didn't sustain anything worse. _

_"GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT!" Alice screamed rolling on the floor as Jasper covered her with a fire blanket as the teacher and I grabbed fire extinguishers to clear a way out of the destroyed Culinary classroom. Alice of all people rescued Emmett from the ruminants of their kitchen before we evacuated the place. Being what I would call the luckiest son of a bitch ever Emmett escaped unscathed._

"Alright…everyone in the class gets A's except for Alice and Emmett you two get F-" the teacher said when we left the building

" is that even a grade?" Emmett asked shocked.

_"In this instance it is!" The teacher said pointing to the huge fire that was spreading to other parts of the building. _

_"How the hell are we going to pay all this…the college is definitely going to send us some sort of a bill…I mean insurance cant cover all this damage… look at it all…we're definitely going to have to pay for some of it and we ran out of the emergency funds after that last kitchen fire we had." The teacher said._

_"Don't worry…since this is at least partly Emmett's fault…we'll get the money for you…we can pay for the damages." Jasper said glaring at Emmett._

_"Why cant Alice help pay?" Emmett whined._

_"Because Emmett…Alice was set on fire…Alice has a burn on her neck…I think that's punishment enough for her!" Jasper said pissed. Emmett only passed that year cause he was who he was. Since the teacher walked in with a new set of nails and a hair cut a few days later I suspected Alice did a bribe…after all she just visited Alice's house the night before._

_End of Flashback_

"What is it with you being involved in fights that start fires?" Edward said half amused to Alice.

"Hey…I did not go rampaging like a bull over a bunch of lit candles…that one's all on Emmett!" Alice said slightly offended.

"No…you gust brought Emmett to the restaurant…and caused the original fight between Emmett and Rose that set events into motion." Edward countered.

"Whatever…common Bells…its time." Alice said as we stood up.

"Time for what?" Edward asked.

"That's for us to know and you to find out." Alice said dragging me over to the DJ. Alice and Leah concocted a special treat for the guests. I hoped I didn't break my neck doing this.

"ooh look at the darkness coming out…I have a feeling that it's going to be a spooky night." Alice said winking at the DJ when he was in ear shot.

"WILL THE ENTIRE WEDDING PARTY GO INTO THE BACK ROOM…YOU HAVE PRESENTS WAITING FOR YOU." The DJ said as Alice and I slipped into the back room. We then separated into two lines and waited for the sign to start. The lights then went out.

"3...2...1!" Alice said throwing open the door as we put on our werewolf masks again…and making us skip to the middle of the dance floor where we lined up and started doing that choreographed dance to Michael Jackson's "Thriller". Fortunately for once in my life I was able to do this sort of dance with out breaking something or feeling like an idiot. Maybe that was because for Alice and my last dance recital…it was the full thriller dance…that and the fact that Alice made me dance to it every day these past few weeks.

EPV

"What the hell?" I gasped.

_"Cause this is thriller, thriller night_  
_There ain't no second chance against the thing with forty eyes, girl_  
_Thriller, thriller night_  
_You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight"_ Alice and Seth sang . They were in the front row right next to Leah and her husband looking like professional dancers. Seth was wearing a red leather jacket over his werewolf costume. I had to say I should of seen this coming. It was too big an event for Alice not to try and make a spectacle of herself and the entire wedding party. As if this weren't going to be the wedding to remember before! I had to say…Bella looked pretty good. She actually looked on par with Alice

"Oh god…not again!" Jasper said shaking his head.

"It could be worse…I mean this time Alice didn't dress everyone up like they were doing a photo shoot for Victoria's Secret." I said.

"what the fuck? She didn't…poor Bella and Seth…why does Alice have to drag people into it every time she wants to make a scene?" Rosalie asked shaking her head.

"I don't know what your complaining about…I think its cool actually…I want to try!" Emmett said running and joining the group. Alice's eye's flashed towards him and she smiled.

"I'm dating a male Alice." Rosalie said shaking her head.

"Since when does Emmett know the moves to 'Thriller'?" Jasper asked.

"We ran into a choreographer on the cruise one day…he gave us free lessons…and then after studying the music video like it was some tape of an opposing football team it clicked in him. He picked it up in like two days…I know I'm still shocked myself." Rosalie said.

" I cannot believe she did this…well like you said Edward…at least the girls aren't parading around in lingerie again. I'm starting to wonder though whether Alice has Histrionic Personality Disorder. " Jasper said. Rose laughed.

"Your _starting _ to wonder?…but you have to admit…everyone loves Alice's craziness…especially you Mr. Psychology…makes life interesting." Rosalie said. Just then the dance ended and Alice, Bella, and Emmett rejoined us.  
"hey guys…so did you see us?" Alice said excitedly

"Alice remember that talk we had about springing surprise dances on us?" I asked.

"I thought that excluded weddings?" Alice asked.

"no Alice…we told you that didn't exclude weddings." Jasper said.

"Whatever…your just jealous that you weren't apart of it. Emmett gave me a wonderful idea…next wedding I'm including the guests." Alice said. I stared at her horrified.

"Common Rosalie…lets go check on the dogs." Alice said grabbing Rosalie's wrist.

"Hold it…Alice that wasn't code for another dance was it?" Jasper asked with his eyes narrowing.

"No silly…I'm only doing the one tonight…no need to make this wedding all about me." Alice said.

"would you tell me if that was?" Jasper asked.

"No!" Alice said running off with Rose in toe.

"Jasper…not going to lie man…but your dating a freak!" Emmett said.

"Well Alice may be a freak…but at least we wont ever have a werewolf themed wedding ceremony." Jasper said.

"I don't know man…I happen to like it. I want to do my wedding like this!" Emmett said. Alice, who was still with in ear shot, made gagging noises.

"I'm going to get a Graveyard…come with me!" Emmett said dragging my arm.

"I don't know what that is…but it sounds like its going to kill you Emmett." Jasper said following us to the bar.

BPV

I was alone sitting at the table. The boys had taken off towards the bar and Rose and Alice were across the place in the dog section. I head someone walk up behind me.

"Bella!" Jacob's voice whispered in my ear. Oh fuck…not again!

"So Bella…what did you think of my speech." Jacob whispered seductively and slipped his mask on to the table.

"I'll tell you what I thought of your speech…it sucked…if you think that degrading me in front of an entire audience would win me back then your more fucked then I gave you credit for. Get. It . Through. Your. Thick. Skull. I. am. Never. Coming. Back. To. You…even if Edward and I broke up I would never come back to you. You want to talk about trust…I trusted you not to cheat with Leah's mother…I trusted you not to hit me…there is no trust…and there never will be ever again! Now leave me alone!" I said angrily in a loud voice. Jacob…not taking no for an answer grabbed my face. I saw Edward turn around at that point. He was over here in a flash.

"OH HELL NO…I WARNED YOU TO STAY THE FUCK AWAY…WHAT PART OF HER TELLING YOU THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU DO YOU NOT COMPREHEND ASSHOLE!" Edward snarled decking Jacob in the face.

"HELL YEAH…USE WHAT I TAUGHT YOU LITTLE BRO!" Emmett whooped holding up a beer mug.

"STOMACH FIRST…DUCK…THEN GO FOR THE BALLS!" Emmett hollered as Edward punched Jacob in the gut. Edward ducked, then there was a flash of black. Jacob fell back onto the cake with Dottie locked onto his balls. Jacob screamed like a girl.

"YES RIGHT IN THE NUTS!" Rosalie called as she and Alice gave each other high fives.

"THAT'S MY TYPE OF DOG!" Emmett shouted.

"SHE SHOULD OF RIPPED YOUR CROTCH OFF…WAIT A MINUTE…THEN SHE'D GET HERPES!" Alice called when Dottie finally let go. The entire wedding was staring at us. Leah didn't look upset though…on the contrary she looked extremely pleased that there was canine action at her wedding. Seth was laughing his ass off at the entire scene.

"dude…you…and that dog are my new heroes I've been wanting to do that to him forever!" Seth said happily. Harry then came over and joined us.

"Good for you….that little fucker deserved what was coming to him…oh wait till I tell Charlie…he's still seething over that bruise Jake gave her!" Harry beamed.

"But he invited them over for Christmas?" Edward asked.

"It wasn't really by choice… They goaded him into doing that…played some sad song about being alone for Christmas…and as much as Charlie hates Jake and would want to see him be roasted alive in a vat of hot lava and flames…he really didn't want Billy alone. I was there…Charlie invited us too…but we already had our own plans." Harry said.  
"hold on one second." Seth said grabbing someone's shot of Vodka off the table.

"This is for breaking up my family you scumbag!" Seth said throwing the Vodka on Jacobs crotch. Jacob cried some more and Seth cackled.

"He's going to look like the perverted freak that he is as that heals." Seth laughed giving Edward a high five and patting Dottie on the head.

"Hell mother fucking yeah…that was awesome…stay right here…I'll buy you a drink. What do you want?" Emmett said.

"anything but that." Edward said pointing to the beer mug in Emmett's hand.

"I'll get you a Velvet Vampire then." Emmett said.

"Yeah…I'm going to go with him…ask the bartender a few questions…make sure Emmett isn't ordering you something weird." Jasper said following him. Emmett came back a few minutes later with Edward's drink in hand. Alice followed him with a shot of something weird.

"What is that?" I asked.

"Its called an 'Alice in Nightmareland' I've never seen it before …I know hard to believe…and it had my name in it so I figured that I'd try it. Leave it to Leah to have a Halloween themed open bar." Alice said downing the shot. Needless to say Alice was trashed a little while later.

"So how are we going to get home?" Rosalie asked Jasper, Edward and I. We were all buzzed.

"Well I think that the least drunk of us all should drive." Edward said.

"Well that excludes Emmett and Alice." Rose said looking over as they stumbled around trashed out of their minds.

"He really should of stopped after that 'Graveyard'…something in that fucked his shit up and I think we should of stopped him from buying her that last Banshee. I mean Alice was already swaying after her own 'Graveyard'…cant believe Emmett talked her into buying that." Jasper said.

"You know…I think I should drive…I'm really not that drunk and I've driven Emmett's car…I know I can handle it." Rosalie said.

"your sure?" Jasper asked.

"it will be fine…what's the worst that can happen?" Rosalie asked grabbing Emmett's car keys.

"That's usually the line that's said right before something bad happens." Jasper said shaking his head. Little did we know how true that statement was going to be. 


	37. what's the worst that can happen?

**I don't own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys! alright I'm just going to clarify something... Bella and Edward _did not _date in high school. _They had crushes on each other but they did not officially go out in high school_ and they aren't married...Charlie was the one who got remarried and Leah got married.  
**

Chapter 37

Three hours later

I was getting my leg caste and the last stitch was put in the back of my hand…Edward was sitting in a chair next to me in an wrist brace rubbing my arm with his non braced hand. Jasper was pacing back and fourth wearing an eye patch…with three stitches jutting out underneath. Rosalie was still getting evaluated in another room. Emmett and Alice on the other hand escaped without injury. Rewind to how we got here-

_Flashback._

_"Alice sit down and buckle up…Emmett…you un-click that seat belt and you die…got it!" Rosalie growled. I was in the front seat with her and the guys were with the two drunkies in the back. Seth had volunteered to take Dottie, Brittney, and Dolce back to his house. We were going to pick them up in a little while._

_"Alright…so are you guys going to spend the night at the apartment or is everyone going back to the mansion?" Rosalie asked._

_"I think we'll go to the mansion tonight…it wouldn't be fair to leave you by yourself with Emmett like that." I said._

"Okay." she said driving through the streets of Down town Forks.

_"Cause this is thriller!" Alice sang drunkenly. Looking back I could see Emmett half fallen on Alice in the back seat._

_We pulled up to the four way stop that led to the mansion. Rosalie looked to see if she had the all clear and then tapped the gas. A split second later there was the sound of a horn. A coach bus had swerved into our lane and plowed into us before there was any time to think. I thought we were done for as the car disintegrated around us…and all I could think of was Edward and how much I loved him. A snap and shooting pain in my lower left leg told me that it was broken ( I later found out I was right…fortunately the break wasn't severe enough to need surgery)_

_"oww my wrist …Bella…Rose…are you guys okay?" Edward called from the back._

_"no…I think my leg is broken!" I called back._

_"my shoulder's fucked up…how am I going to hold a child now?" Rosalie cried. _

_"WEEE….That was fun…lets do that again!" Alice said trashed. Emmett was laughing stupidly_

_"I'm so fucked!" Rosalie cried some more._

_"Relax…this is your first DUI." Alice said. It was then that the rescue team arrived. A scene that I never thought could happen did…they had to use the jaws of life on Emmett's car. From what I saw while being placed on the stretcher… Emmett's car was destroyed…the front was completely bashed in. we should have been hurt worse then we were. We were lucky that Emmett's car was like a tank and the bus was only doing thirty at the time. We definitely would of died had we been in Alice's bug. Fortunately for Rose Charlie just gave her a warning…her breathalyzer came back right at the legal limit but her record was squeaky clean. The bus driver wasn't so lucky…his BAC level came back a lot higher then Rosalie's. _

_"Thank you Chief Swan…I swear I'll never do that again." Rosalie said as she was placed into the second ambulance. Edward and I were put in the first…and Alice, Jasper and Emmett jumped in a jumped in a third. Alice and Emmett were bordering on Alcohol poisoning so the paramedics wanted to bring them in just in case…and Jasper had a deep cut stemming from his eye lid down to his cheek bone…he was complaining about glass scratching his eye when the shut the doors and turned the sirens on._

_End of flashback._

Emmett was going to flip shit when he got a look at his Jeep with sober eyes in the morning that was for sure. Alice was going to flip out when she saw Edward, Rose and I all in casts and Jasper wearing a black eye patch.

"Whatever you need." Edward said stroking my hand. Rosalie then walked in wearing a bright blue sling.

"I fucking dislocated my shoulder…I wont be able to hold a teaspoon with this arm for a few weeks…never mind hold my new baby cousins when they arrive. What the fuck…fuck my life. Oh and they want me to stay the night…something about wanting to make sure they didn't miss any injuries…as if it weren't bad enough that I had this thing!" Rosalie said pissed.

"Yeah they want all of us to…well except Alice and Emmett obviously but they might as well anyways since they're so bombed that they'll fall down a stair case or something and wind up back here…I think because of how bad it was…and it being a bus that hit us and such…they just want to take precautions." I said.

"I kinda figured they'd make you guys stay as well." Rosalie said

"Thank god mom and dad aren't coming back until may (A/n this is like Feb-Marchish timeframe)… mom would freak if she found out then again if dad were here we might of gone home tonight." Edward said. Just then they wheeled in three more beds.

"We usually don't do this…but we figured that you guys would want to stay together after what happened." the nurse said staring at Rose nervously. Knowing Rose , she probably raised hell about everyone not being able to stay together and not knowing if something bad happened or something. Emmett and Alice were already passed out on two stretchers that happened to be outside the room.

"Thank you!" Rosalie said.

"Rosalie…what did you do?" Jasper asked.

"Nothing…well I didn't want to be off in Siberia in case something happened to one of us…and I figured that the three of you didn't either…specially you Edward….and as I said I figured that they probably ordered you guys to stay as well and I may of um forced them to get us all beds together." Rosalie said. Called that one!

"I'm so sorry guys…I feel like its my fault that we're all here…I should of did something…I should of known." Rosalie said.

"how the hell could you know that a bus was going to hit us…Rose you were driving fine…you didn't even cross the center line once…Alice's been more impaired and drove me home with out wrecking her car. The bus driver was the one at fault…Charlie even said it…and if Charlie thought it was your fault believe me he'd charge you on the spot …he's given Alice hundreds of speeding tickets and she's one of my closest friends." I said as nurses came in with everything we needed.

"Rosalie…this is as much your fault as it is my fault…and I wasn't even driving!" I said. Jasper and Edward nodded in support. Rosalie looked relieved that we didn't blame her or anything.

"Emmett's so going to flip shit tomorrow…that car was his pride and joy. I wonder if we should have one of the doctors tell him…they're like trained in giving bad news." Rosalie said. Charlie then walked into the room.

"Well I just got off the phone with all your parents …well except the Brandon's but Caius is probably smoking weed and Alison is probably online shopping or at some department store that closes ridiculously late. The hospital told them that everyone has to stay the night but your all stable. They're leaving right now." Charlie said.

"Okay." Edward said. Just then we heard a female voice saying " My name is Rosetta Hale…I got a phone call about my daughter Rosalie. She was in an accident!" Rosalie's parents then charged the room. Rose and her mom were crying about how she couldn't hold her new baby cousins.

"We have to stay the night…someone has to take care of the dogs!." Rosalie said solemnly.

"Well the doctors know what's best…at least here you can get help if something goes wrong." Rosetta said.

"And Seth has the dogs at his house. We'll call him." I said grabbing my phone.

"Yello!" Seth said happily picking up the phone. There was a huge amount of barking going on in the background.

"Seth…its Bella." I said.

"Bella…hey…are you coming to pick up the dogs?" Seth asked.

"Seth…we have a problem. There was an accident…" I started up.

"Oh so that was you guys I heard on the scanner…it sounded bad…are you guys okay?" Seth asked.

"it could have been worse but we need to stay the night…can you take care of the dogs until the morning?" I asked.

"Okay…and do you want me to call Ted and tell him what happened…get you guys your work for the week?" Seth asked.

"you don't have to if you don't want to." I said.

"its not a problem…you know I do nothing at work anyways…it will make me feel like there's an actual reason why I'm getting paid." Seth said. Just then Ted walked by…apparently he had a nasty strep throat and was heading to fill a prescription when he saw us.

"What happened?" Ted asked concerned walking in. Seeing Ted, Charlie, and Rosetta Hale all in a room together…I wanted to laugh.

"They were hit by a bus….damn near lucky they didn't die…and you can quote me on that." Charlie said.

"alright well I'm guessing that you guys aren't going to be in work this week…" Ted started up.

"We'll work from home…Seth's going to get our work for us." I said.

"continued production…good…good…I'm really sorry what happened and I hope you guys feel better." Ted said.

"You too Ted." Edward and I said together.

"Good guy." Charlie said

"We'll…he'll know that we're not faking…he really is understanding…lots of jobs would of fired us by now." I laughed

"And we're still going to be working…just not in the office." Edward added on.

"Well hopefully this is the last time we cant go in this year." I said. Edward agreed. Carlisle and Esme arrived a few hours later. Edward and I ran into them while coming back from the bathroom …well being on crutches I couldn't exactly run but you get the picture …they were relieved as well as pissed to know that Emmett was only staying the night because he was trashed and didn't have a ride. They volunteered to take us home tomorrow. Rosetta was going to take Rose…in fact she was currently sleeping on a chair in the room…Charlie slept in one next to hers. The two most over protective parents on the planet were sleeping in chairs next to each other. After talking to Carlisle and Esme for a few minutes they went to sleep in the waiting room and we returned to bed. I laid down holding Edward's hand…knowing that this was the closest that we were going to get this evening. The electricity was still pulsating through us as I slipped into peaceful oblivion.

I awoke early the next morning as the nurse was changing the iv's…I still didn't feel pain but that was probably due to the massive amounts of pain killers to die down my leg and the stitches in my hand. I knew though that we all must have had lots of bruises and stuff which we probably were going to find at some point. You just don't walk away from something like that with them. Rosalie was the last of the injured to wake up.

"You know I was thinking…what if there was babies on board….that asshole…I'm going to make sure that his ass gets locked up!" Rosalie growled pissed

The parents had gone down to the cafeteria for breakfast and we had just finished ours when Alice woke up.

"Ugh…where am I…what the hell happened last night…wait…why am I in a hospital?" Alice's voice moaned from outside the room.

"Mom…dad…Bella…anyone?" Alice called. She then looked into our make shift suite.

"OMG…WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? YOUR LEG…THEIR ARMS…JASPER'S FACE…THIS IS A NIGHTMARE! SWEATSHIRTS…SWEATPANTS…AND MEN CANT WEAR CONCEALER…NOO!" Alice shrieked horrified.

"Alice…is Emmett awake?" Rosalie asked. Alice looked out.

"No…he's still out cold…what's going on…what did I miss?" Alice asked.

"what do you remember?" Rosalie asked.

"I remember Dottie going after Jacob's crotch…then nothing." Alice said

"Well we were on our way home last night…I was driving. Bella was in the front seat and you, Emmett, Edward, and Jasper were in the back. We came up to a stop sign and the coast was clear so I decided to go. Right as I hit the gas a bus crossed the center line into the wrong lane and pulverized us. For once being inebriated saved yours and Emmett's life…you two would of at least wound up like the rest of us had you guys been sober enough to tense up." Rosalie said.

"We. Were. Hit. BY A WHAT?" Alice sputtered out shocked.

"Yeah…apparently the bus driver was actually almost as intoxicated as you and Emmett. He's been arrested." I said. Alice was as white as a ghost.

"So wait a minute…how the hell did we all survive?" Alice asked.

"Well like I said…you and Emmett were trashed…and for the rest of us it was a combination of luck and the fact that Emmett's car was like a tank. His car was still crushed like a tin can because obviously it was hit by a bus but it was just enough to keep us alive. At least that's my theory." Rosalie said.

"So Emmett's car is?" Alice asked.

"I'm pretty sure its gone." Rose answered.

"fuck…he loves that car. He's not going to take too kindly to that news." Alice said shaking her head. Rosalie then flicked the news channel on to see if we were on TV. Emmett woke up a few minutes later.

"What the…fuck? This isn't my bedroom…how the hell did I get here? Where is everyone?" Emmett asked.

"Rosalie…he has to know…Emmett's gonna suspect something when he realizes his cars missing and almost everyone in here looks like they got ran over by an 18 wheeler." Alice said.

"We'll tell him we came by ambulance." Rose said.

"Which will only save us until he comes home and sees his car not in the driveway…and while Emmett's dumb I'll give you that much…he's still going to figure it out when his jeep never comes back. We cant say it 'went on vacation'." Alice said.

"Emmett we're in here!" Edward called. Emmett then walked in and stopped dead in his tracks.

"HOLY SHIT BABE ARE YOU ALRIGHT …WHAT DID Y'ALL GET HIT BY LEAH'S HEARSE OR SOMETHING?" Emmett asked scared

"Not quite." Alice said.

"Emmett dear…I have some bad news." Rosalie started up.

"Rosalie…what's going on?" Emmett asked.

"Emmett…please I think you need to sit down for this." Rosalie said. Something clicked in Emmett.

"Rosalie…where is my car?" Emmett asked

"See we had a little bitty accident with the Jeep and its being um stored at a junkyard." Rosalie said sheepishly.

"What happened to my Jeep?" Emmett asked menacingly…his face developing a twitch.

"See uh…I was driving everyone back to your place because you were so trashed that you couldn't drive-" Rosalie started up but Alice cut her off.

"To make a long story short…this is the Jeep and this is the bus. " Alice said smacking her fists together for dramatic effect.

"It wasn't Rosalie's fault…the bus driver was bombed." I said.

"A LITTLE ACCIDENT….HOW BAD IS A 'LITTLE ACCIDENT?" Emmett roared. Rosalie turned up the volume on the television.

_" and in other news a evening accident sent 14 people to the hospital. A jeep filled with 6 people was hit head on by a coach bus carrying 10 people home from the Port Angelus area Eye witnesses report seeing the bus weaving between both lanes right before smashing into the Jeep and testimonials from people on the bus say that the driver was drinking while behind the wheel. All fourteen have been reported in stable condition with non life threatening injuries."_ as the news caster spoke an image of the firemen cutting us out of Emmett's jeep appeared. Emmett let out a cry of a wounded animal.

**_"MY JEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPP!"_** Emmett screamed.

"Emmett…I'm sympathetic to the loss that you suffered…I really am…I'm sorry about the car …I know it was like your child…but take a look around you man. We all could of died last night…I dislocated my shoulder…Edward's wrist and Bella's leg are both broken…and Jasper scratched his cornea and is probably going to have a scar on his face for the rest of his life. If it weren't for the fact that we were in your car…we probably would be dead right now. You don't know what it was like because you don't remember last night but I do…and I honestly thought that I was going to die or that one of us was going to die. So when you put that into perspective the loss of the Jeep is nothing compared to everyone being alive right now. The car can always be replaced…we cant be." Rosalie said gesturing to everyone. Emmett started to pull himself together.

"your right…I can always get a new car…I cant get another you guys…Rosalie babe I don't blame you…and I know that it wasn't your fault. It was definitely the other guys fault…and trust me Emmett Cullen will make sure he pays for killing his Jeep and almost killing everyone in the car…even if it takes the rest of Emmett Cullen's life to hunt the mother fucker down." Emmett said through gritted teeth.

"oh man I cant believe you all got injured though and I'm fine…like what the fuck…I want the nurses to serve me jello!" Emmett moaned.

"You wish you were injured…are you serious…Emmett…if I were you I would thank god that I was okay…its not as pleasant as you think. How would you like it if you broke your leg and had to hop around on one leg for a few weeks…or broke your wrist and couldn't lift weights. You try having someone pop your shoulder back in…it fucking hurts!" Rosalie growled pissed.

"alright babe…calm down!" Emmett said.

"Think before you speak Em." Rosalie spat.

"Sorry babe…well I do have some bruising that I feel….its not like I walked away completely unscathed." Emmett said pointing to a bruise that was so small and faint that you could barely see it. Rosalie laughed.

"oh yeah your so injured that we should get you a hospital bed next to us." Rosalie said sarcastically.

"don't dis the bruise." Emmett said. Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"so when are we blowing this Popsicle stand…those icky hospital gowns are making me sick." Alice said.

"I'm pretty sure its not the hospital gowns making you sick…more like the amount of alcohol you consumed last night." Rosalie said. Alice laughed.

"lets just say I'm never drinking that much again…well at least for now." Alice said.

"So when we get discharged are we going our separate ways…to the mansion or what?" Rosalie asked.

"Well I think we should go to the mansion because A. there's going to be an in house doctor there for the next few days, b. there's enough room for everyone, and c. I think we should all stay together to help each other out." Jasper said

We were discharged about a half hour later. Alice decided to go get the dogs and hold down the apartment by herself. Everyone had gotten setup…Edward helped me as best he could get up the stairs that lead to his room but it still was awkward with the crutches. Esme and Carlisle knew that the chances that their grandchild would be conceived out of wedlock were absolutely nil at the moment ,with the condition that we were both in, so they were okay with it. They were nice enough that they took the next few days off to try and help us out. That night we fell asleep with Edward wrapping his good arm around me.

I called Alice the next evening to check up on the dogs…make sure that she was taking care of them. Alice picked up on the second ring.

"Heyy Bells…I was just going to call you and tell you that I'll be stopping by tomorrow. I cant believe that I'm going to say this but I found some sweats that I think are really cute…and I'm sure that they're going to fit everyone…casts and all." Alice said.

"That's good Alice…say did you feed the dogs?" I asked.

"Uh noo…but I did walk them." Alice said sheepishly.

"Well did you feed them this morning?" I asked.

"Oops…I'll feed them right now!" Alice said genuinely horrified.

"AL-"

"Gotta go Bells…feel better!" Alice said right before the line went dead.


	38. Keeping It All In The Family

**I don't own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys! alright I'm just going to clarify something... Bella and Edward _did not _date in high school. _They had crushes on each other but they did not officially go out in high school_ and they aren't married...Charlie was the one who got remarried and Leah got married.  
**

Chapter 38

BPV

The next morning Edward helped me down the stairs to breakfast. Everyone was congregated around the table. Carlisle and Esme were at the head of the table surrounded by everyone…Alice sitting right next to them and gesturing us to sit next to her. Jasper sitting opposite her.

"Alice please tell me you remembered to feed the dogs this morning" I asked taking my seat

"Yes mother…I didn't forget!" Alice said lightheartedly.

"Aren't you supposed to be working right now?" I asked.

"Well Rosalie's appointments got canceled and I have no appointments booked for today…so I just decided to close shop…I'll be going back tomorrow though…got a full days work ahead of me." Alice said. It was then that Emmett walked in in his pj's.

"Emmett why the hell are you not at work?…you weren't injured!" Jasper asked.

"Hey I was so injured! And I wouldn't be talking scar face!" Emmett said offended and pointing to his microscopic bruise. Rosalie rolled her eyes. Alice mumbled something about chemical treatments.

"Lord knows what would happen if he ever had any real injuries…he'd be laid up in bed for three months." Rosalie mumbled shaking her head.

"Lets eat …I really don't feel like starting up World War 3" Jasper said passing down a plate of Chocolate chip pancakes.

"I cant believe though that we walked away with what we did…I mean when I saw that bus I thought it was the end…I feel like we were so lucky…I almost want to play the lottery now." Rosalie said munching on a powdered donut.

"don't get me wrong I'm glad I don't…but I kinda wish I remember something about the accident…I feel excluded because you guys have memories and Emmett and I don't…don't get me wrong I know everyone was terrified and fear doesn't make pleasant memories…but I have like nothing to add to the conversation. I don't like not knowing things…like how Jazzy busted his eye…I mean I get their injuries." Alice said gesturing to Rose, Edward and I.

"oh well one of the glasses that you stored in Emmett's car flew up and sideswiped the window next to me. The glass shattered and some of the fragments hit me. I think that's how Bella cut her hand as well." Jasper said.

"Damn…sorry about that…but how was I supposed to know we'd get hit by a god damn bus…I'm not psychic you know …I just wanted us to have some fun!" Alice said.

"its okay…its not your fault." Jasper said.

"yum…I love chocolate chip pancakes!" Emmett said digging in.

"So guys…we just got off the phone with Grandpa Stregoni…he heard what happened and he's coming over for dinner tonight to see you guys." Esme said.

"cool!" Emmett beamed.

Emmett's point of view.

About two hours later I was sitting watching TV with Edward, Rose and Bella. Alice was in Jasper's room making blond beard's new eye patch look a little more 'in'. The girl really was a freak…oh well she loved to work out so I guess that made her cool enough. Feeling the urge to go, I got up and excused myself to the bathroom. I closed the door, pulled down my pants, and sat down. The minute I touched the toilet I felt something hit me in the ass.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I shrieked, shot up and turned around. A huge snake raised its head out of my toilet seat . I felt a faint sense of relief.

"PETIE…YOU CAME BACK!" I beamed. I had noticed that Petie was missing from his cage I went to drop him off at the pound …Rosalie was kind enough to wait a couple of weeks so I could have a proper good bye…I figured that he had gone hunting for mice and would return when he wanted to. I then got a closer look at the snake. His markings looked different then Petie's

"YOUR NOT PETIE!" I screamed.

BPV

Rose, Edward and I were sitting on the couch waiting for Emmett to come back so we could finish watching the movie. We could hear Emmett shriek from the bathroom.

"Oh what did the retard fall into the toilet?" Rosalie shook her head.

"PETIE…YOU CAME BACK!" Emmett yelled.

"I thought Petie went to Snake heav- I mean Florida!" Rosalie said nervously. I had a funny feeling that Rosalie had an "accident" with Petie.

" YOUR NOT PETIE!" Emmett screamed bolting out of the bathroom. Rosalie's face turned chagrin.

"Oh hell no…I got this!" Rosalie said taking off towards the bathroom. There was a lot of crashing sounds and five minutes later Rosalie walked out of the bathroom dragging a huge snake with her one good hand. She looked like she won a war, You could see a high heel shaped hole in the snakes skull. I had a funny feeling that Petie met the same fate.

"What asshole would let a monster like this out on the loose I don't know…this thing has to be like 20 feet long…it surely would of killed a baby…fucking jackass…I swear to god people are pissing me off so much lately. " Rosalie said shaking her head. She went to dispose of the thing in the back yard.

"Snakey's gone with his friends to the big snake pit in the sky…now that that's over and done with lets get back to the movie!" Rosalie said sitting down as Emmett hit play. I couldn't help but laugh at the irony…it was Emmett's choice tonight and he wanted to watch 'Anaconda' because he wanted to remember Petie.

About two hours later the door bell rang. Standing behind the door was what looked like Emmett's clone…only his black curly hair was turning salt and pepper. This was obviously where Emmett's looks came from

"GRANDPA!" Emmett screamed hugging him.

"Emmett son….how's it going?" Grandpa Stregoni asked.

"Good…say can you spot me later on…for old times sake?" Emmett asked.

"No problem…still working out I see…good for you…keep it up…you lift with your legs not your back right?" Grandpa asked.

"always!" Emmett beamed.

"Alright lets get rolling…boy you guys look like you got run over by a tractor trailer…my name is Angelo Stregoni…but call me gramps." he said holding out his hand.

"Bella Swan." I said shaking his hand

"Alice Brandon." Alice said following suit.

"Rosalie Hale." Rosalie added. He seemed particularly interested in Rosalie. Oh so that's where Emmett got his taste for Blonds. He practically ogled her chest while Rosalie shook his hand.

"So what do you guys want to eat …chicken breasts or stake?" Esme called.

"BREASTS…I MEAN CHICK- I MEAN CHICKEN BREASTS!" Grandpa stuttered out still staring at Roses chest. Everyone except Emmett…who as usual didn't get it…snickered.

"alright…it will be ready in a half hour." Esme called. Grandpa Stregoni walked in behind me when we went to the table.

"how the hell did imbecile get someone who looks like_ that_? Whatever I shouldn't speak ill about my grandson." Grandpa Stregoni mumbled to himself. I wanted to laugh. The rest of the dinner went off with out a hitch. Grandpa behaved himself.

"Alright what's for desert?" Jasper asked.

"Well I thought we'd have these two watermelons." Esme said.

"And what _fine_ watermelons _they _are!" Grandpa said…his eyes leveling off at Rosalie's chest again. Emmett finally caught on.

" Grandpa…your married!" Emmett said offended.

"actually Emmett….he's a widower…grandma died eight years ago!" Edward whispered in his ear.

" oh so that's what the term 'widower' means…I see…but I thought you had to be a female!" Emmett said.

"That's a 'widow' you idiot!" Jasper mouthed.

"but you took vows… 'for as long as you both shall live'" Emmett said.

" yeah which means they vowed to stay together until one of them died…I'm not defending your grandfather for hitting on me…but I'm letting it slide because I figure he's part you…my point is you of all people shouldn't be shocked if one day he shows up with a broad in his arms." Rosalie said

"ooh now I understand." Emmett said.

"I'm sorry for how I just acted…its just that I get lonely sometimes…I really don't mean to sound like a pig…I'm not." Grandpa Stregoni said.

"Oh its okay…I understand…not to sound conceded but this happens a lot…no harm done." Rosalie said.

" so Emmett…I got a look at your car today…yeah don't even wait for the insurance…they're just going to tell you that its totaled anyways. Front end looked like a crumpled can. I'm sorry…I cant even fix that." Grandpa said.

"Wait a minute…are you a mechanic?" Rosalie asked.

"Yeah…I've been working on cars since I was ten" Grandpa said.

"So let me get this straight Emmett…your grandfathers a mechanic…I'm mechanically inclined…and yet you cant even change your own oil?" Rosalie asked.

"Well Rosalie…your grandfather got the god damn noble prize for medicine…for a study he did concerning pediatric medicine and I don't see you donning a lab coat ." Emmett said.

"Wait a minute Rose…your grandfather was Dr. Chester Hale…the Dr. Chester Hale?" Carlisle's eyes lit up.

"Yeah…you know him?" Rosalie asked.

"no not personally but I'm a big fan of his work…wow I cant believe I know someone in his family!" Carlisle said delighted

"Well you never know who your in the company of huh Carlisle." Emmett said as if Rosalie was the Queen of England.

"you know I always wanted to meet him." Carlisle said.

"Easily arranged…he always wanted to meet you too…he's heard a lot about you." Rosalie said.

"He has?" Carlisle asked joyously.

"yeah he's a big fan of your work too. He was ecstatic when I started dating Emmett. Something about practically being related to you or some creepy thing like that." Rosalie said.

"those two in a room together…you'll have the cure for AIDS in an hour." Emmett groaned.

" your such a comedian." Carlisle said giving Emmett a warning glare.

" yeah well I always said what's life without a little humor" Grandpa said

"so I was in the shop the yesterday right after you called…underneath a 500 pound piece of equipment and I see a Ferrari pull up…mint condition too. Owner tried to sell it to me…something about not being able to afford it anymore…gave me his number. It had me thinking of you Emmett…I inspected it…and it was in good shape." Grandpa said handing Emmett a piece of paper. Carlisle and Esme were biting their tongues .

"Hell yeah I'm down to buy that!" Emmett whooped .

About a half hour later we were congregated on the couch watching the news. They had just finished talking about how shitty the economy still is when a breaking news story flashed across the screen.

_"And we're just getting word now that there was a propane explosion in a trailer park just outside Galveston, Texas that killed one person. Billy-Bob Whitlock burned to death after being caught in his on fire trailer. Two young women…who were with Mr. Whitlock at the time were able to escape uninjured. Unfortunately Billy-Bob became trapped in the confines of his burning trailer. Firefighters couldn't get to him till it was too late. We're conducting live interviews with neighbors as we speak…lets listen to what they have to say."_ the news caster said.

"YES THE MOTHERFUCKER BURNED TO DEATH!" Grandpa roared happily.

"I'm so sorry Jazzy!" Alice said sad. Jasper had told her recently about his parents because she was begging to meet them.

_"I'd say that the term promiscuous…is an understatement…he was constantly surrounded by young, provocative women. Heard rumors that there was a kid…even met him once…seemed like a nice kid."_ a woman said. Grandpa laughed.

"Wait a minute…Billy-Bob Whitlock…OH MY GOD JASPER IS THAT YOUR FATHER?" Rosalie shrieked horrified. I guess Emmett never told Rose the story of Jasper.

"Well father is a really loose term…I hardly knew the man. That one time I went down there…ugh…made Emmett look like a saint. My grandparents were nice though" Jasper said.

"YOUR FATHER LEFT YOU?" Rosalie roared.

_"So was there anything nice about Mr. Whitlock?"_the news caster asked.

_"oh yeah…everyone liked him…except the parents…couple of them took out their guns on him._" the woman said.

"See I was what you call a teenage pregnancy. My mother was young and dumb and my father knew it. At the time he also had fantasy's about getting with 14 year olds…believe me it was so disgusting hearing this come out of his mouth considering he's a good ten years older then her. The minute he found out she was pregnant he dropped her like a hot potato and went on to the next poor woman. Since my mom was so young and in Boarding school at the time Aunt Esme volunteered to take me. The only things I knew of him were though some raunchy text messages." Jasper said.

"Which were deleted the minute I laid eyes on them." Alice said in a Rosalieish manner.

"Eww oh my god that's disgusting…that's robbing the cradle status…gross…I'd kill the jackass if that were my kid !" Rosalie said disgusted .

"Well karma came back around…his break line was mysteriously cut not too long after…got into a bad wreck. Grandpa…you wouldn't have anything to do with that now would you?" Edward asked.

"I don't know what your talking about…I would never…little bastard had it coming to him." Grandpa muttered the last part looking off.

"excuse me I have to go make a few phone calls." Grandpa Stregoni said getting up. We could hear him whispering in the kitchen.

"Oh so that was you…I appreciate it so much…I have all the funds…I'll wire the money tonight." Grandpa said shadily.

"You don't think he'd… after all these years?" Rosalie whispered.

"Yeah we do." Edward answered her question before she could finish it.

"Good for him…I'd of done the same thing…bastard." Rosalie hissed. Grandpa then walked back in.

"Sometimes I cant believe that I inhabit the same world as animals like that. Its disgusting…might as well have babies give you blowjobs if you go after girls that young…she should have been hanging out with people her own age…going to the mall…not maternity clothes shopping…CREEP!" Rosalie snarled the last part.

"I knew I liked you!" Grandpa said to Rosalie. Everyone turned back towards the television.

_"and now an interview with one of the girlfriends._" the news caster said.

_"I'm so heartbroken over this. Billy-Bob was the sweetest man ever…the sad part is we just found out that we were going to have a baby together. Billy-Bob was ecstatic over it and now this. I don't know what I'm going to do!"_ the woman said. Jasper stared at the screen in utter shock..

"What the hell did she just say?" Jasper asked. Grandpa stared at the screen.

"OH MY GOD THAT'S SUSAN …THAT BASTARD KNOCKED MY GRANDDAUGHTER UP TOO ( Esme had a brother who lived in Galveston that was Jasper's mom's twin…the only reason Billy-Bob lived this long was because they couldn't pinpoint exactly which trailer park he lived in…Edward told me this a while ago)" Grandpa spat.

"how old is she?" Rosalie asked staring at the screen in disgust. The girl looked to be about a freshman in high school.

"she's a freshman in high school…14-15 at most." Grandpa said. Rosalie looked horrified.

"And my family thought Jasper was a pervert…if he were attracted to someone at young I think I would know!" Alice said pointing to the screen.

"looks like dad never changes!" Jasper said shaking his head.

"EWW…that is so nasty…he's how old now…like 47-48ish …I cant imagine getting with someone that old when I was 14...I cant even imagine that now." as Rosalie said this Grandpa hung his head in disappointment.

"I don't understand why it's a big deal." Emmett said.

"I'll put it in terms you understand…that's like you getting with the youngest kids that you coach." Rosalie said.

"elugh… how do you even find that hot!" Emmett said grossed out.

"Emmett…some people suffer from this condition called pedophilia…they're very warped individuals…personally I think that they should all be castrated but you know our justice system." Rosalie said.

"excuse me…I'm going to go call a certain son of mine." Grandpa said taking off.

"okay…a lot of family drama. I feel so fucking weird…my father knocked up my teenage cousin…if that's not weird I don't know what is." Jasper said.

"well you know what they say about keeping it all in the family!" Emmett laughed. Rosalie turned around.

"No Emmett…enlighten us….what do they say about _'Keeping it all in the family'_!" Rosalie sniped.

"nothing dear!" Emmett said backtracking to save his ass.

"That's right Emmett!" Rosalie said giving him the stink eye.

"Its going to take so many years of self help to get that mental picture out of my mind…thank god it happened now…if I was little this would have been so traumatizing." Jasper said.

"if you were little you probably wouldn't of known…which is a nightmare!" Alice said.

"Alice … if we hear one word…you open your trap to anybody about this and we will stitch your mouth shut and sew your hands together. This is their private family business and the entire town of Forks doesn't need to know" Rosalie said.

"I'm not going to say anything…I have a heart you know!" Alice said. The next day Seth came to drop off our work. Seth came twice a day…drop off and pick up. He bounded into the kitchen where the computers were all set and ready to go. Rosalie was at the table eating a sandwich

"So I heard Jasper's father knocked up your cousin!" Seth said to Edward while handing us the pile of papers. Rosalie chocked on her sandwich.

"What. Part. Does. She. Get. ABOUT NOT TELLING ANYONE! What did Alice tell you?" Rosalie gasped.

"Actually it wasn't Alice…it was Emmett" Seth said. Rosalie's mouth slightly opened and the sandwich dropped from her hand.

"I haven't seen or heard from Alice all day!" Seth said.

"How do we know he's not trying to cover Alice's ass?" Rosalie asked snidely. Just then Emmett walked in. he froze when he saw Rose's pissed off face in the vicinity of Seth.

"Ut oh!" Emmett said screwing out of the room.

"there's your answer!" Edward said.

"EMMETT CULLEN YOUR ASS IS GRASS…DID YOU EVEN THINK BEFORE YOU OPENED YOUR BIG MOUTH…YOUR JUST LIKE ALICE!" Rosalie snarled bolding out of the room.

"man she's feisty." Seth whistled

"so anyways…Ted's asking about ya…say's to say hi and stuff. Paper broke records with the accident testimony that you guys gave. Ted's acting like a pig in shit…you know how he loves money…guess that gave you job security. After you guys called…I went and got shots…both cars were still there…it was a media frenzy…I swear to god. I felt like I was going to be filmed." Seth said.

"Tell Ted we said hi." I said.

"Will do….be back at two." Seth said

"Bye!" we called.


	39. The testimony of Alice Brandon

**I don't own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys! alright I'm just going to clarify something... Bella and Edward _did not _date in high school. _They had crushes on each other but they did not officially go out in high school_ and they aren't married...Charlie was the one who got remarried and Leah got married.  
**

Chapter 39

BPV

The next few weeks flew by. Edward moved in and Alice moved out the day that we returned to the apartment. Alice took Dolce with her and we kept Brittney…but she promised to be over as often as possible…which meant that while Alice was technically leaving she'd still be living at the apartment. Edward and I returned to work about a week after the accident and were assigned to cover the trial of the Forks High Teachers. So when the second day of the trial came up we were sitting in the court room for two reasons…work and to support Alice. We took our seats next to Jasper, Rose, and Emmett.

"so how's Alice…is she nervous?" I asked.

"Nervous…ha…she's in all her glory." Jasper laughed

"I bet she is!" Rosalie said pointing to the upteen news cameras in the room. Victoria's allegations had gone nationwide. All of America was interested in what Alice had to say since it got out that she was the 'source' of all the evidence. Lets just say that Alice was now online buddies with Perez Hilton.

"We now call Miss. Alice Brandon to the stand." the prosecutor said as the courtroom doors opened up. There was a bunch of flashes as Alice strutted in wearing a Gucci top, skirt, matching high heels, and sunglasses that obscured like half her face. She was acting like she was on a runway somewhere. Alice turned around and gave a slight waive before taking the stand.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you god?" the bailiff asked.

"I do!" Alice said bubbly.

"So Alice…may I call you Alice…could you please state for the court who you are and what you do?" the prosecutor asked.

"My name is Alice Brandon…I'm a hairdresser in the town of Forks." Alice said.

"Would you say that your close to the victim?" the man asked.

"oh yes…very close…we're best friends!" Alice said winking at Victoria.

" so…your close then…we also understand that you have a website that informs everyone on certain 'gossip' going on in the town…you know…who's having a baby…who died…that sort of thing?" the man asked.

"Yeah…I've had it for a while." Alice answered

"Well we got certain images from that website…how old would you say the victim is in this picture?" the prosecutor asked wheeling up a blown up picture of Victoria and the vice principal getting it on in the bathroom.

"oh I don't know..15 maybe?" Alice answered.

"And this one?" the prosecutor asked pointing to another one of Victoria and Mr. Varner making out in the math room with no clothes on.

"Same." Alice said.

"And how about this one?" the prosecutor asked pointing to a third that was of Victoria and the anatomy teacher running out of the Janitors closet…Victoria's shirt was unbuttoned and her hair was a sloppy mess.

"Again…same." Alice answered.

"Let it be known to the jury that we have photographs like these of every male staff member. No more questions your honor!" the prosecutor said sitting down.

"Dually noted…does the defense want to cross examine?" the judge asked.

"Thank you your honor…Miss. Brandon…would you say that those acts on your photographs were consensual by both parties?" one of the defense attorney's asked. Alice smiled.

"Oh most definitely…it was her idea in the first place. She seduced _them!_" Alice said. Victoria looked mortified. The entire court room gasped and Rosalie laughed.

"and has any of the relationships shown to the jury continued on…or have they all ended?" the defense attorney asked.

"yes…up until the day she filed the report she was still with that man over there…I saw her in a parking lot doing sexual things with him. And it looked very consensual to me. She looked like she was enjoying it." Alice said with an evil grin on her face pointing at Mr. Varner.

"and your sure what you saw…it couldn't be mistaken for anything else?" the defense attorney asked.

"it was definitely not mistaken…it was as clear as the stars in the midnight sky what they were doing. Quite frankly I was repulsed…I mean they were in a public parking lot with children around." Alice said. Rosalie mouthed the response as if she knew it by heart.

"now Miss. Brandon… you say that you were close to the victim…that you two were and I quote ' best friends'…could you still say that about your relationship?" the defense attorney asked.

"No…sadly we're not. Victoria and I had a disagreement about this very subject. I felt it prudent for her to stop after one of our teachers got a divorce over her. I thought it was getting out of control…and she didn't want to. We didn't have an all out fight over it…every time I brought it up she quickly changed the subject. Gradually our friendship fell apart." Alice said.

"Then why did you agree to testify?" the defense attorney asked.

"So that the truth was known. So that I could right a wrong done against my entire class…truth is Victoria solicited sex from the teachers to boost her grades…she told me that was her main goal. She actually did so well that she got valedictorian …though she was as dumb as a doorknob. She screwed everyone over just to get what she wanted." Alice said.

"Now Miss. Brandon…there was rumors about you and one of the teachers…what would you have to say about that?" the attorney asked.

"I know what rumor your referring to…and it was definitely not true. Somebody fabricated it to make me look bad. This is one of the problems I run into when it comes to rumors…discerning the truth from lies. You can look at my school records…Mr. Varner gave me a C…do you think that he'd give me a C if we were having an affair…Victoria however got an A+…which if you look at her college records…her accuplacer said that she didn't know a god damn thing. I know it sounds trivial but its facts people!" Alice said. The defense attorney looked like he was in all his glory…since Alice was listed as a witness for the prosecution.

"Well we should of asked you to be on our team!" the defense attorney exclaimed.

"Thank you…but I'm just setting the record straight." Alice said.

"ooh want to say that shit about us bitch…should of thought before she spoke about if she needed one of us to help her out. If I hit Emmett…then I can definitely knock her out…even with one hand!" Rosalie exclaimed.

"So the male staff members told me that they were under the impression that she was 16 at the time. Can you cooperate that?" they asked.

"ha…Victoria told everyone when she was 14 that she was 16...said that she started late. So I could totally understand how they bought that." Alice said.

"but Victoria said that they were 'well aware' of her age at the time." the attorney stated.

"They were well aware of the age she told everybody she was." Alice said.

"Do you have any evidence to cooperate your claim?" the attorney asked.

"OH DO I…I actually happen to have it right here!" Alice said taking out a small card.

"Can you tell the jury what this is!" the Attorney said…his eyes gleaming with joy.

"a fake drivers license listing the victims age at 16. She gave it to me to hold on to back when we were still friends…she was afraid that something like this might happen and she gave it to me to hide. I didn't find it until I was going through my high school stuff a few days ago…or else I would of handed it in sooner!" Alice said. I bet Alice snagged it back in high school. The court went into an uproar.

"ORDER…ORDER IN THE COURT!" the judge said slamming his hammer against the desk. Everyone got quiet.

"in light of this new evidence…I move for a dismissal of all charges!" the Defense attorney said.

"objection your honor…this girl could of fabricated it!" the prosecutor said.

"excuse me…are you calling me a LIAR…lets not forget…YOU used MY evidence!" Alice snarled. The court erupted once again

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD_ ORDER!_" the judge screamed.

"Mr. prosecutor…you can't just use one set of evidence and say that its true…and then deny another set from the same person! What so I wasn't lying when I took the pictures…but I was lying with the fake id…does that make any sense!" Alice said. The jury looked extremely confused.

"I couldn't of said it better myself!" the defense attorney beamed.

"Miss. Brandon…lets not forget…your our witness!" the prosecutor said flustered.

"only because you threatened to subpoena me…what was your exact words… ' you will testify…whether you like it or not!'…frankly I'm insulted…I took time out of my busy day to come down here and tell the truth…and when I do you don't like what you hear! Well that's too bad buddy…the truth hurts sometimes." Alice said.

"Miss. Brandon's right…you cant pick and choose your evidence. When you chose to use her picture you opened the way for any evidence of hers to become admissible in court. Now judging by the fact that victim was arrested for making fake id's in the past…I'm willing to bet that this one is of the victims own design and that Miss. Brandon is telling the truth. Therefore I'm dropping all charges…case dismissed." the judge said. The whole room went into an uproar again…before the crowd closed in on her I could see Victoria's pissed off face. I had a feeling that next time we ran into Victoria…it wasn't going to be good. Rosalie saw it too.

"Dottie's not around…but there's a baseball bat in the car if we need it!" Rosalie said.

"she's not going to pull anything today…I bet she's going to bid her time and wait till she's not in the vicinity of prosecutors, defense attorneys, security guards and the such. Oh well…we'll be waiting…hopefully she brings a male friend cuz while I hate even hitting girls like that I would have no problem punching her friends lights out." Emmett said cracking his knuckles. We met up with Alice outside the courtroom.

"maybe next time she'll think before she goes around calling Rose a wife beater…or should I say boyfriend beater…Bella a serial cheater who sent Edward into her arms, and Jasper and I have AIDS." Alice beamed. We then walked out.

"…!" the reporters called after her. Alice made to turn around but Jasper grabbed her and pulled her away while shouting ' no comment at this time'. It was then that Alice's phone went off. Alice threw it on speaker phone.

"Hi Alice…I saw you on tv…mommy's so proud…you just brought so much honor to the Brandon family name. The student has surpassed the master. Fuck that prosecutor asshole…just because he didn't bother to check certain facts doesn't mean you have to suffer for it baby…you told the truth…to literally the entire world. See baby…that's why you always check your gossip…I taught you well." Mrs. Brandon said glowing.

"Thanks mom…so have you heard anything new lately?" Alice asked.

"Well…remember how Auntie Alycia and Uncle Ace were trying for another baby…they were doing the invitro treatments…well looks like it really really really worked…your going to be the new cousin of six baby girls." Alice's mom said.

"EEEEEEEEE!" Alice squealed.

"Damn Alice…I thought your family was big before…six new children…well seven considering the fact that your cousin's pregnant as well!" Rosalie whistled.

"We're going to have to get a naming list going or something…well we could just call everyone Allie." Jasper said.

"I cant help that I was born into a family who likes having a ridiculous amount of kids…thank god my mom stopped after one kid. don't get me wrong…I would of loved to had a brother or sister…but look how dysfunctional my family is…it's a miracle I turned out the way I did" Alice said.

"plus more birthday gifts…more Christmas gifts…being the sole attention of your parents…ahh those were the days." Emmett sighed.

"Excuse you?" Edward, Jasper, and Rosalie turned around angrily. 

"Emmett…you were an only child for like a year or two…you don't even fricken remember it" Edward growled.

"You don't think…do you!" Rosalie hissed. Emmett looked like he didn't get how what he just said could offend anyone.

"whatever…Alice got what she wanted…Victoria lost whatever chance she had to exploit the teachers for massive amounts of cash…lets blow this popsicle stand." Emmet said as we climbed into his purple rental mini van and took off. Emmett was heading to buy the Ferrari when the owner called and told him it crashed, so now he was on the hunt for another new car. Emmett hated it but hey it fit all of us when we needed to go somewhere together and it was something to get around in.

"so love birds…what's it like to live on your own together?" Emmett asked Alice turned and looked. She had been harassing me about details ever since the day she moved out. In her mind…living with Jasper_ and_ Emmett wasn't the same since there was the third wheel. Rosalie's parents thought it would impede on Edward and Emmett's parents if Rosalie was living there when they moved back…and Emmett didn't want to leave his house yet, so they argue about it every time the subject comes up.

"oh its great…I think its really brought us closer together." I said. It really was…and it really did bring us closer together. Since we were both in casts we helped each other out how ever we could. I think we respected each other more…if that was even possible…and that made us even stronger.

"aww that's so cute…not that Emmett and I would know…because _someone_ cant even get his ass in gear and help me find a place. I have three places waiting for tours and I cant even call them until _he_ gets off the god damn boflex for once. Babe…you cant even look at one place for me…not one…I know that you want me to live at the mansion but my mom and dad are right…we would have to eventually get out anyways…you may want to live at home forever but I don't!" Rosalie growled. 


	40. The Truth Comes Out

**I don't own Twilight S/M does. please read and Review! thanks for the reviews...keep them coming guys! alright I'm just going to clarify something... Bella and Edward _did not _date in high school. _They had crushes on each other but they did not officially go out in high school_ and they aren't married...Charlie was the one who got remarried and Leah got married. Alright guys...this is going to be my last chapter...but feel free to read any of my other stories and let me know what you think!  
**

Chapter 40

BPV.

Time flew by in a blur. Edward and I had a blast living together. I felt as if I were on cloud nine. If I didn't know it before…living together confirmed that we were soul mates. He was my one and only and I knew it. I didn't want to be with anyone else and I could tell that he felt the same way. Before we knew it…Edward's parents were going to be back home with us in a week and summer was in the air. Our casts finally came off which Alice was especially delighted about…something about never wanting to see another sweatshirt on any of us ever again and being able to wear bikinis and bathing suits. Alice's testimony brought much notoriety to the paper. The title read _"Woman helps save teachers careers_" with a picture of Alice pointing at Victoria and beaming evilly. Alice was still a constant in the apartment…it was as if she never left. She even had a third key made. A couple of times we woke up to find her in the living room with a bowl of cereal or something she got from the diner. Which was what happened this morning. Edward was in boxers and I was in a negligee when we walked into the kitchen to find Alice slurping down a smoothie.

"Morning guys…so you two look like you had a fun evening last night!" Alice beamed. I blushed.

"Alice remember that little conversation that we had about calling before you come over…not to sound mean or anything but you _don't_live here anymore. You just cant come prancing in whenever you please." Edward said slightly annoyed.

"Jazzy said you'd say something like that!" Alice mumbled.

"And you should listen to the man…he's a psychologist…and your boyfriend…where is he by the way?" Edward asked.

"Well Jasper needs a new suit for work…he's going to some conference next week and they want everyone dressed up…and Rose and Emmett are going to her Aunt's wedding in a few weeks so they're going to come along since Emmett cant pick out dress clothes to save his life…you guys can come along if you want…or do you have plans?" Alice asked.

" Thanks but actually Alice…I was going to take Bella out today…do a little something special…you know." Edward said. A devious look crossed Alice's face.

"absolutely not Alice!" Edward warned.

"Why not! Alice whined.

"Alright…I'll strike a deal with you…you can help Bella get ready…but if I hear screaming I will interfere…and absolutely no high heels…Bella just got out of a leg cast and we don't want her in another one." Edward said. I didn't even try to protest.

"Not even a little heel?" Alice asked.

"no heel." Edward repeated. Alice considered it for a second before shaking his hand.

"Deal!"

"You…come with me!" Alice said shoving me into the shower. Five minutes later we were sitting in my room as Alice was going through my closet.

"alright special means dressy but is still very vague…do you know where your going?" Alice asked.

"no…he wanted to keep it a surprise." I said. He really was so cute sometimes. Alice scowled.

"I'll get it out of him…I hate surprises…definitely should of called me up and told me…that way I could pick something out with ease…I mean what if I dressed her up in a ball gown just to find out they were going out to Applebee's!" Alice mumbled heading out of the room. Alice walked back in with a big smile on her face about a minute later. I knew she had won.

"I know exactly what to put you in!" Alice beamed taking out a black throw, dark blue dress top, jeans and flats. She took off for a split second and then came back. She then went about attacking my hair and makeup. then Alice's phone went off.

"Oh hey Jasper… I'm helping Bella out right now …what do you mean…I didn't…well actually yeah I did. They didn't mind…much. Oh stop Jasper…this used to be my apartment too…I know the door is always open to me. Jasper…phone reception…freakishly shitty…breaking…up…bye!" Alice said making static noises.

"now…lets put the eyeliner on and then your done!" Alice said leaning over me.

"So big date…must be so excited…I wish Jasper and I were heading out somewhere…but its not going to be so bad…I have my eye on this particular Armani that would fit Jasper like a glove and Rose knows what she's talking about fashion wise so between the two of us Emmett's going to go to this wedding looking fabulous. I still cant believe that she has an aunt young enough to be her twin sister but my family's the exact same way so I really shouldn't be talking. Rose and her mom are going to be in the wedding…I saw her dress and I have to say its a lot better then what Leah made us wear." Alice said while applying the eyeliner.

"Alright…all finished…see and that didn't hurt a bit." Alice said as I got up.

"Thanks Alice…you really are a miracle worker." I said looking in the mirror.

"no problem…so I'm actually really excited about this…I have a really good feeling." Alice said as we walked out of the room. What I could only describe as a god was sitting on the couch wearing a dress shirt and dress pants. I had a feeling that Alice somehow picked it out since he matched me to the tee and when she left that second time she had clothes in her hand that weren't mine.

"see…no heel and you didn't hear screams." Alice said happily gesturing to me.

"you look…" Edward said staring adoringly and not comprehending anything Alice said.

"You too." I said lost in his eyes. Our lips just touched when Alice cleared her throat.

"Alright guys…I love sex just as much as the next gal but could you continue this after I leave…I don't want to have to gouge my eyes out!" Alice said half joking. We ignored her.

"Yeah…I'm just going to let myself out. Call me Bella…I want details about today!" Alice said fluttering out the door like she was a ghost.

"She's right…there will be plenty of time for this later." we agreed breaking off.

"Bye Brittney!" I said as Brittney looked up at us from the couch.

"hold on…I left my wallet in the den." Edward said ducking away for a split second. We had just finished turning Alice's old room into a den/ man cave thing. Needless to say Emmett was really excited about that. He planned on coming over every Sunday to watch sports. We used the closet for storing boxes and such…hell I didn't even use that one…Alice wasn't too thrilled with that. Said man caves were for men and closets were for the women and one day I'm going to regret not storing some clothes in there.

"alright." I said waiting by the door. I didn't find this weird. He usually kept it in there anyways if not in the bedroom.

" found it…lets go!" Edward called walking out of the room. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I rested my head against him as we walked out the door.

We had arrived at a small meadow like park that was on the outskirts of town. Edward took out a small picnic basket and we laughed as the sun rose high into the brilliant blue sky. It was beautiful…a rare sunny day in the ranniest town on earth.

" wouldn't it be such a beautiful day to get married." I sighed. Marriage had begun to come up more and more in our conversations. Until Edward I used to be totally against the idea. But being with him made me reevaluate that idea.

"yeah about that…I've been thinking and I think we're ready. I absolutely cannot live with out you and I don't want to. I love you and we're already practically married…we know that we can live together with out biting each others head off. I've been carrying this for a while now waiting for the right moment. Isabella Marie Swan…would you please do me the honor of marrying me?" Edward asked taking out an ancient diamond ring and getting down on one knee. I stared shocked for a moment.

" I cant live my life with out you there…you know I love you too …so while you already know the answer…yes I'll marry you." I said as Edward beamed and slipped the ring on my finger. It was my size exactly. We then kissed what I would dub the absolute best kiss ever. It felt like every holiday, every birthday ever, and every special moment rolled up into one x 20 . I felt as if I were living another life…or in a romance novel

" you know…I've never seen myself having a big wedding…" I started up after we broke apart

"why don't we elope right now…I don't want a big wedding either and I know that we both don't want a long engagement. I just want to be married to you." Edward said reading my mind. I smiled.

"You read my mind!" I laughed. Just then my phone went off

APV

I stepped out of the car with the sun glinting off my new Gucci sunglasses. I looked up and took a step into the only men's store that I would ever be caught dead in. the waif of mens suits was enough to make me weak at the knees for a second. The sound of the cashier made my heart accelerate. I…was in my element. Rosalie was behind me dragging Emmett by the shirt and Jasper was on my right.

"Alright lets do this shit…Rosalie take Emmett to the right…Jasper and I will go left. We'll meet back up at this spot in fifteen minutes…anyone else got a phone on them?" I asked. Rosalie took her phone out of her purse

"But babe…I already have a tux!" Emmett whined. I turned around and was about to launch a full on lecture about how you don't wear nice clothes to similar events twice in one year but Rosalie cut me off.

"While I'd normally be okay with you wearing that again Emmett…you have a rip the shirt from acting like muscle man in the parking lot right before we crashed that we cant fix and your jacket has some stains on it. Your not wearing that to my aunts ceremony!" Rosalie said dragging him off. Crisis averted.

"I like the tan…you look more gorgeous in that color." I said as Jasper held up two suits…one an icky vomit colored green that would make the person looking at it want to puke themselves or a light tan color that played with his eyes well. Grey looked the best on him but Jasper didn't go for the style of the suit. I then picked up a grey colored different style and held it up. Jasper actually went for it. We could hear Emmett bitching and complaining from the other side of the store.

"if he could he'd get married in Reebok!" I said to myself disgustedly.

"I'm guessing that's why Rosalie doesn't take Emmett to the mall?" I asked.

"Yeah…I really don't like shopping for myself either…but A. I'm not one to cause a scene like that and B. I really do need something to wear. I really don't want to wear my other one because the glass ruined it." Jasper said

"oh my god…you are so embarrassing some times…you will try that tux Emmett…your going to my family's wedding and I wont have you looking like a slob. If I have to go wearing the colors of a god damn bumble bee then your at least going to try on what I tell you to! Thank god you at least didn't ruin your dress shoes last time…lord knows how much you'd complain then." Rosalie said. I happened to think that black and yellow would go nicely the way she was wearing it…not in stripes. Besides it wasn't as bad as being were-bridesmaid anyways.

"oh god…isn't there ever going to be peace in my life…well at least they're not lying and telling the entire world that we have AIDS." Jasper said shaking his head.

"Fucking bitch deserved what she got…glad she lost her chance at a civil suit…saying that shit about me and my friends." I said. Personally I think that was one of the best revenges I got…that and Jacob's nuts almost getting ripped off by Dottie. Next dog I got would have to be a Doberman…definitely. I beamed in pride at the memories…no one fucks with Alice Brandon's friends. We then headed over to the ties. We picked up one per tux. I felt that ties were the best part of the tux…it added a bit of pizazz to what otherwise could have been a very boring ensemble.

"Want to go out to eat tonight babe?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah sure whatever…which tie do you think is better with the gray?" I asked holding up a pink and a purple one.

"I think pinks more your color little lady." Jasper laughed.

"if your not going to take this seriously…" I started up.

"Wow…relax I like the pink." Jasper said backing off. I glared at him for a second before realizing that he was telling the truth

"Pink it is then." I said throwing it on the gray suit's hanger. It was then time to meet up with Rosalie and Emmett. Walking back I could see that they had a good amount of things in their hands even with Emmett protesting as much as he was. The boys took their things into the dressing rooms. About 10 minutes later Jasper was finished. What can I say…my boyfriend knew what looked good on him and could undress and dress quickly. I didn't even have to voice an opinion…which wouldn't of mattered since he went with my favorite one anyways. Emmett on the other hand…well lets just say that the boy needed a lot of help. Frankly if I didn't know Rosalie was the one who picked out the suit he wore to the last wedding I would have been shocked that he had such good taste. Rosalie had to help him get in and out of his tuxes. None of us liked any of the ones that he already tried on so Jazzy and I were assigned to scout out more.

"No…no…no…looks more for prom then a wedding…eww god no the 80's are dead for a reason…why couldn't he of been an usher…at least we could of stuck him in something like that!" I said the last part pointing to a black Armani tux that was hanging on the wall behind us as I was going through the first rack.

"you know how that is…the bride and groom barely know Emmett at all. He got through on Rosalie's_ and guest_." Jasper said bored out of his mind.

"True…hey this looks good…not fancy enough to be mistaken for the groom and still elegant enough for a 'black tie affair'" I said holding up a gorgeous almost black suit. You would of sworn it was if it hadn't been for the glint of brown that reflected in the light. Emmett was about to meet the entire what I liked to call "Hale Crime Family"…I wanted to wish _him_ luck. Sometimes I thought Rose's family was more crazy then mine even…but then I remember that my aunt dated a mafia don and a couple others fooled around with each others husband…and out of that some of them got knocked up and kept them and a bunch more crazy ass things. I was pretty sure that my family took the cake…though Jasper's family was pretty damn near close to stealing the title of 'most fucked up and dysfunctional family ' away with his younger cousin getting knocked up by his father who knocked his mom up at 14 when he was like ten years older. Well they said god works in mysterious ways…maybe he thought Billy-Bob was a pervert too. My haze was broken by the ring of my cellphone. I looked down to see Bella's number.

"huh she's home from her date soon?" I mumbled picking up. Jasper looked at me.

"How exactly did you know what they were doing today?" Jasper asked as I put my ear to the phone

"Bel-" I was cut off by a voice in the background.

_" I cant live my life with out you there…you know I love you too …so while you already know the answer…yes I'll marry you._" I stared at the phone in complete and utter shock. Jasper looked at me as if I was having a stroke or something. Okay…first Leah…now Bella…everyone who I assumed would never get married seemed to be getting hitched or engaged in a short period of time…and before me! Okay well with Bella that may be slightly exaggerating…cause frankly I was wondering when Edward was going to grow a pair then ask her ,but was I meant to die alone and not get my grand zillion dollar wedding bonanza? Well if I was shocked before that was nothing compared to what I heard next.

_"why don't we elope right now…I don't want a big wedding either and I know that we both don't want a long engagement. I just want to be married to you."_Edward's voice said before the line cut off . It was at that point that my vision went black. Next thing I knew I was waking up in a collapsed rack of suits. Like hell were they going to elope without me!

"Alice…are you alright?" Jasper asked getting me back on my two feet. The whole store was looking at me

"I'm fine…butyourcousin'sgettingmarriedrightnow!" I gasped out in one breath.

"Alice slow down…you know I cant understand you when you speak that fast." Jasper said.

"your cousin and my friend are going to get married…TODAY!…alright if this shit is going to go down I need you to grab those suits over there…one for you, one for Emmett, and one for Edward…I have to call Bella and get the official confirmation." I said taking out my cellphone. I was frantic…but also really happy. I've been planning for this for so long! They picked up on the first ring.

"Alice I was just about to call you!" Bella started up sounding really happy.

"You wont believe this…I'm-" Bella started up but I cut her off.

"I knew it…your getting married!" I squealed into the phone. Jasper…who up until this point thought it was all a huge joke went white with shock.

"How did you-" I cut her off again.

"lets just say that God wanted me to know." I said

"But Bella…could you please just wait two hours…we're on our way. You know how much we want to be there for this." I said calculating how fast I could have everything mobilized and meet them there. Honestly all I needed was to buy the tuxes and pick up the dresses. I was that on my game. I knew where she was and it seemed such a beautiful spot to get married. Luckily I had an in who was a justice of the peace and could file a quickie marriage certificate in the time needed.

"I was just about to ask you all would like to come…guess that answered that question." Bella laughed.

"See you in two hours." I said as we hung up. I then turned my attention towards the dressing room where her -although he didn't know it yet- soon to be brother in law was trying on tuxes still.

"EMMETT…EMMETT!" I called running towards the dressing room. He was going to be the most effected by this decision out of the four of us. It was a race against time. Emmett stumbled out of the curtain half naked.

"What?" Emmett asked confused.

"Emmett just pick something and get your clothes back on…our time's been cut wicked short!" I said grabbing a nice white suit and shoving Emmett back into the dressing room.

"Alice…got the suits!" Jasper called happily

"What the hell is up with you Alice…did someone give you a shot of caffeine or something?" Emmett asked as I felt my hand twitch with excitement.

"Well I did have three cups this morning but that's not it…hurry…we have to check out…I'll explain later because we don't have much time!" I said dragging Emmett away. Jasper skipped right next to me….and Rosalie looked at us as if we had lost our minds. But the woman knew when I say hurry…I mean _HURRY!_I quickly paid the cashier for all of the tuxes and left…thank god for credit cards or I would have been up shits creek with no paddle.

"What the hell is going on Alice!" Rosalie demanded stopping right out side the store

"nothing really…I just wanted to get back to watch my soaps on the soap opera network." I lied. Frankly I felt the need to tell them in the car…where there was seats…which was five feet away from us.

"alright…cut the bullshit Alice and tell us what the hell is going on…even on a caffeine high you don't act this freaky." Emmett said. Jasper looked away and started whistling Dixie tunes

"you two have been acting messed up since we sent you off for more suits…now tell me WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" Emmett shouted the last part.

"alright we'll talk while we power walk to the car cause times a wasting… I wanted to tell especially you Emmett when you were sitting down…but here goes nothing. I just got a phone call…Bella and Edward just got engaged and want to elope like right now!" I beamed.

"Oh that's so sweet…wow how romantic!" Rosalie said…her eyes glistening with a joy that usually babies only brought on .

"what the hell…were they drunk or something…why the hell would they want to do that…they got a good thing going…why even bother getting married?…getting married is for weirdos! I'm going to be single forever! " Emmett asked.

"Oh really…cause that wasn't the sonnet you were singing last night Mr. I want to get married in the school gym and have three pro-football player children or a cheerleader if I have a girl…you think your impressing people with your 'I'm going to be a bachelor until I die' stance…but deep down you know that you don't want that." Rosalie said. Jasper looked like he would have been shocked to hear this if his other cousin wasn't about to get hitched Vegas style. We then climbed into my Bug and took off at the speed of light

"Alright Emmett I need some help…I need you to go in into my glove compartment and take out the phone book that says _" Bella Getting Hitched- Elopement"_on it." I said.

"Alright I found it…now what?" Emmett asked.

"I need you to call half the numbers in there…I'll take the other half…start from here on." I said.

"Me? Why me?" Emmett whined.

"Cause you're his brother and chances are your going to be best man…and because your in the front seat…now thank god I planned ahead enough ahead to consult my jeweler cousin…I placed an order in the day after Leah's wedding…I had a feeling that it was warranted…and they just came in yesterday." I said.

"How the hell did you know their size?" Jasper asked.

"oh I'm a pretty good judge of that…plus my cousin was the jeweler who made the Forks high class rings…so we just pulled some files and it was the same sized I guessed Edward to be…and I know Bella's because its come up in conversation…and she's met my cousin before and he sized her." I said.

"Your so weird." Emmett said.

"Thank you…now start dialing!" I beamed and ordered. I whipped out my phone and dialed the first number in the book.

"Hello dad…those bright blue Gucci shoes are looking particularly trendy today!" I said. I then held my hand over the phone and whispered to Emmett that that's the code he had to give.

"its on? I'm on my way…I so cant wait to see Chief Swan's face when he finds this out!" Caius said laughing while hanging up. My dad was my in.

"Found a minister who can push the marriage license really fast." I said flipping to the next page

"yeah hi…Alice Brandon says to say those bright Gucci shoes are looking particularly trendy today…okay thanks so much…bye!" Emmett said hanging up.

"Got the restaurant." Emmett said. I then called the florist and Emmett called the baker. As I said I've had this shit on lock down for a while now. Just then my favorite song came on…California Girls.

_"I know a place, _  
_Where the grass is really greener! _  
_Warm, wet and wild, _  
_There must be something in the water! _

_Sippin' gin 'n' juice, _  
_Laying underneath the palm trees! _  
_The boys, break their necks, _  
_try'na creep a little sneak peek, _  
_at us! _

_You could travel the world, _  
_But nothin' comes close, _  
_To the golden coast! _  
_Once you party with u-us, _  
_you'll be fallin' in love! _  
_Oh oh oh ohhhhhhh! _

_California girls, we're unforgettable,"_ I sang happily.

_"Daisy dukes, bikinis on top! _  
_Sunkissed skin, _  
_So hot we'll melt your popsicle! _  
_Oh oh oh ohhhhhhh!_" Rosalie belched out. Hey this gave me an idea.

_ "Sex, on the beach, _  
_We don't mind sand in our stilettos! _  
_We fre-e-eak in my Jeep, _  
_Snoop Doggy Dogg on the stereo! _

_You could travel the world, _  
_But nothin' comes close, _  
_To the golden coast! _  
_Once you party with u-us, _  
_you'll be fallin' in love! _  
_Oh oh oh ohhhhhhh!_ " I sang as Rose and I boobed out heads to the beet.

"Oh no…its that song!" Emmett said covering his ears as the song played on. Rosalie gave him a dirty look.

"You know this song gave me an idea…beach party…you don't think Edward and Bella would mind having a big reception there once it gets out they got hitched?" I asked.

"Alice…no…no choreographed dances any more!" Jasper said putting his foot down.

" so what about the dresses?" Rosalie asked.

"Not a problem…I've prepared for the fact that Bella might elope and have four guests only no offense but I figured it would be me and my date and Charlie and his date. But I kept a backup dress on the side in case it were needed…say Charlies date had a daughter about our age or something. So we're all set…everything is being stored at my moms bridal shop." I said as we just entered town again and veered left. My mom was ready and waiting for us. I sprinted in…we only had about a half hour left. Luckily we had a dummy Bella's size so we could do all the alterations. Since the dress was ridiculously old it needed a lot of work. Emmett and Jasper handled the bridal dress while Rose and I got ready at the speed of light. We threw makeup on each other and had our hair in straight up dos in a split second…I always carried emergency Barbie pins on me for a reason. The guys got ready in the back seat as I peeled out at the speed of light.

"OWWW!" Jasper cried as I took a sharp corner and Emmett rolled on top of him.

BPV

We were waiting for everyone when the lime green bug whipped into view followed by what I could only describe as an army. Three eighteen wheelers, a florist van, and Caius's Scooby doo van followed them into the parking lot. Okay…what did Alice do? Alice stepped out dressed in a white and gold sash bridesmaids dress and ready to go with a garment bag in hand

"You…come with me…I need to get you in your dress…Edward…Jasper and Emmett are waiting for you with your tux…okay lets get rolling…chop chop!" Alice clapped dragging me away.

"Alice…where the hell did you get my dress?" I asked as Alice unzipped a bag with an old fashioned ivory wedding dress.

"Charlie called me up one day…wanted me to do some spring cleaning in your attic. When I was up there I found it with a will from Grandma Swan saying that it was hers and her mothers and she was leaving it to you since Renee flaked out. Charlie wanted to throw it out but I nicked it and saved it for you. Mom and I have been fixing it up for the past few years which was one of the reasons why I really hoped you didn't get married when we weren't speaking. I mean I probably would of found a way to give it to you…but I really wanted to be there." Alice said.

"Alice…I don't know what to say…thanks!" I said touched.

"no problem" Alice said.

"now let me see that rock…OMG ITS BEAUTIFUL!" Alice squealed grabbing my hand. She then got me into my dress and pinned my hair up.

"What about my shoes?" I asked pointing to the black flats she had placed me in this morning.

"hold on…I have a pair of white flats that would match exactly…went with the dress …and since your grandma and you had the same size feet…they should fit." Alice said dashing off to her car. Behind it I could see the trucks whipping out statues, a small canopy, four chairs, and an alter among other things. The florist was placing white orchids along the isle. Emmett then walked around the corner wearing a black Armani tux, white shirt and a gold tie.

"Hey soon to be sis…just want to say welcome to the family and congrats. Its gonna be so cool finally getting a sister!" Emmett said shaking my hand.

"aww that's so sweet!" Alice cooed.

"Oh Emmett…your already like a big brother to me." I laughed as Alice finished pinning my hair up.

"Alright…Caius secured the marriage license thingy…probably the fastest one he's ever done…makeup's all touched up…Hair's finished…Dress is on…your dress is your something old…your something new borrowed and blue is this!" Alice said whipping out a sapphire pair of earrings that her mom gave to her for me to borrow.

"Flowers!" Alice said as Rose walked up with three bouquets.

"Flowers!" Alice said Rose walked up with three bouquets.

"Alice I still want to know how the hell this dress fits if it was supposed to be a backup?" Rosalie asked.

Lets just say I had a feeling to go with something more your size Rose." was all Alice said.

"What about music?" Rosalie asked. Alice pointed to her ipod.

"well I figured that we couldn't have the trans-Siberian orchestra show up to an elopement and Jasper left his guitar at home so I downloaded a wedding march to my ipod ." Alice said.

"Oh hell no…lucky for you Alice I left my violin in your trunk this morning since I didn't want to leave it at the mansion." Rosalie said walking to Alice's trunk. She took out a violin box and some sheet music.

"Alright…music's all set…lets go." Alice said as the wedding march from a "midsummer nights dream" filled the air. Alice took Jasper's hand and pranced down the isle. Emmett had already taken his place. There was a couple of statues that surrounded the stone alter…which was under a small canopy. A white isle with red roses was lined by the white orchids. When I looked up I was lost in his eyes and all thoughts escaped me. I felt nothing but pure joy. It seemed right. I reached the end of the isle and Edward took his hands into mine.

"Dearly beloved…we gather here today in front of these witnesses and god for the union of this beautiful couple. Alright lets begin." Caius started up.

"if there is any objections to this union…speak now or forever hold their peace." Caius said. We all looked around.

"no…no objections…keep going!" Alice said.

"alright…now the vows…repeat after me…" Caius said. Alice told him while we were getting ready to go with the traditional route.

"And now for the rings. Does anyone have them?" Caius asked. Edward and I looked at each other like "oh shit" but we should of known Alice would have that covered as well. Emmett took one out of his pocket and Alice took the other out of her shoe. We then exchanged rings. Emmett was blubbering, Jasper was whipping his eye with a gold hanky, Alice was looking her damn hardest not to cry and ruin her makeup, and Rosalie was sobbing like a baby. I even felt a tear of joy drop.

"alright…by the power invested in me by the state of Washington…I now pronounce you man and wife…you may now kiss the bride." Caius declared and we kissed one of the most powerful kisses ever. We then walked back down the isle.

"Alright Alice…we know that this is killing you not to get it out…you can break the news now." I said. Edward nodded. Alice snapped a picture of us holding each other and another of our hands.

"Too bad Sethy's not here…well he wanted to go fishing." Alice said hitting send. All of our phones went off. We looked just to see what she sent.

_"ooh I have some juicy news for you all. It looks as if Forks most eligible bachelor has been taken off the market for good. Congratulations to the happy couple…sorry ECFC I know that you guys were dealt a severe blow today." _Alice wrote. We could hear what sounded like Jessica Stanley scream from 20 feet away.

"I don't know what she's screaming about…she has like five kids and she's with Mike Newton. She is as close to getting with Edward as Victoria is…" Alice said.

"ooh look it Seth sent me something." Alice said

_"what the fuck…I miss everything…god damn fishing expeditions …I'm stuck fly fishing with Jacoby…while your off getting the scoop of the century…what the hell! Well congrats guys. I was starting to wonder after Leah got hitched."_Seth wrote. Alice gave us the name of the restaurant that we would be going to and we piled into the cars…Caius deciding to go along with us. After going to the restaurant we decided to have everyone over at the apartment for a little while. Edward carried me over the threshold just to find Charlie sitting with a pissed off look in his eyes. The sup or must of let him in.

"I knew it was true!" Charlie hissed looking at our wedding attire.

"Dad…what's going on?" I asked as Edward put me down.

"What's going on…WHATS GOING ON?…YOU ELOPED WITH A MAN YOU HARDLY KNOW…_WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?_" Charlie exploded.

"Opts I must of accidentally sent a text to his number." Alice mumbled.

"your such a fucking hypocrite Charlie…they've been dating more then 6 months…you've had one shot gun wedding and one elopement….both with girls you've dated for less then two months." Caius said. He had decided to go with us back here.

"Shot gun wedding?" Edward, Alice, and I all asked shocked

"Caius!" Charlie warned giving him a death glare

"no Charlie …its time you guys learned the truth…Charlie and I go back years before you girls were born…Charlie has a few skeletons in his closet." Caius said giving a Alice like sneer while taking out a tape.

"What's that…put that tape back…Caius I'm warning you…put the tape down!" Charlie gasped as Caius popped the video tape in. He gave Charlie another Alice like sneer before hitting play. What came up on the screen was a younger, thinner version of Caius and a young…non paralyzed Billy talking in the Brandon's kitchen. Not going to lie…Caius sort of resembled Jasper to a certain degree. Looked like Alice and her mother shared a taste in men.

"Damn…Billy looked hott…he's got a six pack and everything…what the hell happened to Jacob?" Alice said gawking the screen.

_"look it…I just made some fresh brownies…haha…so Charlies going to come here to meet up with a broad I hooked him up with. Hey that parole officer needs to loosen up…maybe if we slip them one of these he'll learn to chill out a bit!" Billy laughed setting the pot brownies on the oven._

_"yeah…that would be awesome…we could say that Allie made them…truth is Allie hasn't made brownies in three years!" Caius agreed. A while later a very young looking Charlie and the younger version of my mother walked through the front door._

_"ooh…hey Charlie…this is Renee …Renee…this is Charlie." Billy said introducing them. _

_"you made brownies?" Charlie asked suspiciously_

_"Allie did…try one!" Caius said holding the platter in front of him. All suspicion cleared from Charlie's face and they both grabbed some. The next scene was of Billy and Caius camped outside an old hotel /restaurant that used to be in town. Judging from Billy's eyes and how much the camera was swaying Billy and Caius must of both been as high as a kite. Billy fell off a rock and onto his back._

_"Billy you need to chill out…we don't want to be seen!" Caius said_

"Geez Alice…now we know where you come from!" Edward laughed. He then wrapped his arm around me.

_The camera zoomed in to reveal my father and mother getting hit hard by the brownie. They stood up and ate each other's face off. Charlie picked my mother up and staggered out of the room._

_"Hey…GO CHARLIE BOY …YEAAH!" Billy whooped falling down again. The camera pointed to the upper left corner of the building where you could clearly see Charlie's head._

_"DAMN I DIDN'T KNOW HE HAD IT IN HIM!" Billy whooped some more!_

I stared at my father shocked as Charlie hung his head in shame…he told me that he didn't even touch mom until their wedding night. Then again I was under the impression that Charlie and my mom dated each other for four years before they got married…not two months. The tape then flashed forward through two months of Billy and Caius's stoner adventures. Caius tried to whiz through a scene where Mrs. Brandon and Mrs. Black were both wiling out. Alice caught her mom pointing to her stomach though.

"Rewind that dad!" Alice demanded. Caius did as told.

_"Put the god damn camera down Caius…this is serious…I'm god damn pregnant…I'm going to loose my figure…and all because of your bullshit theory of 'free love'…' free love?' how about this for ' free love'…you try carrying a child for 9 months…maternity clothes are hideous…go fuck yourself Caius!" Mrs. Brandon roared. Mrs. Black was basically saying the same thing to Billy only she was dropping more F-bombs_.

_"Oh shit!" Caius and Billy both said freaking out._

"Dad…you and mom said that you were thrilled to have me…you LIED…wait a minute…where was Billy and his wife sleeping?" Alice asked realizing that Mrs. Black was also pregnant…and considering Alice, Jake and I were born in the same month…and the fact that the Blacks used to live with the Brandons...

"they used to sleep in your old bedroom honey." Caius said in a matter of fact tone.

"I sleep in the room where…YUCK!…at least tell me it wasn't on the same bed?" Alice gagged .

"You slept on it till you were ten. That's why you had a queen sized crib…we just threw bars up" Caius said.

"EWW I SLEPT IN SEMEN OF BILLY…IN THE BED THAT JACOB WAS CONCEIVED….THAT'S SO DISGUSTING!" Alice screamed running into the bathroom and throwing up.

_"Well at least Charlie isn't pregnant!" Caius exclaimed as Billy went to grab the phone as the wives left. As usual Billy looked stoned off his ass. _

_"oh shit that sucks…well is she sure?" Billy asked pulling the phone away from his ear._

_"Caius take this…Charlies wiling out…apparently he knocked that broad up." Billy said grabbing the camera._

_"Calm down Charlie…well what are you going to do…your going to marry a broad you went on one date with? Alright alright…I'll do it this week!" Caius said hanging up the phone. Mrs. Brandon creped around a corner._

_"Do what Caius?_…WHAT DID YOU DO?" _Mrs. Brandon snarled sounding exactly like Alice._

_"Uh well see um…Charlie had a few brownies and now Charlies going to be a husband and a daddy." Caius said sheepishly._

"SO NOT ONLY DO YOU KNOCK ME UP…YOU MAKE YOUR ONLY SINGLE FRIEND A PARENT TOO…CAIUS…I CANT BELIEVE THIS! THAT'S IT…I'M HIDING ALL THE BROWNIE INGREDIENTS FROM YOU TWO!" _Mrs. Brandon roared pointing at Billy and Caius._

"Well those brownies do explain the rapid weight gain…obviously she didn't hide them well!" Alice said staring at the television. The next scene that came up was their wedding. Mrs. Brandon and Mrs. Black looked very pale and were shooting disgusted looks towards their husbands. As Caius started the ceremony…with the camera still in his hand…Mrs. Brandon dashed off…and came back looking clammy.

"So let me get this straight…you married mom after going out on one date with her…you told me that you two were dating for four years…and that you didn't touch each other until the night of the wedding! Dad…you lied to me!" I said shocked.

"Geez with that start off it's a wonder how your marriage to Renee lasted as long as it did!" Alice exclaimed.

"I had to…I wanted to protect you…besides it wasn't just my fault." Charlie said defensively.

"You ate the brownie!" I countered.

"I thought big Allie made it." Charlie said.

"common dad…you had to have known…that's about the only explanation that I can come up with for why you hid all of this." I said.

"And you forgave father of Creepy…but not my dad?" Alice asked.

"Billy apologized." Charlie said.

"so did I!" Caius countered

"And Billy at the time said it was all you…so I guess that means I forgive you…besides it wasn't all bad…it gave me Bella." Charlie said smiling on the last part.

"oh alright…I guess you could of married whole lot worse for yourself Bells. And frankly Billy was starting to annoy me with all the ' when they get back together' bullshit Jacob was feeding him. That will shut him up." Charlie gave in.

"Welcome to the family son!" Charlie beamed giving his blessing.

"just one favor…Celeste took the twins shopping and they left their cell phones at home and I may of deleted the message… now can I be the one to tell them…I want to make sure they're okay?" Charlie asked.

"yeah sure whatever." I said. Since Alice told the whole world anyways she didn't even look like she wanted to fight. We then relaxed for the next two hours hearing about the good ole days…the true good ole days and not Charlie's bullshit. Then one by one everyone left.  
"Finally we're alone Mrs. Cullen." Edward whispered holding me and stroking my face. I loved the ring of that.

"Yes we are Mr. Cullen." I whispered back. The distance between our lips closed. Edward scooped me up. He carried me towards the bedroom and towards our future together. We were going to be with each other until the end.


End file.
